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(Cracked)   The six most bizarre safe-for-work fetishes. So go ahead -- check these out at work   ( cracked.com) divider line
    More: Weird, turn-ons, Violet Beauregarde  
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17364 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Nov 2013 at 7:36 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-03 03:48:22 PM  
Y'all some farked up individuals.
 
2013-11-03 04:27:00 PM  
So, is there a fetish video of a woman wearing an inflatable wool suit designed to look like a chase lounge drowning in quicksand while picking her nose and sucking on a doorknob?

That one could make millions.

Any TFettes want to get with me and make one?  We could split the proceeds.
 
2013-11-03 04:53:10 PM  
What a bunch of sick farks.  Whatever happened to respectable erotica like orgies with midgets and amputees?
 
2013-11-03 04:57:49 PM  

Relatively Obscure: What a bunch of sick farks.  Whatever happened to respectable erotica like orgies with midgets and amputees?


Midgets make your weener look really huge.

/I've heard
 
2013-11-03 05:00:11 PM  
Oh, look.  It's going to be one of those threads where fans of scat porn claim that guro is disgusting.

We're all farked up in our own ways.  That makes us all normal.  The end.
 
2013-11-03 05:14:44 PM  
Im glad nothing in that thread turned me on
 
2013-11-03 05:55:23 PM  

Riche: So, is there a fetish video of a woman wearing an inflatable wool suit designed to look like a chase lounge drowning in quicksand while picking her nose and sucking on a doorknob?


*comes buckets*
 
2013-11-03 05:55:52 PM  

Mike_LowELL: We're all farked up in our own ways. That makes us all normal. The end.


When everyone is farked up, no one is farked up?
 
2013-11-03 05:57:58 PM  
That's so hot they bring their fetishes to work.
 
2013-11-03 06:09:22 PM  

scottydoesntknow: When everyone is farked up, no one is farked up?


img.fark.net

No capes!
 
2013-11-03 06:10:30 PM  
Damn.  People fap to everything.
 
2013-11-03 06:22:41 PM  
Remember kids: no matter how screwed up you might think you are, you ARE someone's fetish...
 
2013-11-03 06:22:47 PM  

ElLoco: Relatively Obscure: What a bunch of sick farks.  Whatever happened to respectable erotica like orgies with midgets and amputees?

Midgets make your weener look really huge.

/I've heard


So do four year-olds.
And they don't talk back, like those uppity 1st graders.
 
2013-11-03 07:09:40 PM  
 
2013-11-03 07:39:48 PM  
I'm 12 and what is this?
 
2013-11-03 07:45:15 PM  

Makh: That's so hot they bring their fetishes to work.


I like to lick the doorknobs at work when I'm sick. Spread the love. It's not a sex thing, though.
 
2013-11-03 07:45:20 PM  
I just listened to a Radiolab podcast taking about quicksand, and how kids are mot afraid of it today (unlike previous generations). They mentioned the fetish aspect of it. Totally bizarre.
 
2013-11-03 07:46:06 PM  
Product idea: Madlibs, but with fetishes.

/pat. pending
 
2013-11-03 07:46:31 PM  

i.crackedcdn.com


WELCOME TO FARK

 
2013-11-03 07:49:18 PM  

Makh: scottydoesntknow: When everyone is farked up, no one is farked up?

[img.fark.net image 600x251]

No capes!


That made me laugh
 
2013-11-03 07:50:34 PM  
Really?  Nobody?

imgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-11-03 07:50:59 PM  
img.fark.net

/Stolen from the Shoop thread below.
 
2013-11-03 07:55:24 PM  

Riche: So, is there a fetish video of a woman wearing an inflatable wool suit designed to look like a chase lounge drowning in quicksand while picking her nose and sucking on a doorknob?


Rule 34.
 
2013-11-03 07:57:26 PM  

LewDux: [i.crackedcdn.com image 249x291]
WELCOME TO FARK


He allowed himself to be photographed? He has brought shame upon his clan.
 
