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(ABC)   Filming of "Fifty Shades of Grey" postponed until the producers can find actors to play the leads who are capable of delivering their lines without giggling over how awful they are   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 58
    More: Obvious, Charlie Hunnam, Sons Of Anarchy  
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3792 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 Nov 2013 at 1:30 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-13 12:59:45 PM  
Gottfried reads Fifty Shades (NSFW language)

/oblig?
 
2013-11-13 01:33:16 PM  
The book is a piece of filth trash and the movie seems to be headed toward the same fate. How about we save the millions from producing and creating this shiat show and put it towards something of merit. Like another Sarah Jessica Parker RomCom.
 
2013-11-13 01:34:28 PM  
It's looking more and more like this steaming turd will never get produced.

The world owes you a debt, Universal.
 
2013-11-13 01:41:34 PM  
Simple:  Make it as porn.  Problem solved.
 
2013-11-13 01:47:12 PM  
The producers need to be shown the door. Pure and simple. This is only worth a Cinemax treatment and nothing more.
 
2013-11-13 02:03:37 PM  

rjakobi: The producers need to be shown the door. Pure and simple. This is only worth a Cinemax treatment and nothing more.


No no no no.  This needs to be made as an epic so large that Demille would be wowed. It needs to be produced with a budget that eclipses all others.  If an actor does not sign on, add a zero to the offer.  We must have the best.
 
2013-11-13 02:05:14 PM  

rjakobi: The producers need to be shown the door. Pure and simple. This is only worth a Cinemax treatment and nothing more.


Maybe they couldn't get the rights to  Springtime for Hitler?
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-11-13 02:06:50 PM  
Why not just do it like the animated Beowulf and get some big names to model and voice it.
 
2013-11-13 02:16:39 PM  

Saiga410: rjakobi: The producers need to be shown the door. Pure and simple. This is only worth a Cinemax treatment and nothing more.

No no no no.  This needs to be made as an epic so large that Demille would be wowed. It needs to be produced with a budget that eclipses all others.  If an actor does not sign on, add a zero to the offer.  We must have the best.


Can't we just reboot Caligula?
 
2013-11-13 02:22:26 PM  
rjakobi: The producers need to be shown the door. Pure and simple. This is only worth a Cinemax treatment and nothing more.

The producers are no doubt hoping for Twilight scenario, i.e. crappy book = gazillion-dollar-boxoffice movie.
 
2013-11-13 02:26:07 PM  
I think the time has passed for this.  It was a fad book.  It's done now.
 
2013-11-13 02:32:57 PM  
By time this movie comes out no one will remember/care about the books. And that's a good thing.
 
2013-11-13 02:35:22 PM  
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4FocLDnWA rY&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D4F ocLDnWArY

Relevant.

\hope link works.
\\first time posting from phone.
\\\slashies, threes, etc.
 
2013-11-13 02:36:48 PM  
 
2013-11-13 02:53:13 PM  
There's no point in making 50 shades unless it's a hard rated R, or even X.
 
2013-11-13 02:54:03 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Can't we just reboot Caligula?


That's made all the funnier when you realize that "Caligula" means "Little boot" in Latin.  His real name was Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus.
 
2013-11-13 02:54:58 PM  
"It was bliss having his cumtree probed inside me again; stuffing my enchilada of love with 10 inch purple battery-operated monster just didn't get my gammon alley splurging like it used to. After having my gashtray slammed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter. The unrelenting orgasms from his cervix cigar pounding my wizards sleeve made me come so hard, I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. My ladytown was trembling like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his disco stick made my spaff seep like a George Foreman grill."

"I awoke the next morning with my calamari cockring still dripping. I thought it was over but his huge penis had other ideas. The unrelenting orgasms from his greasy slimelight pounding my shame portal made me come so hard, I began sweating like a paedo during a prison riot. By now, my hairy spunk dungeon was oozing like there was a midget inside me with a super soaker. Hours of farking like this would leave any girl's flappy meal looking like a bucket of smashed crabs, and I was no different! After having my quivering mound of love pudding hammered, he then proceeded to slam my turd cutter."

