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(The Onion)   The key points of the State of the Union address   (theonion.com) divider line 488
    More: Amusing  
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29965 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jan 2004 at 10:52 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2004-01-20 11:36:19 PM  
The Symbol, you are a miracle man. I'm not gonna argue with you so calm yourself, take some NyQuill and step away from the computer.
 
2004-01-20 11:36:22 PM  
I was impressed by the monkey (KoKo) who could do sign language....

Then I saw Bush (R-Unelected Chimp) tell over 100 lies in ONE SPEECH!

AMAZING!

/How many Americans are stupid enough to fall for Karl Rove's distortions? 48%? 49%?

//Where are the WMD?
 
2004-01-20 11:36:27 PM  
FARMER TED-
If you read "Dude, Where's My Country" by Michael Moore, he explains in great detail the answers. I highly reccomend it to everyone, but I know those who should read won't.
 
2004-01-20 11:36:36 PM  
"Um, I don't even know how to respnd to that. Clinton got a BJ in the oval office and then lied about it. You are not suggesting that should be overlooked as part of his legacy are you? "

He didn't invade 2 countries with a full miltary force over it either in order to hide it. He lied about it so his wife wouldn't find out.
 
2004-01-20 11:37:44 PM  
Um, Clintons Admin was on watch during all those years of corporate greed. They were responsible for policing it and they didn't. Bush got screwed because it hit the fan during his first year. Yet we know companies were years in stealing money, cooking the books and so forth, and that lead back into the late 90's. That was Clintons Admin. It was their responsibility to watch this. Again, since they didn't the economy seemed GREAT when in fact, it wasn't good at ALL.

People want the economy to rebound. Has anyone ever thought that right now, maybe this IS the real economy and the way it should be?

We are doing more for less and that is why companies aren't hiring. We aren't making jobs for the sake of jobs. We're hiring the best, keeping the best and getting the best out of them.
 
2004-01-20 11:37:45 PM  
Are you making fun of NYQUIL now?!
You stupid piece of...

/gulp.....
/aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
2004-01-20 11:38:31 PM  
bo jackson -- ABC actually has it at 58%
 
2004-01-20 11:38:41 PM  
"America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our country."

Good stuff. A couple of years ago I was absolutely terrified that the people of Iraq would descend upon my family and myself. To tell the truth, I pretty much expected to be living in shackles and chains and feeding freshly peeled grapes to bearded Arabs. Thanks to George Bush, I don't have to worry about.

I can't believe people fall for this bullshiat.
 
2004-01-20 11:38:49 PM  
Great speech. Bush has made tremendous progress in the past 3 years.

1) Progress in War on Terrorism: Taliban in Afganistan out of power -- Afganistan people, including women and children free. In Iraq -- Saddam out, making progress in establishing independent government.
2) Inherited recession -- Economny growing fastest in 20 years

He's got my vote.
 
2004-01-20 11:39:19 PM  
At times, the onion can be truly prescient.
 
2004-01-20 11:39:31 PM  
>> 2004-01-20 11:26:11 PM GenghisBong
>>Oh and how he proved that his tax cuts worked.
>>They sure did! Just look how much these cuts benefitted >>the most wealthy...


Why exactly should tax cuts benifit the poor?
 
2004-01-20 11:39:34 PM  
I'd say there's two kinds of people in the United States:

-People who understand the horrific potential of the USA PATRIOT Act and other related "homeland security" laws.

-Republicans
 
2004-01-20 11:39:36 PM  
GenghisBong

"They sure did! Just look how much these cuts benefitted the most wealthy..."


Oh, nice reference... This'll be handy if I want to show how the tax cuts helped out the middle class.
 
2004-01-20 11:39:37 PM  
doccm9: Did someone forget that little cruise-missle attack on Sudan right before a certain intern was to give testimony to a grand jury regarding sexual encounters? Nah, couldn't be...
 
