Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Mail)   Do you have a drinking problem? Close one eye and take this handy quiz to find out   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 102
    More: Interesting, alcoholisms  
•       •       •

13972 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Nov 2013 at 6:31 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



102 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-11-09 07:24:51 PM  

OneDeltaTenTango: IronTom: Pocket Ninja: A standard wine pour is 5 ounces, period. 1 ounce equals 30 ml. Therefore, a standard pour of red wine is 150 milliliters, not 125, and their entire unit measurement is bullshiat. I declare this test stupid.

They show an entire bottle of wine is 10 units, and that is 750 ml, making one unit 75 ml, now what were we talking about?

Oh, OK, a 125 ml glass of wine (assuming it is the same thing as in the bottle, since that dichotomy between red and white is rather mysterious, especially if they have the same alcohol content,...)  is 125/75 = 1.67 units, guess they rounded down, they may have been drunk.

So why aren't we drinking white wine more?  Besides not particularly caring for it, except for an occasionally smoky Chardonnay.

Your 5 ounce glass, according to their scale, would be 148 ml, or 148/75 ~ 2 units

I'd rather drink with you, Pocket Ninja, than the holier than though prigs that wrote the article.

Its called the Daily Fail for a reason.


And why is less than a standard glass of white wine 2.3 units and a "cocktail" 2 units.  Less than a standard glass of chadonnay puts me closer to being an alcoholic than a strong margarita?
 
2013-11-09 07:27:38 PM  
And never forget:

rlv.zcache.com
 
2013-11-09 07:28:24 PM  

Jument: brainiac-dumdum: So as a woman, I use up my daily alcohol unit allotment with a single pint of beer? Fark that.

Well come on, how are you supposed to make a proper sammich if you're drunk?


I make the best sandwiches when I'm drunk. In fact, I love cooking while drunk. Many a morning have I stumbled out into my kitchen only to discover the place trashed as a result of 3am omelets that I can barely remember.
 
2013-11-09 07:28:47 PM  

sifr: picturescrazy: Korzine: How often do I drink alcohol? Never. Alright next question: How many units of alcohol do you drink on a typical day, 1-2, 3-4, 5-6, 7-9, 10+. Did the test just call me a liar?

It's a quiz to determine how much risk you have for alcohol dependence. Why should the quiz have anything else for you after you said you never drink?

Because question 2 is the only one without the option of "never" or "none".


Pretty much, also every questionnaire I've taken spells out the next step. I kind of expect that it would tell to stop answering questions if I answer the first one as never. Otherwise, with no contradicting instruction, the standard mode of operation would be to continue. Probably silly, but I'm kind of conditioned to look for those instructions anymore.  Maybe it's just me.
 
2013-11-09 07:30:11 PM  

brainiac-dumdum: Jument: brainiac-dumdum: So as a woman, I use up my daily alcohol unit allotment with a single pint of beer? Fark that.

Well come on, how are you supposed to make a proper sammich if you're drunk?

I make the best sandwiches when I'm drunk. In fact, I love cooking while drunk. Many a morning have I stumbled out into my kitchen only to discover the place trashed as a result of 3am omelets that I can barely remember.


How YOU doin;?
 
2013-11-09 07:30:31 PM  
While the rest of you math wizards argue about the size of their "units" (nttawwt)....

did anyone else notice that "8 or more drinks" once a week is worth 3 points but "daily" is worth ... 4.

I'm going to guess there's a pretty damn huge difference in the alcohol problem between someone who goes out once a week and someone who feels the need to kill a bottle of wine every night of the week - but that doesnt tie nicely into the whole "once you have more than x drinks, even if its once a month you're a raging alcoholic and a danger to society" thing they've had going lately.
 
2013-11-09 07:32:19 PM  

Stone Meadow: "Would you say you've struggled with alcohol?"


Well, getting the cork out of the bottle can be tricky sometimes, especially when you're as drunk as I am.
 
2013-11-09 07:32:40 PM  

Banned on the Run: brainiac-dumdum: Jument: brainiac-dumdum: So as a woman, I use up my daily alcohol unit allotment with a single pint of beer? Fark that.

Well come on, how are you supposed to make a proper sammich if you're drunk?

I make the best sandwiches when I'm drunk. In fact, I love cooking while drunk. Many a morning have I stumbled out into my kitchen only to discover the place trashed as a result of 3am omelets that I can barely remember.

How YOU doin;?


*doin'

/Crap.
//I'm not drunk.  Really.
 
ecl
2013-11-09 07:37:36 PM  
That's all.
 
2013-11-09 07:38:44 PM  

Jument: brainiac-dumdum: So as a woman, I use up my daily alcohol unit allotment with a single pint of beer? Fark that.
Well come on, how are you supposed to make a proper sammich if you're drunk?


It's her husband's fault for not keeping her pregnant, so she can't drink. He can just eat drunk sandwiches too.
 
2013-11-09 07:40:05 PM  
You can drink 10+ units every night, year in, year out, and get "ok, carry on" on this test.

