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(BBC)   UK Police: Spy found dead in padlocked bag fell into bag in such a way that he accidentally knocked combination lock off counter top, causing it to fall onto bag straps and lock them together, whilst inertia of body caused bag to zip shut   (bbc.co.uk) divider line 67
    More: Followup, UK Police, Mr Williams, GCHQ, Pimlico, Cheltenham  
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5940 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2013 at 8:22 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-13 08:23:47 AM
Stranger things have happened.
 
2013-11-13 08:24:14 AM
Well that's not suspicious, no, not at all.
 
2013-11-13 08:26:37 AM
Was it a sex thing?
 
2013-11-13 08:27:06 AM
They left out the part where he shot himself in the head.

Three times.
 
2013-11-13 08:28:28 AM
The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!
 
2013-11-13 08:28:42 AM
"Spy in a bag" for Thanksgiving instead of "turkey in bag?"
 
2013-11-13 08:29:07 AM
And I think that James Hoffa just got tired of the wife and kids so decided to walk out and start a new life as an accountant in canada, or that sadly due to the bad karma of being an outspoken opponent of Vlad Putin bad things happen to people, or even worse there may have been a sad unfortnate design flaw in the showers at aushwitz.....

Strager things could have happened.
 
2013-11-13 08:32:07 AM

stuhayes2010: Was it a sex thing?


Odds are yes.

He was naked. Probably just pissed off his gay lover, who he thought was going to let him out of the bag. I'll go so far as to say that the boyfriend figured he'd be able to get out by himself eventually.
 
2013-11-13 08:34:26 AM

BigBooper: stuhayes2010: Was it a sex thing?

Odds are yes.

He was naked. Probably just pissed off his gay lover, who he thought was going to let him out of the bag. I'll go so far as to say that the boyfriend figured he'd be able to get out by himself eventually.


he forgot his safeword
 
2013-11-13 08:35:44 AM

pkellmey: "Spy in a bag" for Thanksgiving instead of "turkey in bag?"


I called the Butterball hotline but they just said to make sure I baste it.
 
2013-11-13 08:36:35 AM
I still reckon he faked his death and is currently living happily, pretending to be his own sister.
 
2013-11-13 08:39:19 AM

BigBooper: The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!


Nor were any bullets found in his head...

/At least I can't find any articles that support that claim
 
2013-11-13 08:40:55 AM
Right eye dominant dude could not be trusted.
 
2013-11-13 08:41:58 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Stranger things have happened.


Really? Name three off the top of your head. ;)
 
2013-11-13 08:44:07 AM

You're the jerk... jerk: BigBooper: The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!

Nor were any bullets found in his head...

/At least I can't find any articles that support that claim


They didn't find any bullets!?! Wow, now that is some leet spy shiat. Ice bullets!
 
2013-11-13 08:44:52 AM
i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-11-13 08:44:57 AM
Sounds legit, subby. Loosen your tinfoil hat.
 
2013-11-13 08:50:24 AM

BigBooper: You're the jerk... jerk: BigBooper: The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!

Nor were any bullets found in his head...

/At least I can't find any articles that support that claim

They didn't find any bullets!?! Wow, now that is some leet spy shiat. Ice bullets!


Don't think you could make an ice bullet, it would burst into shrapnel and I don't know if any of the pieces would do enough damage. But then I was thinking...what other substance might make a good frozen bullet that wouldn't fragment or if it did fragment would still have lethal potential? And would serve the same relative purpose as an ice bullet...can't really think of any. Maybe an ice bullet with an air compression gun?

Someone on FARK has to be better at guessing here than me. :D
 
2013-11-13 08:53:13 AM

Lady Indica: BigBooper: You're the jerk... jerk: BigBooper: The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!

Nor were any bullets found in his head...

/At least I can't find any articles that support that claim

They didn't find any bullets!?! Wow, now that is some leet spy shiat. Ice bullets!

Don't think you could make an ice bullet, it would burst into shrapnel and I don't know if any of the pieces would do enough damage. But then I was thinking...what other substance might make a good frozen bullet that wouldn't fragment or if it did fragment would still have lethal potential? And would serve the same relative purpose as an ice bullet...can't really think of any. Maybe an ice bullet with an air compression gun?

Someone on FARK has to be better at guessing here than me. :D


Sorry


You also have to get rid of the bullet holes (since there were none of those either as far as I can tell).
 
2013-11-13 08:57:18 AM

You're the jerk... jerk: You also have to get rid of the bullet holes (since there were none of those either as far as I can tell).


Man, I need that cleanup crew!  Much easier than sitting in court because there's simply no body to be found.
 
2013-11-13 09:02:25 AM
I wonder if he was a smoker? Nicotine is a very very potent poison, easily refined from cigarettes or even ordered in concentrate from the Internet for e-juice. It would be easy to kill someone without a corner catching it unless they tested for toxicity levels in ppm over just seeing what was in his system.

