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(Salon)   This just in: some parents suck at their job   (salon.com) divider line 110
    More: Obvious, common misconceptions, gifted children  
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7647 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Nov 2013 at 11:46 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-11 11:51:04 AM
Not me. I'm the best parent ever, I am never wrong and my children are the most precious things the Universe has ever produced.
 
2013-11-11 11:51:16 AM
tl;dr, but I got this far:

"or a woman attempting to make a toddler stop screaming on an airplane"

Everyone knows that people don't attempt to make toddlers stop screaming on airplanes. There are human beings, whose toddlers have already learn not to be assholes, and then there are those toddlers who parents are the assholes, who make NO ATTEMPT to stop their toddler from screaming because, hey, it doesn't bother them.

Shut your little shiat's yapper before I quietly smother it to death while you pretend to be so engrossed in SkyMag that you don't notice your little monster is a little monster.

Little monsters for the fail
 
2013-11-11 11:51:29 AM

FarkingReading: Not me. I'm the best parent ever, I am never wrong and my children are the most precious things the Universe has ever produced.


No ME
 
2013-11-11 11:51:35 AM
All I needed to know about raising kids I learned from smacking them with a parenting handbook.

/they're mostly well behaved
//teenage years, sheesh
 
2013-11-11 11:52:21 AM
Wow, I never thought I'd see an article too stupid to publish in the Huffington Post or Slate, but here we are.

/Less than perfect parent here
 
2013-11-11 11:52:30 AM
Smug parents? In my internet?

i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-11 11:52:40 AM
I couldn't care less about any of that shiat.  Are those things "good"?  Probably not even though some situational perspective is required to analyze.  In any case, I'll be happy if people just treat their children not to be dicks.
 
2013-11-11 11:53:26 AM

This just in: some parents suck at their job


They're... prostitutes?
 
2013-11-11 11:53:31 AM
Hard to tell if the article is a failed attempt at satire or wit...
 
2013-11-11 11:55:24 AM
I can't believe the article didn't mention babysitting because from the people I've talked to that seems to be the best way to know what it's like to be a parent , just a few short hours a week and you too can be an expert.
 
2013-11-11 11:56:48 AM
Have opinion pieces always been passed off as news, or is this a fairly recent development?

/within Fark, i mean.
 
2013-11-11 11:58:57 AM
If there's one thing I learned about being a relatively new parent, it's that seasoned parents forget most of the their own horror stories.  I had one friend brag how well their baby slept when I was lamenting about my lack of sleep.  I reminded him of how many times he was late to work during that time and how often he went to his car to sleep during lunch.  All I got back was an, "oh yeah"...but at least it shut him up
 
2013-11-11 12:00:49 PM
Some?
 
2013-11-11 12:01:18 PM
Everything in moderation. Nothing wrong with 10 minutes of Kung Fu Panda or whatever so that I can eat while the food is still warm. After that, I'll take the iPhone away, and encourage my 3 yo daughter to hold the spoon properly and maneuver some of whatever it is that we ordered into her mouth...and then gaze in wonder as the advent of dessert morphs her dexterity to rival that of a Japanese BBQ chef.
 
2013-11-11 12:01:27 PM
Just like all Salon writers.
 
2013-11-11 12:05:30 PM
I'm a terrible parent. Thankfully, the good lord gave us duct tape, so it can do my parenting for me.
 
2013-11-11 12:05:39 PM
Plus there is the modern conundrum of two parental figures split into separate families.  What is fine in one is bad at the other.
 
2013-11-11 12:06:04 PM
FTA: "In theory, parents are supposed to empathize with one other - find common cause in the fervent desire to preserve and protect the world for the next generation, and connect on some deep, almost mystical level that those poor souls who have not experienced this kind of all-consuming love cannot possibly comprehend. "

Well there's your problem.
 