/very oblig
 
2013-11-13 03:09:13 PM  

browneye: rjakobi: The producers need to be shown the door. Pure and simple. This is only worth a Cinemax treatment and nothing more.

The producers are no doubt hoping for Twilight scenario, i.e. crappy book = gazillion-dollar-boxoffice movie.


Wasn't 50 Shades just really bad Twilight fan fiction that got picked up?
 
2013-11-13 03:14:34 PM  

Lexx: There's no point in making 50 shades unless it's a hard rated R, or even X.


That would be like making a film version of The Golden Compass without the pointed criticism/satire of religion.
 
2013-11-13 03:16:18 PM  
This is the first movie to not only be made superfluous by its own porn parody but to do so before the movie has even been made.
 
2013-11-13 03:21:46 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-13 03:42:21 PM  

dittybopper: Simple:  Make it as porn.  Problem solved.


I've been saying the people that could make this work are the pornographers. But Hollywood won't talk to them because there's no money for all the consultants and hangers on that make a $5million movie $105 million.

Srsyl, they're getting as bad as government.
 
2013-11-13 03:47:54 PM  

Detinwolf: I think the time has passed for this.  It was a fad book.  It's done now.


This.
 
2013-11-13 03:48:05 PM  

Charlie Chingas: "It was bliss having his cumtree probed inside me again; stuffing my enchilada of love with 10 inch purple battery-operated monster just didn't get my gammon alley splurging like it used to. After having my gashtray slammed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter. The unrelenting orgasms from his cervix cigar pounding my wizards sleeve made me come so hard, I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. My ladytown was trembling like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his disco stick made my spaff seep like a George Foreman grill."

"I awoke the next morning with my calamari cockring still dripping. I thought it was over but his huge penis had other ideas. The unrelenting orgasms from his greasy slimelight pounding my shame portal made me come so hard, I began sweating like a paedo during a prison riot. By now, my hairy spunk dungeon was oozing like there was a midget inside me with a super soaker. Hours of farking like this would leave any girl's flappy meal looking like a bucket of smashed crabs, and I was no different! After having my quivering mound of love pudding hammered, he then proceeded to slam my turd cutter."

/very oblig


Bravo!
 
2013-11-13 03:52:32 PM  

Wellon Dowd: [i.imgur.com image 850x637]


Wrong thread...but I ain't complaining !
 
2013-11-13 03:54:04 PM  

Null Pointer: Wellon Dowd: [i.imgur.com image 850x637]

Wrong thread...but I ain't complaining !


Damn it!
 
2013-11-13 03:58:50 PM  
Grignr?
 
2013-11-13 04:00:19 PM  
If the standard is merely delivering the lines without giggling, then Gilbert Gottfried managed to do quite well.  What's the problem?
 
2013-11-13 04:12:47 PM  
Kevin, Mike and Bill will have an easy go at this.  The Riff's will write themselves.
 
2013-11-13 04:17:20 PM  

Charlie Chingas: "It was bliss having his cumtree probed inside me again; stuffing my enchilada of love with 10 inch purple battery-operated monster just didn't get my gammon alley splurging like it used to. After having my gashtray slammed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter. The unrelenting orgasms from his cervix cigar pounding my wizards sleeve made me come so hard, I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. My ladytown was trembling like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his disco stick made my spaff seep like a George Foreman grill."

"I awoke the next morning with my calamari cockring still dripping. I thought it was over but his huge penis had other ideas. The unrelenting orgasms from his greasy slimelight pounding my shame portal made me come so hard, I began sweating like a paedo during a prison riot. By now, my hairy spunk dungeon was oozing like there was a midget inside me with a super soaker. Hours of farking like this would leave any girl's flappy meal looking like a bucket of smashed crabs, and I was no different! After having my quivering mound of love pudding hammered, he then proceeded to slam my turd cutter."

/very oblig


I read that in Jimmy Pop's voice.

/ did I say that out loud?
 
2013-11-13 04:27:36 PM  

dragonchild: If the standard is merely delivering the lines without giggling, then Gilbert Gottfried managed to do quite well.  What's the problem?


I love Gilbert, he's farking hilarious, but he is the polar opposite of sexy.
 
