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(Slate)   How one conspiracy theorist decided to stop being such an unmitigated moron   (slate.com) divider line 17
    More: Interesting, President John F. Kennedy, Warren Commission, conspiracy theories, Dealey Plaza, Chief Justice of the United States, college freshmen, Warren, Edward R. Murrow  
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8614 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2013 at 12:16 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-11-15 12:47:13 PM  
9 votes:
Obligatory:


UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ATTACK: Was it an inside job?

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station's large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn't?

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to "bullseye womprats" on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be "impossible, even for a computer." Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader's son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader's teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

9) And where was Emperor Palpatine when all of this occurred?  He was in a classroom reading "My Pet Bantha" to a bunch of young Sith, where he waited a full five minutes to leave the room after receiving the news from a member of the Crimson Guard.  Would the leader of the Empire have acted so calmly upon discovery that his greatest achievement had been destroyed?
2013-11-15 12:19:06 PM  
5 votes:
You mean how one conspiracy theorist chickened out after being threatened by the government.
2013-11-15 12:43:51 PM  
3 votes:
www.secretsofthefed.com
2013-11-15 12:24:20 PM  
3 votes:
In reality, all conspiracy theories are started by the government to create the illusion that they're vastly  more powerful and organized than they really are and distract the most attentive and creative of our citizens from focusing on the fact that they're really no more scary than the Keystone Cops.
2013-11-15 12:20:45 PM  
3 votes:
As this promises to be a conspiracy thread, I would just like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that only my version of things is correct, only my facts are facts, and that I'm straight up pleasuring myself to the thought of how dumb you all are that only I can see the  TRUTH.

/so what are we talking about? 9/11? Trilateral Commission? Moon landing?
//they're all linked, you know
///three words: molybdenum futures market
////I've said too much
2013-11-15 01:50:37 PM  
2 votes:

durbnpoisn: Dog Welder: Obligatory:


UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ATTACK: Was it an inside job?

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

Because the Empire didn't consider a single-man starfighter to be any sort of a threat.  That is why they didn't have a tighter defense.
Besides, the ability to destroy an entire planet was harnessed completely in it's superweapon, which would be useless against a single fighter.

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station's large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

Who says they had they largest fleet of Tie Fighters?  Even the 2nd Death Star didn't deploy any.  All those fighters came from the fleet of Star Destroyers.
In any event, Vader DID have the idea to go out and "destroy them ship to ship".  Which they succeeded in doing with the exception of 2 XWings and 1 YWing.  Tarkin also had no reason to believe that there was any sort of danger.  He was expecting to fire one shot, and go for a light lunch.

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

It's pretty well known that they were allowed to escape so the Empire could track the escaping ship to the Rebel base.

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

There are no such allegations.  The Emperor was the only one around who was aware of Vader's true identity.  Well, him, a couple of Jedi, one of which was dead, and Luk ...


Hey, we don't know any of that to be the case.  I'm just asking questions here!
2013-11-15 02:42:46 PM  
1 votes:
craigdamage:

I am not a nut.

Are you sure about that?
2013-11-15 02:30:44 PM  
1 votes:

HighZoolander: Griftin Rubes: Trues Story bro

Tards will be Tards: a I guy work with whom in no longer care for because: when he told me "the plane that crashed into the pentegon was a conspiracy and there was no plane" , I reacted with "you don't beleive that do you ?" - he reacted with a verbal assault how i was a sheeple type and a bunch angry fuming - i suggested he watch the crash video again and wrote him off and a moron - because he is a farkin tard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1QFfS-FlXA">http://www.youtube.com /watch?v=S1QFfS-FlXA

Can you try that again in English?


ima re asplane this in language all farkers can understand

dar duh dar dar duuuhhhhh daaaarp a deeeerps dar dud dara dar duh a deeeerps  duh dar dar duuuhhhhh  a deeeerps dar duh dar dar duuuhhhhh daaaarp a deeeerps   dar dud dara   - because he is a farkin tard.