Though, to be fair, I have no idea how a coroners toxicity report works or any of that jazz.
 
2013-11-13 09:04:23 AM

Lady Indica: BigBooper: You're the jerk... jerk: BigBooper: The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!

Nor were any bullets found in his head...

/At least I can't find any articles that support that claim

They didn't find any bullets!?! Wow, now that is some leet spy shiat. Ice bullets!

Don't think you could make an ice bullet, it would burst into shrapnel and I don't know if any of the pieces would do enough damage. But then I was thinking...what other substance might make a good frozen bullet that wouldn't fragment or if it did fragment would still have lethal potential? And would serve the same relative purpose as an ice bullet...can't really think of any. Maybe an ice bullet with an air compression gun?

Someone on FARK has to be better at guessing here than me. :D


Ice isn't dense enough, mythbusters did it.
Use a lathe to make bullets out of bones or frozen meat or something?
 
2013-11-13 09:15:14 AM

DaStompa: Lady Indica: BigBooper: You're the jerk... jerk: BigBooper: The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!

Nor were any bullets found in his head...

/At least I can't find any articles that support that claim

They didn't find any bullets!?! Wow, now that is some leet spy shiat. Ice bullets!

Don't think you could make an ice bullet, it would burst into shrapnel and I don't know if any of the pieces would do enough damage. But then I was thinking...what other substance might make a good frozen bullet that wouldn't fragment or if it did fragment would still have lethal potential? And would serve the same relative purpose as an ice bullet...can't really think of any. Maybe an ice bullet with an air compression gun?

Someone on FARK has to be better at guessing here than me. :D

Ice isn't dense enough, mythbusters did it.
Use a lathe to make bullets out of bones or frozen meat or something?


What about frozen blood? Especially if somehow you could use the victim's own blood, so that there would be nothing foreign in the wound. Like, he donated blood and you steal it.  Of course, there'd still be the problem of the hole in his head, but you could maybe have him fall on something pointy. Although you could kill him by having him "fall" on something pointy, so then the blood bullets would become redundant and unnecessary, except just to do it because blood bullets, dude.
 
2013-11-13 09:16:49 AM
Are you kidding me? The man was a SPY. I wonder what kind of money or scare tactics they had to use on the family for them to even begin agreeing?

Normal people don't die padlocked in bags. Spies die in padlocked bags and then, unbelievably, have those deaths claimed accidental to a seemingly believing audience. Incredible.
 
2013-11-13 09:19:17 AM
Maybe he was just working on an escape artist bit for the annual mi6 Christmas talent show.
 
2013-11-13 09:24:10 AM
Or, with all the advances in medical technology, you could grow a bone from his own DNA cells, and fashion it into a bullet. It would have to be designed to make a big hole, like if he whacked his head really hard. But the bone bullet would have to fragment and look like bits of skull.  You'd have to shoot him so he falls onto the corner of the fireplace or something, but it could be done.
 
2013-11-13 09:29:11 AM

JonnyG: Are you kidding me? The man was a SPY. I wonder what kind of money or scare tactics they had to use on the family for them to even begin agreeing?

Normal people don't die padlocked in bags. Spies die in padlocked bags and then, unbelievably, have those deaths claimed accidental to a seemingly believing audience. Incredible.


Or maybe he died having kinky sex, and rather than releasing sordid details because of the family's and/or his work's connections they were able to just have it left at 'accidental'. I would think that if it was related to spying, that they could have just said he died of a heart attack without the whole bag story coming to light.

And when I think of spies getting killed in the UK, I think of pollinium and umbrella stabbers. Stripping someone naked, and padlocking them in a bag is...weird. Who does that? What other spies die in padlocked bags?
 
2013-11-13 09:31:13 AM

namegoeshere: DaStompa: Lady Indica: BigBooper: You're the jerk... jerk: BigBooper: The real question is how he shot himself in the back of the head three times? Especially when no gun or shells were found in his flat.

Dude committed the best suicide, EVAR!

Nor were any bullets found in his head...

/At least I can't find any articles that support that claim

They didn't find any bullets!?! Wow, now that is some leet spy shiat. Ice bullets!

Don't think you could make an ice bullet, it would burst into shrapnel and I don't know if any of the pieces would do enough damage. But then I was thinking...what other substance might make a good frozen bullet that wouldn't fragment or if it did fragment would still have lethal potential? And would serve the same relative purpose as an ice bullet...can't really think of any. Maybe an ice bullet with an air compression gun?

Someone on FARK has to be better at guessing here than me. :D

Ice isn't dense enough, mythbusters did it.
Use a lathe to make bullets out of bones or frozen meat or something?

