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(WTOP)   Here it is, the top 10 things you must avoid doing if you don't want to get fired at work. *Scans list*. Damn. Crap. Oh, double crap. *sigh* *gets resume*   (wtop.com) divider line 46
    More: Obvious, cyber  
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13753 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Nov 2013 at 1:25 PM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-07 01:27:19 PM
Just be confident as you do it and you should get 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances

/YOLO
 
2013-11-07 01:27:38 PM
What good is a job if you cant spend part of your day boozing?
 
2013-11-07 01:28:34 PM
Actually, light boozing is not a big deal. Relaxed workers are productive workers.

Except when machinery is operated
 
2013-11-07 01:29:54 PM
Interestingly some of those things can get you promoted.

boozing on the job ? Depends on who you are drinking with
pointing fingers at others ? Could get you their job
gossiping ? depends on who and what is being discussed. Like Did you hear so and so is looking for a new job
sleeping with the boss ? Might get you promoted if not why do it.
 
2013-11-07 01:30:20 PM
...
6. Farking.
7. Farking.
.....
 
2013-11-07 01:30:44 PM
The bookkeeper at my last job drank ALL the time at work. We took away his booze and told him to lay off it while on the clock but it only made him an angry SOB who didn't do any work. So we gave him back his booze and all was well.
 
2013-11-07 01:32:10 PM
Me, me... me also. I am really close on this one.
 
2013-11-07 01:33:31 PM
When I was trying to get on the "downsizing" list at Chicago Tribune, I did half of those -- didn't want to get fired, was fed up with Sam Zell's buddies and wanted in on the final round of generous severance packages (ended up being the last round of buyouts, 89 days before the company filed for bankruptcy).

It's a fine line to walk, being just disagreeable enough to be a strong candidate for involuntary downsizing while avoiding being fired for cause.   Also didn't want my former manager and co-workers to hate me forever, since they weren't the problem at all.

Difficulty multiplier:  At the Tribune, drinking on the job wasn't exactly seen as a character flaw, and the new owner was known for toking up in his office.
 
2013-11-07 01:34:40 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Actually, light boozing is not a big deal. Relaxed workers are productive workers.

Except when machinery is operated


A few years ago I used to work at a place where the boss would take us out for a couple of pints each Friday lunch.  Fortunately we weren't using heavy machinery, just designing bridges.

Have a safe drive home y'all.
 
2013-11-07 01:35:04 PM
Ah, I see masturbating at work is still OK.

*drops trou*
 
2013-11-07 01:35:30 PM
Back in the very late 1990s and early 2000s, Verizon had a pretty relaxed alcohol policy - after hours events, a little liquor was, well, not encouraged, but allowed, and at regional type meetings and so on, it was usually pretty much a drinking contest. In 2002, we had a party in the Motorola suite at the Superdome for a bunch of higher-up muckety-mucks. The party continued after the game at Rick's Cabaret, and then the Sheraton on Canal Street. There were intraoffice hookups all over our floor, including a couple of married (not to each other) VPs of different business units.

Couple weeks later HR sent out a revised policy telling us we could be fired for alcohol at company events.
 
2013-11-07 01:35:47 PM
50%...sweet
 
2013-11-07 01:38:07 PM
Lying on your resume or application;
Job-hunting while on the company dime;
Gossiping;
Spending too much time on personal phone calls;
Boozing on the job;
Too much Web surfing;
Hopping in the sack with the boss;
Being careless with numbers;
Alienating your co-workers;
Not accepting responsibility, aka pointing the finger at someone else.

Since I spend my entire day just on Fark, that really doesn't count as web surfing.

I'm solid.
 
2013-11-07 01:40:47 PM

Mietsko: What good is a job if you cant spend part of your day boozing?


And what good would our beer fridge here be if we couldn't drink the beer in it??

/yes, we actually do have a beer fridge here.
 
2013-11-07 01:44:56 PM
After years of testing, I discovered that I am actually more productive in the realm of 1-3 drinks than sober.  With less errors, and greater job satisfaction.  Naturally, I immediately stopped drinking on the job after that, since I did not want the higher expectations on me.
 