2004-01-20 11:39:39 PM  
justafarkingchef

2. Home building is at the fastest pace in 20 years
(because interest rates are down)
3. Home ownership is at an all time high.
(again, interest rates)
4. Interest rates are down
(because Greenspan repeatedly cut the rate to correct for Bush's asshat economic plan)



Here is a hint for you. GREENSPAN CANNOT do anything without Bush's approval. A.k.A Bush is just as worthy of praise over the interested rates going down. Think before you speak you farking moron.
 
2004-01-20 11:39:55 PM  
Mothy: You just described the story of George W Bush with your bit about "...how people love getting things the cheap and easy way with no personal responsibilty. "
 
2004-01-20 11:40:35 PM  
Why does the left constantly suggest that the right read Al Franken or Michael Moore's books to "find out the truth"!?

seriously, it's like a republican suggesting the left read a Limbaugh book and get the details there.

one side is NEVER going to read the others' propaganda to "learn" anything - they will be predisposed to not believing any of it from any massively partisan author.
 
2004-01-20 11:40:37 PM  
>> 2004-01-20 11:26:11 PM GenghisBong


P.S. FARKING Moron!
 
2004-01-20 11:41:00 PM  
I liked the way that he is going to show compassion to "The 600,000 inmates that will be released from prison this year, by allocating $300,000,000", to reform them, so that they never return to prison again. That works out to $50. per inmate. Gotta love that prison/industrial complex.
 
2004-01-20 11:41:03 PM  
The permission slip was a great snip at the UN. The part about our so called untilateral action thing was good also. It shows the utter conempt and lack of compassion that our so called elite thinkers show our friends and there losses.

They should be ashamed for it. I loved the comment on Fox that we have no lack of allies. It is France that should have a concern for allies, since they really have no credible ones.
 
2004-01-20 11:41:08 PM  
LincolnLogolas
I'd say there's two kinds of people in the United States:

-People who understand the horrific potential of the USA PATRIOT Act and other related "homeland security" laws.

-Republicans


And people who go to Renesiance fairs.
 
2004-01-20 11:41:22 PM  
Farmer_Ted - I was just posting to show that no number is his "official" approval rating. And also, can I see the link to ABC's 58% results?
 
2004-01-20 11:41:35 PM  
OK...then someone answer the question -- and I am genuinely curious -- why is he so wildly popular? His approval ratings are -- and have been -- stunningly high. 56%, today.

I really want to know, Bush haters -- how can he be so popular if he is so evil/stupid/mean/other?


as someone who used to take those polls for a living I have an answer. The demographics that are willing to talk to a surveyor and make their opinions known are generally the elderly, the stay at home wives, and people along those lines. They tend to be the people that are more conservative. The democratic base is generally too busy working or in school to have the time to do a survey.
 
2004-01-20 11:42:11 PM  
Bush is gay
 
2004-01-20 11:42:27 PM  
LincolnLogolas

I'd say there's two kinds of people in the United States:

-People who understand the horrific potential of the USA PATRIOT Act and other related "homeland security" laws.

-Republicans


I used to be part of both groups... and then I actually read the PATRIOT act... Now I'm back to being my good ol' lovable Republican self.
 
2004-01-20 11:42:49 PM  
utrotcguy
"GREENSPAN CANNOT do anything without Bush's approval."

Yes, except that's EXACTLY WRONG. Jesus, where do come up with this bullshiat? Go hang yourself in the basement.
 
2004-01-20 11:43:09 PM  
bo jackson --

http://www.pollingreport.com/BushJob.htm
 
2004-01-20 11:43:10 PM  
or wanking off at Dean stock footage and MoveOn ads...
 
2004-01-20 11:43:17 PM  
priestholmes

Bush is gay

then no marriage for him!
 
2004-01-20 11:43:25 PM  
Hmm, that reminds me. I forgot to buy some more MAG-10 today.
 
2004-01-20 11:43:36 PM  
The democratic base is generally too busy working or in school to have the time to do a survey.

LOL!!! I'm coughing up blood i'm laughing so hard!

Thank you for that!!
 
