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(Slate)   Education authorities in England inspect private school, rate it unsatisfactory. Fark: Hogwarts   (slate.com) divider line 32
    More: Amusing, England, hogwarts, private schools, numeracy, religious education, A-level, cell group, school library  
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2681 clicks; posted to Geek » on 05 Nov 2013 at 6:14 PM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-05 04:10:46 PM
I would imagine the place is a nightmare to insure, Moving stairs, random monsters, and ghosts behind every door, The students are pretty much walking weapons of mass destruction .
 
2013-11-05 04:52:33 PM
Well, yeah. There's very little in the curriculum about basic reading/writing/arithmetic.
 
2013-11-05 05:33:22 PM
Well sure. Science basically doesn't exist in their world. Or technology. Both have been replaced by magic. There's no laws of physics, so no need to learn that. The most math they get is measurements for their various potions. And maybe counting their coins, but even then you can use magic for that.

So in short: Magic.
 
2013-11-05 06:08:45 PM
Well, then, it's good that Hogwart's exists outside of the world where educational standards of this sort are upheld.  I'm sure you could send a team from the Ministry of Magic into any muggle school and they would report back to the Ministry that absolutely no approved classes are even offered.

/Jeepers, man, don't you have anything better to do as a teacher than make completely spurious analyses of fictional schools that exist in a completely different world?
 
2013-11-05 06:43:06 PM
1) They forgot to mention that the Headmaster was gay and should be removed

2) And all doesn't matter as School Boards ALWAYS have a Malfoy making dance to his tune.
 
2013-11-05 06:49:08 PM

TommyJReed: I would imagine the place is a nightmare to insure, Moving stairs, random monsters, and ghosts behind every door, The students are pretty much walking weapons of mass destruction .


Why would they need insurance? You can grow back bones with a simple potion and repair broken bones with spells. Now that Voldemort's gone there shouldn't be many more random monsters.
 
2013-11-05 06:53:45 PM
Fan of both the books and movies. Currently reading OotP to my 2 year old at bedtime. I doubt he understands much of it, but I know he enjoys hearing my voice.

Anyway, I'm sure the premise of that article was alot funnier in the author's head. A few chuckleworthy moments (perhaps more due to my remembrance of those events), but generally pretty flat.

/Still doesn't know how Umbridge didn't get a full-on student riot after 3 weeks.
 
2013-11-05 06:55:08 PM

Nexzus: /Still doesn't know how Umbridge didn't get a full-on student riot after 3 weeks.


Fear

/I must not tell lies
 
2013-11-05 06:57:01 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Well, then, it's good that Hogwart's exists outside of the world where educational standards of this sort are upheld.  I'm sure you could send a team from the Ministry of Magic into any muggle school and they would report back to the Ministry that absolutely no approved classes are even offered.

/Jeepers, man, don't you have anything better to do as a teacher than make completely spurious analyses of fictional schools that exist in a completely different world?


You're on the Geek page... complaining that someone put a geeky Potterverse piece online for teh lulz...

DISLODGEOUS RECTUMSTICKO!
 
2013-11-05 06:57:47 PM
I'm surprised that the issue of campus access was not addressed. I can understand how the use of a railway line does away with concerns regarding student parking and the associated issues revolving around student drivers in general, but it all seems a bit over the top to me.
 
2013-11-05 07:05:39 PM
Oh, and from book five, Hermoine, the smartest girl in the world, knows about Thestrals, but doesn't know the Hogwarts carriages are pulled by them?

What? It's not in Hogwarts, A History?
 
2013-11-05 07:21:36 PM

TommyJReed: I would imagine the place is a nightmare to insure, Moving stairs, random monsters, and ghosts behind every door, The students are pretty much walking weapons of mass destruction .


Nexzus: Fan of both the books and movies. Currently reading OotP to my 2 year old at bedtime. I doubt he understands much of it, but I know he enjoys hearing my voice.

Anyway, I'm sure the premise of that article was alot funnier in the author's head. A few chuckleworthy moments (perhaps more due to my remembrance of those events), but generally pretty flat.

/Still doesn't know how Umbridge didn't get a full-on student riot after 3 weeks.


