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(New York Daily News)   Today's lesson for lonely noobs: How not to post online dating profile photos   (nydailynews.com) divider line 80
    More: Amusing, bed sheets, lessons, dating, mermaids  
•       •       •

12313 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Nov 2013 at 11:03 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-11-09 09:29:20 AM  
We did this thread the other day but I can't find it.
 
2013-11-09 09:47:46 AM  
This is the funniest damn thing I've found in awhile:

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-11-09 10:41:14 AM  
I've never seen a mermaid with a moustache before.

I'd actually let the watermelon girl go down on me.
 
2013-11-09 10:58:36 AM  
The watermelon girl was in an article a couple days ago, and it was most definitely NOT a dating profile.
 
2013-11-09 11:06:32 AM  
It's from that Russian dating photo tumblr or whatever that was linked to.  Funny, but repeat.
 
2013-11-09 11:07:34 AM  
And I will pick my very best one...

/Too obscure?
 
2013-11-09 11:08:39 AM  
Sweet fark, my eyes.  They actually screamed and inverted in their sockets when I got to the one of the...person...on the kitchen counter.  Was that a dude or a chick?  I couldn't get a good look with my eyeballs pointing backwards.
 
2013-11-09 11:09:02 AM  
On a somewhat related topic, I JUST learned about Catfish.  I saw the movie the other day and didn't know there was a series after it!

I've been catching up onDemand and it's FASCINATING!!

I mean, there certainly is a common thread in all the women, which is sad.  It speaks to self-esteem more than maliciousness.

Though some of them biatches be CRAZY!!
 
2013-11-09 11:12:06 AM  
long ago there was an ad campaign:

"Arby's is different. Different is good"

but here we see that:

"Russians are different."

and no one thinks that different is good.

ergo: Different is NOT good and Arby's sucks.
 
2013-11-09 11:12:40 AM  
The second one looks like Scott Farkis or his buddy Toad from "A Christmas Story."

"Listen here, twerp.  When I say 'come' you better come."

"uncle uncle uncle uncle UNCLE UNNCCLLLLEEEE."
 
2013-11-09 11:13:02 AM  
"Hi WatermelonMunchingBikiniCladGal - I saw your profile pic on "FruityLovers" website.

Can you please answer a question to help clarify our potential compatibility? Was the pictured watermelon male or female? Was the watermelon face-up or face-down? Oh, and do you like to eat Kiwi fruit with the fuzzy skin on or off?

/that is all
 
2013-11-09 11:13:45 AM  
Well, maybe they're using strange bait because they are trying to catch strange fish.

Whatever works for them.
 
2013-11-09 11:14:08 AM  
FarkSingles.com
 
2013-11-09 11:14:17 AM  

jaylectricity: I've never seen a mermaid with a moustache before.

I'd actually let the watermelon girl go down on me.


I'd let most women go down on me.
 
2013-11-09 11:17:36 AM  
assets.nydailynews.com

Hey, I'd date the guy in the bathtub--if he was about 40 years older, that is. A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and rubber gloves? I can't stop laughing at that picture.
 
2013-11-09 11:19:00 AM  
That cosplayer was the best of the lot.  Not sure which anime he was referencing.

The guy with his shirt off was arguably the worst.
 
2013-11-09 11:19:10 AM  

Nuclear Monk: FarkSingles.com


That was my thought
 
2013-11-09 11:20:49 AM  
Eh, I'd bang the cross-eyed mermad
 
2013-11-09 11:21:50 AM  

cryinoutloud: [assets.nydailynews.com image 610x479]

Hey, I'd date the guy in the bathtub--if he was about 40 years older, that is. A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and rubber gloves? I can't stop laughing at that picture.


User can not be ignored while favorited.  That is all
 
2013-11-09 11:21:53 AM  
In other news, the Daily News will pay you to troll Russian dating websites.  So, get paid for the lulz when finding fuglies, but also hit on people better looking than most people of your own ethnic tribe at the same time; win-win.
 
2013-11-09 11:22:22 AM  
The last guy, with the muscles, and the acne all over his chest, "Steroids much, my good dude?"
 
2013-11-09 11:22:29 AM  
assets.nydailynews.com

Worst dating profile photos of all time
Hats off to this guy, who should have no problems luring a lady friend into his web of seduction thanks to his knockout fashion sense.


This is a GUY???!!!11!!???

assets.nydailynews.com

HOT!!!