2004-01-20 11:43:48 PM  
Clinton's legacy may be a joke, but I don't see how. I mean the economy was good wasn't it?

Yeah, until 2000 rolled around. By April 2000, Newsweek had a picture of a glass of water with alka-seltzer on its cover. The headline? Asking the question if the "party" was really over. In the same magazine that month, an article was chronicling the "The $2.1 Trillion Market Tumble", referring the the months prior...

Remember 2000? BEFORE the election even happened? Elian Gonzales was an issue back then. And here is an excerpt from that article:

"Well, the stock market had another record week--but not the kind that we've grown used to. The go-go Nasdaq market went-went, falling a sickening 25.3 percent. It was the worst one-week decline ever posted by a broad U.S. market index. Worse than legendary Black Friday week in 1929, worse than the week of the 1987 crash that sent the Dow industrials down 22.6 percent in a single day. The week ended on an especially nauseating note Friday, with stocks losing an amazing $1 trillion of market value."

So, if Clinton gets credit for the Dot-Com Boom, he also gets credit for its bust. Both happened under his watch.
 
2004-01-20 11:44:36 PM  
"Yeesh, is there any entertainment out without such a liberal emphasis."

I wish there were, but conservatives tend to be unimaginative clods. I guess someone could post the crying baby again or something...
 
2004-01-20 11:44:54 PM  
Farmer_Ted: cool site, thanks for the link.
 
2004-01-20 11:45:01 PM  
"Twenty-eight months have passed since Sept. 11, 2001 -- over two years without an attack on American soil -- and it is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us. That hope is understandable, comforting -- and false. The killing has continued in Bali, Jakarta, Casablanca, Riyadh, Mombassa, Jerusalem, Istanbul and Baghdad. The terrorists continue to plot against America and the civilized world. And by our will and courage, this danger will be defeated. "

And the last international attack on native soil was 8 years before that, again at the WTC, and before that it was Pearl Harbor. You're a real hero Curious George.

Some critics have said our duties in Iraq must be internationalized. This particular criticism is hard to explain to our partners in Britain... Australia... Japan... South Korea... the Philippines... Thailand... Italy... Spain... Poland... Denmark... Hungary... Bulgaria... Ukraine... Romania... the Netherlands... Norway... El Salvador and the 17 other countries that have committed troops to Iraq.

Of course they try to folloow the UN and the Kyoto Treaty. You know all that international stuff that doesn't really mean anything. This guy is an expert at making freinds isn't he?

you have lowered taxes for every American who pays income taxes.

Bullshiat. What about us unmarried citizens? My taxes and other deductions now take about ~26% of my gross income. 5 years ago it was only 15-16%.
 
2004-01-20 11:46:04 PM  
Ripkord

Great speech. Bush has made tremendous progress in the past 3 years.

1) Progress in War on Terrorism: Taliban in Afganistan out of power -- Afganistan people, including women and children free. In Iraq -- Saddam out, making progress in establishing independent government.


Well, independent provided that it supports the United States. As soon as that "independent" government actually becomes independent, it'll be time to make up another reason to invade them.

2) Inherited recession -- Economny growing fastest in 20 years

I'd hate to tell you this, but recessions are inevitable in any capitalist economy. Even a highschool Econ class will teach you that. Clinton did the same thing, fixing an economy that Reagan and Bush Sr. screwed. Besides, Clinton did it WITHOUT declaring wholesale war on the rest of the world. It's easy to stimulate an economy when the government is pumping money into the war industry and giving oil and lumber companies access to protected areas.

He's got my vote.
So... you enjoy being bent over a table and screwed? There's far less expensive ways that you can get that done without getting the rest of us screwed.
 
2004-01-20 11:46:26 PM  
TommyymmoT

I liked the way that he is going to show compassion to "The 600,000 inmates that will be released from prison this year, by allocating $300,000,000", to reform them, so that they never return to prison again. That works out to $50. per inmate. Gotta love that prison/industrial complex.


