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(Daily Mail)   Cool: Scientists confirm world's oldest creature is a 507-year-old shellfish. Fail: Which they killed by opening it up to check its age   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 72
    More: Asinine, Ming, isotopes of oxygen, English Civil War, bowhead whales, Bangor University, long-living organisms, Queen Elizabeth I, Galapagos tortoise  
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12711 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2013 at 1:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-13 10:56:59 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-11-13 11:44:23 AM  
The Daily Fail lives up to its reputation once again.  "Oh no, those awful scientists killed a clam!"  They dredged up the clam, what the hell else should they have done with it?  Put it back where they found it?

(It's also nowhere near the oldest animal, and certainly not the oldest organism, but that's beside the point.)
 
2013-11-13 12:07:21 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-13 12:35:41 PM  

revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]


The library at Alexandria burned twice?
 
2013-11-13 12:48:24 PM  

impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?


He really likes burning down the Library of Alexandria.
 
2013-11-13 12:56:42 PM  
But its life came to an abrupt end seven years ago when scientists from Bangor University dredged the seabed near Iceland as part of a study into climate change.

Climate change scientists are murdering our clams!
 
2013-11-13 01:04:26 PM  
Were goong to need more melted butter.
 
2013-11-13 01:05:20 PM  
500 years of happiness snuffed out in an instant.
Thanks, Paul Butler.
 
2013-11-13 01:06:41 PM  
I have a friend I can biatch at for this.  I'm going to ask her why they did this.
 
2013-11-13 01:10:51 PM  

impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?


The part I like is how Leif Erikson managed to land on the American coast without discovering it.
 
2013-11-13 01:13:50 PM  

impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Destruction_of_the_Library_of_Alexandri a
 
2013-11-13 01:32:17 PM  

FloydA: impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?

The part I like is how Leif Erikson managed to land on the American coast without discovering it.


Little known fact: Erikson was blind-folded when he landed on the coast.
 
2013-11-13 01:45:51 PM  

revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

 
2013-11-13 01:46:05 PM  
Obvious:
fortlauderdalebites.com
 
2013-11-13 01:48:06 PM  

Cubicle Jockey: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]


Goddamnitsomuch... lets try that again.


Pando laugh at puny baby tree!
 
2013-11-13 01:48:22 PM  
i.imgur.com

Too be fair, some bivalves are COMPLETE DICKS.
 
2013-11-13 01:49:40 PM  

bearded clamorer: 500 years of happiness snuffed out in an instant.
Thanks, Paul Butler.


Happy as a clam, right?
 
2013-11-13 01:50:43 PM  
FTFA:   Researchers claim the creature could help unlock the secrets to a long life


The secret, apparently, is to stay the fark away from scientists and researchers.
 
2013-11-13 01:53:29 PM  

dryknife: bearded clamorer: 500 years of happiness snuffed out in an instant.
Thanks, Paul Butler.

Happy as a clam, right?


You know it.
 
2013-11-13 01:54:41 PM  
What goes beyond the collosoally stupid about this is that the rings are on the OUTSIDE of the farking shell! There was no need to force it open to begin with.


On the other hand, the thing had lived for 500 years on the ocean floor. It's life expectancy was cut short the moment they accidentally dredged it up.


I hope they ate the thing at least, so it wasn't a complete waste.
 
2013-11-13 01:55:49 PM  
Schrodinger's shellfish?
 
2013-11-13 01:57:08 PM  

Cubicle Jockey: Cubicle Jockey: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

Goddamnitsomuch... lets try that again.


Pando laugh at puny baby tree!


That, is bloody amazing. Thanks for that!
 
2013-11-13 01:57:37 PM  

bearded clamorer: 500 years of happiness snuffed out in an instant.
Thanks, Paul Butler.


Don't you mean his mother, Mrs Paul?
 
2013-11-13 01:58:25 PM  
poor thing---went out in the hands of an idiot just like Pinchy
 
2013-11-13 02:01:20 PM  

impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?


The first two sank into a swamp.  The third one burned down, fell over, and then sank into a swamp.
 
2013-11-13 02:02:49 PM  
weknowmemes.com
 
2013-11-13 02:03:22 PM  
its life came to an abrupt end seven years ago when scientists from Bangor University dredged the seabed near Iceland as part of a study into climate change.


In before they blame man made climate change on killing the oldest critter on earth.
 
2013-11-13 02:03:37 PM  

impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?


The Library at Alexandria burned down three or four times; depending on who you ask. It was reorganized. Julius Caeser did one; the early Christians did one and the Muslims finally burnt it and didn't reorganize it. They also borrowed a good portion of the facade limestone from the pyramids.
 
2013-11-13 02:04:49 PM  

impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?


The second floor burned down, but that's another story.
 
2013-11-13 02:04:53 PM  
www.aplaceofsense.com
 
2013-11-13 02:05:48 PM  
Killing a 500 year old mollusc?

Watch out Guys, we're dealing with a badass over here.

moviecitynews.com
 
2013-11-13 02:07:15 PM  

FloydA: The Daily Fail lives up to its reputation once again.  "Oh no, those awful scientists killed a clam!"  They dredged up the clam, what the hell else should they have done with it?  Put it back where they found it?

(It's also nowhere near the oldest animal, and certainly not the oldest organism, but that's beside the point.)


but how did it taste?
 
2013-11-13 02:08:17 PM  

Cagey B: impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?

He really likes burning down the Library of Alexandria.


It got better.
 
2013-11-13 02:08:45 PM  
Science, is there anything it can't kill?
 