/like Chernobyl
 
2013-11-09 11:23:45 AM  
If I were single, my online dating pictures would be:

Me cooking dinner
Me raking leaves (just had to do that this morning)
Me vacuuming
Me cleaning the litterbox

The ladies in my 50ish age class would be all over me.
 
2013-11-09 11:24:15 AM  
I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard...
 
2013-11-09 11:29:08 AM  

cryinoutloud: [assets.nydailynews.com image 610x479]

Hey, I'd date the guy in the bathtub--if he was about 40 years older, that is. A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and rubber gloves? I can't stop laughing at that picture.


You forgot the cute little doggie, see, he's well balanced bad ass and sensitive too.  Also, I'll bet any money that's not wine, he looks 12.
/dish gloves also tells me he's freaky deaky
 
2013-11-09 11:41:03 AM  
Russian dating site. These were probably all approved by a shirtless Putin after a long day of wrestling bears, so that would explain the cultural disconnect.
 
2013-11-09 11:45:27 AM  

LeroyBourne: cryinoutloud: [assets.nydailynews.com image 610x479]

Hey, I'd date the guy in the bathtub--if he was about 40 years older, that is. A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and rubber gloves? I can't stop laughing at that picture.

You forgot the cute little doggie, see, he's well balanced bad ass and sensitive too.  Also, I'll bet any money that's not wine, he looks 12.
/dish gloves also tells me he's freaky deaky


I thought it was a girl.

/NTTAWWT
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-11-09 11:47:42 AM  
I also thought tub guy was tub gi... can you say that on Fark?
 
2013-11-09 11:48:14 AM  

LeroyBourne: You forgot the cute little doggie, see, he's well balanced bad ass and sensitive too. Also, I'll bet any money that's not wine, he looks 12.
/dish gloves also tells me he's freaky deaky


I think that's a different guy. (Bad slideshow and hot-linked.) As for him, hmmm......well, as you mentioned, his cute dog figures prominently in the picture. Good. He's waving a sword or something instead of a gun. Good, shows originality. Nice bod. Good. He looks kind of like my old boyfriend in college. If internet dating had existed back then, he could have posted a picture just like that on a dating site and thought it was freaking hilarious. Because he would be looking for a woman just like me, who thinks that his picture is also hilarious. You guys just don't get it.

The kid in the tub is probably scarier, since he's 12 and into things that require rubber gloves.
Thank god I don't date. it's way too complicated.
 
2013-11-09 11:48:31 AM  
1) At the first pic, I thought "Rooskie dating site". At the second pic I thought "er, maybe a Nigel site". The rest of the pack settled it: definitely Rooskie.

2) If I were putting together a punk band, "Cross-eyed Mermaid" would be its name.


/ Will have nightmares about #8
 
2013-11-09 11:49:10 AM  

Gergesa: That cosplayer was the best of the lot.  Not sure which anime he was referencing.

The guy with his shirt off was arguably the worst.


I think all the guys had their shirts off.
 
2013-11-09 11:51:14 AM  

cryinoutloud: LeroyBourne: You forgot the cute little doggie, see, he's well balanced bad ass and sensitive too. Also, I'll bet any money that's not wine, he looks 12.
/dish gloves also tells me he's freaky deaky

I think that's a different guy. (Bad slideshow and hot-linked.) As for him, hmmm......well, as you mentioned, his cute dog figures prominently in the picture. Good. He's waving a sword or something instead of a gun. Good, shows originality. Nice bod. Good. He looks kind of like my old boyfriend in college. If internet dating had existed back then, he could have posted a picture just like that on a dating site and thought it was freaking hilarious. Because he would be looking for a woman just like me, who thinks that his picture is also hilarious. You guys just don't get it.

The kid in the tub is probably scarier, since he's 12 and into things that require rubber gloves.
Thank god I don't date. it's way too complicated.


Pretty sure that's a woman. Note the strategically placed bubbles.
 
2013-11-09 11:53:44 AM  

ComaToast: Russian dating site. These were probably all approved by a shirtless Putin after a long day of wrestling forcing bears to be his horse, so that would explain the cultural disconnect.


www.russianlife.com
 
2013-11-09 11:54:22 AM  
That first picture needs some eye bleach.

i1.ytimg.com

I never got to the second one.
 
2013-11-09 11:55:03 AM  
Holy crap, please tell me #8 is a photoshop!
 