What about frozen blood? Especially if somehow you could use the victim's own blood, so that there would be nothing foreign in the wound. Like, he donated blood and you steal it.  Of course, there'd still be the problem of the hole in his head, but you could maybe have him fall on something pointy. Although you could kill him by having him "fall" on something pointy, so then the blood bullets would become redundant and unnecessary, except just to do it because blood bullets, dude.


The trick is you need either something so strong it doesn't fragment from the acceleration, or a really really really long barrel to gently accelerate the projectile so its just the question of what can we freeze that has those properties.
In all honesty a simple nailgun or high power staplegun will do the job just as well when you're firing at a dude in a padlocked bag, and is just about as untraceable as any of our crazyness.
 
2013-11-13 09:34:06 AM

Lady Indica: AverageAmericanGuy: Stranger things have happened.

Really? Name three off the top of your head. ;)


I once saw a man eat his own head.
 
2013-11-13 09:35:08 AM

BigBooper: stuhayes2010: Was it a sex thing?

Odds are yes.

He was naked. Probably just pissed off his gay lover, who he thought was going to let him out of the bag. I'll go so far as to say that the boyfriend figured he'd be able to get out by himself eventually.


That or a bit of the ol' self-bondage, though how he managed to get the padlock on by himself is curious.  Not impossible though.  I've seen people put themselves into straitjackets such that they couldn't get out again, so there could be a bit of ingenuity at work here.  Honestly though, from what's come out it sounds like this guy was into self-bondage and bondage with friends, what with his landlady once having to untie him from his bed while he was in his boxer shorts and nothing else.

I wouldn't be surprised if MI6 knew who was playing kinky games with the dead guy, but due to the person's status (either as a spy or something else) they don't want the info out there drawing attention to him.  So yes, a cover up of a sort, but the death was accidental.  And frankly, most likely the fault of the dumbass in the bag for not following proper safety protocol.
 
2013-11-13 09:44:16 AM
He drowned on vomit.
 
2013-11-13 09:51:56 AM

Lady Indica: Stripping someone naked, and padlocking them in a bag is...weird. Who does that? What other spies die in padlocked bags?


He died wearing jeans and a Rangers top. His friends stripped his body naked and stuck it into a padlocked bag in order to avoid embarrassment to his family.
 
2013-11-13 09:54:45 AM
It's not a combination lock. It's a permutation lock. Try putting the numbers in in the wrong order.
 
2013-11-13 09:59:24 AM
These guys were on the case. It's the only explanation...
ichef.bbci.co.uk


BigBooper: stuhayes2010: Was it a sex thing?

Odds are yes.

He was naked. Probably just pissed off his gay lover, who he thought was going to let him out of the bag. I'll go so far as to say that the boyfriend figured he'd be able to get out by himself eventually.


Well, if it were a garment bag, at least he's out of the closet.


But on a more conspiracy theory note, it was all a cover up. There was Danny Casolaro, who died in a motel room, by apparent suicide, but the evidence pointed to murder, as Casolaro was phobic at the sight of his own blood and sharp objects, so suicide by slashing his wrists and body was odd. And the motel room was cleaned up. And he had a lot of notes with him, and they disappeared.
And the British scientists working in fields like the SDI program who all died in apparent suicides and tragic accidents. Some of them were a little too odd.
And the British scientist David Kelly died of an apparent suicide, but the facts didn't add up. He cut himself with rusty garden shears, but the cuts were clean, like they were done with a sharp blade. The wound was too shallow. He supposedly took a lethal dose of drugs, but not enough was found in his stomach. People claimed that evidence was planted.
 
2013-11-13 10:02:40 AM

big pig peaches: Maybe he was just working on an escape artist bit for the annual mi6 Christmas talent show.


Came here to say this. Goodbye.
 
2013-11-13 10:10:45 AM
I vaguely remember watching Gil Grissom make meat bullets on CSI.  Off to IMDB.

BRB
 
2013-11-13 10:12:25 AM

JonnyG: Are you kidding me? The man was a SPY. I wonder what kind of money or scare tactics they had to use on the family for them to even begin agreeing?

Normal people don't die padlocked in bags. Spies die in padlocked bags and then, unbelievably, have those deaths claimed accidental to a seemingly believing audience. Incredible.


I think if your spy son was obviously murdered you try to appear as unconcerned about who did it as you possibly can.
 
2013-11-13 10:29:02 AM
Is it just me, or does it seem lately that there is an awful lot of improbable or downright impossible "suicide" situations? I figure it's one of two things... maybe more but this is all I can think of:

1. it isn't suicide in most cases and is being covered up (who knows why)
2. it's some kind of weird underground suicide competition club (although you would never be able to collect your winning trophy)
 
2013-11-13 10:37:32 AM
Reminds me of David Kelly, the guy who called the UK government out on its BS in the run-up to Iraq and then "committed suicide" by cutting his wrist and bleeding to death without leaving blood around his body.
 
