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(NPR)   There's one sure fire way to increase church attendance: hand out free beer   (npr.org) divider line 37
    More: Spiffy, Weekend Edition Sunday, Portland State University, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Downtown Portland, attendance, Dallas-Fort Worth, Lutherans, Gospel of Luke  
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3571 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Nov 2013 at 9:18 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



37 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-03 08:32:00 AM  
Improve the crackers during snack and booze time too. Get a corporate sponsor and let them field test new flavors.

Jeez-its. You're welcome, Christianity.
 
2013-11-03 09:04:35 AM  
i'm still sticking with Paganism.  less judgmental and the sex is guilt free.
 
2013-11-03 09:22:44 AM  
I really do think that the right way to increase church attendance is to figure out what kind of audience you seek and form your image to attract such members. The Cowboy Church is an excellent example of finding an unfulfilled niche and catering to it.
 
2013-11-03 09:22:46 AM  
nah, still not going to get me to go
 
2013-11-03 09:25:25 AM  
I can drink on Sunday mornings just fine at home on this here couch.
 
2013-11-03 09:26:18 AM  
"Can't you see you're not making Christianity better, you're just making beer worse?"

popdose.com
 
2013-11-03 09:31:01 AM  

Weaver95: i'm still sticking with Paganism.  less judgmental and the sex is guilt free.


It's basically the same thing.  Well at least traditional Paganism (not the new age tree hugging crap) and the Christian myth that was largely cut and paste from it.   http://www.pocm.info/   Please note, this guy is not one of those guys who tries to claim Jesus is an exact copy of some previous pagan god.  What he does is try to scholarly show where many, if not all, of the early Christian myths and beliefs about Christ and their religion came from.  Jesus doesn't line up exactly with any single pre-Christian pagan god, but he is obviously a composite character.
 
2013-11-03 09:31:45 AM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Improve the crackers during snack and booze time too. Get a corporate sponsor and let them field test new flavors.

Jeez Cheez-its. You're welcome, Christianity.


FIFY
 
2013-11-03 09:32:15 AM  
Drinking beer in church seems to be a thing, but its certainly not new.

nationalchurchestrust.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-11-03 09:33:54 AM  
There are churches with attendance in the tens of thousands, and they tend to be the most teabaggery, batshiat insane.  I don't look forward to more big churches.
 
2013-11-03 09:41:22 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I really do think that the right way to increase church attendance is to figure out what kind of audience you seek and form your image to attract such members. The Cowboy Church is an excellent example of finding an unfulfilled niche and catering to it.


Elcome to the Church of Hookers and Blow.
 
2013-11-03 09:45:15 AM  
Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin - 1779

--------------------------------------------------------------------- - ---------------------------------------------------------------

This won't work with Baptists 'cuz there are two things that Baptists don't recognize: The Pope and each other in a liquor store.
 
2013-11-03 09:45:58 AM  

s22.postimg.org


For THIS is my blood.

 
2013-11-03 09:57:38 AM  

StoPPeRmobile: AverageAmericanGuy: I really do think that the right way to increase church attendance is to figure out what kind of audience you seek and form your image to attract such members. The Cowboy Church is an excellent example of finding an unfulfilled niche and catering to it.

Elcome to the Church of Hookers and Blow.


O_O

So it there a sign-up sheet?
 
2013-11-03 09:57:38 AM  
For your penance, drink 5 beers.
 
2013-11-03 09:58:36 AM  

InternetSecurityGuard: Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin - 1779

--------------------------------------------------------------------- - ---------------------------------------------------------------

This won't work with Baptists 'cuz there are two things that Baptists don't recognize: The Pope and each other in a liquor store.


Which is why you never take a Baptist fishing. He'll drink all your beer.
 
2013-11-03 10:04:09 AM  
Strippers.
 
2013-11-03 10:04:11 AM  

Modified Wooden Paper Towel Holder: I can drink on Sunday mornings just fine at home on this here couch.


I was going to chide you for bothing to get up out of bed before you started drinking

BUT THEN -  A REVELATIONN!!

what if you slept on the couch?

Mind.  Blown.
 
2013-11-03 10:07:15 AM  
Beer thread?  Just discovered this stuff:

1.bp.blogspot.com

It's a rauchbier that also has wheat malt.  Quite good.
 
2013-11-03 10:08:04 AM  

Nick Nostril: InternetSecurityGuard: Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin - 1779

--------------------------------------------------------------------- - ---------------------------------------------------------------

This won't work with Baptists 'cuz there are two things that Baptists don't recognize: The Pope and each other in a liquor store.

Which is why you never take a Baptist fishing. He'll drink all your beer.


It's you never just take one baptist fishing, because he'll drink all your beer.  The joke is that if you have two, they will both pretend the beer doesn't interest them.
 
2013-11-03 10:08:47 AM  
img.fark.net

This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about... BEER.

/right thread this time
//*hiccup*
 
2013-11-03 10:09:28 AM  
I find this more acceptable than some of the churches around me. I went with a friend to his church and entered a large steel building. I then suffered through 30min or shiat Music that could only be described as a mixture of Sum41 and gospel. This was followed by a 15 minute sermon from a series titled Myth Busting where the pastor read from his iPad and explained how Noah's Arc was totally doable. Beer church sounds far more reasonable than what I experienced...
 
