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(Gawker)   Best audio recording of a five year old explaining why she gave her three year old sister a haircut you'll hear until your kid does it   (gawker.com) divider line 67
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7123 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Nov 2013 at 10:42 AM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-08 10:45:56 AM
Made it eight seconds until I jabbed pencils in my ears
 
msP
2013-11-08 10:46:14 AM
I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

But also, who leaves their three and five year old unsupervised with scissors!?
 
2013-11-08 10:47:22 AM
This is why there's only one little axemanking.
 
2013-11-08 10:48:34 AM
That made me laugh so hard, I hurt myself. Yes, our kids are long grown and gone, and this shiat is funny now.
 
2013-11-08 10:48:43 AM
It was not that entertaining...
 
2013-11-08 10:49:18 AM
product-images.highwire.com
 
2013-11-08 10:49:48 AM
I love the justification that her hair was so long that when she would wipe her butt it would fall in the toilet and that is gross.
 
2013-11-08 10:55:10 AM
haircutting takes a lot of concentration!
 
2013-11-08 10:57:46 AM
I like how quickly the younger girl threw her sister under the bus when questioned about the hair cut.

CSB,

when we were kids my sister and I went over with our parents to another family's house and while the grown ups chitchatted, the kids played in the basement.  My sister, in the midst of playing "beauty salon" got some scissors  and cut the little girls bangs super short, like cropped right to her head.  The cool part of the story was that the mother lost her mind.  She said we were NEVER welcome in her home again (I did NOTHING mind you) and she didn't speak to my mother or father for a little more than a year.  I mean look, I get that it was a bad thing for my sister to do ...but it's just hair lady...shiat happens.  Get over it.
 
2013-11-08 11:01:13 AM
Yep, allowing kids access to sharp objects makes for cute audio.
 
2013-11-08 11:03:04 AM
I've got some great cat stories to share with you guys. Gather around.
 
2013-11-08 11:03:15 AM

Carn: I love the justification that her hair was so long that when she would wipe her butt it would fall in the toilet and that is gross.


That, I thought, was a valid point to make.
 
2013-11-08 11:03:53 AM
Nobody cares about the stupid things your kids do.
 
2013-11-08 11:04:11 AM

Grumpy Cat: I've got some great cat stories to share with you guys. Gather around.


Lipstick butt Kitchen Counter???
 
2013-11-08 11:04:58 AM

ChipNASA: Made it eight seconds until I jabbed pencils in my ears

msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.


Spoiler alert.  People with this attitude, once/if they do have kids, become the absolute worst of the helicopter parent crowd.

/teacher
 
2013-11-08 11:06:57 AM

pkellmey: Yep, allowing kids access to sharp objects makes for cute audio.


1) a five year old can get into anything.  I found my daughter putting a sweater shaver on her stomach when she was five.  She'd stacked boxes and was going through drawers.

2) Several million children know how to safely use scissors at the age of five.  My kid was doing paper crafting in kindergarten at that age, using scissors every day.
 
2013-11-08 11:09:08 AM
That was awesome.

But I think that because I'm a parent with three girls and I've been there. People who don't have kids will probably either go, "meh," or find it annoying.
 
2013-11-08 11:10:02 AM

TwoBeersOneCan: ChipNASA: Made it eight seconds until I jabbed pencils in my ears
msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

Spoiler alert.  People with this attitude, once/if they do have kids, become the absolute worst of the helicopter parent crowd.

/teacher


That is because "No one is more important than me" becomes "No one is more important than my child".

Narcissism can take many forms.
 
2013-11-08 11:11:09 AM

teenytinycornteeth: I like how quickly the younger girl threw her sister under the bus when questioned about the hair cut.

CSB,

when we were kids my sister and I went over with our parents to another family's house and while the grown ups chitchatted, the kids played in the basement.  My sister, in the midst of playing "beauty salon" got some scissors  and cut the little girls bangs super short, like cropped right to her head.  The cool part of the story was that the mother lost her mind.  She said we were NEVER welcome in her home again (I did NOTHING mind you) and she didn't speak to my mother or father for a little more than a year.  I mean look, I get that it was a bad thing for my sister to do ...but it's just hair lady...shiat happens.  Get over it.


I'd be interested in what the 2 kids turned into and what they think of their mother now.

If you don't have kids, you probably won't like the link.  I think it's great.  Fark is 90% people who can't get laid, so...I'm curious why this was greenlit but happy about it nonetheless.
 
2013-11-08 11:12:27 AM

teenytinycornteeth: pkellmey: Yep, allowing kids access to sharp objects makes for cute audio.

1) a five year old can get into anything.  I found my daughter putting a sweater shaver on her stomach when she was five.  She'd stacked boxes and was going through drawers.

2) Several million children know how to safely use scissors at the age of five.  My kid was doing paper crafting in kindergarten at that age, using scissors every day.


They don't have to be sharp either.  my son (at age 4) decided he wanted to modify his pants with safety scissors.  He ended up with the worst 70's era looking cutoffs around.