2013-11-13 10:58:26 AM
Growing up around Chicago, I remember a "connected" neighbor who was shot four times in the back of the head. The inquest results were officially "suicide".

Or when I had the misfortune of living in SC and a co-worker put a gun to his temple and blew his brains out for being under investigation for kick backs and cooking the books. According to the official statement, it was an accident so his wife got the insurance payout.
 
2013-11-13 11:01:33 AM

stuhayes2010: Was it a sex thing?


Yes, probably.

I'm still guessing it's ruled an accident because they found a cache of images showing this was very obviously something he was into and would rather not release that to the public to cause further grief to the family.
 
2013-11-13 11:03:24 AM

exvaxman: Or when I had the misfortune of living in SC and a co-worker put a gun to his temple and blew his brains out for being under investigation for kick backs and cooking the books. According to the official statement, it was an accident so his wife got the insurance payout.


It is interesting the conclusions that can be drawn when insurance is part of the equation. I'm happy it happens in other places than just my county.
 
2013-11-13 11:06:38 AM
That's what he gets for sapping my sentry.
 
2013-11-13 11:19:24 AM
Why don't the world governments just stand up and yell "WE OWN YOU SLAVES AND WE CAN KILL YOU ANY GOD DAMN TIME WE F*CKING FEEL LIKE IT! SHUT UP! OBEY OR DIE!!!!!", and get it over with?
 
2013-11-13 11:23:03 AM
img.fark.net

Well, we know where the cast of Monty Python went. They work for the UK coroners office.
 
2013-11-13 11:25:18 AM

eyeq360: ...
But on a more conspiracy theory note, it was all a cover up. There was Danny Casolaro, who died in a motel room, by apparent suicide, but the evidence pointed to murder, as Casolaro was phobic at the sight of his own blood and sharp objects, so suicide by slashing his wrists and body was odd. And the motel room was cleaned up. And he had a lot of notes with him, and they disappeared.
And the British scientists working in fields like the SDI program who all died in apparent suicides and tragic accidents. Some of them were a little too odd.
And the British scientist David Kelly died of an apparent suicide, but the facts didn't add up. He cut himself with rusty garden shears, but the cuts were clean, like they were done with a sharp blade. The wound was too shallow. He supposedly took a lethal dose of drugs, but not enough was found in his stomach. People claimed that evidence was planted.



See that makes very little sense. If it was supposed to be a cover up then surely they'd want the cause to be apparent; "oh, he took an overdose, terrible thing stress", or, "not another case of auto-erotic asphyxiation". Not, "well, as best we can figure he stripped naked, climbed into and then somehow padlocked himself inside a large bag, then died of unspecified causes and wasn't found for some time".

I mean it's not like the authorities are pretending this isn't really weird.
 
2013-11-13 11:25:59 AM
This sure is an interesting story, and I doubt anybody will ever know the whole truth of the situation.  This guy was a cryptologist of some sort, no?  Clearly very smart and some folks with a brain like that like to do interesting things as hobbies to keep the mundane world from driving them nuts.  Bondage?  Could be one of those hobbies.

What I do find unusual is the lack of official cause of death.  Sure, he was locked in a bag, but what caused him to stop living?  Did he choke on vomit?  Did he suffer any injury while within said bag/struggle?  Asphyxiation?  Starvation/Dehydration?

But now let's take on the conspiracy angle:
If he were killed and placed in the bag, why wasn't he disposed of?  Clearly the idea was to either remove the bag from his flat with him inside and transport elsewhere, or keep him in there until he gave up certain information.  Was the intent to keep him alive and something went wrong?  Did he have something like a false tooth to kill himself should he be compromised?

All I know is if I were a professional hitman I would not leave the body in a bag in his flat.  That just screams of foul play.

Conclusion:  (Aside from the obvious lack of info)
1. He put himself in or had a partner to help him as a bondage thing and something went wrong.
2. It was a kidnapping/hit and something went wrong.
 
2013-11-13 12:05:51 PM

quickdraw: JonnyG: Are you kidding me? The man was a SPY. I wonder what kind of money or scare tactics they had to use on the family for them to even begin agreeing?

Normal people don't die padlocked in bags. Spies die in padlocked bags and then, unbelievably, have those deaths claimed accidental to a seemingly believing audience. Incredible.

I think if your spy son was obviously murdered you try to appear as unconcerned about who did it as you possibly can.


Touche, friend. Touche.
 
2013-11-13 12:21:13 PM
Well that settles that. Lets all move along then.
 
2013-11-13 01:15:30 PM
Maybe he was already dead when a coworker came by, and the co worker stuck him in the suitcase to be a dick.
scifiempire.net
 
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