2013-11-03 07:57:35 PM  
I made a photo of Giantess Geyser in Yellowstone and stuck it on Flickr. Photos tagged with 'giantess' are disturbing, not safe for work.

/my flicker stats demonstrate rule 34 all the time
 
2013-11-03 08:01:09 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-11-03 08:04:40 PM  

The Pope of Manwich Village: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 640x534]


I find that image quite alluring.
 
2013-11-03 08:10:03 PM  

Makh: scottydoesntknow: When everyone is farked up, no one is farked up?

[img.fark.net image 600x251]

No capes!


I didn't know how to fit Syndrome into it.

You did better than I ever could.
 
2013-11-03 08:10:31 PM  

fusillade762: The Pope of Manwich Village: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 640x534]

I find that image quite alluring.


BOOOOO!
 
2013-11-03 08:12:05 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Mike_LowELL: We're all farked up in our own ways. That makes us all normal. The end.

When everyone is farked up, no one is farked up?


A sane person operating in an insane society will appear insane.
/kv ftw
 
2013-11-03 08:21:41 PM  

Por que tan serioso: scottydoesntknow: Mike_LowELL: We're all farked up in our own ways. That makes us all normal. The end.

When everyone is farked up, no one is farked up?

A sane person operating in an insane society will appear insane.
/kv ftw


imgs.xkcd.com

/kinda
 
2013-11-03 08:28:40 PM  
You know, I thought I was a pretty open minded kind of guy, exposed (but not experienced in) to a vast array of possibilities in terms of fetishes and sexuality. Most of it, I understand.  It may not be my cup of tea or hold any interest for me, but I get it.  This list, however, is something I would have expected to read on April 1st.  None of this makes sense to me.  Most of it just seems like something someone would do as a joke or for the sake of art.
 
2013-11-03 08:32:38 PM  
C'mere Subby...

My fetish is smacking the shiat out of Subbies that link to Cracked.
 
2013-11-03 08:32:49 PM  

Riche: So, is there a fetish video of a woman wearing an inflatable wool suit designed to look like a chase lounge drowning in quicksand while picking her nose and sucking on a doorknob?

That one could make millions.

Any TFettes want to get with me and make one?  We could split the proceeds.


You mean a "chaise longue".
 
2013-11-03 08:36:42 PM  

hubiestubert: Remember kids: no matter how screwed up you might think you are, you ARE someone's fetish...


I highly doubt it, unless there is a fetish for forty year old, blonde male turbo-nerds that live off the land. That said turbo-nerd has no social life goes without saying...

/so ronery...
 
2013-11-03 08:37:01 PM  
Damn.  People fap to everything.

http://www.amazon.com/Images-You-Should-Not-Masturbate/dp/0399536493


Great. Now that's in my Amazon history
 
2013-11-03 08:37:19 PM  
Anyone else have a fetish involving naked men Farking on wooden slatted chairs?
 
2013-11-03 08:38:22 PM  
Yeah, no thanks - not for me x.x
 
2013-11-03 08:42:51 PM  
 
2013-11-03 08:45:21 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: Por que tan serioso: scottydoesntknow: Mike_LowELL: We're all farked up in our own ways. That makes us all normal. The end.

When everyone is farked up, no one is farked up?

A sane person operating in an insane society will appear insane.
/kv ftw

[imgs.xkcd.com image 306x413]

/kinda


"Look at how special and brilliant I am." the comic!
 
2013-11-03 08:48:14 PM  

a_room_with_a_moose: hubiestubert: Remember kids: no matter how screwed up you might think you are, you ARE someone's fetish...

I highly doubt it, unless there is a fetish for forty year old, blonde male turbo-nerds that live off the land. That said turbo-nerd has no social life goes without saying...

/so ronery...


I never said that the folks who have said fetish were going to be yours...
 
2013-11-03 08:49:37 PM  

albuquerquehalsey: ArcadianRefugee: [imgs.xkcd.com image 306x413]

/kinda

"Look at how special and brilliant I am." the comic!


You prefer "Look at how stupid/uninteresting or willing to cater to the lowest common denominator I am "?

