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(Time)   Ten movie sequels that thankfully never happened. Could you imagine the awfulness that would have been a Speed Racer 2?   (entertainment.time.com) divider line 164
    More: Spiffy, Lemony Snicket, Emily Browning, sequels, Philip Pullman, ranges, Orson Scott Card, Russell Crowe, Jim Carrey  
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9576 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 07 Nov 2013 at 11:43 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-07 11:45:07 AM  
List fails without Highlander 2.
 
2013-11-07 11:45:27 AM  
Yet.
 
2013-11-07 11:45:42 AM  
Yes. How horrible would that be.
A colorful fun movie for children that had incredible visuals and a self-deprecating sense of humor.

/Saw part VII please.
 
2013-11-07 11:46:06 AM  
Yeah but Susan Sarandon and Christina Ricci...

\untapped potential so to speak
 
2013-11-07 11:46:21 AM  
There was already the first Speed Racer movie. That's bad enough.

/quit Americanizing Japanese stuff hollywood!
 
2013-11-07 11:47:44 AM  
The Golden Compass was the first movie I've ever walked out of.

Superman Returns was the first movie I've ever fallen asleep in.
 
2013-11-07 11:48:31 AM  
www.geocities.com
 
2013-11-07 11:49:04 AM  

scottydoesntknow: The Golden Compass was the first movie I've ever walked out of.


Lemony Snicket for me, another one on this list.
 
2013-11-07 11:51:08 AM  
Lemon Snicket failed because this world is unworthy of Emily Browning.

i.imgur.com


i.imgur.com

 
2013-11-07 11:51:51 AM  
I don't remember who I stole this line from:

It would be cheaper and probably more fun to pay a few first graders to throw skittles at me for 2 hours.
 
2013-11-07 11:52:09 AM  
DanZero:
/quit Americanizing Japanese stuff hollywood!

why? i thought, from my years of reading fark comments, that all hollywood films were either cheap crappy remakes of foreign films no one in america would ever have heard of let alone cared about, or crappy remakes/reboots of older hollywood movies...many of which were already originally remakes of foreign films no one in america would ever have heard of let alone cared about.
 
2013-11-07 11:52:17 AM  
List is missing 'Push' & 'Eragon'
 
2013-11-07 11:52:21 AM  
Speed Racer 2?

Is that the one where the monkey and the kid hide in the trunk of the car? If I recall, they need to be hosed out of the trunk at the end of the "adventure". Nothing left but a bloody pulp.
 
2013-11-07 11:53:41 AM  
also, listing a movie that was released THIS YEAR in a listicle about being spared a sequel? come on! they could be working on a sequel that we haven't even heard of yet!
 
2013-11-07 11:54:27 AM  

Last Man on Earth: List fails without Highlander 2.



They made a sequel?  Why haven't I heard about this?  Liar.
 
2013-11-07 11:54:48 AM  

Last Man on Earth: List fails without Highlander 2.


Needs better understanding of the phrase "never happened".
 
2013-11-07 11:55:06 AM  
I would have replaced John Carter with Godzilla (1998). That movie was clearly designed to be turned into a sequel, with that ridiculous teaser ending. Thankfully it never happened.

John Carter wasn't terrible. It was decent, and a lot better than most crap that has endless sequels these days.
 
2013-11-07 11:55:38 AM  
Master & Commander is a pretty good movie. I would've liked a sequel.
 
2013-11-07 11:57:21 AM  

bungle_jr: also, listing a movie that was released THIS YEAR in a listicle about being spared a sequel? come on! they could be working on a sequel that we haven't even heard of yet!


Lone Ranger bombed so hard it may have repercussions on Johnny Depp's career. There's no way there's going to be a sequel. It lost almost $200m
 
2013-11-07 11:58:33 AM  

MithrandirBooga: John Carter wasn't terrible. It was decent, and a lot better than most crap that has endless sequels these days.


That's because Mars sucks. When will studio executives learn not to work with anything dealing with Mars, it just won't work. No matter how good the book, Mars fails with the populace.
 
2013-11-07 11:58:35 AM  

exparrot: Yes. How horrible would that be.
A colorful fun movie for children that had incredible visuals and a self-deprecating sense of humor.