2013-11-13 04:51:43 PM  
The cast of The Phantom Menace demonstrated this ability.
 
2013-11-13 05:11:59 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: Grignr?


NEVER SAY SERAGLIO AGAIN
 
2013-11-13 05:21:49 PM  

Oreamnos: The cast of The Phantom Menace demonstrated this ability.


Keep in mind that movie was able to attract A list talent.
 
2013-11-13 06:18:34 PM  

Charlie Chingas: "It was bliss having his cumtree probed inside me again; stuffing my enchilada of love with 10 inch purple battery-operated monster just didn't get my gammon alley splurging like it used to. After having my gashtray slammed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter. The unrelenting orgasms from his cervix cigar pounding my wizards sleeve made me come so hard, I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. My ladytown was trembling like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his disco stick made my spaff seep like a George Foreman grill."

"I awoke the next morning with my calamari cockring still dripping. I thought it was over but his huge penis had other ideas. The unrelenting orgasms from his greasy slimelight pounding my shame portal made me come so hard, I began sweating like a paedo during a prison riot. By now, my hairy spunk dungeon was oozing like there was a midget inside me with a super soaker. Hours of farking like this would leave any girl's flappy meal looking like a bucket of smashed crabs, and I was no different! After having my quivering mound of love pudding hammered, he then proceeded to slam my turd cutter."

/very oblig


Please ask Gibert Gottfried to read that.  Thank you
 
2013-11-13 06:21:02 PM  
Why did the Sons of Anarchy guy drop out? He couldn't have had problems with the dialogue, can't imagine it being much worsts that SOA.
 
2013-11-13 06:33:34 PM  

EJ25T: It's looking more and more like this steaming turd will never get produced.

The world owes you a debt, Universal.


Don't be so sure; remember that Hollywood optioned Everything You Want to Know About Sex But Where Afraid to Ask, and managed to turn it into a film (by giving it to Woody Allen).  These are the same people who are currently producing a film based on Angry Birds.
 
2013-11-13 06:39:13 PM  

ongbok: Why did the Sons of Anarchy guy drop out? He couldn't have had problems with the dialogue, can't imagine it being much worsts that SOA.


SoA is going into filming its last season, and he said that he he needed to devote more time to filming the show and wanted to focus exclusively on it.

/In other words: he realized how shiatty the material was and got out of the production.
 
2013-11-13 06:43:06 PM  

wildcardjack: dittybopper: Simple:  Make it as porn.  Problem solved.

I've been saying the people that could make this work are the pornographers. But Hollywood won't talk to them because there's no money for all the consultants and hangers on that make a $5million movie $105 million.

Srsyl, they're getting as bad as government.


It's been done. Caligula.
 
2013-11-13 07:04:32 PM  
Also if there was money in making blockbuster porn productions, it would be done. There are some really high end productions, but... it's nothing like Hollywood.

You have to look at how Hollywood (or any film industry, Bollywood, whatever) makes money. If a production is a 'straight to DVD', there's still value in it (Disney does that shiat all the time) but you're losing box office, you're losing a lot of buzz which will push sales, merch, etc. Disney does this with established products typically so they can still make a ton off merch, and they hope the buzz from the original plus their branding, plus their in house promotions will make it profitable.

And even with Disney being an allegedly evil money making machine...the production values on 'straight to DVD' are so obviously NOT on par with theater releases. But children have different entertainment values, and generally as long as they're seeing the characters they like, hearing similar songs, and it holds their attention...they don't give a fark.

-----

Now to porn. Women read this book because women like text based porn. This is very obvious in thematic books that appeal only to women. Romance novels. True Blood (the books). Etc etc etc. When these things are made into media, the graphic level of the porn is dialed WAY the fark back. Women respond (physically) to visual porn as men do...but they do NOT respond mentally to it as men do, and the mind is the biggest issue for women on whether or not they're turned on. Their body may respond to graphic porn, but if their mind is not comfy with it...it's just not a turn on.

Porn is mostly about showing the farking. There may be some setup to make it more comfortable and plausible in straight porn, but it's really all about the farking.

