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(Boston Globe)   I see your helicopter parents and raise you snowplow parents, trying to clear the road for their fragile little teacups   (bostonglobe.com) divider line 112
    More: Asinine, helicopter parents, students, family studies, parental involvement, other mother, Boston University  
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11224 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2013 at 8:56 PM (22 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-13 08:58:49 PM
How pathetic.
 
2013-11-13 09:04:20 PM
When I have kids I'd like to think I'll be a snowplow parent. Only I'll be Mr. Plowed and incredible neglectful.
 
2013-11-13 09:04:40 PM
kick them all to the curb
 
2013-11-13 09:04:57 PM
"students are communicating with their parents twice a day "

I was lucky to communicate with them twice a semester. I'd call home once in a while (using a device bolted to the wall) but the parents would biatch that was expensive. Mom wanted me to write her nice long letters. She didn't get that I didn't have that kind of time.
 
2013-11-13 09:05:07 PM
Meh; it's not like mommy and daddy can call life and make life take back lemons.
 
2013-11-13 09:05:08 PM
Are these the same parents that will be sitting in on their kids job interviews?
 
2013-11-13 09:07:33 PM
DNRTA, but I think there is a phenomena of people who fear children treated better than they because it means something was wrong with their childhood. This better explains the snowflake meme than any actual change in parenting. I have examples of this, but I already think I'm going to be flamed for saying this in the abstract.
 
2013-11-13 09:08:05 PM
This isn't new.  I had professors in college back in 2007 tell the class that the work is up to the students to do, calls from parents would do nothing except possibly hurt their grades and if they had complaints about their grades they should work harder.  So the professors were already hearing from parents back then.
 
2013-11-13 09:08:14 PM
Part of me thinks that these people are disgusting, useless wastes of flesh, then I remember what tuition rates are now. Go get that bigger salad bar for your coddled snowflake you crazy bastards.Call the dean at 2am every night until your special little twat-diamond is completely sated in every aspect of their academic life.
 
2013-11-13 09:08:54 PM
I am so thrilled to never be a parent. What a never-ending drag.
 
2013-11-13 09:09:41 PM
I'm going to be up all night thinking of a way to exploit these stupid people...
 
2013-11-13 09:10:00 PM
When do these parents actually plan on cutting the umbilical cord?  30?  35?  45?
 
2013-11-13 09:10:28 PM
I read this article about a lady who was afraid to let her kid "plug in electronics" lest he get electrocuted. She's relaxed her stance on this: He's now allowed to plug things in - with her supervision.

I'm trying to figure out how my mom would have responded if I had asked her to supervise me plugging in anything at the age of 7. She'd probably have walloped me for being a smartass.

Jesus, how these kids are going to survive into the next decade is beyond me.
 
2013-11-13 09:12:04 PM
lets stick to the no give a shiat parents because at last count it's still the majority
 
2013-11-13 09:12:13 PM
I take pride in ruling my kids with an iron fist so that they can take care of themselves when they get to college.  These snow-plow parents are just incompetent.
 
2013-11-13 09:12:35 PM
The strip club in your daughter's college town would like to extend their appreciation...
 
2013-11-13 09:13:01 PM

Hermione_Granger: I read this article about a lady who was afraid to let her kid "plug in electronics" lest he get electrocuted. She's relaxed her stance on this: He's now allowed to plug things in - with her supervision.

I'm trying to figure out how my mom would have responded if I had asked her to supervise me plugging in anything at the age of 7. She'd probably have walloped me for being a smartass.

Jesus, how these kids are going to survive into the next decade is beyond me.


upload.wikimedia.org

"Don't play with it Garry, Just stick it in."
 
2013-11-13 09:13:03 PM
c.o0bg.com

I'd gladly plow both of them.
 
2013-11-13 09:14:27 PM
I see so much of this where I live. Snowflakes being shuttled around to the next "parent defined life enrichment activity". These kids do not have the time to simply sit, look at the sky and watch the clouds. If they are not advancing their "adolescent careers", then they are pumped with the new pharmaceutical-wonder-pill-du-jour.

I feel sorry for these kids and at the same time, find a greater appreciation of the time when I was young. Particularly at those times when I was bored to tears, had to sit when there was no technology access, looking at a tree and wondering how it got so tall. With nobody around to tell me the answer.

The solution then - go to a library at some point the following week.

