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(Gawker)   The stupidest idea you will read all day   (gawker.com) divider line 126
    More: Asinine, skydivers  
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18936 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Nov 2013 at 3:27 PM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



126 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-07 12:52:38 PM
You've no idea where I work, do you subby?
 
2013-11-07 12:56:51 PM
I'd read a few dozen dumber ideas than that before noon.
 
2013-11-07 12:59:26 PM
.... and how long before somebody finds out what happens to a person when they jump out of a plane at 35,000 feet traveling at 500 kts instead of a plane at 5,000 feet traveling 75 kts?

I'm sure that's just a minor difference.
 
2013-11-07 01:01:20 PM

I_Am_Weasel: You've no idea where I work, do you subby?


Pocket Ninja: I'd read a few dozen dumber ideas than that before noon.


DHS?
 
2013-11-07 01:08:43 PM
If it means the flight attendants put them on and jump out of the plane during the preflight routine, I'm all for it.
 
2013-11-07 01:23:14 PM
Doesn't help during takeoff and landing when most accidents happen
 
2013-11-07 01:26:31 PM
*challenge accepted*

We must make parachute pants mandatory for all air travelers!
 
2013-11-07 01:28:46 PM

Diogenes: If it means the flight attendants put them on and jump out of the plane during the preflight routine, I'm all for it.


But then you've got to suffer through the pop pop pop sound of all those flight attendants with broken ankles getting squished by your plane as it taxis the runway. As if in flight meals weren't unappetizing enough.

/what's the deal with that?!
 
2013-11-07 01:33:55 PM

Pocket Ninja: I'd read a few dozen dumber ideas than that before noon.


Strange, I didn't see you in the Politics Tab this morning...
 
2013-11-07 01:48:27 PM
Does this guy understand physics? You are usually pinned against something in a freefall.
 
2013-11-07 01:53:41 PM
Seeing how my fellow travelers handle getting a roller bag out of the overhead bin with nary a tremor of turbulence and seeing as how I can't scratch my balls without elbowing someone two seats away I certainly look forward to the sheer hilarity of 300 panicking lunatics simultaneously donning multi-strapped parachutes while being tossed about the cabin like a lotto machine powered by an F-15 engine
 
2013-11-07 01:59:26 PM
Do I have to read it?  The URL says to mandate parachutes for all airline passengers... does it get any less insane than that?
 
2013-11-07 01:59:52 PM

Donnchadha: .... and how long before somebody finds out what happens to a person when they jump out of a plane at 35,000 feet traveling at 500 kts instead of a plane at 5,000 feet traveling 75 kts?

I'm sure that's just a minor difference.


That's what those oxygen masks are for. DUH.

Bonkthat_Again: Does this guy understand physics? You are usually pinned against something in a freefall.


So you're saying each person needs ballistic parachutes. Got it.
 
2013-11-07 02:01:43 PM

b2theory: Doesn't help during takeoff and landing when most accidents happen


Fixed.

It doesn't help during takeoff or landing, since you're too close to the ground and there's not nearly enough time to evacuate, even if you were at a parachutable height. It doesn't help at altitude since plane doors are pressure-sealed and completely unopenable in flight, not that you'd want to jump out of a plane at altitude, since that's probably a more painful way to die than instantaneous fiery crash..
 
2013-11-07 02:12:12 PM

UrukHaiGuyz: Diogenes: If it means the flight attendants put them on and jump out of the plane during the preflight routine, I'm all for it.

But then you've got to suffer through the pop pop pop sound of all those flight attendants with broken ankles getting squished by your plane as it taxis the runway.


*fap*
 
2013-11-07 02:13:59 PM

nmrsnr: It doesn't help during takeoff or landing, since you're too close to the ground


Simple, put an ejection seat under each passenger.

/ was that so hard?
// How does one file a patent in this country
/// I'm a gonna get rich off this!!
 
2013-11-07 02:28:18 PM

Snotnose: nmrsnr: It doesn't help during takeoff or landing, since you're too close to the ground

Simple, put an ejection seat under each passenger.

/ was that so hard?
// How does one file a patent in this country
/// I'm a gonna get rich off this!!


Too costly. I'm planning on giving each seat the ability to inflate into this:

static.squarespace.com

...and watch the cash roll in like many human-sized hamster balls.
 
2013-11-07 02:31:19 PM

miss diminutive: Snotnose: nmrsnr: It doesn't help during takeoff or landing, since you're too close to the ground

Simple, put an ejection seat under each passenger.

/ was that so hard?
// How does one file a patent in this country
/// I'm a gonna get rich off this!!

Too costly. I'm planning on giving each seat the ability to inflate into this:

[static.squarespace.com image 799x531]

...and watch the cash roll in like many human-sized hamster balls.


Man!  I so want to try one of those things!  On a big hill.
 
2013-11-07 02:32:26 PM
Why not just make the whole plane out of the indestructible black box material?
 
2013-11-07 02:33:29 PM
I use to have to fly into Boston pretty often, and then go all the way out to Lexington. I thought it would be really convenient if they would let me jump out over Lexington and I wouldn't have to deal with that drive.
 
2013-11-07 02:42:56 PM
It would be slightly less ridiculous to mandate all airline seats have rocket eject/parachute capabilities (like fighter jets).
 
2013-11-07 03:29:25 PM
This assumes planes break up in the sky like the beginning of Lost all the time.

And imagine all the collisions with 200 people bailing out.
 
2013-11-07 03:29:33 PM
Are we all just going to ignore the fact that this is clearly a joke?
 
2013-11-07 03:30:26 PM
If it saves even one child, it is worth it.
 
