If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Imbibe Magazine)   Fark Food Thread: No one should have to eat cranberry gelatin out of a can. Stop the madness now and show us how cranberries really ought to be served up. LGT Faux-TFD-sponsored version for Farksgiving   (imbibemagazine.com) divider line 222
    More: Interesting  
•       •       •

2312 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Nov 2013 at 5:00 PM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



222 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-11-14 02:55:22 PM
Jellied cranberry from a can is one of those things I will always love. I appreciate a good cranberry sauce but god damn do I love that can shaped stuff.
 
2013-11-14 02:56:25 PM
That can stuff is my childhood. I love the ridges in the side. YOU F*CK OFF AND LEAVE MY THANKSGIVING ALONE!!
 
2013-11-14 02:58:14 PM
Water, sugar, cranberries, and orange juice, IIRC. Cook it all on the stove until it starts to jell, and let them cool down.
 
2013-11-14 02:59:19 PM

ami5000: Jellied cranberry from a can is one of those things I will always love. I appreciate a good cranberry sauce but god damn do I love that can shaped stuff.


Al_Ed: That can stuff is my childhood. I love the ridges in the side. YOU F*CK OFF AND LEAVE MY THANKSGIVING ALONE!!


I too prefer it. My sister always makes the real kind with oranges and stuff in it but I always bring a can.
 
2013-11-14 03:00:25 PM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Water, sugar, cranberries, and orange juice, IIRC. Cook it all on the stove until it starts to jell, and let them cool down.


Yep. My SIL made some cranberry orange relish one year that was fantastic!
 
2013-11-14 03:00:39 PM
I have an old recipe for cranberry waldorf salad that we'll probably eat. And I always make Mama Stamburg's cranberry relish for myself and my mother. It stands out as a bright, crisp flavor against all the usual heady, heavy foods.
 
2013-11-14 03:01:33 PM
I wish my bowel movements were like cranberry gelatin sliding out of a can.
 
2013-11-14 03:01:41 PM

atlfarkette: ami5000: Jellied cranberry from a can is one of those things I will always love. I appreciate a good cranberry sauce but god damn do I love that can shaped stuff.

Al_Ed: That can stuff is my childhood. I love the ridges in the side. YOU F*CK OFF AND LEAVE MY THANKSGIVING ALONE!!

I too prefer it. My sister always makes the real kind with oranges and stuff in it but I always bring a can.


TEAM CAN ALL THE BERRIES
 
2013-11-14 03:02:29 PM
I like the whole berry canned stuff. I highly doubt if I've ever eaten fresh or the slidy gelatin kind.
 
2013-11-14 03:03:42 PM

oldfarthenry: I wish my bowel movements were like cranberry gelatin sliding out of a can.


I'm trying to figure out how to describe the sound it makes when it finally comes loose from the can.

Is it *tbbtppthbhthbppbt schlock*?
 
2013-11-14 03:05:13 PM
Fill a pot up with a bunch of fresh cranberries.  Pour 1 cup fresh orange juice, 2 tablespoons of light brown sugar, and 1/4 cup bourbon in with them.  Toss in a clove because why the hell not.  Bring up to a simmer and cook until those bastards start to pop and get squishy.  Pour into a glass container, put in fridge for an hour.
 
2013-11-14 03:05:48 PM

atlfarkette: I'm trying to figure out how to describe the sound it makes when it finally comes loose from the can.


It's "ssscchhlooorrrrk."
 
2013-11-14 03:09:59 PM
Several years ago, some TFer (I forget who)  told this:

One year, the mom had a can of cranberry sauce sitting on the table, but she had forgotten to open it and ploop it out on a plate. Nobody noticed until the meal was over, because none of them really liked it much, anyway.

So, she put it back into the cupboard. And it became an annual tradition to take that same can out on Thanksgiving and let it sit on the table, and then put it away after the meal.

That made me smile more than it should. That sounds like something my family would do.
 
2013-11-14 03:10:50 PM
One bag fresh cranberries, rinsed well. One whole seedless orange, with skin. Sugar (about half a cup, more or less to taste.) Blend in the food processor. Chill. Serve.

Freezes well, and the leftovers are great on turkey sammiches, over ice cream, or right out of the bowl.
 
2013-11-14 03:11:32 PM

atlfarkette: oldfarthenry: I wish my bowel movements were like cranberry gelatin sliding out of a can.

I'm trying to figure out how to describe the sound it makes when it finally comes loose from the can.

Is it *tbbtppthbhthbppbt schlock*?


HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I heard it in mah head!!
 
2013-11-14 03:11:43 PM

kwame: atlfarkette: I'm trying to figure out how to describe the sound it makes when it finally comes loose from the can.

