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(Daily Mail)   Study: It's not normal to stop having sex, despite what your wife/husband says   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 61
    More: Interesting, Mail Online, Tracey Cox, interpersonal relationship  
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9298 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2013 at 7:25 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-15 12:06:21 AM
Ick...this is really bad.

Hurry up and force sex as soon as the desire arrives. Review your medications?

Just those two made my brain explode and I cannot recall the rest of the "rules".
 
2013-11-15 12:18:13 AM
Will have to send this story to the wife of  'i don't know how many years'... in a freezer bag
 
2013-11-15 12:36:13 AM
Retirement homes have lots of sex happening. Lots.
 
2013-11-15 12:50:31 AM
...
 
2013-11-15 12:55:07 AM
Doesn't the Daily Fail peddle porn?
 
2013-11-15 12:58:08 AM
Well, technically she said it was normal for ME to stop having sex

/with her, anyway
 
2013-11-15 02:21:59 AM
i1048.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-15 05:20:23 AM
 Solution? Have MORE sex, not less - even when you're not in the mood


www.jtpierce.com
 
2013-11-15 05:57:40 AM

AlwaysRightBoy: Will have to send this story to the wife of  'i don't know how many years'... in a freezer bag


You keep your wife in a freezer bag? Cool!
 
2013-11-15 07:28:42 AM
Um... you have to make breakfast SOMETIME.
 
2013-11-15 07:32:16 AM
What's her last name, "wants more"?
 
2013-11-15 07:33:09 AM
She didn't stop having sex.
 
GBB
2013-11-15 07:35:22 AM
10. Fantasize about others.
 
2013-11-15 07:36:05 AM
For me it happened when she started sleeping with someone else.    Only has happened about 75% of the time.   The other 25% I realized she was not attractive anymore.   This is with all my ex girlfriends.
 
2013-11-15 07:37:44 AM

thamike:  Solution? Have MORE sex, not less - even when you're not in the mood


Um, yeah, how does that even work?

/couldn't rtfa
//got to about the 2nd bullet point & my brain shut down
 
2013-11-15 07:40:23 AM
Like I've always said, humans were never meant to be monogamous, all these marital advise tips on how to rekindle the spark only proves that.
 
2013-11-15 07:49:28 AM
Mrs cmraman and I are having our best sex ever and we just celebrated our 30th anniversary. Our secret? We aren't hung up on that whole monogamy thing anymore. She wants to have sex with someone other than me, she does. If I meet someone I want to fark, I fark her if she's willing. We still have sex together three or four times a week and it's been like this for 10 years now so I think it's safe to say that it works for us.

/YMMV
 
2013-11-15 07:51:16 AM
Ladies should give it up more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights
 
2013-11-15 07:54:00 AM
11. When she says we're having sex "over my cold, dead body", it means you're getting laid in a graveyard.
 
2013-11-15 07:55:44 AM
I'm pretty sure it's 'normal' to have almost no sex or for the sex to be 'mechanical' at best. Sex is so one way, it's hard for men to keep putting on a show and for women to put up with sex after already landing a man and maybe even having kids. Her reasons for humoring a man with sex go away. But hey, guys have pron and if a women can deal with that then all should be fine. I guess for the guys who don't have the imagination for pron there will be cheating but if a woman is wants to be in a long term relationship with a guy like that, that's the price she pays.
 
2013-11-15 07:56:01 AM
Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.
 
2013-11-15 07:56:48 AM
Here on Fark, I once read the comment, "If there's nothing in the fridge, they're gonna dine out."

Wiser words were never spoken.
 
2013-11-15 07:58:42 AM

hitlersbrain: I'm pretty sure it's 'normal' to have almost no sex or for the sex to be 'mechanical' at best. Sex is so one way, it's hard for men to keep putting on a show and for women to put up with sex after already landing a man and maybe even having kids. Her reasons for humoring a man with sex go away. But hey, guys have pron and if a women can deal with that then all should be fine. I guess for the guys who don't have the imagination for pron there will be cheating but if a woman is wants to be in a long term relationship with a guy like that, that's the price she pays.


You know, you have to type it 'pr0n' if you want people to know you mean porn.
 
2013-11-15 08:03:07 AM

hubcity: Here on Fark, I once read the comment, "If there's nothing in the fridge, they're gonna dine out."

Wiser words were never spoken.


Ha, awesome statement there.

I also like "keep their balls empty and stomach full".
 
2013-11-15 08:07:00 AM

JerkyMeat: [i1048.photobucket.com image 310x448]


Thank you. That is the dopiest expression I've seen in a long time.
 
