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(Fox News)   Biohacker has chip the size of a deck of cards implanted in his arm by a team of Do It Yourselfers, since no doctor would do the procedure. The chip sends body data to his smartphone. With bonus picture of his arm with "chip" post-DIY implant   (foxnews.com) divider line 161
    More: Dumbass, implants  
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8116 clicks; posted to Geek » on 04 Nov 2013 at 4:42 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-04 01:47:28 PM
Meh, that's nothing.  I surgically implanted an espresso machine in my sternum just so I can have cappuccino on demand.

You probably don't want to know how I foam the milk, though.
 
2013-11-04 01:49:10 PM
Is that the chip or his smartphone?
 
2013-11-04 01:53:05 PM
Great. He can get real-time monitoring of the spread of the infection.
 
2013-11-04 01:56:29 PM
I'll take the "2 months" slot on the over-under for when he has to have his arm amputated.
 
2013-11-04 02:38:43 PM
The Circadia chip isn't particularly advanced: All it does is record Cannon's body temperature and transmit it to his cellphone over a Bluetooth connection.

So he is going through all of that to get his temperature sent to his cell phone....it literally does nothing else?  This is both the dumbest and lamest thing I've seen in awhile
 
2013-11-04 02:58:16 PM
"Ever since I was a kid, I've been telling people that I want to be a robot. These days, that doesn't seem so impossible anymore."

As a kid I remember thinking that the Undertaker would go home and sleep in a casket every night until Paul Bearer woke him up by taking that magical urn off of it.  Then I turned 8 realized that was a childish, unrealistic, borderline retarded thing to think and was ashamed for it. What I didn't do was grow up and grab Gram Gram's urn and run around the cemetery hoping to raise my family members out of the ground, saying it's possible that Uncle Norton can get that new kidney when we go home.
 
2013-11-04 03:02:21 PM
Ever since I was a kid, I've been telling people that I want to be a robot.

<blink, blink>

There's something wrong with you.  Seriously.
 
2013-11-04 03:04:44 PM

SnakeLee: The Circadia chip isn't particularly advanced: All it does is record Cannon's body temperature and transmit it to his cellphone over a Bluetooth connection.

So he is going through all of that to get his temperature sent to his cell phone....it literally does nothing else?  This is both the dumbest and lamest thing I've seen in awhile


Not only is he an idiot, he's also waaaay behind the curve:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Oxer
 
2013-11-04 03:04:46 PM
Look at me, I'm an attention whore!

Seriously, what purpose does an invasive chip implant that can only monitor body temperature serve.

Benevolent Misanthrope: Ever since I was a kid, I've been telling people that I want to be a robot.


Oh. He's an idiot that cannot separate fantasy from reality. That explains a lot.
 
2013-11-04 03:13:41 PM
Jesus that thing looks huge. You would think it would be able to do more than just tell him his temperature. Maybe heart rate or BAC...something
 
2013-11-04 03:14:08 PM
I'm going to get a micro-chip the size of a muffin implanted in my abdomen which will stream information to my smartphone notifying me when I have to pee.
 
2013-11-04 03:18:06 PM

Rev.K: I'm going to get a micro-chip the size of a muffin implanted in my abdomen which will stream information to my smartphone notifying me when I have to pee.


And another that will send the signal "too late!"
 
2013-11-04 03:19:22 PM

Rev.K: I'm going to get a micro-chip the size of a muffin implanted in my abdomen which will stream information to my smartphone notifying me when I have to pee.


Pee already has streaming!
 
2013-11-04 03:19:45 PM
Jealous:

i101.photobucket.com

He's holding out for the metal legs and robot ears.
 
2013-11-04 03:21:18 PM

Lucky LaRue: I'll take the "2 months" slot on the over-under for when he has to have his arm amputated.


Nahh...he will die of septic shock soon enough
 
2013-11-04 03:23:36 PM

Endive Wombat: Lucky LaRue: I'll take the "2 months" slot on the over-under for when he has to have his arm amputated.

Nahh...he will die of septic shock soon enough


Just like that Law and Order:SVU episode.
 
2013-11-04 03:26:24 PM
FIRST LOOK:

i416.photobucket.com

CAN'T LOOK AWAY:

i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-04 03:35:03 PM
Cant wait for the MRSA followup.
 
2013-11-04 03:58:43 PM
My scrotum is typing this post right now.
 
2013-11-04 04:01:16 PM

gopher321: My scrotum is typing this post right now.


It's not keyboard mashing.  Are you sure that's what you want to go with?
 
2013-11-04 04:04:58 PM
Wow, he's a regular Deus Ex.
 
2013-11-04 04:14:20 PM
"The Circadia chip isn't particularly advanced: All it does is record Cannon's body temperature and transmit it to his cellphone over a Bluetooth connection. "
The size of a deck of cards? What does he do when one of the vacuum tubes burns out? Or the battery powering the bluetooth connection? And it doesn't even measure internal body temperature, just his arm's temperature?
Dumbass tag is appropriate.
 
2013-11-04 04:21:03 PM
And just wait until the first time he needs an MRI.
 
2013-11-04 04:35:22 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
Amateur.
 