2013-11-03 10:10:56 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I really do think that the right way to increase church attendance is to figure out what kind of audience you seek and form your image to attract such members. The Cowboy Church is an excellent example of finding an unfulfilled niche and catering to it.



Yea, the sign of the true Niche God, my favorite sort.

Pander to your audience, it is what religion is all about. Oh, and the money. Can't get the money unless you bring the God to the chumps.
 
2013-11-03 10:16:40 AM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: Weaver95: i'm still sticking with Paganism.  less judgmental and the sex is guilt free.

It's basically the same thing.  Well at least traditional Paganism (not the new age tree hugging crap) and the Christian myth that was largely cut and paste from it.   http://www.pocm.info/   Please note, this guy is not one of those guys who tries to claim Jesus is an exact copy of some previous pagan god.  What he does is try to scholarly show where many, if not all, of the early Christian myths and beliefs about Christ and their religion came from.  Jesus doesn't line up exactly with any single pre-Christian pagan god, but he is obviously a composite character.


i'm working my way thru the Egyptian book of the dead.  there's a story in there about Unas (1st dynasty, I think) one of the more powerful pharos of his time.  Anyways, the story goes that he is supposed to rise from his grave and devour the gods, becoming more powerful as he consumes their hearts and souls.

sometimes I wonder if that's already happened.
 
2013-11-03 10:39:14 AM  
d&c89 nope.
 
2013-11-03 10:41:48 AM  

Weaver95: there's a story in there about Unas


The Goa'uld persecuted the Unas.
 
2013-11-03 10:57:48 AM  

Weaver95: i'm still sticking with Paganism.  less judgmental and the sex is guilt free.


Agreed, but the nice part about being UU is you still get the community involvement (I'm more solitary otherwise).

I will suggest this to the membership committee though. We did crack open bottles of champagne and had mimosas after the SCOTUS prop 8 announcement.
 
2013-11-03 11:19:52 AM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Improve the crackers during snack and booze time too. Get a corporate sponsor and let them field test new flavors.

Jeez-its. You're welcome, Christianity.


Bravo.
 
2013-11-03 11:25:18 AM  
Made a bet with myself that this would be 'Texas'.  Checked the article....  Yup, nailed it.

/Somewhere, long ago, I ran across a reference to 'The Church of All Time, Space, and Deformable Bodies'.  Used that as the name of a brothel in a game I used to run.
 
2013-11-03 11:27:08 AM  

snocone: AverageAmericanGuy: I really do think that the right way to increase church attendance is to figure out what kind of audience you seek and form your image to attract such members. The Cowboy Church is an excellent example of finding an unfulfilled niche and catering to it.


Yea, the sign of the true Niche God, my favorite sort.

Pander to your audience, it is what religion is all about. Oh, and the money. Can't get the money unless you bring the God to the chumps.


Hold the sermons
Hold the penance
Choose your favorite
of the tenets
All we ask is that you let us
worship your way.

The Burger King of the Jews.
 
2013-11-03 11:34:12 AM  
Christianity, the religion that constantly changes itself and it's morals to get new recruits for heaven brownie points. All the while when they act like martyrs and simultaneously pretend that "no one has heard our message properly" when everyone knows the hypocritical and rapidly conflicted views many churches (especially megachurches) take against their own dogma. You would think that one day they would just realize, "Hey, we've been around for a long time and have a church in just about every town, maybe now we can sit back and let the interested people come to us!" but noooooooo, they have to be annoying and preachy and act as if "no one understands the message". It's like being at a Hipster coffee shop! (though considering what the Catholic church is trying to do to bring in new recruits in Brooklyn, I bet pretty soon we'll see Hipster churches)
 
2013-11-03 12:00:58 PM  
Church Brew Works And on the 8th day.....Man created beer.
 
2013-11-03 01:25:38 PM  

czei: "Can't you see you're not making Christianity better, you're just making beer worse?"


Thread over.

Seriously, though, maybe if churchy types weren't so judgmental, anti-science, anti-intellectual, closed-minded doomsaying haters, and emphasized good works, loving your neighbor and generally being, you know, Jesus-like people might go to church more? Just throwing that out there.
 
2013-11-03 04:23:29 PM  
If you're going to use the same marketing tactics as people selling condo timeshares, I'll take you just as seriously as people selling condo timeshares.
 
2013-11-03 04:45:52 PM  
I thought they already gave out free wine?
 
2013-11-03 05:05:47 PM  

MrEricSir: If you're going to use the same marketing tactics as people selling condo timeshares, I'll take you just as seriously as people selling condo timeshares.



A Tithe beats a Mortgage all to hell.
Advantage.
 
2013-11-03 09:09:04 PM  
Our church occasionally buys beer for homeless people.  One had lost everything in a flood of his camp.  Another had the shakes really bad.  Did buy beers for another group, but later the homeless asked us not to anymore.  They thought it wasn't helping them.  We gave up trying to hand out condoms, they didn't like to take them from church people.

There is a beer & wine church in Buffalo, NY.  Some of the homeless attend there, but others won't go because they perceive apostasy.
 
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