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(The Duffel Blog)   I'm pretty sure every veteran on Fark will back me up and say, "yes, this is exactly what would happen if the military was issued light sabers"   (duffelblog.com) divider line 34
    More: Satire, Prisoner abuse, military  
•       •       •

16767 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Nov 2013 at 4:45 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-11-16 05:27:07 AM  
8 votes:

phrawgh: kgloverfl: Weatherkiss: This wouldn't happen if they were in the Marine Core.

Know how I know you're not a Marine?

Don't be funning with the Marine Corpse.


Seems they'll let anyone inside the Marine Corpse these days.

justalittlefurther.com
2013-11-16 08:23:51 AM  
7 votes:
Had an instructor put it this way... "One of you could be locked in a padded cell, naked with a bowling ball. Half an hour later the bowling ball would be broken into two pieces, one of which would be missing."
2013-11-16 08:07:12 AM  
5 votes:

starsrift: Okay, YOU try controlling a weapon with no weight, air resistance, heat, or other way to tell just where the fark it is in spatial relation to yourself, without the Force, subby.


Heck, the first thing Luke does when handed it is to point it directly at his eyeball
2013-11-16 07:36:40 AM  
5 votes:

FatherDale: kgloverfl: Weatherkiss: This wouldn't happen if they were in the Marine Core.

Know how I know you're not a Marine?

Know how I know you're new here?


Give him a break; I bet he's a real soldier in the Core. Me, I went to Annapolis with five dependents and then made O5 in 3 weeks.
2013-11-16 06:25:04 AM  
5 votes:
i135.photobucket.com


And yes there is always one in every company...

i135.photobucket.com
2013-11-16 05:06:18 AM  
4 votes:

HindiDiscoMonster: FatherChaos: How about the President?

[img.fark.net image 500x362]

Wait... aren't sith supposed to have colors like red or something?


farm3.staticflickr.com
2013-11-16 08:19:43 AM  
3 votes:

Fano: starsrift: Okay, YOU try controlling a weapon with no weight, air resistance, heat, or other way to tell just where the fark it is in spatial relation to yourself, without the Force, subby.

Heck, the first thing Luke does when handed it is to point it directly at his eyeball


Well that would have shortened the movie considerably.

"Your father's lightsaber. This is the weapon of... wait, don't hold it like that."
"What's this button d-[fshzzzz] AAAAAA!"
"[sigh] Oh dear. That boy was our last hope. Pity he was so very stupid."
2013-11-16 07:27:16 AM  
3 votes:

MadameX: OK, I LOL'd. Probably wouldn't really be that bad that fast, but yeah - every service has a few Hold My Beer And Watch This kinda people.

I worked in that hospital in Germany they mention, and we got our share of the results of folks doing dumb things - guys trying to rappel out the 4th floor window, putting someone in a metal locker and throwing him out the 2nd floor window, sliding down a freshly-waxed hallway and imbedding a doorstop in the thigh, etc.



Frankly, I'm amazed this thing didn't send half my troop to the hospital during (reserve) basic training:
 www.parish-supply.com

The urge to stand on it and spin around was overwhelming, but virtually guaranteed to generate stupid injuries.
2013-11-15 10:38:23 PM  
3 votes:
www.galacticbinder.com

I'd picture this, with more dismemberment.
2013-11-16 05:11:17 PM  
2 votes:

No Such Agency: MadameX: OK, I LOL'd. Probably wouldn't really be that bad that fast, but yeah - every service has a few Hold My Beer And Watch This kinda people.

I worked in that hospital in Germany they mention, and we got our share of the results of folks doing dumb things - guys trying to rappel out the 4th floor window, putting someone in a metal locker and throwing him out the 2nd floor window, sliding down a freshly-waxed hallway and imbedding a doorstop in the thigh, etc.


Frankly, I'm amazed this thing didn't send half my troop to the hospital during (reserve) basic training:
 [www.parish-supply.com image 650x592]

The urge to stand on it and spin around was overwhelming, but virtually guaranteed to generate stupid injuries.


img.fark.net
I know, right?
2013-11-16 06:37:43 AM  
2 votes:

Alocksly: They took our bayonets away in Bosnia. Swear to Effin' God. Because dudes were screwing around and cutting themselves.


I can believe it, two weeks after we got the new "high intensity flashlights" (aka mag lights) they were recalled because battery use had skyrocketed due to "lightsaber" fights, also less than a week after we got our night vision goggles (this was early 80s when the only experience we had with NVG was from movies) the word came down from on high that "no, NVGs CANNOT see through walls and anyone found using them outside the female latrine would be called in for office hours
2013-11-16 05:25:37 AM  
2 votes:
Another responsible lightsaber owner.
2013-11-16 05:09:53 AM  
2 votes:

I Like Bread: I disagree, subby. They would probably say, "...if the military WERE issued light sabers"

.

I disagree, Bread. They would probably say, "...if the military WERE issued light sabers in this area, at this time." Because militry inteligence.
2013-11-16 05:06:56 AM  
2 votes:

kgloverfl: Weatherkiss: This wouldn't happen if they were in the Marine Core.

Know how I know you're not a Marine?


Don't be funning with the Marine Corpse.
2013-11-15 11:11:17 PM  
2 votes:
fc06.deviantart.net


More believable
2013-11-15 09:56:42 PM  
2 votes:
I'm fairly certain my entire company would have been dead or wounded within three hours of those being issued.
2013-11-16 01:29:12 PM  
1 votes:

ZeroPly: Dingleberry Dickwad: 2wolves: Want to see a lifer senior NCO sweat?  First day taking boots to the range.

I could see them sweating there, but for real good heavy sweat I gotta go with live grenade exercise day.