2013-11-11 12:06:06 PM
All parents suck at their job.  This I know from perusing parenting blogs (strictly for the lulz, mind you).  You could post something as innocuous as "My kid ate waffles for breakfast today" and within hours you will be buried in an avalanche of hateful comments about how you're poisoning your kid with sugar and fat and preservatives and anyway you're eating breakfast at the wrong time and kids should be on a one-meal or six-meal (delete as appropriate) diet and....  Seriously, those things make the Fark Politics tab look like a low self-esteem support group.
 
2013-11-11 12:06:22 PM
Oh joy. Another "clever" blog. Ha ha
 
2013-11-11 12:07:17 PM
FTFA: "But still - I should probably be punched in the throat. "


Yep.
 
2013-11-11 12:07:32 PM
Parenting is pretty goddamn tough. Especially if your own parents weren't that great at parenting.
 
2013-11-11 12:07:55 PM
Author also wrote the classic "Go the Fark To Sleep".  Perfect gift for new parents - Even better is the audio book read by Samuel L. Jackson.
 
2013-11-11 12:08:05 PM

FarkingReading: Not me. I'm the best parent ever, I am never wrong and my children are the most precious things the Universe has ever produced.


Said every parent, ever.

/including the ones who ate their children.
 
2013-11-11 12:08:08 PM

SpectroBoy: Hard to tell if the article is a failed attempt at satire or wit...


Failed attempt at wit, I think.  Towards the end the writer listed himself as one of the bad parent types as a way of saying that every parent is a bad parent to someone.

Also, he didn't hyphenate "ass-clown."  But that is a minor complaint.
 
2013-11-11 12:08:57 PM

Watubi: If there's one thing I learned about being a relatively new parent, it's that seasoned parents forget most of the their own horror stories.  I had one friend brag how well their baby slept when I was lamenting about my lack of sleep.  I reminded him of how many times he was late to work during that time and how often he went to his car to sleep during lunch.  All I got back was an, "oh yeah"...but at least it shut him up


But...but... my kids never acted up when we went out to eat they were perfect and always just sat at the table patiently waiting the 35 min for their food to arrive.

God I hate parents like that.
 
2013-11-11 12:10:44 PM
DNRTFA:

How's about a parent that loses their spouse, then proceeds to go apeshiat and screw anything that moves, and do as many drugs as possible "because my job is done"?  That sucky enough?

Her oldest just turned 18 and has a 2y/o, the other is 15.

Oh, and God forbid I call her out on all her horseshiat, because "it hurts her feelings when you say she's a bad mom".

I hope she goes and farks herself with a cactus before gravity selectively forgets about her, and flings her into the sun.

Stupid, selfish Fei baht poh!  I don't even have kids, but I can't leave 'em hanging like that.    *GGGGGRRRRRR**
 
2013-11-11 12:14:06 PM
We're just talking about the ones who actually attempt to do the job, right? Not the ones that farm it out to subcontractors?
 
2013-11-11 12:15:13 PM
Only some?
 
2013-11-11 12:15:43 PM

Metaluna Mutant: Said every parent, ever.


It goes the other way, as well. I swear I've got some horrible disease that prevents me from saying good things about my kid in front of other people. Like somehow the gods will punish me for my hubris.

Afterward, I'll think "He's not THAT bad. Why the hell did you make it sound that way?"

Argh. :(
 
2013-11-11 12:16:18 PM
Yeah, people just need to mind their own damn business.
 
2013-11-11 12:17:04 PM

Aidan: Metaluna Mutant: Said every parent, ever.

It goes the other way, as well. I swear I've got some horrible disease that prevents me from saying good things about my kid in front of other people. Like somehow the gods will punish me for my hubris.

Afterward, I'll think "He's not THAT bad. Why the hell did you make it sound that way?"

Argh. :(


That's me, too.  I'm afraid I'll jinx it.

they really are very good.
 
2013-11-11 12:17:32 PM
I'm doing the best I can.

They're skeptical little heathens though, which has caused some.... issues, since the neighbor kids were going to a school that promised the kids a real sword and shield to fight for God.
 