Certainly all is not lost with these kids. There are plenty of good eggs who will do just fine. But I feel sorry that they will are being denied the joy of boredom. (a joy that you do not experience until after the boring time)
 
2013-11-13 09:14:32 PM
Farking idiot parents... You have to give your crotchspawn room to fail as well as succeed. Otherwise you don't learn and don't develop humility.
 
2013-11-13 09:16:48 PM

fusillade762: [c.o0bg.com image 850x566]

I'd gladly plow both of them.


c.o0bg.com



You just know they've already fallen pray to the first Fratboy with a decent pickup line.
 
2013-11-13 09:17:16 PM
My dean has been known to hang up on parents who complain to him about trivial issues.
 
2013-11-13 09:17:55 PM
This is all about people only having one or two kids. Seriously. Back in the day, ya know a generation or two ago, people had 5 kids or more. Lose one? Meh. One goes off the rails. Meh. Ya still got 2 or 3 more to prove you don't suck as a parent/human. Nowadays, kids are extra special since you only had one or two to begin with, so you can't afford even one of them not living up to expectations.
 
2013-11-13 09:19:34 PM
You know, just wake when you got one that is still nursing the teat.
I once worked a job where the mom had bought the store. At the end of the day, the blue collar sons would come in and saay "Well, is my mom here?" Not even checking in with their wives first. Eventually, they all ended up quitting their union jobs and working for her.
On one hand, if could be construed as a farm family, working the farm, or in this case, a gas station/bakery/ grocery store.
On the other hand, it's a bucnh of mal adjusted kids what can't cut the apron stings/ umbilical cord.

Jury's out.

Mom's making good money, and the one son that knocked up two cashiers is running the joint.

I still think it's a good case for a shrink to check out.
Or NPR.
Your choice.
 
2013-11-13 09:28:08 PM
The schools allow this problem to continue.

The parents aren't customers of the college. Their adult children are. Why would anyone at the college even talk to the parents of an adult student?

Hang up on them if they call. Repeatedly if necessary. If they show up on campus have security remove them. Call the police as necessary.
 
2013-11-13 09:34:09 PM

Cheviot: The schools allow this problem to continue.

The parents aren't customers of the college. Their adult children are. Why would anyone at the college even talk to the parents of an adult student?

Hang up on them if they call. Repeatedly if necessary. If they show up on campus have security remove them. Call the police as necessary.


The parents who call are almost definitely also paying the tuition.
 
2013-11-13 09:35:17 PM

Hermione_Granger: I read this article about a lady who was afraid to let her kid "plug in electronics" lest he get electrocuted. She's relaxed her stance on this: He's now allowed to plug things in - with her supervision.

I'm trying to figure out how my mom would have responded if I had asked her to supervise me plugging in anything at the age of 7. She'd probably have walloped me for being a smartass.

Jesus, how these kids are going to survive into the next decade is beyond me.


Easy answer?

These kids are going to vote for a government that protects them from all their fears and nightmares.
 
2013-11-13 09:35:28 PM
Look forward to the future: spoiled, soft, passed-through kids building our cars and industry, wheeling our asses around retirement homes and farking up our meds, and overall running our country. All without mommy and daddy there to wipe their ass when the boss tells them 'hey, if you don't stop crying and do your job, me and the other CEOs are gonna knock a hole in your skull and start bumping dicks in there!!!!'.

With this whole lifetime nurturing thing with parents, we're gonna have a whole generation of crying Spongebobs.
 
2013-11-13 09:36:48 PM

RottNDude: I'm going to be up all night thinking of a way to exploit these stupid people...


College town houses/apartments that can be rented by the day/weekend. Better than a hotel because they are nearer campus.
 
2013-11-13 09:37:49 PM
Boy, these kids are going to be completely LOST, if they ever get into the job world.
Boss doesn't like you, what the hell are you going to do?  Call mommie & daddie?
 
2013-11-13 09:37:58 PM
It gets worse. A guy I worked with at my old job was pushing 30 and still lived with his parents all while blaming his asthma for being why he couldn't move out on his own. Guy took out $60,000 in student loans for a 2 year school which he didn't finish ("I needed something to live off of." was his excuse for the 60k loan) and was paying back 2/3 of every paycheck to cover student loans. THEN he decided to get a new car. He claimed to have put only $200 down on it and then didn't know how much his monthly payments were for because his mother wrote out the check for him as he didn't know how to write out a check. He also asked me one day, in about as dead serious a tone as possible, how to address an envelope and couldn't understand why I laughed in his face.