2013-11-07 01:47:00 PM

ChicagoKev: When I was trying to get on the "downsizing" list at Chicago Tribune, I did half of those -- didn't want to get fired, was fed up with Sam Zell's buddies and wanted in on the final round of generous severance packages (ended up being the last round of buyouts, 89 days before the company filed for bankruptcy).

It's a fine line to walk, being just disagreeable enough to be a strong candidate for involuntary downsizing while avoiding being fired for cause.   Also didn't want my former manager and co-workers to hate me forever, since they weren't the problem at all.

Difficulty multiplier:  At the Tribune, drinking on the job wasn't exactly seen as a character flaw, and the new owner was known for toking up in his office.


Or, like I did at AOL, just let your boss know that you'd like to be on the next list, per favore.
 
2013-11-07 01:48:02 PM
Again, common sense is apparently ground breaking journalism.
 
2013-11-07 01:48:56 PM
Well I have not done #1 or #7, but I'm working on #7. Nothing like having a female boss.
 
2013-11-07 01:49:51 PM
At one place my company had me at for a few years they were described as very "European" , which to them ment they drank for any thing that might even be considered a holiday anywhere in the planet. Alcohol was everywhere and when they moved they left so many full bottles everywhere me and a few coworkers had a field day. And it wasnt cheap stuff, all high end alcohol from all over the world.

At my job before that they used to drink a lot we would get an email from the boss saying the tab was open downstairs at the bar. They lnew us so well there we could take our drinks to our desk or they would give us to go cups.

And I really don't have a problem with alienating coworkers. But the only people I have ever alienated were people that were useless, stupid or lazy.
 
2013-11-07 01:50:37 PM
If you really need to be told any of those things, you deserve to be unemployed and poor.

Jesis, really?
 
2013-11-07 01:52:19 PM

Towermonkey: Back in the very late 1990s and early 2000s, Verizon had a pretty relaxed alcohol policy - after hours events, a little liquor was, well, not encouraged, but allowed, and at regional type meetings and so on, it was usually pretty much a drinking contest. In 2002, we had a party in the Motorola suite at the Superdome for a bunch of higher-up muckety-mucks. The party continued after the game at Rick's Cabaret, and then the Sheraton on Canal Street. There were intraoffice hookups all over our floor, including a couple of married (not to each other) VPs of different business units.

Couple weeks later HR sent out a revised policy telling us we could be fired for alcohol at company events.


ya it seems that time frame is when most companies started cracking down. I workd ing advertising sales around that time. We would either have a manager or take the managers credit card/s to the local bar after work and run a huge tab. Interoffice softball games you name it it always involved boozing big time. I was only a few years out of college at the time and had been in a fraternity but the after work drinking was very much like the fraternity years. It was almost frowned upon if you didn't go. There was more peer pressure to show up on a wednesday or thursday night for drinks, it was noticed if you didnt show etc

I guess some folks from another office got in an accident after a night out and that was the end of taking the company CCs to the bar.
 
2013-11-07 01:54:50 PM
1. Lying on your resume or application;
Fark.

2. Job-hunting while on the company dime;
Fark.

3. Gossiping;
Too busy on Fark.

4. Spending too much time on personal phone calls;
People who do this are probably the same idiots who can't HANG UP AND DRIVE. Also, too busy on Fark.

3. Boozing on the job;
Does that include lunch and the flask of single malt in the drawer like Tracer Bullet?

4. Too much Web surfing;
Fark, Fark.

5. Hopping in the sack with the boss;
*shudders*

6. Being careless with numbers;
I thought that's how you got promoted to VP?

7. Alienating your co-workers;
See above.

8. Not accepting responsibility, aka pointing the finger at someone else.
Again, see #6.

Well, that was fun.
 
2013-11-07 01:55:19 PM
Wow, they left off a few. I never did any of those, except for the alienating someone there. Unfortunately, it was the boss. So what about:

11) telling the truth
12) not playing office politics
13) refusing to kiss anyone's ass, expecially the ones who are the upper crust of the coporate hierarchy.
14) never covering for anyone's mistakes when said mistakes are just stupid or arrogant.
15) getting many, many other jobs dumped onto your list, then informing them you want to stick to your original hours.

