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(WMCTV)   Man sentenced to 11 months in prison after his third arrest for having sex with a rubber pool raft. He had also "violated an inflatable pumpkin that was part of a Halloween display". With mugshot goodness   (wmctv.com ) divider line 61
    More: Followup, Halloween display, Halloween, Shelby County, WMC-TV  
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8741 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Nov 2013 at 10:04 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-08 08:48:25 AM  
That pumpkin was totally asking for it.
 
2013-11-08 08:49:43 AM  
memedepot.com
RUBBER FETISHES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!
 
2013-11-08 08:54:31 AM  
At least the raft got a blow job first
 
2013-11-08 09:01:48 AM  

EvilEgg: That pumpkin was totally asking for it.


It was probably a Slutty Pumpkin.

cdn.hitfix.com
 
2013-11-08 09:05:23 AM  
Yeah, I remember this guy from a greenlit Summer link. I think he's going to become a Fark classic.
 
2013-11-08 09:07:55 AM  

NickelP: At least the raft got a blow job first


*groan*

/lol
 
2013-11-08 09:29:51 AM  
Well that's just festive.
 
2013-11-08 09:47:06 AM  
He looks like his parents might be Cher and Sam Elliott.
 
2013-11-08 09:56:49 AM  
wxix.images.worldnow.com

pool humping pumpkin farker.
 
2013-11-08 09:57:36 AM  
This guy did nothing wrong. No charges were ever proven. He just had a few beers and tried to be funny. Everyone else just blew it out of proportion. People should be ashamed they rushed to judge him. He did nothing wrong. He is innocent.
 
2013-11-08 10:05:10 AM  
But you fark one rubber pool...
 
2013-11-08 10:09:03 AM  
He walked into the yard and parked his lanky frame upon a tall lawn chair
With a long soft southern drawl said
"I'll just have a raft of anything that's inflated"
A five year old girl with innocent eyes slowly looked him up and down
And she thought "I wonder how on earth
That frikkin pervert found his way in here"
She said "Hello, frikkin pervert
Did you come on our pumpkin?
I've seen some sights but, man, you're somethin'
Where'd ya come fromfrikkin pervert?"


with apologies to Cal Smith.
 
2013-11-08 10:09:41 AM  
At least it wasn't patio furniture.
 
2013-11-08 10:10:02 AM  
Bet he gets out and takes a job renting out bouncy houses.
 
hej
2013-11-08 10:12:05 AM  
You all think this is funny, but the fact of the matter is, a pool raft doesn't have the maturity or mental capacity to consent to sexual intercourse.
 
2013-11-08 10:12:53 AM  
Life must have gone south after the Spin Doctors broke up.
 
2013-11-08 10:13:33 AM  

vernonFL: He looks like his parents might be Cher and Sam Elliott.


there is a lot right about this
and at least 1 thing wrong
but mostly right
 
2013-11-08 10:14:23 AM  
He went from a pumpkin to a raft?

So he's farkin out of his gourd?

/nutin'
 
2013-11-08 10:15:27 AM  
And there's another candidate for "Inmate Who will Not Last One Week In Genpop" Award.
 
2013-11-08 10:16:41 AM  

hej: You all think this is funny, but the fact of the matter is, a pool raft doesn't have the maturity or mental capacity to consent to sexual intercourse.


Well, NOW I do.
 
2013-11-08 10:18:38 AM  
What's that joke about Cindarella... the fairy godmother says if she doesn't leave the party by midnight, her pussy will turn into a pumpkin.... so she goes to find Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater.
 
2013-11-08 10:20:22 AM  
Lucy's given up.

forum.t-tapp.com
 
2013-11-08 10:20:51 AM  
I'm not going to say I'm a prude, not by a long shot, nor that I don't have weird fetish fantasies (but I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being dressed as Little Bo Peep while spanked by Helen Mirren as she sings "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moon Light" and pours pudding on a ping pong table, amirite?). However I can state, without hesitation, that I have never looked at a Halloween decoration or pool flotation device and thought "Now, that there is looking MIGHTY fine! I think I'm on' hump it."
 