2013-11-15 08:08:30 AM
Familiarity breeds contempt. Sexual desire starts to fade at some point in a long term relationship. With women it's worse because their libidos drop off as well, so there's not even a biological component pushing them toward sex. Disparate desire almost resulted in divorce for Mrs Fafai and me. It was necessary to go through that rough spot in order to improve things. Here's what I've learned.

Men: make sex more personal. You should have a desire for your partner, not just a desire for sex. If she thinks it's just your libido making you want sex, that's not going to get her in the mood. If she knows you really want to share an experience with her specifically, that's a good starting point.

Also, learn to think in advance and start foreplay way early. Like, if you want to be doing it in the evening, start in the morning. Kissing, flirting, sexy text messaging throughout the day. She needs longer to warm up. Don't just jump her because you see her wet, naked body coming out of the shower. That just makes her feel used and cheap.

Women: the article is right. Sex promotes intimacy and vice versa.  Just do it even when you don't want to. Have some faith in the male sex drive to do it's part in keeping the relationship alive and well. You don't have to be in the mood right away. Just go along with the foreplay and give him a chance to put you in the mood. I've spoken with lots of women who agree that they'll become aroused somewhere in the process even if they weren't to begin with, and that doing so improves the relationship as a whole.

...I don't even care how rape-culturey that sounds. I'm saying to choose, not to submit. Just stop being so selfish and do it. If a sexless life is so important to you, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who wants sex. If this is the case, do yourself and your man a favor and leave him. Go find a woman to enjoy your lesbian bed death with and see how happy it makes you not being worshipped all the time. See what it's really like to be taken for granted.
 
2013-11-15 08:14:21 AM

hubcity: Here on Fark, I once read the comment, "If there's nothing in the fridge, they're gonna dine out."

Wiser words were never spoken.


true that ..and it's national clean out your refrigerator day ...might be a good weekend !
 
2013-11-15 08:15:27 AM
Click the UK tab on this UK "newspaper." and voila, the ever Fark-worthy tried and true:

Doctors call for end to state-funded 'designer vaginas' after huge rise in procedures 'driven by online porn'
 
2013-11-15 08:31:53 AM

bearcats1983: hubcity: Here on Fark, I once read the comment, "If there's nothing in the fridge, they're gonna dine out."

Wiser words were never spoken.

Ha, awesome statement there.

I also like "keep their balls empty and stomach full".


I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  We men have exactly 4 needs.

Feed us
Fark us
Let us sleep in
Don't interrupt the game

Handle those 4 points, and you can keep any man you can get.  The list is similar for women, with "don't question it if we want to have kids between 25 and 35" and "Let us vent, don't try to solve the problem I'm speaking about unless I ask you to" added at the end.
 
2013-11-15 08:36:08 AM
Nothing like people creating studies to fantasize about other peoples lives.
 
2013-11-15 08:57:40 AM
As in several other areas of endeavor (bullet trains / cameras / just-in-time manufacturing) the Japanese are in the lead here. Google about a bit and read of the massive numbers of young people there who simply cannot be bothered. They are not only not doing it, they're not even concerned about it.

It was a wonderfully playful time for me in the early 1960s to mess around with Japanese guys. I even slept with a cop once (phimosis, alas). There was no morbid fear or aversion to homo play. It was perceived as an expression of friendship. Which it was (have to point out that my own performance never involved theaters of dominance / pain / humiliation / submission).

Then came the 1970s, when all the sex drive was sublimated to THINKING and performing as a good sarariman. For women it was a time of awakening, when they were suddenly able to earn their own way (and would take one hard look at ma and pa and ask themselves "Do I want to end up like this?"). I found that nobody wanted to play with me any more, boo hoo. My come-ons just got puzzlement and annoyance.

When I was teaching in Osaka in the 1980s it was clear that most Japanese men were mostly walking around exhausted, beaten down by the system from childhood; women were raging and horny. One Nigerian exchange student, openly resentful of the naked racism of the Japanese, couldn't stop fighting off the local women. "I could have sex every day with a different girl!" he confessed, puzzled by the contradiction: but there was none. It was just that most Japanese men are useless in bed; they marry because they want a surrogate mom instead of a lover. The women are hot, ready to rock'n'roll. Just not keen on getting tied down as an okusan (housewife).

Now that the birth rate has headed south, it is clear that lust and romance have fallen by the wayside... along with a powerful consumerist urge. The whole world could be shifting in that direction - except for Islamic societies, where the woman is still seen as a baby pooper-unit.
 
2013-11-15 09:44:08 AM

Hermione_Granger: Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.


Do you have the original of that quote?
 