And Christina Ricci as Trixie...   mmmmmmmmm....

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-11-07 11:58:46 AM  
OK, now, this is odd:
Cowboys and Aliens (2011)
Harrison Ford as the iron-fisted Colonel Dolarhyde and Daniel Craig as a stranger with no memory of his past in Cowboys & Aliens.
Timothy White / Universal Studios and DreamWorks II
Source: Scott Mitchell Rosenberg's graphic novel

Budget: $163 million
Domestic Gross: $100 million

Post-Mortem: The title seemed like a no-brainer, and yet the movie failed to deliver even on the fun promised by those three words. Even with $75 million in overseas grosses, the movie failed to recoup its costs.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if the film cost $163 million, made $100 million domestically, and an additional $75 million overseas, then it made $175 million total, which, last time I checked, was more than $163 million.

I actually liked the film, btw, but it's not really sequel material anyway.  There really wasn't anywhere to go with it, except having more alienses invade the West.
 
2013-11-07 11:59:35 AM  
Speed Racer was no masterpiece but it was exactly what a Speed Racer movie should have been.  I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and in fact, I am going to go buy it today.  Thanks subby.
 
2013-11-07 12:00:13 PM  

MithrandirBooga: I would have replaced John Carter with Godzilla (1998). That movie was clearly designed to be turned into a sequel, with that ridiculous teaser ending. Thankfully it never happened.

John Carter wasn't terrible. It was decent, and a lot better than most crap that has endless sequels these days.



I watched JC on afternoon.  It was much better than people seemed to give it credit for.  Not a *great* movie by any stretch, but certainly on par with a lot of movies of it's genre that have done better.  The problems were with marketing I feel.
 
2013-11-07 12:00:23 PM  

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Last Man on Earth: List fails without Highlander 2.

Needs better understanding of the phrase "never happened".


That's the thing, it didn't ever happen.  There was only ever one Highlander movie.  Any evidence to the contrary is nothing more than a terrible, terrible delusion.
 
2013-11-07 12:01:59 PM  

MithrandirBooga: I would have replaced John Carter with Godzilla (1998). That movie was clearly designed to be turned into a sequel, with that ridiculous teaser ending.


As horribly cheesy as that movie was, it was a great Sunday afternoon popcorn flick with a few decent action sequences for the times. A sequel was most definitely uncalled for...
 
2013-11-07 12:02:02 PM  

Mateorocks: Master & Commander is a pretty good movie. I would've liked a sequel.


It's a mediocre movie at best. Several really good scenes strung together with baling wire really. Movie suffers from incredibly bad pacing and poor direction.

rcantley: Lemony Snicket for me, another one on this list.


That was one for me as well, I think I made it 20 minutes in and then went to the front desk and asked for my money back. They gave me a gift card for later.I think I took it back later that month and watched The Aviator. Not nearly as bad, but I kinda wished they have just given me my money back.
 
2013-11-07 12:02:07 PM  

MithrandirBooga: I would have replaced John Carter with Godzilla (1998). That movie was clearly designed to be turned into a sequel, with that ridiculous teaser ending. Thankfully it never happened.


It's always been my contention that the 1998 film is better than 90% or more of the Japanese versions.  Better acting, better story, more scientifically believable, better special effects, and a recognition that Gojira is just an animal acting on it's own native instinct and intelligence, not some supernatural force.

And I'll take the raptor-like baby Zillas over Minilla any farkin' day of the week.
 
2013-11-07 12:02:07 PM  

MithrandirBooga: bungle_jr: also, listing a movie that was released THIS YEAR in a listicle about being spared a sequel? come on! they could be working on a sequel that we haven't even heard of yet!

Lone Ranger bombed so hard it may have repercussions on Johnny Depp's career. There's no way there's going to be a sequel. It lost almost $200m


according to wikipedia (yes, consider the source...but i really don't care to do any further research for this movie i don't care to watch) the film had a budget of $225-250million and a box office gross of $260million+. i have no idea if this includes dvd rentals/sales, etc, or if it includes movie tie-ins, toys, etc. but at any rate, it at least broke even, according to this stat.
 