2013-11-11 12:18:09 PM
I don't understand people who like this shiatty form of Maddox-like writing. It's not funny or clever. It's just a lot of hyperbolic phrases packed into the commentary sideways. It's the prose equivalent of Miley Cyrus' current act; It's trying too hard, and failing harder.
 
2013-11-11 12:20:04 PM
Meh... I did/do my best, and growing up, my kids were well behaved in stores and restaurants, etc.

Everyone would compliment me and my wife over how nice our kids are, etc.

That said, the teen years arrived and while the kids were still better behaved than most, they still did stupid crap and I still have to biatch them out on a regular basis as they should know better as even the younger ones are getting darn close to their 20s.

We keep have their friends and other kids drop by, and even have some that live with us because we're their "new" family and such.

It's not a contest, it's about doing your best, try and teach them right from wrong and not be ingrates and selfish, but overall, each kid is a gamble.

For example, my wife's oldest is bipolar and hates our guts because she wasn't a "princess" but with her mental disease, there so much messed up about her....and has put us through hell and back.

On the other hand, one of mine is severely autistic.. but when I see some other kids out there, she's a better person.
 
2013-11-11 12:20:20 PM
"Hey. My Tater Jr is an Indigo child. He ain't an obnoxious little brat, he's more evolved than you".
God, those people are the worst.
 
2013-11-11 12:21:02 PM
The writer needs more better drugs.
 
2013-11-11 12:21:08 PM

Quinzy: Plus there is the modern conundrum of two parental figures split into separate families.  What is fine in one is bad at the other.


It gets even rougher when one parent goes off the deep end of being a fundie.  Over there they don't eat anything that the bible says is bad.  In my house we eat everything.
Over there they don't believe in music that's not Christian and dancing is a sin.  In my house we play hell raising outlaw country and dance all the time.
Over there they dress as shiatty as possible to avoid temptations of lust.  In my house we dress simply but well.
Over there their normal conversations turn into full blown screaming matches over everything.  In my house things are always calm unless the kids need a good ass chewing for a major screwup.

And so forth.  Religious differences post divorce are one of the hardest things for the kids to adapt to.
 
2013-11-11 12:21:35 PM

Hz so good: DNRTFA:

How's about a parent that loses their spouse, then proceeds to go apeshiat and screw anything that moves, and do as many drugs as possible "because my job is done"?  That sucky enough?

Her oldest just turned 18 and has a 2y/o, the other is 15.

Oh, and God forbid I call her out on all her horseshiat, because "it hurts her feelings when you say she's a bad mom".

I hope she goes and farks herself with a cactus before gravity selectively forgets about her, and flings her into the sun.

Stupid, selfish Fei baht poh!  I don't even have kids, but I can't leave 'em hanging like that.    *GGGGGRRRRRR**


You should probably look into medication.  Really soon.
 
2013-11-11 12:21:52 PM
Sounds a lot like the guy in court telling the Judge "my dad beat the shiat out me and I turned out just fine. Why are you punishing me for beating my kid?"
 
2013-11-11 12:24:21 PM

The Third Man: All parents suck at their job.  This I know from perusing parenting blogs (strictly for the lulz, mind you).  You could post something as innocuous as "My kid ate waffles for breakfast today" and within hours you will be buried in an avalanche of hateful comments about how you're poisoning your kid with sugar and fat and preservatives and anyway you're eating breakfast at the wrong time and kids should be on a one-meal or six-meal (delete as appropriate) diet and....  Seriously, those things make the Fark Politics tab look like a low self-esteem support group.


For extra lulz, check out the parenting section on Yahoo Answers. YA is a den of idiots and the parenting section doubly so.
 
2013-11-11 12:25:37 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Hz so good: DNRTFA:

How's about a parent that loses their spouse, then proceeds to go apeshiat and screw anything that moves, and do as many drugs as possible "because my job is done"?  That sucky enough?

