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(Geekosystem)   When a fax machine calls a voice-to-text converter, something truly magical happens   (geekosystem.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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13782 clicks; posted to Geek » on 02 Nov 2013 at 5:18 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-01 11:39:08 PM  
It reads like an ADHD kid on caffeine.
 
2013-11-02 12:54:02 AM  
images4.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-11-02 04:27:07 AM  
so dreams are caused by something faxing my brain?
 
2013-11-02 05:02:04 AM  
I bet it was just a LOT of ghosts were trying to reach him all at the same time.
 
2013-11-02 05:22:53 AM  
Hi dave
 
2013-11-02 05:32:10 AM  

dangelder: Hi dave


Hey!

hey, I'm....hey hey hey....dangler hey you're hey....

I'm hey!
 
2013-11-02 05:41:25 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-11-02 05:49:08 AM  

Forty-Two: [images4.wikia.nocookie.net image 347x330]


Came for this, satisfied
 
2013-11-02 05:49:57 AM  
pupster.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-11-02 06:08:52 AM  
I'm pretty sure this is how Skynet became self aware.
 
2013-11-02 06:13:02 AM  

log_jammin: dangelder: Hi dave

Hey!

hey, I'm....hey hey hey....dangler hey you're hey....

I'm hey!


stream1.gifsoup.com
static02.mediaite.com
 
2013-11-02 06:14:02 AM  

Begoggle: [pupster.files.wordpress.com image 298x398]


Came here for this, leaving satisfied...
 
2013-11-02 06:49:58 AM  
Did someone mention Fat Albert yet?
 
2013-11-02 07:07:50 AM  
I once left my PC in "dictation" mode overnight. In the morning the Word doc on my screeen said,
"If if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if,  if if if if,  if if if if ..." all the way down the page
(Isnore)
 
2013-11-02 07:12:48 AM  
Somewhere, Rod Serling smiles.
 
2013-11-02 07:22:33 AM  

brainlordmesomorph: I once left my PC in "dictation" mode overnight. In the morning the Word doc on my screeen said,
"If if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if,  if if if if,  if if if if ..." all the way down the page
(Isnore)


For some reason this made me giggle uncontrollably.

/Too little sleep, too much caffeine
//Still funny
 
2013-11-02 07:31:19 AM  
Best part halfway down th first para....

"have some hey"
 
2013-11-02 08:09:19 AM  
Original ad:
55 gallon tank great condition.no scratches. comes with filter. $125. 484-***-****. CALL ME ONLY - NO EMAILS. 484-***-****
From Me to Felix *********:

Hey,

That fish tank is beautiful. I must have it! Is it still for sale?

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

CALL THE NUMBER

From Me to Felix *********:

What number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called that number and nobody answered.

From Felix ********* to Me:

i never heard it ring. call again and leave a message if no answer.

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called again. Nobody picked up so I went to leave you a message, but it said your voicemail was full.

From Felix ********* to Me:

my voicemail isnt full the phone never rang. are you calling the right number? 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called the number again and I got a fax machine noise. Is there a trick to dialing your number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what trick??? its a phone number you just dial it!

From Me to Felix *********:

Are you sure you didn't give me the number to a fax machine? Would you rather communicate through fax? That would actually be easier for me.

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO!

From Me to Felix *********:

I wasn't sure what to do, so I sent you a fax. Did you get it?

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT SEND ME A FAX

From Felix ********* to Me:

STOP SENDING ME FAXES

From Felix ********* to Me:

SERIOUSLY STOP TRYOING TO SEND FAX! IT WONT WORK BECAUSE ITS A CELL PHONE!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Can't you just set your cell phone to fax machine mode?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what the hell is fax machine mode? cell phones dont have that!

From Felix ********* to Me:

OMG dude ENOUGH WITH THE FAXES!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Sorry, I set the fax machine to try sending the fax every fifteen minutes until it goes through. It was the office fax machine and I already left for the weekend. Can this wait until Monday?

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO IT CANT WAIT UNTIL MONDAY ARE YOU farkING KIDDING ME

From Felix ********* to Me:

GO BACK TO YOUR OFFICE AND CANCEL IT RIGHT NOW

From Me to Felix *********:

My apologies, I can't go back. I'm at the airport and my flight to Vancouver leaves in an hour and a half. I'll cancel the fax on Monday when I get back.

From Felix ********* to Me:

HEY! NO! fark THAT YOU BETTER FIND A WAY AND CANCEL THIS shiat RIGHT NOW!!!! CALL SOMEBODY AT THE OFFICE MAKE THEM DO IT I'M farkING SERIOUS

From Me to Felix *********:

Nobody is at the office, it is 6:30! Actually, you know what? The janitor might be there. We are pretty good friends. Do you want me to contact him?

From Felix ********* to Me:

YES

From Me to Felix *********:

Okay, I gave him your info. He's going to call you shortly. I'm on the plane now and they are making us turn our cell phones off for takeoff. Good luck!

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT HAVE HIM CALL ME YOU IDIOT JUST HAVE HIM CANCEL THE FAX

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

From Felix ********* to Me:

GOD DAMMIT

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

===================================

I made another email account as Dave the Janitor...