The only way to hit "you have a problem" is if you blackout at least once a week and hit people.

It's more "everything's fine if you're a nice drunk" test.
 
2013-11-09 07:40:56 PM  
I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking solution. To life.
 
2013-11-09 07:59:18 PM  
A got a perfect score : 100
 
2013-11-09 08:00:52 PM  
A six, and only because 4 of those points are because I drink at least 4 days a week, and I stretched a bit to get the other 2. Think I'll have another bourbon.

Oh, it's a quiz for Limeys. No wonder I scored so low.
 
2013-11-09 08:06:34 PM  

Stone Meadow: "Would you say you've struggled with alcohol?"

No.


/I struggle from the lack of it.
 
2013-11-09 08:09:23 PM  
So, the Brits have a thing called "alcopop." Is that their term for anything like a wine cooler, or Smirnoff Ice? Kind of fitting.
 
2013-11-09 08:11:25 PM  
Is taking this test required to be become a total farker?
 
2013-11-09 08:21:35 PM  
Stop bothering me with this crap, just because you don't know how to have fun anymore!  What happen to the other bottle of Buffalo Trace, dammit?
 
2013-11-09 08:25:13 PM  
i.imgur.com

/just kidding, I hardly drink anymore
//but for medical reasons, not the other kind
 
2013-11-09 08:28:11 PM  

Phil the SWO: So, the Brits have a thing called "alcopop." Is that their term for anything like a wine cooler, or Smirnoff Ice? Kind of fitting.


Yes, also known as biatch fuel.
 
2013-11-09 08:35:19 PM  
I don't drink alcohol in the first place. Whether or not that's a problem depends on your point of view.
 
2013-11-09 08:39:18 PM  
Boss first.
 
2013-11-09 08:39:52 PM  

PunkTiger: I don't drink alcohol in the first place. Whether or not that's a problem depends on your point of view.


Nobody drank alcohol in the first place.
 
2013-11-09 08:45:19 PM  
Despite my high responses to the others, #5, 6, 7, 9, and 10 are all 0. No one would say I have a problem with alcohol despite the quantities I consume. Have about finished a bottle of my mead tonight, above the alcohol in the majority of wines, in the last hour and a half while I work on planning, literature reviews, aced a graduate exam half an hour ago, and complete various discussion posts. Were the amount of alcohol I consume to stop me from fulfilling those, the alcohol would stop. Not hard for me.
 
2013-11-09 08:47:50 PM  
I have 2-4 drinks daily, which netted me six points. Then 0s after that. I actually LIKE the taste and that's mostly why I drink.
 
2013-11-09 08:52:49 PM  

brainiac-dumdum: Jument: brainiac-dumdum: So as a woman, I use up my daily alcohol unit allotment with a single pint of beer? Fark that.

Well come on, how are you supposed to make a proper sammich if you're drunk?

I make the best sandwiches when I'm drunk. In fact, I love cooking while drunk. Many a morning have I stumbled out into my kitchen only to discover the place trashed as a result of 3am omelets that I can barely remember.


Heh, I do that too. It really pisses my girlfriend off.
 
2013-11-09 08:54:32 PM  
Does my regular double-vision excuse me from this?
 
2013-11-09 08:57:49 PM  
Sad. My husband could answer yes to almost all these questions and still not believe he has a drinking problem.

I told him recently that he had a choice - me or the alcohol. He looked at me strangely and told me that he didn't have a choice, I had a choice.

I am working on a plan.
 
2013-11-09 08:58:47 PM  

Bungles: It's more "everything's fine if you're a nice drunk" test.


Are you a puritan; suggesting it's not?

If you can drink and have a good time,
have no issues of dependency
and it doesn't negatively impact your life either from your viewpoint or the ones who love you....

I'm failing to see the negative side here.

Unless this is about me making my liver survive until I'm crapping in diapers at the age of 110?....
 
2013-11-09 09:03:04 PM  

Korzine: How often do I drink alcohol? Never.


Well now, there's your problem.
 
2013-11-09 09:30:44 PM  
I usually drink 1-2 beers a night almost every night. Sometimes 3-4 a night on the weekends, or if I'm feeling particularly saucy, I'll also make a pint-size bloody mary (3-4 shots vodka) or take a few swigs of my Jack from the freezer. Didn't bother to take the quiz, it's all bunk. Probably equates me with a homeless bum chugging Ripple.
 
2013-11-09 09:47:27 PM  
Yes. Next question?
 
2013-11-09 09:50:44 PM  

belhade: I usually drink 1-2 beers a night almost every night. Sometimes 3-4 a night on the weekends, or if I'm feeling particularly saucy, I'll also make a pint-size bloody mary (3-4 shots vodka) or take a few swigs of my Jack from the freezer. Didn't bother to take the quiz, it's all bunk. Probably equates me with a homeless bum chugging Ripple.


Actually, the quiz would probably put you in the 2nd category (of 4), which is moderately low.
 
2013-11-09 10:00:03 PM  

Kumana Wanalaia:  I don't have a drinking problem. In fact I'm fairly good at it.