2013-11-09 11:55:05 AM  

milkyshirt: Gergesa: That cosplayer was the best of the lot.  Not sure which anime he was referencing.

The guy with his shirt off was arguably the worst.

I think all the guys had their shirts off.


errr should have clarified more.  The shirtless guy who needed to see a dermatologist.
 
2013-11-09 11:56:01 AM  
Pro Tip: Use GIS for your dating photos. Thats where those hot girls got theres.
 
2013-11-09 11:56:49 AM  
Watermelon girl wasn't that bad, but holy shiat @ the very last one. Number one, his face clearly identifies him as the missing link/date rapist combo pack, and it looks like he has an acne forest all over his upper chest.
 
2013-11-09 12:00:53 PM  

Vector R: Watermelon girl wasn't that bad, but holy shiat @ the very last one. Number one, his face clearly identifies him as the missing link/date rapist combo pack, and it looks like he has an acne forest all over his upper chest.


Ha, lmeao
 
2013-11-09 12:04:41 PM  
Stupid phone will only let me view the first two. Anyone can deslidify please?
 
2013-11-09 12:05:38 PM  

milkyshirt: Pretty sure that's a woman. Note the strategically placed bubbles.


What kind of bullshiat dating site is that, they don't even identify the sex of the people?? I don't know which parts of my body to shave in preparation for a date.
 
2013-11-09 12:06:09 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-09 12:08:19 PM  

cryinoutloud: LeroyBourne: You forgot the cute little doggie, see, he's well balanced bad ass and sensitive too. Also, I'll bet any money that's not wine, he looks 12.
/dish gloves also tells me he's freaky deaky

I think that's a different guy. (Bad slideshow and hot-linked.) As for him, hmmm......well, as you mentioned, his cute dog figures prominently in the picture. Good. He's waving a sword or something instead of a gun. Good, shows originality. Nice bod. Good. He looks kind of like my old boyfriend in college. If internet dating had existed back then, he could have posted a picture just like that on a dating site and thought it was freaking hilarious. Because he would be looking for a woman just like me, who thinks that his picture is also hilarious. You guys just don't get it.


So if I make a dating profile I should just drop a yam down my pants?

The kid in the tub is probably scarier, since he's 12 and into things that require rubber gloves.
Thank god I don't date. it's way too complicated.


Whenever I see a guy with dish gloves I think about that quick scene in Fight Club where you can hear Tyler and (whatshername) banging and when he opens the door and asks Ed Norten's character if he wants to finish her off he's wearing dish gloves.  Don't ask why my mind goes there, but it does.
 
2013-11-09 12:09:03 PM  
Where is the trusty picture of the "have to be at the gym in 26 minutes" guy?
 
2013-11-09 12:09:23 PM  

cryinoutloud: LeroyBourne: You forgot the cute little doggie, see, he's well balanced bad ass and sensitive too. Also, I'll bet any money that's not wine, he looks 12.
/dish gloves also tells me he's freaky deaky

I think that's a different guy. (Bad slideshow and hot-linked.) As for him, hmmm......well, as you mentioned, his cute dog figures prominently in the picture. Good. He's waving a sword or something instead of a gun. Good, shows originality. Nice bod. Good. He looks kind of like my old boyfriend in college. If internet dating had existed back then, he could have posted a picture just like that on a dating site and thought it was freaking hilarious. Because he would be looking for a woman just like me, who thinks that his picture is also hilarious. You guys just don't get it.

The kid in the tub is probably scarier, since he's 12 and into things that require rubber gloves.
Thank god I don't date. it's way too complicated.


Married 23 years.. : "how you doing"
 
2013-11-09 12:10:17 PM  

flucto: We did this thread the other day but I can't find it.


RangerTaylor: It's from that Russian dating photo tumblr or whatever that was linked to.  Funny, but repeat.


There are *some* new ones, but mostly, yes, a lot of these are from that imgur thingee we saw a while back.

And I just KNEW Beaver Face was gonna be in the mix...
 
2013-11-09 12:13:08 PM  
gun show?
dude with the speedo, guns, and guitars owns that one
 
2013-11-09 12:13:17 PM  

99.998er: Where is the trusty picture of the "have to be at the gym in 26 minutes" guy?