Her oldest just turned 18 and has a 2y/o, the other is 15.

Oh, and God forbid I call her out on all her horseshiat, because "it hurts her feelings when you say she's a bad mom".

I hope she goes and farks herself with a cactus before gravity selectively forgets about her, and flings her into the sun.

Stupid, selfish Fei baht poh!  I don't even have kids, but I can't leave 'em hanging like that.    *GGGGGRRRRRR**

You should probably look into medication.  Really soon.


Oh, I'm on my own meds. It's just a farked up situation that my best friends widow dumped into my lap. She just decided she doesn't want to be a parent anymore, and stupid me can't leave the kids swinging in the breeze like that.
 
2013-11-11 12:28:41 PM
shiatty parents raising shiatty kids  is one of my biggest fears of becoming a parent and makes me want to homeschool/shell out for private.

I went to an elementary school with lots of shiatty parents who only saw it as free daycare and I was miserable the whole farking time.
 
2013-11-11 12:29:45 PM

Hz so good: Satan's Bunny Slippers: Hz so good: DNRTFA:

How's about a parent that loses their spouse, then proceeds to go apeshiat and screw anything that moves, and do as many drugs as possible "because my job is done"?  That sucky enough?

Her oldest just turned 18 and has a 2y/o, the other is 15.

Oh, and God forbid I call her out on all her horseshiat, because "it hurts her feelings when you say she's a bad mom".

I hope she goes and farks herself with a cactus before gravity selectively forgets about her, and flings her into the sun.

Stupid, selfish Fei baht poh!  I don't even have kids, but I can't leave 'em hanging like that.    *GGGGGRRRRRR**

You should probably look into medication.  Really soon.

Oh, I'm on my own meds. It's just a farked up situation that my best friends widow dumped into my lap. She just decided she doesn't want to be a parent anymore, and stupid me can't leave the kids swinging in the breeze like that.


Complaining on the internet while walking eggshells around this person does exactly nothing to help those kids. You realize that, right?

You're going to have to hurt this person's feelings.
 
2013-11-11 12:30:13 PM
All I can say is that I'm doing a better job than the dumbass next to me. She's chosen her new bf (who the kids hate) over her kids and is just shocked....SHOCKED that her kids can't stand her anymore.

Other than that... all bets are off. I try the best I can. It's all I can do. Just thankful that Lil Bee is about as laid back as they come.
 
2013-11-11 12:30:30 PM

ThurmanMerman: Yeah, people just need to mind their own damn business.


Only if you promise to keep your little demons away from civilized society. Otherwise, it IS our business.
 
2013-11-11 12:31:55 PM

Hz so good: DNRTFA:

How's about a parent that loses their spouse, then proceeds to go apeshiat and screw anything that moves, and do as many drugs as possible "because my job is done"?  That sucky enough?

Her oldest just turned 18 and has a 2y/o, the other is 15.

Oh, and God forbid I call her out on all her horseshiat, because "it hurts her feelings when you say she's a bad mom".

I hope she goes and farks herself with a cactus before gravity selectively forgets about her, and flings her into the sun.

Stupid, selfish Fei baht poh!  I don't even have kids, but I can't leave 'em hanging like that.    *GGGGGRRRRRR**


She still single?
 
2013-11-11 12:32:42 PM
New book out. Glad Fark could be of service in shilling for you.
 
2013-11-11 12:32:53 PM
I am a parent...... So I am really getting a kick out of most of these replies. Some of you guys are very good at making it sound like you know what you are talking about as a parent. But trust me.... You don't. I think you just want to make yourself sound smart, when in reality you don't know what you are talking about. This is how bad info gets passed around. If you don't know about the topic....Don't make yourself sound like you do. Cuz some Farkers believe anything they hear.
 
2013-11-11 12:33:10 PM

ThurmanMerman: Yeah, people just need to mind their own damn business.


Your right to be a shiatty parent ends at my nose.
 
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