For you:

cidutest.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-11-03 08:52:25 PM  
The doorknob one isn't that surprising, given that in Japan genitals in porn have to be censored. I guess tentacles are getting boring as a substitute.
 
2013-11-03 08:54:02 PM  

hubiestubert: a_room_with_a_moose: hubiestubert: Remember kids: no matter how screwed up you might think you are, you ARE someone's fetish...

I highly doubt it, unless there is a fetish for forty year old, blonde male turbo-nerds that live off the land. That said turbo-nerd has no social life goes without saying...

/so ronery...

I never said that the folks who have said fetish were going to be yours...


Life is so cruel. I would bestow such gifts of smoked venison and leatherbritches upon her. And semen, of course. I have a surplus of all these things...
 
2013-11-03 08:54:46 PM  

LesserEvil: Wool?

Kind of like this family? (NSFW???)


Dude. Not cool.
 
2013-11-03 08:57:08 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: albuquerquehalsey: ArcadianRefugee: [imgs.xkcd.com image 306x413]

/kinda

"Look at how special and brilliant I am." the comic!

You prefer "Look at how stupid/uninteresting or willing to cater to the lowest common denominator I am "?

For you:

[cidutest.files.wordpress.com image 760x221]


There is NOTHING so brilliant on the web, no woman so beautiful, no food so delicious, no car so powerful and well designed, no game so entertaining, no performance so nuanced and moving, that someone, somewhere, won't want to take a sh*t on it. It shows how Mavericky they are. It usually doesn't work in quite the pantie dropping fashion as folks hope, but it's a sort of long term strategy to build up that rebel without a pause sort of motif...
 
2013-11-03 09:15:12 PM  
Thanks, subby. How did you know that a Cracked list was just what I need to help me go over the edge? There's just something about the way they split a list over two pages...
 
2013-11-03 09:17:30 PM  

LesserEvil: Wool?

Kind of like this family? (NSFW???)


How in the fark did you even find that?
 
2013-11-03 09:25:57 PM  

megarian: LesserEvil: Wool?

Kind of like this family? (NSFW???)

How in the fark did you even find that?


In fairness, it's been kicking around for a while. Like for years. Here's the story behind it.
 
2013-11-03 09:31:29 PM  
What kind of sicko gets off on human furniture?

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-11-03 09:34:04 PM  

hubiestubert: megarian: LesserEvil: Wool?

Kind of like this family? (NSFW???)

How in the fark did you even find that?

In fairness, it's been kicking around for a while. Like for years. Here's the story behind it.


I am so glad I didn't know about this until today.
 
2013-11-03 09:39:36 PM  
The first one looks like a variation of "Vore".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vorarephilia
 
2013-11-03 09:46:30 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: BunkyBrewman: Damn.  People fap to everything.

http://www.amazon.com/Images-You-Should-Not-Masturbate/dp/0399536493


Damn it. I clicked on the link had a chuckle. Then I remembered I am signed into my amazon account.

Can't wait to see all the "you might also like" suggestions I get.
 
2013-11-03 09:46:40 PM  
MrHappyRotter
This list, however, is something I would have expected to read on April 1st. None of this makes sense to me. Most of it just seems like something someone would do as a joke or for the sake of art.

The quicksand thing reminded me of something;
In Germany there are some crappy small TV channels which don't have a lot of programming.
At night, instead of sending a test signal or something, those stations will use any cheap programming they can find to have something to fill the space between their commercial breaks which -literally(!)- are nothing but porn clips used to advertise phone sex.

I haven't watched much TV recently, but at least about five years ago, Germany's only sport channel DSF/Sport1 was turning into a porn station during the night:
their only "programming" between phone sex ads was clips of girls stripping in an athletic setting (like, you see them on a tennis court or at a billiard table for two minutes and then someone flips the horny switch and they take off all their clothes and pretend to be horny).

I don't know if the station finally got into trouble with regulators over their porn programming (compared to recycling bushy 70s softcore like other stations, the shaving trend might have resulted in on-screen pussy lips).
Or maybe I simply hit the channel more often during times when it was too early for porn.
But there was a time when it wasn't strippers, but the content of "carstuckgirls" (.com):
no nudity, just skimpily dressed girls getting their cars stuck in mud. The clips were nothing but the high-heeled girls' fake attempts to get the car free.