2013-11-15 09:47:10 AM
File this one under something you never want to hear.

One day my Mom then at 70 just blurted out to me there on the couch while watching TV that Dad told her that she wasn't satisfying him enough Sexually.

Insert the "Just threw up in my mouth a little" picture here,
 
2013-11-15 10:17:50 AM

Hermione_Granger: Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.


Have you ever met a woman who claimed their husband didn't put out enough?

I haven't. Most women I know complain their husbands want it too much.

If women want sex all they have to do is blink. Men are always willing.
 
2013-11-15 10:24:29 AM

Lapdance: File this one under something you never want to hear.

One day my Mom then at 70 just blurted out to me there on the couch while watching TV that Dad told her that she wasn't satisfying him enough Sexually.

Insert the "Just threw up in my mouth a little" picture here,


I've never understood why this bothers people; it's not like virgin births are commonplace. Nor do very many people plan to be celibate after any particular age.
 
2013-11-15 10:27:20 AM

CleanAndPure: Hermione_Granger: Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.

Have you ever met a woman who claimed their husband didn't put out enough?

I haven't. Most women I know complain their husbands want it too much.

If women want sex all they have to do is blink. Men are always willing.


Sex advice columnists (albeit not a random sample) see that sort of thing a lot. Dan Savage tends to get it as women write him with "hubby is losing interest and when he does want it he goes for the back door; is he gay?"

If some dating site started matching people by libido level, the world would be better for it.
 
2013-11-15 10:32:12 AM

Fafai: Women: the article is right. Sex promotes intimacy and vice versa.  Just do it even when you don't want to. Have some faith in the male sex drive to do it's part in keeping the relationship alive and well. You don't have to be in the mood right away. Just go along with the foreplay and give him a chance to put you in the mood. I've spoken with lots of women who agree that they'll become aroused somewhere in the process even if they weren't to begin with, and that doing so improves the relationship as a whole.

...I don't even care how rape-culturey that sounds. I'm saying to choose, not to submit. Just stop being so selfish and do it.


To borrow another Savage-ism, couples should meet in the middle on libido, not round down to the lower-libido partner's level.

Scheduling sex can also help with this kind of thing. For some couples, schedule is the limiting factor (kids, etc.). For others, a schedule can help break the cycle where A feels nagged and B feels rejected.

It's not very "romantic", but what is romantic about a long-term relationship?
 
2013-11-15 10:47:57 AM
"Meeting in the middle" only works if the one with the low libido takes her part seriously.

My wife is only horny/interested in sex for a one... sometimes two day interval when she ovulates. rest of the time... Zero sex drive.

Meeting in the middle to her means laying on her back once a week and telling me "hurry up I want to sleep".

Personally I'd rather have no sex than deal with that... less depressing.
 
2013-11-15 11:06:13 AM

CleanAndPure: Hermione_Granger: Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.

Have you ever met a woman who claimed their husband didn't put out enough?

As hard as it may be for you to believe, the answer to this question is yes. Several women. Many women. I know at least five women who go to sex clubs and parties  because they aren't getting it at home but won't leave their husbands

I haven't. Most women I know complain their husbands want it too much.
Yes, but I'm sure there are lot's of women you don't know.

If women want sex all they have to do is blink. Men are always willing.
This is the stereotype, but it's not at all true. About.com had a very long forum on this. I used to link to it for conversations like this but it seems to have been deleted. The upshot was there were both men and women who couldn't understand why their partner had lost interest. The common thread was they chose their partners more on compatibility and friendship than physical attraction - or one partner simply stopped having sex leaving the other high and dry.

I know male Farkers love to bash women, but yes, I'm asking you to expand your thinking and evolve and realize that this happens to women more often than you know.

Just sayin.
 
2013-11-15 11:17:36 AM
For the four years preceding my divorce, we didn't have any sex. None. At. All.

Once I reunited with the love of my life, things improved greatly.

So yes, it's WHO you're with that matters.
 
2013-11-15 11:58:23 AM

CleanAndPure: "Meeting in the middle" only works if the one with the low libido takes her part seriously.

My wife is only horny/interested in sex for a one... sometimes two day interval when she ovulates. rest of the time... Zero sex drive.

Meeting in the middle to her means laying on her back once a week and telling me "hurry up I want to sleep".

Personally I'd rather have no sex than deal with that... less depressing.