2013-11-08 10:21:19 AM  
Hamilton!, OH
 
2013-11-08 10:24:23 AM  

unchellmatt: I'm not going to say I'm a prude, not by a long shot, nor that I don't have weird fetish fantasies (but I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being dressed as Little Bo Peep while spanked by Helen Mirren as she sings "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moon Light" and pours pudding on a ping pong table, amirite?). However I can state, without hesitation, that I have never looked at a Halloween decoration or pool flotation device and thought "Now, that there is looking MIGHTY fine! I think I'm on' hump it."


I tried that once... my advice... leave it as a fantasy... dressing as bo peep and being spanked by Helen mirren isn't as good as everyone thinks it would be.
 
2013-11-08 10:25:10 AM  
img854.imageshack.us
 
2013-11-08 10:36:26 AM  
So.. I'm curious, how in the world would jail help this guy?

I'm not saying I have an answer, but there has to be a better solution then spending $30K+ to house him among other criminals for 11 months because he's having sex with a raft in public.
 
2013-11-08 10:37:52 AM  
No victim, no crime.
 
2013-11-08 10:38:22 AM  

CleanAndPure: unchellmatt: I'm not going to say I'm a prude, not by a long shot, nor that I don't have weird fetish fantasies (but I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being dressed as Little Bo Peep while spanked by Helen Mirren as she sings "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moon Light" and pours pudding on a ping pong table, amirite?). However I can state, without hesitation, that I have never looked at a Halloween decoration or pool flotation device and thought "Now, that there is looking MIGHTY fine! I think I'm on' hump it."

I tried that once... my advice... leave it as a fantasy... dressing as bo peep and being spanked by Helen mirren isn't as good as everyone thinks it would be.


You should have her use a wet garter belt to spank you. It really makes a difference.
 
2013-11-08 10:38:50 AM  
He should've gone with squeaky toys, at least they respond to touch.
 
2013-11-08 10:39:40 AM  
This wasn't about sex, it was about power and control. Why do you think he paddled it? It inflated his sense of self-worth.
 
2013-11-08 10:40:25 AM  
Sooo.. having sex with inanimate objects is a jaillin' now, wow there really isn't  a psychiatric system is there.
 
2013-11-08 10:43:27 AM  
They tell you to wear a rubber, you comply and the send you to jail.
 
2013-11-08 10:45:59 AM  

groppet: CleanAndPure: unchellmatt: I'm not going to say I'm a prude, not by a long shot, nor that I don't have weird fetish fantasies (but I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being dressed as Little Bo Peep while spanked by Helen Mirren as she sings "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moon Light" and pours pudding on a ping pong table, amirite?). However I can state, without hesitation, that I have never looked at a Halloween decoration or pool flotation device and thought "Now, that there is looking MIGHTY fine! I think I'm on' hump it."

I tried that once... my advice... leave it as a fantasy... dressing as bo peep and being spanked by Helen mirren isn't as good as everyone thinks it would be.

You should have her use a wet garter belt to spank you. It really makes a difference.


Next time I am dressed as little bo peep and being spanked by Helen mirren I shall remember your advice...

Thank you...

Now I just have to wait until wedbesday so I can find out.
 
2013-11-08 10:46:15 AM  
THIS - This is why we need stronger pool float possession laws. There are just simply too many pool floats available for the public safety. There's no reason people need so many pool floats - we should restrict the volume & capacity too.

Two little arm floaties provide ample buoyancy to keep a swimmer from drowning, (as does the little tombstone-shaped thingy they use at the Y); and they're too large for the average male to have sexual encounters with. BAN THE ASSAULT FLOATIES NOW BEFORE MORE CHILDREN HAVE TO SEE ATROCITIES LIKE THIS11!111!1!

/ "a well REGULATED militia..."
 
2013-11-08 10:46:20 AM  

albatros183: Sooo.. having sex with inanimate objects is a jaillin' now, wow there really isn't  a psychiatric system is there.