It's "ssscchhlooorrrrk."


Now imagine that sound with a hilarious fart at the end.
 
2013-11-14 03:11:46 PM

the_rev: Several years ago, some TFer (I forget who)  told this:

One year, the mom had a can of cranberry sauce sitting on the table, but she had forgotten to open it and ploop it out on a plate. Nobody noticed until the meal was over, because none of them really liked it much, anyway.

So, she put it back into the cupboard. And it became an annual tradition to take that same can out on Thanksgiving and let it sit on the table, and then put it away after the meal.

That made me smile more than it should. That sounds like something my family would do.


We have a fruit cake in a box that has been making the rounds since 1992.
 
2013-11-14 03:12:04 PM

Errk: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Water, sugar, cranberries, and orange juice, IIRC. Cook it all on the stove until it starts to jell, and let them cool down.

Yep. My SIL made some cranberry orange relish one year that was fantastic!


Thirded. I like a touch of wine. The bourbon recipe above sounds great too.
 
2013-11-14 03:12:21 PM
Since I hate the holidays heres my sure fire way to make cranberries for holidays.

Take cranberries.

Drop into bottle of vodak.

Let sit for a long time.

During holidays open bottle of infused vodak and drink vigorously.
 
2013-11-14 03:13:47 PM
So how the hell are you supposed to slice it properly without the ridges from the can, hotshot? HOW?
 
2013-11-14 03:15:14 PM

DonWrite: So how the hell are you supposed to slice it properly without the ridges from the can, hotshot? HOW?


Exactly!
 
2013-11-14 03:16:45 PM
I wonder if you cut the canned stuff into slices, then stuck a Popsicle stick into each one and rolled them in sugar, then froze them, how would that taste.
 
2013-11-14 03:18:09 PM
Onomotopoetically I think it should end in a 'p'... it's a juicier, schloorpier sound.
 
2013-11-14 03:19:42 PM
Can goes FLOOP.
 
2013-11-14 03:24:49 PM
Nobody in the house cares for cranberry sauce all that much, but we've found other ways to use them on Thanksgiving. Breads or muffins work, but my favorite so far was a cranberry reduction over waffles. The waffle batter used just a bit of pecan flour and it worked well with the tart of the cranberry.


farm3.staticflickr.com
 
2013-11-14 03:31:07 PM
I liked it better out of the can before they started coating the can in the urethane.  Something about that metallic twang that made the cranberry stuff taste better.......
 
2013-11-14 03:34:14 PM

ami5000: Jellied cranberry from a can is one of those things I will always love. I appreciate a good cranberry sauce but god damn do I love that can shaped stuff.


Can I get an "Amen"!
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2013-11-14 03:34:59 PM

DonWrite: So how the hell are you supposed to slice it properly without the ridges from the can, hotshot? HOW?


This made me laugh way more than it shoud've.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2013-11-14 03:35:38 PM
Gotta get wifey to find the cranberry relish recipe she started making. I'm friggin' hooked on that and will accept no substitute now.
 
2013-11-14 03:43:43 PM

DGS: DonWrite: So how the hell are you supposed to slice it properly without the ridges from the can, hotshot? HOW?

This made me laugh way more than it shoud've.


HOW!??!?!
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2013-11-14 03:48:53 PM

DonWrite: DGS: DonWrite: So how the hell are you supposed to slice it properly without the ridges from the can, hotshot? HOW?

This made me laugh way more than it shoud've.

HOW!??!?!


I recall the canned stuff having a long space of no ridges, then a bunch of little ones, then more space with none. So I pictured you slicing up cranberry goop and leaving a wobbly pile twice the size of a toddler's hand on her plate while quizzical stares abound.

/IT'S STILL FUNNY TO ME
 
2013-11-14 03:54:46 PM

kwame: I wonder if you cut the canned stuff into slices, then stuck a Popsicle stick into each one and rolled them in sugar, then froze them, how would that taste.


I think I might have to try this.  It's a cheap enough experiment.
 
2013-11-14 04:07:25 PM

DGS: DonWrite: DGS: DonWrite: So how the hell are you supposed to slice it properly without the ridges from the can, hotshot? HOW?

This made me laugh way more than it shoud've.

HOW!??!?!

I recall the canned stuff having a long space of no ridges, then a bunch of little ones, then more space with none. So I pictured you slicing up cranberry goop and leaving a wobbly pile twice the size of a toddler's hand on her plate while quizzical stares abound.

/IT'S STILL FUNNY TO ME


That is a fairly accurate description of how it goes down.
 