2013-11-13 02:09:39 PM  

Somacandra: [i.imgur.com image 200x211]

Too be fair, some bivalves are COMPLETE DICKS.



Leave the geoduck out of this.
 
2013-11-13 02:10:28 PM  
Don't you have to kill them to count the rings? Or maybe I'm thinking of Kardashians.
 
2013-11-13 02:10:32 PM  

OnlyM3: In before they blame man made climate change on killing the oldest critter on earth.


I'm sure you're gonna live a while longer, don't worry.
 
2013-11-13 02:12:03 PM  
FOR SCIENCE!
 
2013-11-13 02:12:44 PM  

Virulency: FloydA: The Daily Fail lives up to its reputation once again.  "Oh no, those awful scientists killed a clam!"  They dredged up the clam, what the hell else should they have done with it?  Put it back where they found it?

(It's also nowhere near the oldest animal, and certainly not the oldest organism, but that's beside the point.)

but how did it taste?



If you enough add butter, salt, and lemon, they taste just like butter, salt, and lemon
 
2013-11-13 02:14:18 PM  
Pando laughs at your young, nubile, and vulnerable bi-valve.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pando_(tree)
 
2013-11-13 02:18:00 PM  

impaler: revrendjim: [i.imgur.com image 500x529]

The library at Alexandria burned twice?


Several times.
 
2013-11-13 02:19:56 PM  
I'd eat it.
 
2013-11-13 02:22:57 PM  
"I warned 'em"
a.abcnews.com
 
2013-11-13 02:25:28 PM  

Anne.Uumellmahaye: I'd eat it.


Are you sure? Just imagine what a 500 year old clam smells like when you open it.

Link

/Sorry
 
2013-11-13 02:25:55 PM  
Who ate my goddam 500 y/o clam cakes?!?
 
2013-11-13 02:33:06 PM  
FTA: "Ming saw off Queen Elizabeth I, the English Civil War, the entire Enlightenment, the Industrial Revolution and two World Wars."

Ming didn't see squat it is snot in an armored shell. Snot does not have eyes.
 
2013-11-13 02:34:54 PM  
Mammals tend to live roughly the same number of heart beats. A rat, which lives about 18 months, the lifespan of an umbrella according to umbrella manufacturers, has a rapid heart beat. The human heart beat is slower, but both the rat and the human are likely to live about 1.5 billion heart beats or so.

The whale has a very long and slow heart beat--it takes a couple of minutes, IIRC. Some of the larger whales are believed to be capable of living at least 200 years based on harpoons found in one particularly tough old specimen. The harpoons were of a bone-tipped type that the Inuit made before contact with Europeans and stopped making when they could trade for steel tips for harpoons. Smaller whales and dolphins get killed by sharks, or killer whales, or each other, and don't live as long, although they may live lives comparable to humans.

The larger predatory and scavenger birds such as ravens tend to be long-lived, as do parrots.

One fact in a long life is the length of time it takes to raise young. Animals which have few young and which carry them for a long time and nurture them for even longer, have long lives. Female elephants often live to ripe old ages. Their gestation period is about two years and the the lead elephant of a herd is often a wise old grandmother. She can add value to the lives of her offspring by looking out for them and by remembering all of the food sources and water sources that are available in the territory of the herd throughout the seasons.

The "grandmother" effect is believed to have lengthened human lifespans from about 12-15 years to the current 80-90 years because grandmothers help their daughters and daughter-in-laws raise children successfully. Younger mothers often lack the skills. Grandmothers step in and make sure the grandkids survive.

Some people think that restraint in sexual reproduction will extend life spans. At least it reduces worries. Priests and nuns often live long untroubled lives. On the other hand, the average IQ in countries with celibate clergy may be lower because the clergy draws off the more intelligent men and women, who fail to breed. This may explain why some Jews are extra intelligent--a combination of large families raised by rabbis and scholars and the more acute businessmen, a tendency of rich men to marry their daughters to intellectuals rather than other rich men's sons, and a certain amount of inbreeding among the survivors of various ghettos through the ages have concentrated brains (and some traits such as myopia and asthma) in these relatively compact populations.

For a long life it doesn't hurt to be happy, content, rich, beautiful, smart, well-educated and active. It does hurt to be miserable, angry, poor, stupid, ignorant, and fugly. Starvation casts a long shadow, across several generations, stunting health, growth and intelligence. In other words, the old nature versus nurture debate never ends. For one thing, they are very often linked to each other in many ways. Indoor children and outdoor children, like indoor cats and outdoor cats, don't mix much.

The super-centenarians seem to combine a lot of genetic advantages with a lot of environmental advantages. Even though a few of them smoke and drink and are pointed to by the optimistic as evidence that these activities aren't bad for you, they tend to live moderate, active and happy lives. They roll with the punches, don't mope or groan over their hardships, and live on islands or in small tightly knit communities. They eat healthy diets without a lot of luxuries but with many small pleasures, and they work a lot harder than anybody in the last two or three generations can imagine. And it's good for them. They chop wood, they walk or bicycle, they are constantly busy with family or friends.

In short, they live well and die well, often at ages well over one hundred.
 
2013-11-13 02:39:56 PM  
i40.tinypic.com
 
2013-11-13 02:46:42 PM  
Cool: Scientists confirm world's oldest creature is was a 507-year-old shellfish. Fail: Which they killed by opening it up to check its age
 
2013-11-13 02:57:55 PM  

Makh: I have a friend I can biatch at for this.  I'm going to ask her why they did this.


Well, there was a pound of butter, a bulb of garlic, and a lemon in the break room fridge, and Sam forgot his lunch.
 
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