If she's only receptive when her body is ready to go, maybe (and I don't know you from Adam so that's a very strong maybe--I'm not trying to guess at your personal business, this was just the case for me, but maybe) you two need to embrace a more personal/conscious model of sex rather than it just being this biological drive. I find that the biological/hormonal view of sex really kills things for both partners, as neither feels like they are truly wanted if it's just an animal instinct making you do it. The best thing I did was learn to put my own consciousness ahead of biology/society as the main determinant over my sexuality. Bringing your conscious mind to sex and really talking and communicating during sex kind of diversifies the whole experience. It becomes more about the context and style and the connection between you both, making each time feel different. Ie: WHY are you doing it? How are the power roles defined? Are they fluid or pretty obvious who's in charge? Who wants what from the other and why? Sexual novelty is key to happiness in a long term relationship and approaching sex by setting, circumstance and context automatically widens the array of sexcual styles to draw from as opposed to it just being this internal instinct.

If her body isn't feeling it, engage her mind. It's truly the largest sex organ, especially for a woman. Bring some personal meaning into it. Women need a reason to have sex. Indulge her fantasies a little. Get creative.

It's true that the parter with the least desire for sex will always control the frequency and level of sex (unless they're with a rapist), but the opposite is also true: the one with the least desire for intimacy controls the level of intimacy as well. It pays to take the first step and make her feel special/loved/wanted, etc, without (immediately) expecting any sex in return. Or you could play tit for tat and withhold intimacy, which is what I was doing without even realizing it (just because we conversed every day, didn't mean we were actaully connecting with each other). This might be the case for you as well.

I don't mean to get all know-it-all on you but you sound like where I was at and I was miserable. I have no idea who you are and yet I care about you. I'm trying to help. I hope I'm not being offensive. The best advice to guys not getting enough sex from their partners I can give is to always be honest and say what's on your mind if you aren't happy. Women can underestimate the male sex drive easily. It's important that the man be vocal about this, not just when he's after her for sex but be honest and vocal about all the things you've given up, assuming you're monogamous (the chance for sex with multiple partners, etc). Tell her how attracted you are to other women and what you think about when you see an attractive woman. Part of being intimate is disclosing the uncomfortable stuff too. She might not take it well at first but guaranteed she will be more attracted to you for being a red blooded male that hasn't just rolled over and died. Also if she's aware you're looking around she'll be more likely to get territorial about you and give you what you want out of jealousy.

Again, sorry if I'm blabbing here. Not trying to come off like I know everything. It just hits close to home and thought I'd share. I stopped shying away from my own sexuality and learned to own it and have empathy for myself and my needs. After that things improved like crazy. She initiates half the time now. Of course I also had to change to be more compatible with her. I listen to her a lot more. But I also tell her when I'm not going to listen. If she gets to say "I'm not having sex with you tonight," then youre within every right to say "I'm not listening to you". It should be a willing choice from both sides. If your wife lays like a dead fish to placate your sex drive, I'm guessing you're also guilty of doing the same thing in conversation (pretending to listen "uh-huh, sure, she said what? no way...") That's not good for either party. If you don't want to be having sex or talking with your partner then take a stand and just say no. They can tell when you're just trying to patronize them. If you think you should be, even if you don't want to, CHOOSE to want to, don't go in half assed and expect to get your way when it's your turn to get what you want.
 
2013-11-15 12:04:20 PM

Hermione_Granger: Have you ever met a woman who claimed their husband didn't put out enough?
As hard as it may be for you to believe, the answer to this question is yes. Several women. Many women. I know at least five women who go to sex clubs and parties because they aren't getting it at home but won't leave their husbands


Are you sure this is the real reason? You're getting one side of the story. I've learned that the so-called Madonna/Whore complex isn't unique to men. Many women also feel icky about having the kind of dirty sex they want with their loving man. They don't want to dirty their prince charming with their deviant behaviour so they go elsewhere to have the kind of crazy sex they can't bring themselves to enjoy having with someone they truly love. Many people are sexual vegetarians in marriage but absolute carnivores extra-maritally. If they're going to sex clubs or whatever I'd guess they just aren't comfortable asking for what they truly want from their men, not that they simply "aren't getting it."
 
2013-11-15 01:01:42 PM
Fafai,

Other than sex we have a great marriage. Emotionally we're usually in tune. We're very close...

yes the sex angle is really depressing... and she doesn't really "get it"- or thinks I'm silly getting upset about not having any.

Funny thing is... she used to have a sex drive... or at least to pretend to have one.

I've tried everything from overly grand romantic dates to spoiling her rotten... at best she will roll over and say "be quick". I usually turn "that" offer down now because it is worse than not having any.
 
2013-11-15 02:38:54 PM

CleanAndPure: Fafai, [...]