Sometimes kids will put a lot of effort into their hair brained endeavors.
 
2013-11-08 11:12:43 AM

teenytinycornteeth: pkellmey: Yep, allowing kids access to sharp objects makes for cute audio.

1) a five year old can get into anything.  I found my daughter putting a sweater shaver on her stomach when she was five.  She'd stacked boxes and was going through drawers.

2) Several million children know how to safely use scissors at the age of five.  My kid was doing paper crafting in kindergarten at that age, using scissors every day.


There are scissors that are specifically manufactured for use by kids of that age. Scissors that are fully capable of cutting hair.

/As my kids can attest.
 
2013-11-08 11:14:11 AM
Nana's Vibrator:

If you don't have kids, you probably won't like the link.  I think it's great.  Fark is 90% people who can't get laid, so...I'm curious why this was greenlit but happy about it nonetheless.

True. And if you don't like kids, why would you click the link?
 
2013-11-08 11:14:54 AM
Better than what my niece did to my nephew when they were little. She scratched both side of his face with her nails, it was real quick because her parents were in the same room and looked at them as soon as they heard crying but it was already too late. He was bleeding in the face and her nails were bloody. They were both crying, he was hurt and she realized she had done something very bad. I think she was about 4 and he was about 2.
 
2013-11-08 11:23:19 AM
Well, that was stinking cute. I remember cutting my own hair when I was three or four. My parents were not pleased, but they knew enough not to make a huge deal about it. Hair grows. They did try to explain that scissors are not for little kids, but I wasn't having it. After all, I didn't get hurt.

Love how she tried to hide the hair under the radiator. Kids are the greatest at planning and execution.
 
2013-11-08 11:26:16 AM

HideMonkey: Nana's Vibrator:

If you don't have kids, you probably won't like the link.  I think it's great.  Fark is 90% people who can't get laid, so...I'm curious why this was greenlit but happy about it nonetheless.

True. And if you don't like kids, why would you click the link?


So you can have an outlet for telling everyone how much you hate "crotchfruit" or whatever zany term you've come up with.
 
2013-11-08 11:27:20 AM

msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

But also, who leaves their three and five year old unsupervised with scissors!?


it is called going to the bathroom
 
2013-11-08 11:30:36 AM

plushpuppy: msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

But also, who leaves their three and five year old unsupervised with scissors!?

it is called going to the bathroom


Wow, I really don't want to know what you're doing in there.
 
2013-11-08 11:33:04 AM

msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

But also, who leaves their three and five year old unsupervised with scissors!?


you listen here now buddy - the world needs darwin award winners too ya know

so you'd just better thank your lucking stars and previous darwinners that gave their lives in the advancement of our species .


/good day ....i said goood daaay !
 
2013-11-08 11:40:18 AM

msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

But also, who leaves their three and five year old unsupervised with scissors!?


That beer isn't going to buy it's self.
 
2013-11-08 11:42:44 AM

teenytinycornteeth: pkellmey: Yep, allowing kids access to sharp objects makes for cute audio.

1) a five year old can get into anything.  I found my daughter putting a sweater shaver on her stomach when she was five.  She'd stacked boxes and was going through drawers.

2) Several million children know how to safely use scissors at the age of five.  My kid was doing paper crafting in kindergarten at that age, using scissors every day.


This. When I was five, I cut my cousin's hair the day before picture day. I gave him a Caesar cut back in 1977, that was not the look at the time.
 
2013-11-08 11:42:54 AM
This brings back memories of when my 4-year-old cut off the cat's whiskers.
 
2013-11-08 11:44:35 AM

msP: But also, who leaves their three and five year old unsupervised with scissors!?


You'll put your eye out kid.
 
2013-11-08 11:45:07 AM

teenytinycornteeth: HideMonkey: Nana's Vibrator:

If you don't have kids, you probably won't like the link.  I think it's great.  Fark is 90% people who can't get laid, so...I'm curious why this was greenlit but happy about it nonetheless.

True. And if you don't like kids, why would you click the link?

So you can have an outlet for telling everyone how much you hate "crotchfruit" or whatever zany term you've come up with.


This makes it two threads in the past two days where the only mention of the word 'crotchfruit' was made by parents.
 
2013-11-08 11:47:59 AM

katerbug72: teenytinycornteeth: pkellmey: Yep, allowing kids access to sharp objects makes for cute audio.

1) a five year old can get into anything.  I found my daughter putting a sweater shaver on her stomach when she was five.  She'd stacked boxes and was going through drawers.

2) Several million children know how to safely use scissors at the age of five.  My kid was doing paper crafting in kindergarten at that age, using scissors every day.

This. When I was five, I cut my cousin's hair the day before picture day. I gave him a Caesar cut back in 1977, that was not the look at the time.


At this point, it's difficult to see which posts believe they are supporting/not supporting the original post.
 