2013-11-07 12:03:02 PM  

BafflerMeal: I watched JC on afternoon. It was much better than people seemed to give it credit for. Not a *great* movie by any stretch, but certainly on par with a lot of movies of it's genre that have done better. The problems were with marketing I feel.


The issue with JC is that it never made you want to care about the characters, it was essentially Dances With Wolves in Space
 
2013-11-07 12:03:44 PM  

bungle_jr: also, listing a movie that was released THIS YEAR in a listicle about being spared a sequel? come on! they could be working on a sequel that we haven't even heard of yet!


Unless the sequel centers around the bird on Depp's head, I wouldn't bother.
 
2013-11-07 12:05:21 PM  

blacksharpiemarker: MithrandirBooga: I would have replaced John Carter with Godzilla (1998). That movie was clearly designed to be turned into a sequel, with that ridiculous teaser ending.

As horribly cheesy as that movie was, it was a great Sunday afternoon popcorn flick with a few decent action sequences for the times. A sequel was most definitely uncalled for...


i was stoned out of my mind on percocets, rx from having my wisdom teeth pulled. i never did any drugs (alcohol is different) before, so percocets did me just fine. godzilla was fun while high.
 
2013-11-07 12:07:03 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: BafflerMeal: I watched JC on afternoon. It was much better than people seemed to give it credit for. Not a *great* movie by any stretch, but certainly on par with a lot of movies of it's genre that have done better. The problems were with marketing I feel.

The issue with JC is that it never made you want to care about the characters, it was essentially Dances With Wolves in Space



And yet Avatar...
 
2013-11-07 12:07:33 PM  
Speed Racer was awesome! My nephew and I watch it all the time. Saw it in theaters day 1 and bought the DvD day 1 as well. Then again, I have always been a Speed Racer fan so that would be no surprise. I want another Speed Racer movie. It was very well done and kept the campiness of the original show.
 
2013-11-07 12:08:15 PM  

wildcardjack: That's because Mars sucks. When will studio executives learn not to work with anything dealing with Mars, it just won't work. No matter how good the book, Mars fails with the populace.


BafflerMeal: I watched JC on afternoon. It was much better than people seemed to give it credit for. Not a *great* movie by any stretch, but certainly on par with a lot of movies of it's genre that have done better. The problems were with marketing I feel.



wildcardjack is sort of right. Mars holds no interest to the general population. A movie about/on Mars is just generally not going to see the returns they want if they spend blockbuster-style money on it. John Carter would have worked a lot better if it were a niche film with a lower budget and a more focused audience.

However this is becoming an increasingly large problem with most blockbusters nowadays. 3 of the top 10 movie flops of all time were released just this summer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_box_office_bombs#Biggest_box_of fi ce_bombs ); Hollywood has got to stop spending so much money on gigantic films and spending money on smaller niche films. This idea that every movie has to appeal to everyone is watering down films so much that it's actually turning off most viewers.
 
2013-11-07 12:09:08 PM  

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Last Man on Earth: List fails without Highlander 2.

Needs better understanding of the phrase "never happened".


Do you hear a whistling sound over your head?
 
2013-11-07 12:09:44 PM  

BafflerMeal: And yet Avatar...


James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!
 
2013-11-07 12:10:53 PM  

dittybopper: OK, now, this is odd:
Cowboys and Aliens (2011)
Harrison Ford as the iron-fisted Colonel Dolarhyde and Daniel Craig as a stranger with no memory of his past in Cowboys & Aliens.
Timothy White / Universal Studios and DreamWorks II
Source: Scott Mitchell Rosenberg's graphic novel
Budget: $163 million
Domestic Gross: $100 million
Post-Mortem: The title seemed like a no-brainer, and yet the movie failed to deliver even on the fun promised by those three words. Even with $75 million in overseas grosses, the movie failed to recoup its costs.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if the film cost $163 million, made $100 million domestically, and an additional $75 million overseas, then it made $175 million total, which, last time I checked, was more than $163 million.

I actually liked the film, btw, but it's not really sequel material anyway.  There really wasn't anywhere to go with it, except having more alienses invade the West.