For women it's all about the relationship dynamics of the people involved, something that most porn doesn't and really can't take the time to put together. And because you're involved with the people involved in the farking...watching it graphically can feel awkward (for women). So implying it does much better. (Again, see True Blood as a really good example of this).

This is why rape porn (text based) is attractive to women, because in the text they're given inside views as to what's going on. And the fact that someone isn't scared, hurt, or there's some extenuating circumstances (PIRATES! You're captured! And gorgeous, and must seduce the comely first mate and avoid the evil captain who is utterly smitten blah blah blah) that allows for the fantasy.

Watching it blow by blow removes that internal state, and forces only the physical and carnal aspects to be on display....which can make women feel intensely uncomfortable.

I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey, despite being offered money to record exerpts. I just can't bring myself to do it. I KNOW it's going to just annoy the fark out of me. But I'm sure while the BDSM scenes are grossly inaccurate kinkwise, they delve into the mental states of the female involved. I guarantee it's not so much about what is being done to her physically (though that's also hot to most women when written out) but what's going on in her mind. And what she thinks is going on with the male.

Usually male minds in such female text porn are hidden. We generally only have the woman's view, and occassional glimpses into the male mind (almost always about his feelings/thoughts towards the female and how they're evolving).

So that's why this shiat isn't successful. Movies lose too much of the porn aspect that women DO respond to, and have too much of the dialogue/bullshiat to be entertaining for men watching for porn value.

The best porn I've seen aimed at men and women are small vinette porn, where a story is quickly told and implied, and then gets right to sex without being TOO graphic. Best one I ever saw was a playboy production about a miner and wife, he leaves for work all pissy, she's upset. That takes like 15 secs to show. Then we get another...maybe 20 secs of her going through her day all sad and wistful (looking super duper hot southern housewifey hot). Then he comes home for lunch with flowers. They don't even talk. She's overjoyed, he's clearly sorry and loves her, and they have passionate sex that again, is super hot without showing penetration shots. (Lots of tit, thrusting, face expressions, her riding him, etc).

Then he goes back to work and all is well. Until she gets a call. He died that morning in the mine, there was a macguffin he had to get or some bullshiat. And as she's gracefully sheding a tear, she looks at the table and there's like a single flower still there.

I actually saw that on a hotel porn channel. And yes, the guy I was with at the time had his BRAINS farkED OUT. Perfect balance of story without getting bogged down into telling it, and getting right to the action. Best man/woman porn I've ever seen, and believe me I think it's really really hard to strike a balance.

I can't do it in my porn. I have titles that aren't as overtly sexual...but that hits a specific niche. Hitting the male/female niche is very difficult, and almost impossible to do in 'porn'.

Many women will watch True Blood who would *never* consider watching porn. Porn is still a dirty, wrongful thing to a lot of women. I think it's better today than it used to be...but it's still not great. Think of the weak ass porn you've seen on cable (Misty Mundae's stuff I like tho) and even that is offputting to a lot of women.

50 Shades of Grey is a book marketed towards women. Movie must be as well. A pure porn production just wouldn't work in a female market, even if it was really good. And with the source material....it's not going to be good.
 
2013-11-13 07:17:06 PM  

Lady Indica: I KNOW it's going to just annoy the fark out of me.


Good post.  Nothing to add, just wanted to address this.

I got the Kindle sample from Amazon.  It annoyed the fark out of me.  You would probably be no different.
 
2013-11-13 08:44:42 PM  
As long as they get Gilbert Gottfried to be the narrator, I'll be happy.
 
2013-11-13 09:27:56 PM  

Almea Tarrant: Detinwolf: I think the time has passed for this.  It was a fad book.  It's done now.

This.


...time eleventy!

I read the trilogy - DON'T JUDGE ME - as part of a book club, and we were all curious as hell what the buzz was about. It was fun to read in a 'Are you freaking KIDDING me' sort of way.  It's the 'Flowers in the attic' series for women in their late 30's - early 40's.  As long as you don't expect anything out of reading it, you won't feel cheated.

It's so ridiculously awful..the BEST way they could approach this trilogy is a 'Showgirls'-type thing.  They can't possibly get the writing up to anything that isn't going to sound like grade-A Schlock....the character 'development' will be non-existent.  Oh, and it will suck...unless they treat it like pure camp and go for a cult following.
 