2013-11-08 11:48:34 AM
"Everyone does that kind of stuff sometimes."

Priceless.

Bright kids!
 
2013-11-08 11:56:45 AM
"When did you realize something had gone wrong"

"When I was finished and looked at it, and thought this is bad, bad bad bad bad."
 
2013-11-08 11:58:05 AM
That was a much longer explanation than mine would've been:

"For teh lulz"
 
2013-11-08 12:09:49 PM
I don't have kids but I liked the link. I do have 5 nephews and nieces and I remember being a kid.
 
2013-11-08 12:11:15 PM

Egoy3k: teenytinycornteeth: HideMonkey: Nana's Vibrator:

If you don't have kids, you probably won't like the link.  I think it's great.  Fark is 90% people who can't get laid, so...I'm curious why this was greenlit but happy about it nonetheless.

True. And if you don't like kids, why would you click the link?

So you can have an outlet for telling everyone how much you hate "crotchfruit" or whatever zany term you've come up with.

This makes it two threads in the past two days where the only mention of the word 'crotchfruit' was made by parents.


It's just always been one of my favorites.
 
2013-11-08 12:11:26 PM

msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

But also, who leaves their three and five year old unsupervised with scissors!?


Non-pussified bubble-wrap brigade parents?
 
2013-11-08 12:25:14 PM
My younger son took scissors, put them on top of his head in the front and snipped a hunk of hair off. His explanation was something akin to "didn't think my cunning plan through." I buzzed the rest of his hair, trying to make it less of a glaring bald spot, but it was still pretty obvious, he went down to the skin, right in the middle of a v-shaped cut.

He cried the whole time I was shaving his head, but there wasn't much else to be done about it. His hair had been about 2 inches long. Funny enough, when it started to get long again, he asked me to buzz it off. He had that haircut for a long time, by choice.
 
2013-11-08 12:29:41 PM

TwoBeersOneCan: Carn: I love the justification that her hair was so long that when she would wipe her butt it would fall in the toilet and that is gross.

That, I thought, was a valid point to make.


It really was. It would be gross for your hair to fall into the toilet!

Kids are more logical than people give them credit for.
 
2013-11-08 12:41:19 PM

Canton: TwoBeersOneCan: Carn: I love the justification that her hair was so long that when she would wipe her butt it would fall in the toilet and that is gross.

That, I thought, was a valid point to make.

It really was. It would be gross for your hair to fall into the toilet!


And to think, there are people in Japan who would pay big for that sort of thing.
 
2013-11-08 12:52:32 PM
My grandfather had four daughters, all with hair long enough to sit on. They went to stay at their grandmother's house for a week, and when they returned, they all had page-boy haircuts. My grandfather wouldn't speak to his own mother for over 10 years after that.
 
msP
2013-11-08 01:18:12 PM

TwoBeersOneCan: ChipNASA: Made it eight seconds until I jabbed pencils in my ears
msP: I just hate children so much. And this is just another perfect reason why.

Spoiler alert.  People with this attitude, once/if they do have kids, become the absolute worst of the helicopter parent crowd.

/teacher


Well thank science I'm not having children. Ever. Disgusting little brats.
 
2013-11-08 01:20:33 PM

Nana's Vibrator:   Fark is 90% people who can't get laid, so...


This coming from 'Nana's Vibrator'....

LOL!
 
2013-11-08 01:23:28 PM
Much cuter audio than I was expecting.

When I was a little girl, my father would sometimes let me put the shaving cream on his cheeks. I loved the way his stubble felt through the cream. When I was around six or seven, I cut the front of my hair in a semi-circle down to that same length of stubble and put shaving cream on it and sat in the bathroom rubbing and feeling it until I'd had enough, then went to the mirror to wash my hand and head and saw what I'd done to myself.

Horrified, I ran out of the bathroom, yelling to my mother that I didn't know what had happened. She screamed and then shouted, "What do you mean you don't know what happened? Did it all just suddenly jump off your head?"

She had to make bangs from near the middle of my head, and it worked as long as I stayed still. I was not a child who stayed still much... So picture a little girl in a dress and plastic head band running around the playground with a weird long flap of bangs flying up in front of the headband and a stubbly bald spot in front.

So, yeah, the five year old in the audio is right: "Everybody does this kind of thing - once, or twice, once."
 
2013-11-08 01:48:42 PM

Grumpy Cat: I've got some great cat stories to share with you guys. Gather around.


Go on..
 
2013-11-08 01:49:51 PM

Nogale: "Everyone does that kind of stuff sometimes."

Priceless.

Bright kids!


"It happens once or twice or three times in every life."
 
2013-11-08 02:24:06 PM

Cybernetic: That was awesome.

But I think that because I'm a parent with three girls and I've been there. People who don't have kids will probably either go, "meh," or find it annoying.


I don't have kids, and I found it hilarious and adorable.

"Did you think we were going to like it?"

"No! I didn't think you were going to scream like that, though."
 
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