Well if you are going to insist on it
cache.gawker.com

clatl.com
 
2013-11-09 12:13:30 PM  

cryinoutloud: [assets.nydailynews.com image 610x479]

Hey, I'd date the guy in the bathtub--if he was about 40 years older, that is. A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and rubber gloves? I can't stop laughing at that picture.


I...uh... hmm.  The guy in the tub looks AWFULLY familiar.  I also just showed that pic to the BF, and he thought the same thing.

creeeeeeepyyyyyy
 
2013-11-09 12:15:37 PM  

dopekitty74: Stupid phone will only let me view the first two. Anyone can deslidify please?


Deslided (I hope)
 
2013-11-09 12:20:58 PM  

LeroyBourne: So if I make a dating profile I should just drop a yam down my pants?


That's not hilarious. No, you should post a picture like this guy (I saved this because he's my dream man):

imageshack.us

People understand sarcasm and inside jokes as well on dating sites as they do around here. Trust me, post something stupid and the girls will love it!!  Especially if you're a very serious person. Your true soul mate will "get it."

/Do not take dating advice from me
//See any previous post from me, ever.
 
2013-11-09 12:28:44 PM  

cryinoutloud: That's not hilarious. No, you should post a picture like this guy (I saved this because he's my dream man):


Is that the cat guy from Key West?
 
2013-11-09 01:02:54 PM  

RedPhoenix122: This is the funniest damn thing I've found in awhile:


Enough with the small hats.
Don't know how that got to be a thing, but most of us can't pull it off. Tiny skinny jeans hipsters get a pass, but for most of us, just no.

/Lanky long-face here, no sour grapes at all.
//Not envious.
///No sir, not one bit.
 
2013-11-09 01:05:01 PM  
If I wasn't already taken by my dream girl, I'd take a try with watermelon-girl, or pouring-a-drink-on-herself girl.  Little old for the latter, though.

/I'm too old for her, you sick-minded farks
//welcome to fark
 
2013-11-09 01:12:13 PM  
farkingismybusiness:

That guy needed to become a meme. You have done the world a great service.

Also,

assets.nydailynews.com

Nothing like a nice picnic at a landfill on a breezy, Autumn day.
 
2013-11-09 01:12:41 PM  

Space_Poet: cryinoutloud: That's not hilarious. No, you should post a picture like this guy (I saved this because he's my dream man):
Is that the cat guy from Key West?


If you mean the guy who has trained cats in Key West, no. It came from some very old Fark thread about a guy who claimed he could give good investment advice because it came from his cat or something. That was his picture from his website.
 
2013-11-09 01:13:09 PM  

RedPhoenix122: This is the funniest damn thing I've found in awhile:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 500x485]


... and fedoras are for douchebags.
 
2013-11-09 01:16:57 PM  

offmymeds: Worst dating profile photos of all time
Hats off to this guy, who should have no problems luring a lady friend into his web of seduction thanks to his knockout fashion sense.

This is a GUY???!!!11!!???



HOT!!!

/like Chernobyl


That watermelon picture reminds me of the Stephen King story of the guy who grazed on the lawn.
 
2013-11-09 01:49:56 PM  
I'm pretty sure i know watermelon girl.
 
2013-11-09 02:01:19 PM  
s3-ec.buzzfed.com

A few more fine examples HERE
 
2013-11-09 02:06:42 PM  

EJ25T: RedPhoenix122: This is the funniest damn thing I've found in awhile:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 500x485]

... and fedoras

trilbys  are for douchebags.


i105.photobucket.com
This is a fedora.
 
2013-11-09 02:10:46 PM  

traylor: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 503x661]

A few more fine examples HERE


i105.photobucket.com
I like a woman with a big fish.
 
2013-11-09 02:15:42 PM  

FloydA: EJ25T: RedPhoenix122: This is the funniest damn thing I've found in awhile:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 500x485]

... and fedoras trilbys  are for douchebags.



This is a fedora.


Thank you. Precise language is everything.

/Didn't know what the silly small hats are called.
//Too farking lazy to look up.
///Wearing a baseball cap right now. Maybe overcompsating for femme tendencies.
 
2013-11-09 02:15:58 PM  

FloydA: traylor: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 503x661]

A few more fine examples HERE

[i105.photobucket.com image 500x375]
I like a woman with a big fish.


Are you sure she isn't using that as an air freshener?
 