I think the big problem is he did all this in front of kids.
 
2013-11-08 10:46:43 AM  
assets.amuniversal.com
 
2013-11-08 10:47:04 AM  
Cell Mate: "So, buddy, what are you in for?"
 
2013-11-08 10:57:09 AM  

Kygz: Hamilton!, OH


The USGS frowns on your shenanigans.
 
2013-11-08 11:04:05 AM  
Save it for the off-season dude!

mimg.ugo.com
 
2013-11-08 11:04:49 AM  
I don't see a problem with his fetish.  It seems like the problem is that he feels the need to do this outside and not take into account the others around him.  That's the problem.
 
2013-11-08 11:11:34 AM  
blow-up sex dolls and rubber life rafts, while virtually the same thing, serve very different functions, sir.  Do not get them confused.
 
2013-11-08 11:16:00 AM  
Would need pictures of the pumpkin to decide on factualityness. Was it "carved"? Nudge nudge wink wink.
 
2013-11-08 11:16:38 AM  

unchellmatt: I'm not going to say I'm a prude, not by a long shot, nor that I don't have weird fetish fantasies (but I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being dressed as Little Bo Peep while spanked by Helen Mirren as she sings "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moon Light" and pours pudding on a ping pong table, amirite?). However I can state, without hesitation, that I have never looked at a Halloween decoration or pool flotation device and thought "Now, that there is looking MIGHTY fine! I think I'm on' hump it."


What about the one where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?
 
2013-11-08 11:18:13 AM  

CleanAndPure: unchellmatt: I'm not going to say I'm a prude, not by a long shot, nor that I don't have weird fetish fantasies (but I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being dressed as Little Bo Peep while spanked by Helen Mirren as she sings "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moon Light" and pours pudding on a ping pong table, amirite?). However I can state, without hesitation, that I have never looked at a Halloween decoration or pool flotation device and thought "Now, that there is looking MIGHTY fine! I think I'm on' hump it."

I tried that once... my advice... leave it as a fantasy... dressing as bo peep and being spanked by Helen mirren isn't as good as everyone thinks it would be.


Well, you didn't do the PUDDING, idiot!
 
2013-11-08 11:26:00 AM  

Schmerd1948: Would need pictures of the pumpkin to decide on factualityness. Was it "carved"? Nudge nudge wink wink.


Come on, tell me you wouldn't have at that beautiful orange body.
way2tan.com
 
2013-11-08 12:02:46 PM  

Snarfangel: Schmerd1948: Would need pictures of the pumpkin to decide on factualityness. Was it "carved"? Nudge nudge wink wink.

Come on, tell me you wouldn't have at that beautiful orange body.


She really likes Cheetos.
 
2013-11-08 12:11:49 PM  

vudukungfu: He walked into the yard and parked his lanky frame upon a tall lawn chair
With a long soft southern drawl said
"I'll just have a raft of anything that's inflated"
A five year old girl with innocent eyes slowly looked him up and down
And she thought "I wonder how on earth
That frikkin pervert found his way in here"
She said "Hello, frikkin pervert
Did you come on our pumpkin?
I've seen some sights but, man, you're somethin'
Where'd ya come fromfrikkin pervert?"


with apologies to Cal Smith.


slowclap.gif goes here.   Now I have that song stuck in my head.
 
2013-11-08 12:18:45 PM  

Snarfangel: Schmerd1948: Would need pictures of the pumpkin to decide on factualityness. Was it "carved"? Nudge nudge wink wink.

Come on, tell me you wouldn't have at that beautiful orange body.
[way2tan.com image 850x1032]


Why is that girl orange?
 
2013-11-08 12:25:58 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Snarfangel: Schmerd1948: Would need pictures of the pumpkin to decide on factualityness. Was it "carved"? Nudge nudge wink wink.

Come on, tell me you wouldn't have at that beautiful orange body.
[way2tan.com image 850x1032]

Why is that girl orange?


She got the lead role in "The Snooki Story", on Lifetime.
 
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