Pssst... 300,000,000 / 600,000 = 500.
 
2004-01-20 11:46:50 PM  
doccm9: are you in a higher tax bracket than you were 5 years ago?
 
2004-01-20 11:46:58 PM  
I think it's nice for the Prez to reinforce feelings of fear and mistrust every year. It's also a great way to bolster things like the Patriot Act (Funny, he forgot to mention it was being used for more prosecutions than just terrorist-related ones.)
 
2004-01-20 11:47:11 PM  
Some critics have said our duties in Iraq must be internationalized. This particular criticism is hard to explain to our partners in Britain, Australia, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Italy, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Romania, the Netherlands, Norway, El Salvador, and the 17 other countries that have committed troops to Iraq.

Great line. Makes the $$hats look stupid in that argument.


Typical black-and-white worldview of a conservative. "Something is internationalized or it is not. We've got the Federated States of Micronesia to come along with us for Iraq, so it is internationalized."

In the real world, things have shades.

The number of countries he listed is nothing compared to something with real international backing, such as the first Gulf War.

Furthermore, most of the countries listed did not supply troops or money, only vague statements of support.

Plus, many of the seventeen countries that he lumped together as "17 other countries" were lumped together because they are trivial, and explicitly listing them would therefore call attention to the ridiculousness of his statement (e.g. Micronesia), or else because they gave us their vague statements of support on the condition that their identities remain secret. No joke.
 
2004-01-20 11:47:17 PM  
Bo -- I hadn't even noticed the other polls listed. Pretty good consensus, although he is as low as 50% in one. He's been a lot higher, but is trending upward since September.

I just want there to be a legit Dem contender so he will have to hone his policies, at least.
 
2004-01-20 11:47:33 PM  
[image from transweb.org too old to be available]

Vote for the honest alternative!!!!

 
2004-01-20 11:47:35 PM  
THE ONION: JANUARY 2001

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.
 
2004-01-20 11:47:35 PM  
You think that Greenspan just does these things with out congressional and presidential approval?

THat makes you the biggest DUMBASS to ever walk this planet.
 
2004-01-20 11:47:36 PM  
Bullshiat. What about us unmarried citizens? My taxes and other deductions now take about ~26% of my gross income. 5 years ago it was only 15-16%.

Odd, I thought Clinton was president in 1998-1999. shiat...I need to get my History Textbooks fixed.
 
2004-01-20 11:47:41 PM  
doccm9: so you earn exactly the same salary and live in the same place you did 5 years ago? otherwise saying you paid x% 5 years ago and z% today is apples to oranges.
 
2004-01-20 11:49:12 PM  
doccm9

"Bullshiat. What about us unmarried citizens? My taxes and other deductions now take about ~26% of my gross income. 5 years ago it was only 15-16%."


You making the same amount as you did 5 years ago?

The joys of the tiered tax system... The system that means the that richest 1% we're always hearing about actually pays 99% of the taxes.
 
2004-01-20 11:49:21 PM  
What about us unmarried p...

You selfish bastard. You are the worst type of US citizen. You take your money and burn it on weed, ski trips and the latest trend at A&F. The whole point of taxing couples less is because they actually invest.
 
2004-01-20 11:50:29 PM  
"Why exactly should tax cuts benifit the poor?"

Because they're the people juggling their bills from month to month, such as rent and electric, and phone. They also don't have to worry about minor choices like Italian leather versusSpanish leather in their Maybachs.

"The democratic base is generally too busy working or in school to have the time to do a survey."

He's laughing because so many Rebublicans have wealth that they inherited as opposed to earned. Like Bush II. a failed businessman in every endeavor, except he was blessed with a safety net of having a very successful lineage.
 
2004-01-20 11:50:40 PM  
Farmer_Ted: well, after the primary when the democrats actually decide on a ticket, things should get pretty interesting. It's one thing to put bush up against a "generic Democrat," it's quite another to go up against a real candidate. I have a feeling it will be as close and polarizing as the 2000 election.
 
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