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(Today)   Reporter, world's greatest girlfriend, reveals the key to a man's heart   (today.com) divider line 139
    More: Followup, David Zinczenko, girlfriend  
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20222 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Nov 2013 at 4:48 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



139 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-14 08:18:40 PM  
Keep his belly full, and his balls empty.
 
2013-11-14 08:25:58 PM  
Aaaaaaaaaagh, another celebrity chef who's never worked in a restaurant? She simply makes food, ala Guy Fieri, not cuisine.

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-11-14 08:39:14 PM  

LlamaGirl: ami5000: mitchcumstein1: Is that a dude?

Yes. That's the recipient of the 300 sandwiches.

I think so many farkers are suicidal now because that guy got sandwiches and all they get is yelled at and nagged.


Nice of you to point remind us of how much our lives suck .........   biatch

/I kid
 
2013-11-14 08:40:10 PM  
OgreMagi:

Nice of you to point remind us of how much our lives suck

I can haz book on grammar?

/or learn to proofread before posting?
 
2013-11-14 08:55:01 PM  

scottydoesntknow: [img.fark.net image 618x379]

He (?) looks like an early '90s Helen Hunt


crossed with a little K.D Lang.
 
2013-11-14 08:58:51 PM  
Great story but why didn't they mention her friend Jodie Foster?
img.fark.net
 
2013-11-14 09:03:55 PM  
i306.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-14 09:04:49 PM  

lockers: AgentPothead: I guess some women will do anything to be a gay mans' beard?

[300cdn.strategicinforma.netdna-cdn.com image 800x514]

You have a point


Now she's starting to look like Mike Tyson.
/need sleep.
 
2013-11-14 09:07:16 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Lessee...a key to a man's heart...hmm...

Blowjobs and don't be a nag / biatch.

Ta-da!


Traditionally, sandwiches are part of the deal too. But, yeah.
 
2013-11-14 09:08:07 PM  
Wow.

He looks a lot like a guy who was a good friend of mine in high school.  Of course, my friend was queer as a three dollar bill....
 
2013-11-14 09:10:44 PM  
DRTFA, but the answer should be "touch his penis", right?
 
2013-11-14 09:13:06 PM  

LowbrowDeluxe: orclover: Blowjobs?

Sandwiches?

Ok judging by his pic, yea he's more interested in sandwiches than blowjobs from her.

/ladies, the answer is blowjobs.

This.  There is almost no relationship that couldn't be sustained with a higher application of blow jobs.


I've tested this. Great* for over two years, but I still left her.

* Great to have all those blow jobs!
 
2013-11-14 09:18:00 PM  

DarkVader: Wow.

He looks a lot like a guy who was a good friend of mine in high school.  Of course, my friend was queer as a three dollar bill....


Yea, he looks about 5-10 years older than some of the twinks that at times did drag back in the day. Of course the makeup and plucked eyebrows aren't helping but hey if they're happy more power to them.

Oh, and yea, I've known some girls like her that for the most part are full on butch but really hot as well ; )
 
2013-11-14 09:26:30 PM  

shiattynick: Holee Shiat! When I first read this story, I thought it was pretty neat and that they were probably both going to make a great couple, then I watched this video. Turns out that this woman has to feed him to get his energy up before he goes down to the local leather bar, and if she doesn't, he won't allow her to be his beard anymore. The creepy factor has definitely been turned up past 11!


It takes all kinds. His parents are going to be VERY happy!
 
2013-11-14 09:26:31 PM  
While I appreciate a good blowjob, I also appreciate a good sammich.

And yeah, when I'm in a relationship, I usually do the vast majority of the cooking.  I've actually had women tell me they're intimidated by my food, that they don't want to cook for me because they think it'll disappoint me.  Unfortunately, none of them have approached this lady's level of sandwich creativity.
 
2013-11-14 09:40:58 PM  

DarkVader: While I appreciate a good blowjob, I also appreciate a good sammich.

And yeah, when I'm in a relationship, I usually do the vast majority of the cooking.  I've actually had women tell me they're intimidated by my food, that they don't want to cook for me because they think it'll disappoint me.  Unfortunately, none of them have approached this lady's level of sandwich creativity.


You know there's a lot of good sandwich making blowjob giving guys out there right?
/What you never know you don't like it till you try it ; )
 
2013-11-14 09:50:13 PM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: DarkVader: While I appreciate a good blowjob, I also appreciate a good sammich.

And yeah, when I'm in a relationship, I usually do the vast majority of the cooking.  I've actually had women tell me they're intimidated by my food, that they don't want to cook for me because they think it'll disappoint me.  Unfortunately, none of them have approached this lady's level of sandwich creativity.

You know there's a lot of good sandwich making blowjob giving guys out there right?
/What you never know you don't like it till you try it ; )


How did you try it
 
2013-11-14 10:07:16 PM  

thecpt: How did you try it


I know a lot of guys that like guys.

/Oh and some of them make sandwich's as well as other really good food.
// Oh and my cooking is basic at the most.
 
2013-11-14 10:33:53 PM  
Doesn't hurt that she's smoking hot
 
2013-11-14 10:34:36 PM  

Blues_X: He looks like a character from a Kids in the Hall sketch.


Perhaps he is confused about his dipping area.
 
2013-11-14 10:43:24 PM  
Dear Ladies (and some gentlemen),

The key to a man's heart is blowjobs.