2013-11-07 03:30:45 PM

Donnchadha: .... and how long before somebody finds out what happens to a person when they jump out of a plane at 35,000 feet traveling at 500 kts instead of a plane at 5,000 feet traveling 75 kts?

I'm sure that's just a minor difference.


Actually, pretty much no difference. Hooray for terminal velocity and physics!
 
2013-11-07 03:32:03 PM
www.kunocreative.com
 
2013-11-07 03:32:31 PM
The blob who inevitably sits next to me on any plane might need two..or three..or one of these
 
2013-11-07 03:32:43 PM
farm1.staticflickr.com
 
GBB
2013-11-07 03:33:21 PM
If the quality of airline supplied parachutes is anything like airline supplied headphones, I'll take my chances that Superman will come alone and catch the plane.
 
2013-11-07 03:33:22 PM
It's not as stupid as a seat cushion for floatation in a "water landing"
 
2013-11-07 03:34:52 PM

Chinchillazilla: Are we all just going to ignore the fact that this is clearly a joke?


I was going to say. It sounds like a piece satirizing the idea of profiteering from a traumatized populace crying Never Again over the latest freak event.
 
2013-11-07 03:35:48 PM

Chinchillazilla: Are we all just going to ignore the fact that this is clearly a joke?


Jokes are supposed to be funny.
 
2013-11-07 03:36:07 PM

shifty lookin bleeder: *challenge accepted*

We must make parachute pants mandatory for all air travelers!

I can't touch that!

 
2013-11-07 03:36:21 PM
Why can't airplanes have their own parachute
i.telegraph.co.uk
 
2013-11-07 03:36:23 PM

Bonkthat_Again: Does this guy understand physics? You are usually pinned against something in a freefall.


...wow...that is startlingly ignorant.
 
2013-11-07 03:36:32 PM
How about parachutes for all office workers who work above the 90th floor in an office tower THAT HAS DRYWALL SURROUNDING ITS STAIRWELLS INSTEAD OF BLOCK, BRICK OR OTHER RIGID MATERIALS.

You know, if that young engineer that was hired to break the standard design practices hadn't done what he did, we might not have had a war in Iraq. Hmmmmmmm.
 
2013-11-07 03:36:46 PM

Chinchillazilla: Are we all just going to ignore the fact that this is clearly a joke?


Yeah, it struck me as satire, but satirizing -what- I don't know.

Meh. It was two a.m., he had 20 minutes to deadline and a half-baked idea. Dumb article is dumb.
 
2013-11-07 03:36:54 PM

efgeise: Donnchadha: .... and how long before somebody finds out what happens to a person when they jump out of a plane at 35,000 feet traveling at 500 kts instead of a plane at 5,000 feet traveling 75 kts?

I'm sure that's just a minor difference.

Actually, pretty much no difference. Hooray for terminal velocity and physics!


Well, no difference velocity-wise, I should've said. There is a big difference in atmospheric pressure and whatnot, which might render you unconscious without an airmask. Plus it's much colder.

Duh me.
 
2013-11-07 03:37:46 PM

Donnchadha: .... and how long before somebody finds out what happens to a person when they jump out of a plane at 35,000 feet traveling at 500 kts instead of a plane at 5,000 feet traveling 75 kts?

I'm sure that's just a minor difference.


Yeah, but i want the ILLUSION that I might have a chance!  :o)
 
2013-11-07 03:38:02 PM
No, read the comments.
 
2013-11-07 03:38:10 PM
i209.photobucket.com

Approves.
 
2013-11-07 03:38:30 PM

efgeise: Donnchadha: .... and how long before somebody finds out what happens to a person when they jump out of a plane at 35,000 feet traveling at 500 kts instead of a plane at 5,000 feet traveling 75 kts?

I'm sure that's just a minor difference.

Actually, pretty much no difference. Hooray for terminal velocity and physics!


Actually lots of difference. True airspeed vs indicated (terminal velocity), deceleration of opening shock, the list goes on and on. May want to retread that physics book.
 
2013-11-07 03:38:55 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Why can't airplanes have their own parachute
[i.telegraph.co.uk image 620x620]


Came for this. Jack Handey said it best: "I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is anyone listening to me?!"
 
2013-11-07 03:39:33 PM
Each airline passenger should be given a compass, flare gun, an MRE, a flashlight, a flint box, a length of rope, a poncho, a plastic canoe paddle, an airbag, a dart gun and a kitten.

You know why.
 
2013-11-07 03:39:42 PM
And what's the deal with airplane food?
 
2013-11-07 03:39:50 PM
If you don't prepare your soul before going to the airport/boarding a plane you are asking for it.

odds are you will be shot at the lobby/security or blown up mid air by the Bush/Cheney administration
 
2013-11-07 03:40:32 PM
That's an awesome idea. Let's see how it would have changed the fatalities in major disasters:

September 11 terrorist attacks - no change
Tenerife- oops, no change
JAL Flight 123 - hmm, well, maybe possibly somebody would have been conscious and able to pull the cord. Naah, no change.
EgyptAir Flight 990  - no change
TWA Flight 800   - no change
Swissair Flight 111  - no change
Pan Am Flight 103  - no change
American Airlines Flight 587  - no change

But still, better safe than sorry. We should totally charge passengers a parachute fee too.
 
2013-11-07 03:42:36 PM
I read the article numerous times and nowhere did I see any mention of needing to impeach Obama
 
2013-11-07 03:43:46 PM

Pocket Ninja: I'd read a few dozen dumber ideas than that before noon.


Typical day on TFD, right?
 
2013-11-07 03:43:55 PM
www.nasa.gov
 
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