The live grenade NCO has the worst job in the entire military. About 300 trainees coming through in a morning, and no way to tell which one has the butterfingers.


Or which one is going to be the one that forgets to have their fingers over the "spoon" when they pull the pin. I always wondered why they never had the recruits do a practice with a couple smoke grenades first, less chance of serious injury.

Either way I'll never forget my day on the grenade range. We're standing in line with our flak jackets on, when we get our grenades they opened up those heavy black cardboard tubes and handed us two of the bottom halves of the tubes each with a grenade in them. Our drill sergeants instructed us to clutch them to our chest and stand in line with them like that. Drill Sergeant Bidlack, who looked exactly like the old WWF wrestler Sgt Slaughter in his smokey the bear hat, sunglasses and mustache, walked by and unbeknownst to us recruits had dropped a pin and spoon to the floor next to me. He bellows "Private, what the hell are these doing here!" and points to the floor. I freak the hell out, put my grenades on the floor and run the hell off as far as I could in the bunker we were in. Everyone that was near me starts freaking the hell out and the whole time the Drill Sergeants are laughing their asses off at our expense. He then bends down and pulls my two grenades out of the tubes, both which have the pin and spoon in place, and shows us.

/yeah yeah, csb
2013-11-16 11:33:35 AM  
1 votes:

JohnAnnArbor: What about light cutlasses?


I want a light claymore.
2013-11-16 10:48:06 AM  
1 votes:
Personally I'd rather have a Zat'nik'tel.
2013-11-16 10:36:27 AM  
1 votes:

Silverstaff: Maul555: WittyReference: Had an instructor put it this way... "One of you could be locked in a padded cell, naked with a bowling ball. Half an hour later the bowling ball would be broken into two pieces, one of which would be missing."

I am confused....

I had a Drill Sergeant tell me the same little joke.

It's remarking on the incredible incompetence of new privates (as in still in Basic or only recently graduated) to find ways to break ANYTHING, even things that are supposed to be unbreakable. . .then somehow they'll even manage to lose the parts to what they broke to make it harder to fix.

No matter how toughened and hardened, how idiot-proof, simplified and ruggedized you make something, they'll still find ways to break it.


rofl, ok now that is funny as hell
2013-11-16 09:43:29 AM  
1 votes:

Gonz: They forgot the random private who, within a half-hour of being issued his lightsaber, would have managed to break it.


If you want to learn an item's MTBF, just give it to a junior sailor. They can break anything in 60 minutes or less, guaranteed.

/sailor proof?
//no such thing
2013-11-16 08:16:18 AM  
1 votes:
They forgot the random private who, within a half-hour of being issued his lightsaber, would have managed to break it.
2013-11-16 07:45:12 AM  
1 votes:

FatherDale: kgloverfl: Weatherkiss: This wouldn't happen if they were in the Marine Core.

Know how I know you're not a Marine?

Know how I know you're new here?


You sound old
2013-11-16 07:10:15 AM  
1 votes:
Anyone who has ever seen that certain twinkle of stupidity, fear and power in someone's eyes the first time they handle a hand grenade knows this is accurate.
2013-11-16 06:55:33 AM  
1 votes:
Alocksly: They took our bayonets away in Bosnia. Swear to Effin' God. Because dudes were screwing around and cutting themselves.

Oh, I believe it. The Marines had a massive safety standown after 3 of 'em got their green laser less-than-lethal "dazzler" mixed up with a long range laser designator.

"Hey, let's see what this thing does to people!"
"Ow! I can't see!"
"Naaah you pansy, it's just a dazzler. Here, let me see it!
"Ow! I can't see!"
Rinse - Repeat
2013-11-16 06:34:35 AM  
1 votes:

kgloverfl: Weatherkiss: This wouldn't happen if they were in the Marine Core.

Know how I know you're not a Marine?


Know how I know you're new here?
2013-11-16 06:33:36 AM  
1 votes:

HindiDiscoMonster: FatherChaos: How about the President?

[img.fark.net image 500x362]

Wait... aren't sith supposed to have colors like red or something?


No, that`s the bad guys. You know, the red side.
2013-11-16 06:28:14 AM  
1 votes:
They took our bayonets away in Bosnia. Swear to Effin' God. Because dudes were screwing around and cutting themselves.
2013-11-16 06:05:28 AM  
1 votes:
MadameX: every service has a few Hold My Beer And Watch This kinda people.

Yeah, on subs they are called Auxiliary Division, aka A-Gang. Great guys individually, but a bunch of redneck cluebags as a group generally. Were this real, the number of boats that would never return to port would be terrifying. But the antics that led up to that would be hilarious.
2013-11-16 05:43:41 AM  
1 votes:
The military keeps a ton of crap locked up tight, for good reason.  A lightsaber is the ultimate skeleton key.
2013-11-16 05:04:53 AM  
1 votes:

I Like Bread: I disagree, subby. They would probably say, "...if the military WERE issued light sabers".


No they wouldn't. They would say "if the military be issued lightsabers."
2013-11-16 05:03:47 AM  
1 votes:

Weatherkiss: This wouldn't happen if they were in the Marine Core.


Know how I know you're not a Marine?
2013-11-16 04:48:40 AM  
1 votes:
This wouldn't happen if they were in the Marine Core.
2013-11-16 01:11:57 AM  
1 votes:
"Even with having the most professional military in the world," said Pentagon spokesman George Little, "we did not anticipate the unintended consequences. Apparently, when you give soldiers a weapon they've dreamed about their entire lives, their intelligence drops to the level of a retarded monkey."

I am amused.
And yeah, I could see this happening.
 
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