Last I heard, he married a woman from Canada he met while playing World of Warcraft and they both live in his mom and dad's basement. That umbilical cord stretches mighty far if you don't cut it right away.
 
2013-11-13 09:40:42 PM

swingerofbirches: DNRTA, but I think there is a phenomena of people who fear children treated better than they because it means something was wrong with their childhood. This better explains the snowflake meme than any actual change in parenting. I have examples of this, but I already think I'm going to be flamed for saying this in the abstract.


You don't actually have examples, you just want attention.
 
2013-11-13 09:45:35 PM

Transubstantive: The parents who call are almost definitely also paying the tuition.


Valid point, however, the student is still the customer.
 
2013-11-13 09:47:10 PM
OMG!  We're living this right now except it's not me and/or my ex-husband who are acting like this, it's my ex-husband's parents.  Our 18 year old started college in NYC this fall and my ex's parents call her 3 to 4 times a day (grandpa lives in Brooklyn, Grandma in Westchester County.)  FSM forbid my daughter doesn't answer the phone (because it's not like being in class or working on homework is as important as talking to them.)  After trying to reach her for an hour and a half on a Saturday morning, my ex-MIL started driving the 45 minutes from her home to my daughter's dorm so she could "make sure she's still okay."  My ex-FIL called the dorm building security to check on my daughter when she didn't answer her phone for an hour.  

I could  almostunderstand if they were paying for school but they're not.  They don't understand (or care) that they're being overbearing.  They think every college freshman talks to their grandparents multiple times a day and spend EVERY weekend with them.  Yeah...

Now, thanks to them, my daughter is transferring to her second choice school (which is closer to home and about 8 hours away from her neurotic grandparents) for spring semester so she can escape them.  And it sucks.  She shouldn't have to do this but, after several weeks of all of us telling them to leave her alone, they won't.

Yes, I understand that they could be lonely; however, they both have very large social circles and, honestly, it's not up to my 18 year old to entertain them.  It's almost like they're trying to make up for the craptastic way they raised their son (nannies until middle school, then shipped off to boarding school) by trying to "raise" my daughter.  It's all very weird.
 
2013-11-13 09:51:42 PM
Transubstantive:

The parents who call are almost definitely also paying the tuition.

Who cares? They are still not the school's customer regardless.

Toss them out on their collective asses and the problem goes away.
 
2013-11-13 09:53:06 PM
images1.wikia.nocookie.net

Maybe parents like that should call this guy at Klondike 5-3226.
 
2013-11-13 09:59:39 PM
I can't help but to contrast that with dear old mom, the day I turned 17 insisted that I go to the recruiting office and sign up since there was no way in hell I could afford college and the only other option was to work in the mines till I died of black lung or spend the rest of my life working odd farm jobs for less than minimum wage. She made it clear that the day I graduated high school her responsibility ended and I could either ship out or find some other place to sleep if I didn't want to enlist.


/She also had me working on my relatives farm as odd labor from when I was about 11 or so (as soon as I was big enough to do useful work) because as she always quoted "he who does not work shall not eat"
 
2013-11-13 10:03:32 PM

Transubstantive: Cheviot: The schools allow this problem to continue.

The parents aren't customers of the college. Their adult children are. Why would anyone at the college even talk to the parents of an adult student?

Hang up on them if they call. Repeatedly if necessary. If they show up on campus have security remove them. Call the police as necessary.

The parents who call are almost definitely also paying the tuition.


So what?

If they don't like the info they are getting, that's between them and their kids.

Would a parent of an adult be able to obtain medical info or  be entitled to sit in on a consultation at a doctor's office simply because they were footing the bill?  Not from the doctor's point of view.
 
2013-11-13 10:04:28 PM

kling_klang_bed: Look forward to the future: spoiled, soft, passed-through kids building our cars and industry, wheeling our asses around retirement homes and farking up our meds, and overall running our country. All without mommy and daddy there to wipe their ass when the boss tells them 'hey, if you don't stop crying and do your job, me and the other CEOs are gonna knock a hole in your skull and start bumping dicks in there!!!!'.

With this whole lifetime nurturing thing with parents, we're gonna have a whole generation of crying Spongebobs.


You think? We're already seeing it.