/ with feeling on the emphasis
2013-11-15 01:39:35 PM  
1 votes:

trappedspirit: There's no space to launch a full rebuttal of the conspiracy theorists. (It took 1,632 pages for Vincent Bugliosi to do that in his 2007 book  http://www.amazon.com/dp/0393045250/?tag=slatmaga-20" target="_blank" style="color: rgb(102, 0, 51); text-decoration: none; font-family: sl-ApresBold; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;">Reclaiming History.)

If it takes 1,632 pages to supposedly disprove something, it's probably true.


Not when a lawyer writes it.
2013-11-15 01:31:44 PM  
1 votes:
I guess she drifted...

Operation Snow White

Operation Snow White was the Church of Scientology's internal name for a major criminal conspiracy during the 1970s to purge unfavorable records about Scientology and its founder L. Ron Hubbard. This project included a series of infiltrations and thefts from 136 government agencies, foreign embassies and consulates, as well as private organizations critical of Scientology, carried out by Church members, in more than 30 countries. It was the single largest infiltration of the United States government in history with up to 5,000 covert agents.
2013-11-15 01:31:30 PM  
1 votes:

Dog Welder: Obligatory:


UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ATTACK: Was it an inside job?

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?


Because the Empire didn't consider a single-man starfighter to be any sort of a threat.  That is why they didn't have a tighter defense.
Besides, the ability to destroy an entire planet was harnessed completely in it's superweapon, which would be useless against a single fighter.


2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station's large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

Who says they had they largest fleet of Tie Fighters?  Even the 2nd Death Star didn't deploy any.  All those fighters came from the fleet of Star Destroyers.
In any event, Vader DID have the idea to go out and "destroy them ship to ship".  Which they succeeded in doing with the exception of 2 XWings and 1 YWing.  Tarkin also had no reason to believe that there was any sort of danger.  He was expecting to fire one shot, and go for a light lunch.


3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

It's pretty well known that they were allowed to escape so the Empire could track the escaping ship to the Rebel base.

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

There are no such allegations.  The Emperor was the only one around who was aware of Vader's true identity.  Well, him, a couple of Jedi, one of which was dead, and Luke's aunt and uncle, who were also dead.

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn't?

He was the best pilot in the fleet.  Plus his fighter was not lightly armored.  At the time, it was the only one with shields and hyperdrive, for instance.  And who says he broke any protocol?  And he didn't just fly away, he was hit by another panicked Tie Fighter.  I think a better question is, why did Han shoot the wingman instead of the lead pilot?!

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to "bullseye womprats" on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be "impossible, even for a computer." Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been ...

Uh, he used The Force.  He didn't even aim.  He simply deployed the missiles and use the force to guide them to their target.

//Nerd.
2013-11-15 01:23:52 PM  
1 votes:
This sums it up nicely:

The existence of a secret cabal means that there's some sort of order in the world; a catastrophic fluke suggests there's a vast crevice of chaos, the essence of dread.

The universe is an uncaring ocean of cold nothing...we are a soap bubble bouncing on a foam of indifference.  Your conspiracy, your god, your religion...whatever you cling to that gives you hope of order and the possibility of control is a lie and a fraud.

Oblivion awaits.

fishduck.com
2013-11-15 01:11:44 PM  
1 votes:
I blame Obama. He was one crazy toddler with a gun.
2013-11-15 12:49:43 PM  
1 votes:

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: Rapmaster2000: That's why you never win on arguing the merits of a conspiracy theory. To even attempt so, just proves that you are one of The Sheeple who doesn't see the powerful people controlling precisely every aspect of our lives.

I think that's the wrong attitude to take, and, ironically, just shows your desire to feel superior to people who have different ideas than you..


It's entirely conceivable that I am superior to people with stupid ideas.
2013-11-15 12:36:30 PM  
1 votes:
So, they finally got to him.

The truth of what Dale Earnhardt saw will never be revealed.
2013-11-15 12:22:21 PM  
1 votes:
The Pope finally decide Jesus probably wasn't God?
2013-11-15 12:20:29 PM  
1 votes:
You mean how one conspiracy theorist realized that what he thought didn't matter a fark?
 
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