Thank you for your response. As insulting and condescending and potentially creepy as this is likely to sound, we've got some common ground that is giving me a sense of kinship here and I'm feeling like I really wanna be your wingman on this (eip). I needed help. I got it through counseling but mostly this book with the lamest farking title and cover ever but the concepts inside really resonated with me and pushed me to grow in several ways for the better. Definitely worth a read for anyone even thinking about practicing monogamy.
 
2013-11-15 03:01:33 PM

Falstaff: bearcats1983: hubcity: Here on Fark, I once read the comment, "If there's nothing in the fridge, they're gonna dine out."

Wiser words were never spoken.

Ha, awesome statement there.

I also like "keep their balls empty and stomach full".

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  We men have exactly 4 needs.

Feed us
Fark us
Let us sleep in
Don't interrupt the game

Handle those 4 points, and you can keep any man you can get.  The list is similar for women, with "don't question it if we want to have kids between 25 and 35" and "Let us vent, don't try to solve the problem I'm speaking about unless I ask you to" added at the end.


Hell I like doing the cooking, and substitute hobbies for the game and it suites me.

My partner has a tendency to interrupt me every 2 minutes while I'm working on a project, then later on she's like you've been working on that for 3 hours! Yeah well I haven't had more than 10 minutes to focus on it without interruption so of course I'm not making much progress. Women...
 
2013-11-15 03:44:46 PM

Fafai: CleanAndPure: Fafai, [...]

Thank you for your response. As insulting and condescending and potentially creepy as this is likely to sound, we've got some common ground that is giving me a sense of kinship here and I'm feeling like I really wanna be your wingman on this (eip). I needed help. I got it through counseling but mostly this book with the lamest farking title and cover ever but the concepts inside really resonated with me and pushed me to grow in several ways for the better. Definitely worth a read for anyone even thinking about practicing monogamy.


Thank you... I may locate that book next time in a bookstore... maybe push her a copy too...

Monogamy never really a problem. None-ogamy is though.

Its really hard to sell the idea that... yes sex matters to someone with no sex drive... somehow they seem to see you as 'perverted' and silly for craving something they don't ever crave.
 
2013-11-15 04:20:23 PM

CleanAndPure: Hermione_Granger: Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.

Have you ever met a woman who claimed their husband didn't put out enough?

I haven't. Most women I know complain their husbands want it too much.

If women want sex all they have to do is blink. Men are always willing.


I know one, but only one woman in that situation. Her husband is a dick, I dunno why she stays with him but whatever. She's not what I'd call hot, but she could get some decent action elsewhere if she wanted.

I've known FAR more guys who don't get as much sex as they'd like.
 
2013-11-15 04:22:02 PM

Gaseous Anomaly: Lapdance: File this one under something you never want to hear.

One day my Mom then at 70 just blurted out to me there on the couch while watching TV that Dad told her that she wasn't satisfying him enough Sexually.

Insert the "Just threw up in my mouth a little" picture here,

I've never understood why this bothers people; it's not like virgin births are commonplace. Nor do very many people plan to be celibate after any particular age.


We all know that our parents (and grandparents) have had sex at one point or another, but it's not something most of us want to think about. Eww.
 
2013-11-15 05:40:47 PM

James10952001: CleanAndPure: Hermione_Granger: Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.

Have you ever met a woman who claimed their husband didn't put out enough?

I haven't. Most women I know complain their husbands want it too much.

If women want sex all they have to do is blink. Men are always willing.

I know one, but only one woman in that situation. Her husband is a dick, I dunno why she stays with him but whatever. She's not what I'd call hot, but she could get some decent action elsewhere if she wanted.

I've known FAR more guys who don't get as much sex as they'd like.


Well, actually that makes sense. I'm going to go out on a limb, since your name is James, and say that you've probably talked to more men about this subject. On the other hand, since I am a woman, I've probably talked to more women about it.

I believe that this issue is truly one that is equal between genders and not soley a "woman not giving men sex" issue.
 
2013-11-15 05:42:44 PM

CleanAndPure: Hermione_Granger: Cretony38: Your partner Ladies should give it up not be surprised that a lack of sex might make their mate more or the guys will start to look elsewhere. It's their choice. There's one couple that had it every night for 365 nights

ftfy

Can we please nip the gender blaming in the bud? Evolve.

Have you ever met a woman who claimed their husband didn't put out enough?

I haven't. Most women I know complain their husbands want it too much.

If women want sex all they have to do is blink. Men are always willing.


My ex did but it was after a year of her telling me no every time I wanted sex and then me giving up on asking.

Afaict, she wanted me to want to fark her, but never actually wanted to fark. She got jealous of porn too, which I take as a sign of a mentally unstable woman to this day. You can deny me masturbation if you handle all my business.
 
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