I was expecting something more like TommyJReed's post for the article. The author should have channeled Walter Peck.
 
2013-11-05 07:23:45 PM

Son of Thunder: Benevolent Misanthrope: Well, then, it's good that Hogwart's exists outside of the world where educational standards of this sort are upheld.  I'm sure you could send a team from the Ministry of Magic into any muggle school and they would report back to the Ministry that absolutely no approved classes are even offered.

/Jeepers, man, don't you have anything better to do as a teacher than make completely spurious analyses of fictional schools that exist in a completely different world?

You're on the Geek page... complaining that someone put a geeky Potterverse piece online for teh lulz...

DISLODGEOUS RECTUMSTICKO!


I'm on the Main Page, complaining that someone put a geeky Potterverse thing out there that doesn't take into account THE GODDAMN POTTERVERSE.

EJECTO FATUUS!
 
2013-11-05 07:25:57 PM

Son of Thunder: Benevolent Misanthrope: Well, then, it's good that Hogwart's exists outside of the world where educational standards of this sort are upheld.  I'm sure you could send a team from the Ministry of Magic into any muggle school and they would report back to the Ministry that absolutely no approved classes are even offered.

/Jeepers, man, don't you have anything better to do as a teacher than make completely spurious analyses of fictional schools that exist in a completely different world?

You're on the Geek page... complaining that someone put a geeky Potterverse piece online for teh lulz...

DISLODGEOUS RECTUMSTICKO!


And it shouldn't it be called a 'public school'?

/silly brits
/Harrow!
upload.wikimedia.org

Whacha eton? - Kim Jung
 
2013-11-05 08:04:04 PM
Getting an account on fanfiction.net is not that hard, is it? I have an account on "Twisting the Hellmouth" and it was painless.
 
2013-11-05 08:11:41 PM

Nexzus: Oh, and from book five, Hermoine, the smartest girl in the world, knows about Thestrals, but doesn't know the Hogwarts carriages are pulled by them?

What? It's not in Hogwarts, A History?


I'm more surprised more people don't straight-up bump into them since they're invisible.

But it's not surprising that Hogwarts would be low-rated, given the incredibly high incident rate of student endangerment and incredibly lax background checks for instructors.
 
2013-11-05 08:16:47 PM

scottydoesntknow: Well sure. Science basically doesn't exist in their world. Or technology. Both have been replaced by magic. There's no laws of physics, so no need to learn that. The most math they get is measurements for their various potions. And maybe counting their coins, but even then you can use magic for that.

So in short: Magic.


They sound like Young Earth Creationists...
 
2013-11-05 08:19:36 PM

DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke:
And it shouldn't it be called a 'public school'?


Yes, in the UK it would be very much called a Public School. Because if you go back four or five hundred years there were no schools at all. Royalty, Nobility and the clergy hired tutors to teach their children in the home (palace/castle/etc) and everyone else taught their own children to do whatever trade they did. The first schools were the expensive private schools that anyone (who could afford the huge fees) could send their offspring to, hence they were Public Schools.
State schools, the free to the masses system, came along hundreds of years later.
 
2013-11-05 09:03:23 PM

scottydoesntknow: Well sure. Science basically doesn't exist in their world. Or technology. Both have been replaced by magic. There's no laws of physics, so no need to learn that. The most math they get is measurements for their various potions. And maybe counting their coins, but even then you can use magic for that.

So in short: Magic.


Sounds like every other kid today with their smartphones and tablets and whatnot.
 
2013-11-05 10:51:21 PM
weknowmemes.com
 
2013-11-05 11:10:00 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Son of Thunder: Benevolent Misanthrope: Well, then, it's good that Hogwart's exists outside of the world where educational standards of this sort are upheld.  I'm sure you could send a team from the Ministry of Magic into any muggle school and they would report back to the Ministry that absolutely no approved classes are even offered.

/Jeepers, man, don't you have anything better to do as a teacher than make completely spurious analyses of fictional schools that exist in a completely different world?

You're on the Geek page... complaining that someone put a geeky Potterverse piece online for teh lulz...

DISLODGEOUS RECTUMSTICKO!