Being exposed to this WTF?! programming..if the appeal hasn't to do with the cars, clips of women in quicksand sounds like the extreme version for the more hardcore fetishists.
 
2013-11-03 09:49:46 PM  

Riche: So, is there a fetish video of a woman wearing an inflatable wool suit designed to look like a chase lounge drowning in quicksand while picking her nose and sucking on a doorknob?

That one could make millions.

Any TFettes want to get with me and make one?  We could split the proceeds.


Rule 34 says it's already out there, and making a fortune.
 
2013-11-03 10:00:26 PM  

megarian: hubiestubert: megarian: LesserEvil: Wool?

Kind of like this family? (NSFW???)

How in the fark did you even find that?

In fairness, it's been kicking around for a while. Like for years. Here's the story behind it.

I am so glad I didn't know about this until today.


Yeah, it's been around. Pretty messed up. I remember watching a video on this, too. Probably a link from Fark (I've been around fark for a LONG time)

I don't traumatize my kids one way or the other about nudity. They are comfortable in their own skin, but genitalia can (and should) remain a personal thing that is shared with somebody out of intimacy (as in your sexual partner) or necessity (showering in the locker room), unless you are part of a community (nudists).
 
2013-11-03 10:05:54 PM  

LesserEvil: megarian: hubiestubert: megarian: LesserEvil: Wool?

Kind of like this family? (NSFW???)

How in the fark did you even find that?

In fairness, it's been kicking around for a while. Like for years. Here's the story behind it.

I am so glad I didn't know about this until today.

Yeah, it's been around. Pretty messed up. I remember watching a video on this, too. Probably a link from Fark (I've been around fark for a LONG time)

I don't traumatize my kids one way or the other about nudity. They are comfortable in their own skin, but genitalia can (and should) remain a personal thing that is shared with somebody out of intimacy (as in your sexual partner) or necessity (showering in the locker room), unless you are part of a community (nudists).


Hehe. Either way, no one should lovingly hold and admire the woolen penis of a family member. Just sayin'.
 
2013-11-03 10:14:15 PM  
I...I really hope I never have to use that^ sentence again.
 
2013-11-03 10:19:07 PM  
No farting in bathtubs?   fail!
 
2013-11-03 10:22:09 PM  

megarian: I...I really hope I never have to use that^ sentence again.


Pish. Think of the fun you can have with it this Christmas...
 
2013-11-03 10:23:16 PM  
Vore. Oh, dear god. Vore.

/shudder. Disgusted shudder.
 
2013-11-03 10:36:52 PM  
I had a job once I knew I was going to get fired from.  Place was going under, boss wasn't terribly fond of me, I knew I had a limited amount of time there.

So I went to Google images and searched for shovels.

And put about 300 megs of shovel images in a hidden folder on my main drive.  Sorted by size, weight, handles, whatever.  Nothing but shovels.  With no explanation whatsoever.

Holy crap but I hope they found that folder after I left.  I'll bet they're still talking about it.
 
2013-11-03 10:57:23 PM  

hardinparamedic: Vore. Oh, dear god. Vore.

/shudder. Disgusted shudder.


It's really best not to think about it. Like... is there a crossover between vorarephilia and coprophilia? Because that's the kind of question that comes up if you bother to think about it so... yeah. It's really best to just... not.

/*hurk*
//NTTAWWT
///'Cept when there is
////And let's face it,  sometimes, there is
 
2013-11-03 11:01:56 PM  
I didn't think that there was much more about the human race that could surprise or disgust me, but, Subby, you found a bunch.

Now I have to sit and rethink my theory on sex and sexual stimulants along with the cause and effect. You turned up a bunch I didn't know existed. Now I have to consider what cross wiring happened in someone's brain to enable them to find snot and sneezing sexy. (Cute I might understand.) The entire thing with doorknobs has me confused.