We have a whiny, entitled, bratty Senator who can't handle criticism sending a media personality a copy of his speech with 33 footnotes because she dissed him on the air about his plagiarism. We have another Senator who gleefully shut down Congress because the President wouldn't do things HIS way. These guys are the leading edge of the snowflake generation--they're both younger than me and already look how bad it is.

Wait till the first generation of snowplow-raised brats hit the mainstream.
 
2013-11-13 10:07:55 PM
In my gen ed art class there's this one girl I've nicknamed resting biatchface. Yesterday she was showing off photographs of her pool house at her summer home... Her work is absolute crap while I'm constantly getting complimented on my work and she's doing a LOT better in the class than I am. I swear daddy is getting involved in there somewhere.
 
2013-11-13 10:08:36 PM

Yogimus: Transubstantive: The parents who call are almost definitely also paying the tuition.

Valid point, however, the student is still the customer.


Someone else posted this in today's previous helicopter parent thread and it pretty well sums up the whole problem with that line of thinking:

"The late John Silber long time president of Boston University often said that the university is a business and the quality of the product, grads, is what brings in new customers.  It is in the university's best interest to turn out highly skilled graduates to attract new students.  If you want customer driven education University of Phoenix  will take your money"
 
2013-11-13 10:18:11 PM

Gyrfalcon: kling_klang_bed: Look forward to the future: spoiled, soft, passed-through kids building our cars and industry, wheeling our asses around retirement homes and farking up our meds, and overall running our country. All without mommy and daddy there to wipe their ass when the boss tells them 'hey, if you don't stop crying and do your job, me and the other CEOs are gonna knock a hole in your skull and start bumping dicks in there!!!!'.

With this whole lifetime nurturing thing with parents, we're gonna have a whole generation of crying Spongebobs.

You think? We're already seeing it.

We have a whiny, entitled, bratty Senator who can't handle criticism sending a media personality a copy of his speech with 33 footnotes because she dissed him on the air about his plagiarism. We have another Senator who gleefully shut down Congress because the President wouldn't do things HIS way. These guys are the leading edge of the snowflake generation--they're both younger than me and already look how bad it is.

Wait till the first generation of snowplow-raised brats hit the mainstream.


I'm only 32, and already I'm pissed at the younger folks out there, and sporting a 'goddamn these kids are soft' mentality. I'm gonna be the saltiest bastard on earth by the time I get around to having to rely on them to bathe, wipe my ass, and supply my daily intake of viagra, steroids and medical marijuana. Oh and blowjobs.
 
2013-11-13 10:23:06 PM

jayhawk88: RottNDude: I'm going to be up all night thinking of a way to exploit these stupid people...

College town houses/apartments that can be rented by the day/weekend. Better than a hotel because they are nearer campus.


I was thinking more like by the hour.
 
2013-11-13 10:24:41 PM

pedrop357: Transubstantive: Cheviot: The schools allow this problem to continue.

The parents aren't customers of the college. Their adult children are. Why would anyone at the college even talk to the parents of an adult student?

Hang up on them if they call. Repeatedly if necessary. If they show up on campus have security remove them. Call the police as necessary.

The parents who call are almost definitely also paying the tuition.

So what?

If they don't like the info they are getting, that's between them and their kids.

Would a parent of an adult be able to obtain medical info or  be entitled to sit in on a consultation at a doctor's office simply because they were footing the bill?  Not from the doctor's point of view.


Actually, no.

There's a whole field of ethics that go into third-party payments and who gets to direct treatment in the case of mentally competent adults who are not themselves paying for their care. I know that in law, attorneys are extremely reluctant to take third-party payment because the attorney-client privilege is paramount, and the payor has no rights merely because he writes the check--but often parents will think so when covering the fee for Junior's DUI.

These snowplow parents seem unable to realize that when Junior turns 18, he's an adult, even if mommy and daddy are paying for college--and what's scary is Junior seems unable to appreciate this either. Which is going to be scary for both of them when Junior gets in trouble with the law or at work and mommy and daddy suddenly have no rights in his case.
 
2013-11-13 10:28:05 PM

Pribar: I can't help but to contrast that with dear old mom, the day I turned 17 insisted that I go to the recruiting office and sign up since there was no way in hell I could afford college and the only other option was to work in the mines till I died of black lung or spend the rest of my life working odd farm jobs for less than minimum wage. She made it clear that the day I graduated high school her responsibility ended and I could either ship out or find some other place to sleep if I didn't want to enlist.