I'm on the Main Page, complaining that someone put a geeky Potterverse thing out there that doesn't take into account THE GODDAMN POTTERVERSE.

EJECTO FATUUS!


I'm not fatuus, I'm big-bonuus.
 
2013-11-05 11:20:33 PM

Shostie: Well, yeah. There's very little in the curriculum about basic reading/writing/arithmetic.


That part always got to me. I could see if Hogwats was college, or even just High School, but taking kids off core classes at ten seems a bit much, even if they do have magic skills.

The biggest thing that bothered me about the series was that it should have just been called "Harry Potter and the Deus Ex Machina" because you go for years and years without mention of a witching skill/object/device/person/etc. until you find yourself in a situation where just such a power/skill/item/person is needed most, then is completely forgotten about as soon as the critical situation has passed.
 
2013-11-05 11:20:42 PM

almandot:


The time turner sends you to the past but you cannot change anything. Buckbeak never dies. Reread the book or re-watch the movie and you'll see that they did not change anything. In that version of time travel, a paradox would have occured if they did not go to the past.
 
2013-11-06 12:24:47 AM
For such a genius Dumbledore really does seem to take a ridiculously lax stance on the quality of teachers at the school. I mean, I understand that he was all per-occupied with fighting big bad the whole time, but you would think with that in mind he would've hired a more competent History of Magic teacher. Almost as if that subject would come in handy in the future.

/doomed to repeat it, etc
//doesn't matter, at least Hermione paid attention, and she basically solved all the problems in the end.
 
2013-11-06 01:04:54 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Well, then, it's good that Hogwart's exists outside of the world where educational standards of this sort are upheld.  I'm sure you could send a team from the Ministry of Magic into any muggle school and they would report back to the Ministry that absolutely no approved classes are even offered.

/Jeepers, man, don't you have anything better to do as a teacher than make completely spurious analyses of fictional schools that exist in a completely different world?


Actually, the school being a private institute catering to a specific demographic is noted in the assessment, and the section on class selection is rated satisfactory.  They failed on matching challenge levels to the students (curriculum design), security, teaching staff, and organization (the fact that there was no middle management between headmaster and instructors was noted as an extremely inefficient model).

If you're going to rage at a comedy bit, at least consider reading the first paragraph or two first.

// "Defense Against the Dark Arts (a PSHE subject)" definitely got a chuckle from me.
 
2013-11-06 01:41:17 AM
Seeing as Hogwarts appears to be modeled after a 19th/earlyh 20th century British boarding school, I wonder how well it compares to actual boarding schools of that time frame. Comparing it to schools in 2013 doesn't accomplish much as any school from 100 years ago would seem substandard. Any of you Brit farkers know any more about boarding schools and could give an insight?
 
2013-11-06 07:30:21 AM

talkertopc: almandot:

The time turner sends you to the past but you cannot change anything. Buckbeak never dies. Reread the book or re-watch the movie and you'll see that they did not change anything. In that version of time travel, a paradox would have occured if they did not go to the past.


He doesn't die because they traveled to the past to save him. Self fulfilling time paradox or whatnot. They didn't think to use it until after they thought he was dead and dumbledore told Hermione it was okay. If imagine some preset plan of "if anyone gets attacked by Voldemort well time turner our way back to help out" meets any equivalent trigger point to start a similar self-fulfilling time loop.
 
2013-11-06 08:20:26 AM

almandot: talkertopc: almandot:

The time turner sends you to the past but you cannot change anything. Buckbeak never dies. Reread the book or re-watch the movie and you'll see that they did not change anything. In that version of time travel, a paradox would have occured if they did not go to the past.

He doesn't die because they traveled to the past to save him. Self fulfilling time paradox or whatnot. They didn't think to use it until after they thought he was dead and dumbledore told Hermione it was okay. If imagine some preset plan of "if anyone gets attacked by Voldemort well time turner our way back to help out" meets any equivalent trigger point to start a similar self-fulfilling time loop.


But they only thought he was dead- he wasn't. Dumbledore knew the entire time. In Potterworld, time travel only works when the time loop is already self fulfilling. How do you know it's self fulfilling? It's already happened. If somebody dies and you want to change that, all of a sudden it's not self fulfilling. If somebody does die, that means that even if you go back, you'll have failed. If you're contained within the same timeline, which in Potterworld you are, any changes you'll have made are made before you can think to go back and make them. You can only go back in time to maintain the past, you can't go back to change it.