I barely managed to grasp the fascination with feces -- while trying not to hurl. I understood Sadomasochism coming from more than just a sexual urge and being connected often to the dark confines of the Id. (One of the reasons all of those horror movies detailing in lovingly 'living color' the slow evisceration of a living victim draw in capacity crowds of 'normal' people.)

I know of the 'rubber' or 'vinyl' sex craze -- I just don't want to be in the same room with any of the participants when they peel off those hot, sweaty suits.

I even managed to get a grasp on the thinking behind guys shoving assorted hard, metal probes up their schlongs and grasped somewhat why chicks got all turned on by this other guy I knew who hammered his sack to a bar with real nails when he went out drinking.

I'm not real sure of the turn-on by inflatable suits, especially animal shaped ones.

As I've said before, the sex drive is powerful and often connected in the brain to some strange areas.
 
2013-11-03 11:05:09 PM  

Preston Preston: I had a job once I knew I was going to get fired from.  Place was going under, boss wasn't terribly fond of me, I knew I had a limited amount of time there.

So I went to Google images and searched for shovels.

And put about 300 megs of shovel images in a hidden folder on my main drive.  Sorted by size, weight, handles, whatever.  Nothing but shovels.  With no explanation whatsoever.

Holy crap but I hope they found that folder after I left.  I'll bet they're still talking about it.


You truly made me laugh out loud.

Cheers!
 
2013-11-03 11:17:59 PM  
Doesn't anybody just hold hands at the movies anymore?
 
2013-11-03 11:20:37 PM  
Spreadsheets.
 
2013-11-03 11:51:28 PM  

Cubicle Jockey: The first one looks like a variation of "Vore".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vorarephilia


Kinda goes with unbirthing I guess.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr4h0kAzJks
 
2013-11-04 12:03:10 AM  

bunner: Doesn't anybody just hold hands at the movies anymore?


Only if it's a mom holding the sticky hand of a toddler who wants to leave.
 
2013-11-04 12:16:20 AM  
img.pandawhale.com
 
2013-11-04 12:16:37 AM  

jfarkinB: Thanks, subby. How did you know that a Cracked list was just what I need to help me go over the edge? There's just something about the way they split a list over two pages...


Someone has a fetish for multi-page lists...
 
2013-11-04 01:32:23 AM  

cynicgator: Damn.  People fap to everything.

http://www.amazon.com/Images-You-Should-Not-Masturbate/dp/0399536493

Great. Now that's in my Amazon history


Now that you've got that knocked over, go back and read the reviews.
 
2013-11-04 03:43:03 AM  
The women in quicksand thing is just a subset of WAM (wet and messy).

WAM includes these sub genres

Mud wrestling
Oil Wrestling
Women and wet/messy food (cake, whipped cream, milk, beans etc)
Women in water (soapy or otherwise)
etc

// on a tablet, so don't feel like linking to the hiearchy of fetishes (a fark classic)
 
2013-11-04 03:52:01 AM  
PS: soap and oil, if you were wondering.
 
2013-11-04 05:20:51 AM  

lordargent: PS: soap and oil, if you were wondering.


...we weren't...
 
2013-11-04 05:31:10 AM  

LesserEvil: Wool?

Kind of like this family? (NSFW???)


'leavin satisfied
 
2013-11-04 07:37:25 AM  
I misread safe for work as safe word and immediately thought of Eurotrip.
 
2013-11-04 10:30:58 AM  
Nah -  http://www.reddit.com/r/popping - probably safe for work, but not for lunch or life.
 
2013-11-04 10:48:39 AM  

a_room_with_a_moose: hubiestubert: Remember kids: no matter how screwed up you might think you are, you ARE someone's fetish...

I highly doubt it, unless there is a fetish for forty year old, blonde male turbo-nerds that live off the land. That said turbo-nerd has no social life goes without saying...

/so ronery...


My favorite person is a blonde turbo-nerd in his thirties.
 
2013-11-04 11:38:08 AM  
Our female CFO once got reprimanded for licking my doorknob. If you know what I mean.
 
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