Rule of thumb is you always divide by two.  About half the gross goes to the theaters, distributors, etc.  So a $163 million movie needs to make $326 million to be successful for the studio.
 
2013-11-07 12:11:03 PM  

wildcardjack


MithrandirBooga: John Carter wasn't terrible. It was decent, and a lot better than most crap that has endless sequels these days.

That's because Mars sucks. When will studio executives learn not to work with anything dealing with Mars, it just won't work. No matter how good the book, Mars fails with the populace.


Counterpoint:

top50sf.files.wordpress.com


ACK ACK ACK!
 
2013-11-07 12:11:50 PM  

MithrandirBooga: I would have replaced John Carter with Godzilla (1998). That movie was clearly designed to be turned into a sequel, with that ridiculous teaser ending. Thankfully it never happened.


Actually, it did.

It lead directly to this:

www.tvshowsondvd.com

... and it was actually pretty good.
 
2013-11-07 12:12:38 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: wildcardjack

MithrandirBooga: John Carter wasn't terrible. It was decent, and a lot better than most crap that has endless sequels these days.

That's because Mars sucks. When will studio executives learn not to work with anything dealing with Mars, it just won't work. No matter how good the book, Mars fails with the populace.


Counterpoint:

[top50sf.files.wordpress.com image 850x463]


ACK ACK ACK!


such a fun movie!
 
2013-11-07 12:13:08 PM  
DanZero: There was already the first Speed Racer movie. That's bad enough.

/quit Americanizing Japanese stuff hollywood!


Would I be right in presuming you are obese and have a whole range of anime action figures at home?
 
2013-11-07 12:14:43 PM  
I liked Cowboys & Aliens...
 
2013-11-07 12:15:46 PM  
bungle_jr:
but at any rate, it at least broke even, according to this stat.

You're forgetting "Hollywood Accounting 101."

Any movie that loses money is a disaster.

Any movie that breaks even is a huge money loser.

Any money that seems to show a profit is also actually a big money loser, and you'll probably never see a dime from it, even if the studio has to invent expenses to make that happen.

New Line swore up and down that the Lord of the Rings lost money. Really.

Warner Brothers said Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - a movie that grossed $600 million - lost $167 million.

The king of this might be "Return of the Jedi." It cost $32 million to make in 1983. It grossed $475 million. It still hasn't shown a profit.
 
2013-11-07 12:17:03 PM  

PIP_the_TROLL: MithrandirBooga: I would have replaced John Carter with Godzilla (1998). That movie was clearly designed to be turned into a sequel, with that ridiculous teaser ending. Thankfully it never happened.

Actually, it did.

It lead directly to this:

[www.tvshowsondvd.com image 375x504]

... and it was actually pretty good.


Because that show put the God back into Zilla and made him Godzilla again!
 
2013-11-07 12:17:24 PM  
Master and Commander was an amazing movie. I wish more like it were made.
 
2013-11-07 12:18:24 PM  
I guessed Lemony Snicket, The Golden Compass, Lost in Space and Eragon would be on the list.  Two out of four ain't bad, right?
 
2013-11-07 12:20:17 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: BafflerMeal: I watched JC on afternoon. It was much better than people seemed to give it credit for. Not a *great* movie by any stretch, but certainly on par with a lot of movies of it's genre that have done better. The problems were with marketing I feel.

The issue with JC is that it never made you want to care about the characters, it was essentially Dances With Wolves in Space


The other Dances With Wolves in Space made a metric ass ton of money. Or was it Ferngully/Last Samurai in Space.
 
2013-11-07 12:22:34 PM  

Fano: The other Dances With Wolves in Space made a metric ass ton of money. Or was it Ferngully/Last Samurai in Space.


The visuals sold that movie along with the marketing

Englebert Slaptyback: ACK ACK ACK!


Best part of that movie was Jim Brown
 
2013-11-07 12:22:39 PM  

SkunkWorx: I guessed Lemony Snicket, The Golden Compass, Lost in Space and Eragon would be on the list.  Two out of four ain't bad, right?


i'd pay to see a "l.i.s." sequel based on the uniforms worn by the females alone!
 
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