Other fictional worlds deal with that by using multiple timelines. You make a change, there's a branch, and you can remember the alternate history, because that alternate history still exists. In Doctor Who, time travelers have their own history out of sync with the Universe, and have memory of their own history. Big ball of timey-wimey stuff. You can affect the future as well as the past.

But Harry Potter deals with time in a contained sense. The past is fixed, so your future actions after you travel back in time have already affected your current world when you make the decision to go into the past.
 
2013-11-06 09:09:07 AM
if a Rich kid doesn't get educated, then he can fall back on his parent's wealth/connections. he can do it over.  either way,  he's in The Club.

if a poor kid doesn't get educated, he farked for life. he'll be grinding meat balls for chump change and getting shiat on by ungracious pig fat customers.


now you know.
 
2013-11-06 09:27:53 AM
Coloman: They forgot to mention that the Headmaster was gay and should be removed

Honestly, the ret-con of Dumbledore into being gay was amazingly homophobic, playing up the idiotic old stereotype of gay men as being predators of young boys.
 
2013-11-06 10:51:16 AM

cptjeff: almandot: talkertopc: almandot:

The time turner sends you to the past but you cannot change anything. Buckbeak never dies. Reread the book or re-watch the movie and you'll see that they did not change anything. In that version of time travel, a paradox would have occured if they did not go to the past.

He doesn't die because they traveled to the past to save him. Self fulfilling time paradox or whatnot. They didn't think to use it until after they thought he was dead and dumbledore told Hermione it was okay. If imagine some preset plan of "if anyone gets attacked by Voldemort well time turner our way back to help out" meets any equivalent trigger point to start a similar self-fulfilling time loop.

But they only thought he was dead- he wasn't. Dumbledore knew the entire time. In Potterworld, time travel only works when the time loop is already self fulfilling. How do you know it's self fulfilling? It's already happened. If somebody dies and you want to change that, all of a sudden it's not self fulfilling. If somebody does die, that means that even if you go back, you'll have failed. If you're contained within the same timeline, which in Potterworld you are, any changes you'll have made are made before you can think to go back and make them. You can only go back in time to maintain the past, you can't go back to change it.

Other fictional worlds deal with that by using multiple timelines. You make a change, there's a branch, and you can remember the alternate history, because that alternate history still exists. In Doctor Who, time travelers have their own history out of sync with the Universe, and have memory of their own history. Big ball of timey-wimey stuff. You can affect the future as well as the past.

But Harry Potter deals with time in a contained sense. The past is fixed, so your future actions after you travel back in time have already affected your current world when you make the decision to go into the past.


What about Potter saving himself with his patronus? Time travel seems to be working on standard Booster Gold rules.
 
2013-11-06 11:04:45 AM

Fano: But they only thought he was dead- he wasn't. Dumbledore knew the entire time. In Potterworld, time travel only works when the time loop is already self fulfilling. How do you know it's self fulfilling? It's already happened. If somebody dies and you want to change that, all of a sudden it's not self fulfilling. If somebody does die, that means that even if you go back, you'll have failed. If you're contained within the same timeline, which in Potterworld you are, any changes you'll have made are made before you can think to go back and make them. You can only go back in time to maintain the past, you can't go back to change it.

Other fictional worlds deal with that by using multiple timelines. You make a change, there's a branch, and you can remember the alternate history, because that alternate history still exists. In Doctor Who, time travelers have their own history out of sync with the Universe, and have memory of their own history. Big ball of timey-wimey stuff. You can affect the future as well as the past.

But Harry Potter deals with time in a contained sense. The past is fixed, so your future actions after you travel back in time have already affected your current world when you make the decision to go into the past.

What about Potter saving himself with his patronus? Time travel seems to be working on standard Booster Gold rules.


That was part of the same trip back into the past as saving Buckbeak, and again, the events had already happened, and weren't altered. Harry just didn't realize that had been the one to do it.

The trip back didn't change the past, it merely fulfilled it.
 
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