That last one got me a few months of grumbling from above because I was 'trying to cheat them' or something... I was fired after that for 'smoking on the grounds'... which plenty of people do, but I obviously could not. To be honest though, the level of 'suspension of disbelief' is stretched pretty thin there already... I don't give them long.
 
2013-11-07 01:56:01 PM
blatz514:
Since I spend my entire day just on Fark, that really doesn't count as web surfing.

At a certain point, it becomes web floating.
 
2013-11-07 01:57:03 PM

Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii: The bookkeeper at my last job drank ALL the time at work. We took away his booze and told him to lay off it while on the clock but it only made him an angry SOB who didn't do any work. So we gave him back his booze and all was well.


Worked with a Russian guy years ago who got a DUI driving TO lunch. He loved his vodak for sure.  Still didn't get canned. He was a Fed.
 
2013-11-07 02:00:16 PM
A variation of #7 - Hopping in the sack with the boss' wife - can also cost you your job.
 
2013-11-07 02:04:07 PM
I had a co-worker who pretty much did this.

kistenet.com
 
2013-11-07 02:09:38 PM
I think this highly depends on what your job is. I work in an office where I over see student workers. As long as they're doing their jobs and everything is getting done I can stare at Fark all day
 
2013-11-07 02:11:01 PM
This is why everyone should have a cushy union job. It's ridiculous what some of my co-workers get away with thanks to union protection. I'm not claiming to be Mr Perfect Employee, but short of murdering one of my co-workers, it's damn near impossible to get fired.
 
2013-11-07 02:11:46 PM

ModernPrimitive01: I think this highly depends on what your job is. I work in an office where I over see student workers. As long as they're doing their jobs and everything is getting done I can stare at Fark all day


Holy shiat, you just described my job.

www.maniacworld.com
 
2013-11-07 02:13:12 PM
7. Hopping in the sack with the boss;
 But with his wife is still OK?
 
2013-11-07 02:13:24 PM

GRCooper: Or, like I did at AOL, just let your boss know that you'd like to be on the next list, per favore.


My manager was not consulted when making the next list -- most likely because his name was also on it.

I knew what had to be done after the new CTO came to us after two weeks on the job and asked "Why are we paying 5-figures a year for maintenance and support contracts for proxy appliance firewalls?  Can't we just use the free IP Chains like at my previous company (also working for Zell)?"  Same guy who later asked "Why are we using a portable /15 for internal addressing?  Can we renumber to 10/8 and sell the public address space to another company?"

Shortly before the end, I did end up tearing out the commercial firewalls, deploying open source NAT gateways in their place.  But no, I didn't use ipchains, it'd take a lot more than booze to convince me that was a good idea.
 
2013-11-07 02:15:57 PM
I'm hesitant to drink on the job. If it wasn't for the prospect of heading home for a drink, I'd stay here too long, and no one likes a workaholic.
 
2013-11-07 02:23:52 PM

SurfaceTension: Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii: The bookkeeper at my last job drank ALL the time at work. We took away his booze and told him to lay off it while on the clock but it only made him an angry SOB who didn't do any work. So we gave him back his booze and all was well.

Worked with a Russian guy years ago who got a DUI driving TO lunch. He loved his vodak for sure.  Still didn't get canned. He was a Fed.


oh how I long for a government job. in Maui or Kauai...
 
2013-11-07 02:44:38 PM
You can do most of those things as long as you take the precaution of setting up a fellow employee as the fall guy.
 
2013-11-07 02:45:33 PM
~~Here's Monster's list:

1. Lying on your resume or application;
2. Job-hunting while on the company dime;
3. Gossiping;
4. Spending too much time on personal phone calls;
5. Boozing on the job;
6. Too much Web surfing;
7. Hopping in the sack with the boss;
8. Being careless with numbers;
9. Alienating your co-workers;
10. Not accepting responsibility, aka pointing the finger at someone else.