2013-11-14 04:45:05 PM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Water, sugar, cranberries, and orange juice, IIRC. Cook it all on the stove until it starts to jell, and let them cool down.


And a couple of tablespoons of Grande Marnier.
 
2013-11-14 04:51:45 PM
Mulled Cider:

3 parts apple cider
1 part pure, unsweetened cranberry juice (do not use "cranberry juice cocktail". juice your own cranberries if you have a jelly bag, food mill or a juicer)

1 cinnamon stick and 3 cloves for every quart of juice (more if you are just going to heat and serve rather than mull)

Brown sugar to taste, if desired

Mix juices and add spices. Warm slowly on the stove to just under boiling. Add brown sugar to sweeten, if desired. Keep at hot temp on stove or transfer to crock pot and set on high for continuous service at a party. Also good with a bit of rum added to the mug.
 
2013-11-14 05:05:30 PM
I made cranberry-crab apple chutney this summer.

Mmmm, howdy can't want to open that up for leftover turkey sandwiches.
 
2013-11-14 05:06:58 PM
Never liked Cranberry sauce because the family always had the canned type, never fresh. First Thanksgiving at the ex-wife's place, they made fresh cranberry sauce (and fresh pretty-much-everything-else, too...) and I was very surprised at how good it was.

Fast forward a few years after my divorce when I first host Thanksgiving for my family at my new house, and made dinner using many of the recipies which I'd gotten from the former in-laws. Mom loved the fresh cranberry sauce; Dad and brother both refused to touch the stuff and insisted upon the canned, jellied kind- and did the same the next time I cooked as well.

Last time, I kept the can from the canned cranberry sauce and very thoroughly washed out the inside of it. This year, I plan to make my fresh sauce, strain it so the cranberry pieces aren't in it, add a bit of gelatin to get it to gel, and pour it into the can and see if they can tell the difference. >:P
 
2013-11-14 05:07:32 PM
I love me some can cran jelly

ribbed for your pleasure and hers
 
2013-11-14 05:08:21 PM
16 Oz Fresh Cranberries, 1 Apple (cored and chopped), 1 cup of OJ.  Blend together and serve.  Done.
 
2013-11-14 05:10:14 PM
I, too, am on Team Gotta-Be-Canned.

I may adopt the "just set a can out" though. I like the concept of cranberry sauce much better than the real thing.

Also, Ocean Spray cranberry cocktail and either vodak or light rum, with a lime wedge. That's the taste of the holidays.
 
2013-11-14 05:11:57 PM
We have canned and sauce on the table.  Each to his own.

And it ain't real cranberry sauce unless it has a healthy dose of cognac in it.
 
2013-11-14 05:12:00 PM
Pour it out of the can, onto a plate that you keep around the house all year so you can put cranberry shiat from a can on it once a year.

Problem solved.
 
2013-11-14 05:12:02 PM
media.onsugar.com

If loving it is wrong I don't want to be right.
 
2013-11-14 05:13:32 PM
Batchelor's Turkey Dinner

1 loaf of French bread
breaded chicken breasts or turkey, sliced
cranberry sauce

Serve with big scoops of stuffing, deep-fried sweet potato chips or tempura.
 
2013-11-14 05:14:06 PM
It should be served by the woman, duh.
 
2013-11-14 05:15:19 PM
Put some hot chili flakes, lime zest, and tequila in it. Or lots of shredded fresh ginger.
 
2013-11-14 05:15:28 PM
Anything that sounds like the dog food scene from "Family Dog"(if that's obscure, I'll figuratively kill myself) coming out of its container, it belongs nowhere near me.
 
2013-11-14 05:15:58 PM
Just follow the recipe on the bag of Ocean Spray cranberries for whole berry sauce.
 
2013-11-14 05:16:39 PM
I wasn't going to add this, but you guys have made me sad.

Jalapeno Cranberry Sauce

12 oz cranberries
1 cup sugar
1 jalapeno (finely diced)
2 tsp lemon juice (fresh)
1 cup water
1/4 cup brandy

1. Rinse off the berries
2. in a saucepan, mix the water and sugar and stir to dissolve. Bring the water to a boil. Add the cranberries, the diced jalapeno, and lemon juice and return to a boil. Once boil is reached reduce heat to a simmer until the cranberries have popped (about 10 minutes), stirring occasionally.
3. remove from heat and add brandy
4. drink extra brandy
5. let cool to room temp and then refrigerate.

Has the perfect amount of bite, and my favorite way to make cranberries. If you make this expect compliments.
 
2013-11-14 05:17:51 PM
Since when was there ever any cranberry sauce but the one in the Ocean Spray can?  What next?  Real pumpkin pie?
 
Displayed 50 of 222 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report