2013-11-04 04:36:00 PM

I_Am_Weasel: Rev.K: I'm going to get a micro-chip the size of a muffin implanted in my abdomen which will stream information to my smartphone notifying me when I have to pee.

Pee already has streaming!


I LOL'd.
 
2013-11-04 04:42:07 PM
I'll take move by wire, damage compensator, chloroplast skin, cat's eyes, and one of them fingers with the laser inside.
 
2013-11-04 04:49:27 PM

hardinparamedic: Look at me, I'm an attention whore!

Seriously, what purpose does an invasive chip implant that can only monitor body temperature serve.


It monitors body temperature, duh.
 
2013-11-04 04:51:44 PM
millerfamilydermatology.com
 
2013-11-04 04:52:20 PM
A simple thermocouple which maybe a port for connecting a wireless transmitter to it would have been much smaller, more accurate, and easier to tune.

What is he going to do when this thing gets buggy or loses its accuracy from not being calibrated?
 
2013-11-04 04:53:10 PM
I dig cyber punk but this is crap. It neither looks cool or does anything cool.
 
2013-11-04 04:54:33 PM

toraque: Meh, that's nothing.  I surgically implanted an espresso machine in my sternum just so I can have cappuccino on demand.

You probably don't want to know how I foam the milk, though.


dilbert.com

/hmmm. old socks and vaseline...
 
2013-11-04 04:57:08 PM
My arm is augmented.
 
2013-11-04 04:58:55 PM
Yes, Ghost in the Shell was cool.

No, you should not try that at home.
 
2013-11-04 05:03:07 PM

hardinparamedic: Look at me, I'm an attention whore!

Seriously, what purpose does an invasive chip implant that can only monitor body temperature serve.



His phone will be able to let him know if he's cold?

/Seriously, could almost see the point if it did something cool... but an implant that doesn't do anything an external device couldn't?  Why?
 
2013-11-04 05:03:32 PM
The TSA is going to love him.
 
2013-11-04 05:03:48 PM
Will it report phantom data after his ad-hoc medical team cuts off his gangrenous arm?
 
2013-11-04 05:05:03 PM
"Gargoyles represent the embarrassing side of the Central Intelligence Corporation. Instead of using laptops, they wear their computers on their bodies, broken up into separate modules that hang on the waist, on the back, on the headset. They serve as human surveillance devices, recording everything that happens around them.

Nothing looks stupider; these getups are the modern-day equivalent of the slide-rule scabbard or the calculator pouch on the belt, marking the user as belonging to a class that is at once above and far below human society. They are a boon to Hiro because they embody the worst stereotype of the CIC stringer. They draw all the attention. The payoff for this self-imposed ostracism is that you can be in the Metaverse all the time, and gather intelligence all the time."
 
2013-11-04 05:05:39 PM
all this and not one question on battery life?????

what? just unzip once a week??
 
2013-11-04 05:07:29 PM
Cyborg, not robot, unless he pines for an attempt to move his consciousness into a SSD.
 
2013-11-04 05:09:22 PM

SnakeLee: The Circadia chip isn't particularly advanced: All it does is record Cannon's body temperature and transmit it to his cellphone over a Bluetooth connection.

So he is going through all of that to get his temperature sent to his cell phone....it literally does nothing else?  This is both the dumbest and lamest thing I've seen in awhile


But he's a BIOHACKER!
 
2013-11-04 05:10:14 PM
I'm going to install a garbage disposal in my rectum so I can dispose of my waste when I dispose of my waste.

Also, this guy is a moron
 
2013-11-04 05:12:28 PM
I only want to know how many points of essence he lost on this Alpha grade "cyberware."
 
2013-11-04 05:13:14 PM
I would love too see the look on his face when someone showed him this:http://www.engadget.com/2013/10/28/airo-wristband/
 
2013-11-04 05:13:21 PM
I bet that arm implant is really to hack voting machines because he's an obvious lib-o-rat 0bama voter and you libs need all the help you can get
 
2013-11-04 05:13:21 PM
The first attempts at alteration are always going to be ugly at best.
 
2013-11-04 05:13:36 PM

simplicimus: "The Circadia chip isn't particularly advanced: All it does is record Cannon's body temperature and transmit it to his cellphone over a Bluetooth connection. "
The size of a deck of cards? What does he do when one of the vacuum tubes burns out? Or the battery powering the bluetooth connection? And it doesn't even measure internal body temperature, just his arm's temperature?
Dumbass tag is appropriate.


I know. My Bluetooth buttplug is actually WAAAY more accurate at recording core body temp.
 
2013-11-04 05:16:17 PM
That's no "chip".
 
2013-11-04 05:18:39 PM
I bet the guy almost ripped his dick off to pictures like this when he was younger.

img.gawkerassets.com

His next trick is to install a fleshlight in his dick so he can feel his girlfriends from Katawa Shoujo.
 
2013-11-04 05:20:32 PM
To be fair, knowing his internal body temperature at all times will be pretty important when he gets a massive infection from this thing.
 
2013-11-04 05:31:55 PM
Why is everyone saying he is going to get a massive infection from this thing?  Metal has been implanted in humans for more than a few years.

I have 11 implanted teeth and 6 stents in my heart.  Not one infection.
 
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