2013-11-13 09:48:56 PM  

Saiga410: It needs to be produced with a budget that eclipses all others.


So you want Kevin Costner to produce it?
 
2013-11-13 09:58:44 PM  
Wait wait.

So guy writes a book that makes women horny.
Book is being turned into a mass market movie.

Farkers are mad about it?

twoguysplayingvideogamesinthat40yearoldvirginmovie.jpg
 
2013-11-13 10:00:04 PM  

Snapper Carr: This is the first movie to not only be made superfluous by its own porn parody but to do so before the movie has even been made.


I'm pretty sure that got shut down because you can't do a porn parody of porn.  It's not a parody, then, just a rip-off.

Yeah, just checked -- got shut down:  http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/movie-talk/50-shades-porn-parody-gets-s p anked-legal-battle-174750558.html
 
2013-11-13 10:03:56 PM  

nocturnal001: Wait wait.

So guy writes a book that makes women horny.
Book is being turned into a mass market movie.

Farkers are mad about it?

twoguysplayingvideogamesinthat40yearoldvirginmovie.jpg


Actually it was a girl, and there is no way they can make a movie out oft his without drastically cutting back on the graphic content that made it popular.
 
2013-11-13 10:04:44 PM  

nocturnal001: Wait wait.

So guy writes a book that makes women horny.
Book is being turned into a mass market movie.

Farkers are mad about it?

twoguysplayingvideogamesinthat40yearoldvirginmovie.jpg


No one is mad about it.  People (correctly) think that the book was horribly written (compare it to, say, Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy) and find it amusing that they've had so much trouble with trying to adapt poorly written porn into an R-rated movie that they've been churning through actors (finally settling on a woman in her 40s to play the young, nubile virgin) and been putting filming off and off.  That shiat is funny.

/Personally, I LOVED when my wife read that book.  It was three straight days of continuous sexy fun-time.
 
2013-11-13 10:19:36 PM  

meanmutton: nocturnal001: Wait wait.

So guy writes a book that makes women horny.
Book is being turned into a mass market movie.

Farkers are mad about it?

twoguysplayingvideogamesinthat40yearoldvirginmovie.jpg

No one is mad about it.  People (correctly) think that the book was horribly written (compare it to, say, Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy) and find it amusing that they've had so much trouble with trying to adapt poorly written porn into an R-rated movie that they've been churning through actors (finally settling on a woman in her 40s to play the young, nubile virgin) and been putting filming off and off.  That shiat is funny.

/Personally, I LOVED when my wife read that book.  It was three straight days of continuous sexy fun-time.


I liked the Sleeping Beauty series personally. It's not accurate of the BDSM scene, but it also does not try to be, instead it's a fictional BDSM empire essentially, where Sleeping Beauty is awoken by a prince who takes her as a sex slave. All princes and princesses (from lesser or conquered kingdoms) must perform duties as sex slaves. It's sorta like when sons and daughters were sent to a rule to be raised, as a way to solidify power in a nationstate that has a central figurehead and lesser lords, but instead they're sex slaves. It gets into a lot of various play dynamics pretty well (I like the pony stuff & how she wrote it, though it's not my personal thing).

I also came to these books when I was like 19 and only had my toes wet in kink compared to today. But I felt a lot of the D/s dynamics illustrated were dead on. My opinion is purely that though, I know other Dommes who haaaaate her stuff.
 
2013-11-13 10:47:37 PM  

ongbok: Why did the Sons of Anarchy guy drop out? He couldn't have had problems with the dialogue, can't imagine it being much worsts that SOA.


Official reason: Scheduling conflicts.
What I think actually happened, option 1: Someone gave him the book to read.
What I think actually happened, option 2: Robert Pattinson called him up and told him to turn back before it was too late.

Flappyhead: Actually it was a girl, and there is no way they can make a movie out oft his without drastically cutting back on the graphic content that made it popular.


I'm curious as to how they're going to portray the relationship on screen so it doesn't look like the picture perfect abusive relationship (if they'll even bother).
 
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