If you work at my company, note these as well:
11. taking time off to heal after an injury;
12. taking all 6 months of parental leave;
13. complaining when they fire your boss and add their work to yours;
14. smoking;
15. being fat;
16. having any long-term health issue;
17. being a white male (there's like 8 of us in a company of 150)

blatz514: ModernPrimitive01: I think this highly depends on what your job is. I work in an office where I over see student workers. As long as they're doing their jobs and everything is getting done I can stare at Fark all day

Holy shiat, you just described my job.

[www.maniacworld.com image 480x444]


How do I get a job like that?
 
2013-11-07 02:53:31 PM

grumpyguru: ModernPrimitive01: I think this highly depends on what your job is. I work in an office where I over see student workers. As long as they're doing their jobs and everything is getting done I can stare at Fark all day

Holy shiat, you just described my job.

[www.maniacworld.com image 480x444]

How do I get a job like that?


Work at a state university.
 
2013-11-07 03:16:37 PM
top ten list of getting promoted...
or the list the nepotism son does every day...
 
2013-11-07 03:52:11 PM
Pretty much all of that falls into the "no shiat" category. Maybe that's why I still have a job.
 
2013-11-07 03:55:26 PM

Towermonkey: Back in the very late 1990s and early 2000s, Verizon had a pretty relaxed alcohol policy - after hours events, a little liquor was, well, not encouraged, but allowed, and at regional type meetings and so on, it was usually pretty much a drinking contest. In 2002, we had a party in the Motorola suite at the Superdome for a bunch of higher-up muckety-mucks. The party continued after the game at Rick's Cabaret, and then the Sheraton on Canal Street. There were intraoffice hookups all over our floor, including a couple of married (not to each other) VPs of different business units.

Couple weeks later HR sent out a revised policy telling us we could be fired for alcohol at company events.


Everywhere I've worked alcohol has been allowed at company events. Seems to be pretty standar in tech. I wouldn't just sit around getting wasted on a weekday afternoon though.
 
2013-11-07 03:57:25 PM

payattention: Wow, they left off a few. I never did any of those, except for the alienating someone there. Unfortunately, it was the boss. So what about:

11) telling the truth
12) not playing office politics
13) refusing to kiss anyone's ass, expecially the ones who are the upper crust of the coporate hierarchy.
14) never covering for anyone's mistakes when said mistakes are just stupid or arrogant.
15) getting many, many other jobs dumped onto your list, then informing them you want to stick to your original hours.

That last one got me a few months of grumbling from above because I was 'trying to cheat them' or something... I was fired after that for 'smoking on the grounds'... which plenty of people do, but I obviously could not. To be honest though, the level of 'suspension of disbelief' is stretched pretty thin there already... I don't give them long.


Ass kissing is one of the most valuable work skills I ever learned.
 
2013-11-07 04:17:10 PM
10. Not accepting responsibility, aka pointing the finger at someone else....unless you're the President.
 
2013-11-07 07:32:29 PM

bullsballs: top ten list of getting promoted...
or the list the nepotism son does every day...


It goes both ways. I worked for my dad and it was hell. He wanted to make sure no one thought it was favoritism, so I was under a magnify glass each and every day.

Second time I worked for him was better. But that was also 6 years of experience latter, and the employees were hired after me.
 
2013-11-07 09:34:44 PM
Wow, how are any women employed?
 
2013-11-07 10:08:38 PM
1) Lying on your resume or application.

================

Yeah, I'll stop doing this just as soon as employers stop lying about how great the job and pay are.
 
2013-11-08 04:58:29 PM

SurfaceTension: Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii: The bookkeeper at my last job drank ALL the time at work. We took away his booze and told him to lay off it while on the clock but it only made him an angry SOB who didn't do any work. So we gave him back his booze and all was well.

Worked with a Russian guy years ago who got a DUI driving TO lunch. He loved his vodak for sure.  Still didn't get canned. He was a Fed.


There was a suit at the company where I worked who got a DWI in the company car while calling on customers.  Since driving was an inherent part of his job, they solved that problem by giving him a driver, who was a woman, to drive him.  They caught the two of them in a motel while he was supposed to be calling on customers.  They punished him by making him my supervisor for two weeks.  To be fair, he was one of the best supervisors I had at that place.
 
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