2013-11-09 02:20:58 PM  

Kibbler: If I were single, my online dating pictures would be:

Me cooking dinner
Me raking leaves (just had to do that this morning)
Me vacuuming
Me cleaning the litterbox


The ladies in my 50ish age class would be all over me.

mrwgifs.com
 
2013-11-09 02:22:22 PM  
#1, #7.

Don't bother bathing them, just bring them to me.


/old
//not picky
///wears condoms
 
2013-11-09 02:23:31 PM  
pushcart:
Thank you. Precise language is everything.

/Didn't know what the silly small hats are called.
//Too farking lazy to look up.
///Wearing a baseball cap right now. Maybe overcompsating for femme tendencies.



No prob.  Sinatra was the only person in history who ever wore a trilby without looking like a complete schlemiel, and even he looked kind of dorky.  Nobody should ever wear a trilby.
 
2013-11-09 02:25:24 PM  

AbuHashish: FloydA: traylor: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 503x661]

A few more fine examples HERE

[i105.photobucket.com image 500x375]
I like a woman with a big fish.

Are you sure she isn't using that as an air freshener?


Of course; why do you think I like her?  It's those little extra touches of effort that really make an online dating profile appealing.  I have no idea what any of the other rooms in any of the other pictures smell like, but that one, I know for certain.
 
2013-11-09 02:29:48 PM  

Kibbler: If I were single, my online dating pictures would be:

Me cooking dinner
Me raking leaves (just had to do that this morning)
Me vacuuming
Me cleaning the litterbox

The ladies in my 50ish age class would be all over me.


HAHAHAHA!!!

Ain't this the truth.

My Princess states she would beat down any 'chicky' that makes a run on me.

She also states that it would cost too much to replace me, what with the mechanical, outdoor, indoor, and 'House Boy' services I gleefully provide.

Plus, I still have my original teeth, and most of my hair is still topside.
 
2013-11-09 02:55:53 PM  

xanadian: dopekitty74: Stupid phone will only let me view the first two. Anyone can deslidify please?

Deslided (I hope)


Thanks, that last guy makes me think of the Berserker guy in Clerks for some reason
 
2013-11-09 03:48:49 PM  
Marcus Aurelius: The watermelon girl was in an article a couple days ago, and it was most definitely NOT a dating profile.

GIS by image reveals no occurrence of that photo on any sort of dating site.

Therefore, I claim that this article.

furiousfanboys.com
 
2013-11-09 04:56:18 PM  

jim32rr: User can not be ignored while favorited. That is all


Hey jim32rr you bought me TF back in April.  Not sure what I did to deserve but thanks anyway. <3
 
2013-11-09 05:24:13 PM  

traylor: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 503x661]

A few more fine examples HERE


He's cute, has fun toys AND he does housework. I'm all over that!
 
2013-11-09 06:48:51 PM  

cryinoutloud: Hey, I'd date the guy in the bathtub--if he was about 40 years older, that is. A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and rubber gloves? I can't stop laughing at that picture.


Ninja boy is at least a 7; I'd need to see without all the dumb shiat on him, maybe a high 8.
 
2013-11-09 10:27:56 PM  

farkingismybusiness: [i.imgur.com image 660x495]


Result of don't stick you dick in crazy Chernobyl...
 
2013-11-09 10:30:36 PM  
Totally random thought - wtf is it with Russians tacking their rugs to the wall? I just don't get that. So the rugs are too precious to put under your feet, so we nail them to the wall? WTF?
 
2013-11-09 11:08:28 PM  

Macular Degenerate: Totally random thought - wtf is it with Russians tacking their rugs to the wall? I just don't get that. So the rugs are too precious to put under your feet, so we nail them to the wall? WTF?


I think that's the point where the rug becomes a tapestry instead. Or it's to help keep out the drafts, one or the other.
 
2013-11-10 02:02:04 AM  

Macular Degenerate: Totally random thought - wtf is it with Russians tacking their rugs to the wall? I just don't get that. So the rugs are too precious to put under your feet, so we nail them to the wall? WTF?


It probably increases insulation. It's cold out there.

In the Muslim cultures, you can't put pix up of human representations, so that's another factor.
 
2013-11-10 10:04:34 AM  

It's Me Bender: jim32rr: User can not be ignored while favorited. That is all

Hey jim32rr you bought me TF back in April.  Not sure what I did to deserve but thanks anyway. <3


I had just broke it off with your Mom, felt bad for you champ
 
2013-11-10 10:50:25 AM  
Eek
Just Eek
 
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