I'm getting better all the time. The liquor store up the street is getting rid of a young 80 proof off-brand bourbon by selling a 750ml bottle for $4.99 (+tax of course) so I'm being a helpful neighbor. I think this is my 2nd bottle but it could be my 3rd. Last week the guy said they got 6 cases in but don't offer quantity discounts on that, which is probably good because I already drank myself into a 3-day cardiac arrhythmia.

MrEricSir: FTA: "How often do you have a feeling of guilt or remorse after your drinking?"

All the time! But you know what helps me forget feelings of guilt or remorse?


I only feel guilt or remorse when I'm sober. I ought to watch that shiat.


born_yesterday: Sure, I drink to much.  I don't bother anybody, it usually puts me in a better mood, and I drink close to home so I don't have to drive.


I drink at home. Alone. Quietly.


Want me to feel guilty about it?  Fark you.  There's much worse things a person can be than a responsible drunk.


I don't even care about being "responsible." I pay my bills, leave other people alone and the dogs think highly of me. If that's not good enough for somebody it's too damn bad.

JasonOfOrillia: This is like the definition of a binge.  Most people think of a binge as a lost weekend while researchers and health officials feel it is 4 pints of beer or more (or the equivalent).  I think there is a disconnect there.


I've never had a lost weekend but there are many stretches of time I wish I didn't remember; of course most of them were when I wasn't drinking because drunkenness impairs memory formation. As for binge drinking, I do that every night. HA.


gnosis301: I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking solution. To life.


This.

Now I should eat, then go lie down. Before I pass out still hungry and wake up with a low blood sugar headache.
 
2013-11-09 10:12:25 PM  
I don't need a test. I already failed in the real world when my allergy caused me to break out in handcuffs twice, cost me my career, almost cost me my family, and buried me in enough debt that I could have gone to school for almost two years. In the end my last night drinking turned out to be the most expensive cab ride I didn't take, but since I'm still alive and probably wouldn't be had I not been arrested I suppose I should count my blessings.

bayoubruce: What a stupid test.  I don't believe any of it. I can stop anytime I wish.


Lucky you. Why don't you go down to a rehab clinic and observe just one of the several thousand cases of human wreckage resulting from alcoholism. You'll forever be glad that you weren't one of them.
 
2013-11-09 10:13:42 PM  
I had a high score, but the number is unreliable because I was in a drunken stupor while taking the test.
 
2013-11-09 10:15:39 PM  
Finally, a way to measure high scores. Who's going to set up the leaderboards?
 
2013-11-09 10:22:04 PM  
Im a Spiritualist not an alcoholic get it right damn it!
 
2013-11-09 10:22:56 PM  
So I computed my score and it came up 80 proof.  Good enough, right?
 
2013-11-09 11:10:53 PM  
www.motivateusnot.com
 
2013-11-09 11:36:22 PM  
TFA: How often do you have a drink containing alcohol: Never
How many units of alcohol you consume in a typical day: 1-2


www.blogcdn.com

You're. Not. Even. TRYING! Daily Fail!
 
2013-11-09 11:37:19 PM  
Do the figures in the test account for butt chugging?   I don't remember what happens in the evening even when I don't drink, so I guess I can say no.
 
2013-11-09 11:51:08 PM  
i306.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-10 12:46:37 AM  
Before I quit drinking, I'd drink around 9-10 drinks each night Sunday-Thurs and probably 15-20 Fridays and Saturdays, normally until blackout. I might have had a drinking problem.
 
2013-11-10 03:54:14 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy:


Good Luck, We're all counting on you.
 
2013-11-10 04:12:54 AM  
Do drinks still count as consumed after you vomit them back up again?
 
2013-11-10 04:20:02 AM  
Why does a 125 ml glass of red wine count as 1.6 units, while a 125 ml glass of white wine counts as 2.3 units?
 
2013-11-10 05:13:24 AM  

MurphyMurphy: Bungles: It's more "everything's fine if you're a nice drunk" test.

Are you a puritan; suggesting it's not?

If you can drink and have a good time,
have no issues of dependency
and it doesn't negatively impact your life either from your viewpoint or the ones who love you....

I'm failing to see the negative side here.

Unless this is about me making my liver survive until I'm crapping in diapers at the age of 110?....



Not at all - I drink pretty heavily (ie normally).

But this is intended as health advice. No matter how pleasant a drunk you are, or even if you don't really get drunk at all, most people will have a health price to pay at 50 for a life time of drinking 10+ units every day for the previous 35 years.
 
2013-11-10 09:01:51 AM  

Super Chronic: I had a high score, but the number is unreliable because I was in a drunken stupor while taking the test.


Any test that doesn't ask "how often do you accidentally smoke crack in one of your drunken stupors" is useless.
 
2013-11-10 10:20:42 AM  

Gordon Bennett: Do drinks still count as consumed after you vomit them back up again?


Well in beer golf, your lose all credit for the drinks you puke up, so I don't think they should count here either.
 
Displayed 50 of 102 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report