/She also had me working on my relatives farm as odd labor from when I was about 11 or so (as soon as I was big enough to do useful work) because as she always quoted "he who does not work shall not eat"


Sounds like your mom wanted to put herself out of a job...so she raised you as an adult.
The fiend!

/ Kudos to the lady, seriously...
// and to your good self as well...
 
2013-11-13 10:28:17 PM

Transubstantive: Cheviot: The schools allow this problem to continue.

The parents aren't customers of the college. Their adult children are. Why would anyone at the college even talk to the parents of an adult student?

Hang up on them if they call. Repeatedly if necessary. If they show up on campus have security remove them. Call the police as necessary.

The parents who call are almost definitely also paying the tuition.


While that's often the case there's this FTA: Federal law prohibits schools from disclosing information about students 18 and older without their consent.
 
2013-11-13 10:34:22 PM
Outstanding counterpoint
 
2013-11-13 10:39:05 PM

cameroncrazy1984: swingerofbirches: DNRTA, but I think there is a phenomena of people who fear children treated better than they because it means something was wrong with their childhood. This better explains the snowflake meme than any actual change in parenting. I have examples of this, but I already think I'm going to be flamed for saying this in the abstract.

You don't actually have examples, you just want attention.


No, the examples that come to mind are just quite controversial and are based on conjecture, and I don't like getting a barrage of negative responses. I shouldn't have written the last sentence, though, as I can it being read the way you did. The two examples that come to my mind that I have seen in my life are how people raise dogs and circumcision. Some of my relatives "raise" dogs in a way that I think is barbaric. They have 4 or 5 at a time and keep them in cages outside. Because their parents hit their dogs, they hit their dogs as a form of discipline. They live near other relatives who have dogs that they treat like their children. My relatives who I view as cruel to their dogs are disgusted by the way my other relatives treat their dog and talk about what a sissified dog it is. It actually seems to make them quite angry that the other relative's dog is treated that well and has even caused a rift in their relationship. My take on this is that the relatives whom I view as treating their dog badly cannot reconcile a world in which what they do is OK when other people are doing something better. If everyone treated their dogs the way they do, though, it would be OK and normal. Again only based on conjecture, I believe that most boys who are circumcised are circumcised because the fathers are. To be circumcised and not have your son circumcised would be to admit, if only subconsciously, that something that was not OK was done to you. Of course, there are people willing to cross over that gap, but I would question how many fathers there are who are happy that they were circumcised and also happy that their sons were not circumcised. I think either the father views his circumcision as OK and circumcises his son, or is willing to question his circumcision and then considers not circumcising his son.

And I think all of this is true when it comes to the memes of helicopter parents or snowflake children, etc. I think people want to see children have it as tough as they did. There is a need to see children struggle to make it and not have better opportunities afford to them than were afforded to you.

I went back and read this article. There is nothing inherently wrong with very involved parents except that it isn't the same for everyone. If this only happened in other cultures, say in Asian culture, we would say: well that's what happens there, so that's OK. But I think we have trouble reconciling variances that happen in our own culture. It's not inherently good or bad. The worry, I think, is that we view it as something good that we didn't have. I think the amount of softening of children is less significant than our own emotions we are supposed to feel when we read these stories. I don't say this to say that we should change how we feel about it. But maybe to have some insight into it. Things are different for different people, and not just generationally. What would a kid in foster care today say when reading this? These particular examples in the article are not true for everyone, but I think we have some desire for a base common denominator where no one is treated better than we were-and better of course is a meaning that we assign to it, not that it is inherently better.
 
2013-11-13 10:43:34 PM
I remember, several moons ago (but not THAT many), working on my college campus as a junior. I had a woman ask me what her freshman son's "supply list" was. In shock, I could only reply, " Well, the local kindergarten is a few miles away. But I can call them for you?" She was less than impressed.
Her kid should've been at least 17 or so. I'm fairly certain he should be able to buy his own damn spiral notebooks. Or am I just too old?
 
2013-11-13 10:43:39 PM
We call these bulldozer parents, and my fiance has one. His mother will go out of her to make things easier for her kids, and then, if it's not easy for them, "Well, then it just isn't worth it." Then she gives them a cookie for trying. He's coming around, and now has almost too-good a work ethic, while her daughter is a heroin addict. These are not kids who can deal well when the world tells them "No."

I got concerned when I found out mom was doing the daughter's homework for nursing school. Girl does not need to be working at a hospital or any situation where lives are at stake.
 
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