Sloppy

Wet

Cock-Craved

Rub it on every inch of your being

Love it like it has the Holy Spirit

Blow Jobs


Sex is fun, but on-your-knees, cock worshiping blowjobs will pretty much hook a man...
 
2013-11-14 11:28:21 PM  
The article didn't mention anal. Not even once.

Bogus headline, Subby. :(
 
2013-11-14 11:32:05 PM  
anyone point out he's a fagula?
 
2013-11-15 12:11:14 AM  

Mr.Hawk: KawaiiNot: Oh please. For the right man I 'd make him a home cooked breakfast every morning and good dinner most nights.


How YOU doin?


seriously, has that ever worked in a fark thread?
 
2013-11-15 12:24:19 AM  
I can make my own sandwiches.  I can't suck my own dick...
 
2013-11-15 12:25:53 AM  

orclover: Blowjobs?

Sandwiches?

Ok judging by his pic, yea he's more interested in sandwiches than blowjobs from her.

/ladies, the answer is blowjobs.


No, I can say the answer is "say what you mean plainly". Bonus points for "asking for what you want". Also, don't get sandy if we jerk off because your idea of "regular and frequent sex" is quarterly.
 
2013-11-15 01:09:55 AM  

Goimir: orclover: Blowjobs?

Sandwiches?

Ok judging by his pic, yea he's more interested in sandwiches than blowjobs from her.

/ladies, the answer is blowjobs.

No, I can say the answer is "say what you mean plainly". Bonus points for "asking for what you want". Also, don't get sandy if we jerk off because your idea of "regular and frequent sex" is quarterly.



Dude, you have got to get a blowjob sometime.  They are farking awesome.  Way the hell better than a sandwich.
 
2013-11-15 01:45:41 AM  

GGracie: BJs... finish off sex each time with one.  More intense orgasm for them with the added bonus of less clean up for you later :-)


I WILL GIVE YOU 300 OF ANYTHING to marry me and have my children.

My potential children, that is.
 
2013-11-15 02:38:45 AM  

orclover: Goimir: orclover: Blowjobs?

Sandwiches?

Ok judging by his pic, yea he's more interested in sandwiches than blowjobs from her.

/ladies, the answer is blowjobs.

No, I can say the answer is "say what you mean plainly". Bonus points for "asking for what you want". Also, don't get sandy if we jerk off because your idea of "regular and frequent sex" is quarterly.


Dude, you have got to get a blowjob sometime.  They are farking awesome.  Way the hell better than a sandwich.


I'd rather clear communication than a blowie to shut me up when I have reason to be pissed.
 
2013-11-15 02:40:37 AM  

CeroX: Dear Ladies (and some gentlemen),

The key to a man's heart is blowjobs.

Sloppy

Wet

Cock-Craved

Rub it on every inch of your being

Love it like it has the Holy Spirit

Blow Jobs


Sex is fun, but on-your-knees, cock worshiping blowjobs will pretty much hook a man...


To each their own
 
2013-11-15 05:18:37 AM  

Honest Bender: LlamaGirl: I remember this shiat. She said he was a clone of Alexander Sarsgaard or whatever the fark, from True Blood.

SHE IS A LIAR AND A WHORE!

If this ho can make 300 sandwiches for that lesbo, then what's your excuse?
I think you're just mad that she's making you look bad.

Do you even sandwich, bro?


You. New keyboard. You owe me.

/still laughing...
 
2013-11-15 12:51:12 PM  
Umm...
img.fark.net

images4.wikia.nocookie.net

Something tells me this won't end well...
 
2013-11-15 01:33:33 PM  
No... the fastest way to a man's heart is no gag reflex.
 
2013-11-15 01:34:03 PM  
farm3.staticflickr.com
 
2013-11-15 01:49:22 PM  
That is the oddest looking couple I think I have ever seen.  It's basically like a "what's wrong with this picture".
 
2013-11-15 02:49:16 PM  

GGracie: BJs... finish off sex each time with one.  More intense orgasm for them with the added bonus of less clean up for you later :-)


You make some very good points and I wish to subscribe to any periodicals you may publish.
 
2013-11-15 03:46:40 PM  

SirAnon: GGracie: BJs... finish off sex each time with one.  More intense orgasm for them with the added bonus of less clean up for you later :-)

You make some very good points and I wish to subscribe to any periodicals you may publish.



Fark owns my blow job monologues. I kept getting banned for them due to too much detail or some such silliness :-)
 
2013-11-15 11:10:06 PM  

GGracie: SirAnon: GGracie: BJs... finish off sex each time with one.  More intense orgasm for them with the added bonus of less clean up for you later :-)

You make some very good points and I wish to subscribe to any periodicals you may publish.

Fark owns my blow job monologues. I kept getting banned for them due to too much detail or some such silliness :-)


I volunteer to help you write some new ones...
 
2013-11-15 11:13:38 PM  

Goimir: CeroX: Dear Ladies (and some gentlemen),

The key to a man's heart is blowjobs.
Sloppy
Wet
Cock-Craved
Rub it on every inch of your being
Love it like it has the Holy Spirit
Blow Jobs

Sex is fun, but on-your-knees, cock worshiping blowjobs will pretty much hook a man...

To each their own


... as long as it's not mine.
 
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