===================================

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Hi there! Is this Felix? Mike told me to contact you about buying a fish tank. I'm Dave, the janitor at Mike's office. I tried calling the number he gave me but it sounded like a fax machine or something, so I am emailing you instead.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah hi dave here's the situation. mike has no idea how phones work and tried to send a fax to my phone using the fax machine at his office. now my phone is getting a call from the fax machine every 15 minutes. he said you can cancel the fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Mike didn't mention anything about a fax machine to me. He told me to buy a fish tank from you and he'd get it from me on Monday.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

oh jesus christ...no... he was supposed to tell you to cancel the fax that keeps calling my phone. are you at his office? can you stop the fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

So you aren't selling the fish tank?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look forget the fish tank just stop the fax machine, PLEASE!!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Why are you so worried about this fax machine? Can't you just turn your cell phone to fax mode?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

that isnt a thing! look im done screwing around here. just stop the fax machine, ok?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Tell you what, I'll cancel the fax machine if you drop the price on the fish tank to $75.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look im in no mood to haggle with a janitor over a farking fish tank.

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Excuse me? "with a janitor?" What is that supposed to mean? What if I had a fancy rich person job as an investment banker? Would you haggle with me then? I don't like your condescending tone, buddy. I know being a janitor isn't the most desirable job, but I gotta put food on the table for my kids somehow! Sorry I'm not an astronaut with a degree in brain surgery! You're in no mood to argue with a janitor? Well guess what? I am in no mood to turn off fax machines for a rude, snobby, patronizing fish tank owner!

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

i didnt mean to insult you. i like janitors. im sorry! can you please just turn off the fax machine!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Fine. But I am telling Mike what you said to me and I don't think he will want to buy a fish tank from you after that. Are you this rude to your fish? Oh I'm Felix! Sorry, I'm in no mood to feed a goldfish! Maybe if you were a $500 Blueface Angel fish I would feed you.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

......are you done?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Yes, I stopped the fax. Sorry it took me so long to figure out how to cancel it. I'm just a janitor. What do I know about fax machines? I don't have a fancy degree in fax machine engineering.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah yeah.... thats enough. thanks bye


===================================

A few days later, from my original email account...

===================================

From Me to Felix *********:

Felix,

I just got back from Canada to find out you were belittling my janitor? Dave is one of the best janitors I have ever had the pleasure of working with, so you better watch your mouth. You think you are better than him or something? Big words coming from a guy who doesn't even own a fax machine. You can forget about me buying your fish tank!

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

good because im not selling anything to a stupid fark who cant even figure out how to dial a phone number!

From Me to Felix *********:

Please, stop harassing me and Dave. You've done enough. Leave us alone.

From Felix ********* to Me:

oh im harassing YOU? the dumbass who sets a fax to send me every 15 minutes and then LEAVES THE farkING COUNTRY? you know how many times that fax machine called me you stupid piece of shiat you have the nerve to say IM harassing YOU? go fark yourself you farking farkhead!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

Hola! I will be on vacation in Mexico until Monday, June 17th and will not be checking my email until I return. Adios, amigos!
 
2013-11-02 08:24:30 AM  

spentshells: Original ad:
55 gallon tank great condition.no scratches. comes with filter. $125. 484-***-****. CALL ME ONLY - NO EMAILS. 484-***-****
From Me to Felix *********:

Hey,

That fish tank is beautiful. I must have it! Is it still for sale?

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

CALL THE NUMBER

From Me to Felix *********:

What number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called that number and nobody answered.

From Felix ********* to Me:

i never heard it ring. call again and leave a message if no answer.

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called again. Nobody picked up so I went to leave you a message, but it said your voicemail was full.

From Felix ********* to Me:

my voicemail isnt full the phone never rang. are you calling the right number? 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called the number again and I got a fax machine noise. Is there a trick to dialing your number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what trick??? its a phone number you just dial it!

From Me to Felix *********:

Are you sure you didn't give me the number to a fax machine? Would you rather communicate through fax? That would actually be easier for me.

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO!

From Me to Felix *********:

I wasn't sure what to do, so I sent you a fax. Did you get it?

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT SEND ME A FAX

From Felix ********* to Me:

STOP SENDING ME FAXES

From Felix ********* to Me:

SERIOUSLY STOP TRYOING TO SEND FAX! IT WONT WORK BECAUSE ITS A CELL PHONE!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Can't you just set your cell phone to fax machine mode?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what the hell is fax machine mode? cell phones dont have that!

From Felix ********* to Me:

OMG dude ENOUGH WITH THE FAXES!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Sorry, I set the fax machine to try sending the fax every fifteen minutes until it goes through. It was the office fax machine and I already left for the weekend. Can this wait until Monday?

...


10/10, would roflmao again.
 
2013-11-02 08:25:18 AM  
"I tell you what, the way this Internet's expanding, I think we're gonna have to take someone else on"

http://youtu.be/AgqEIp2YmtE
 
e6c
2013-11-02 08:54:55 AM  
What does the fax say?
 
2013-11-02 09:25:44 AM  
This is how Pontypool must have started.
 
2013-11-02 10:15:37 AM  

e6c: What does the fax say?


Now thats funny
 
2013-11-02 10:55:50 AM  
I heard Justin Bieber bought the rights to that feed to make his next album.
 
2013-11-02 10:58:02 AM  
FTA: Let's hope that before the year is out, someone uses this voicemail message as lyrics for a pop song.

Gary Glitter already did that.
 
2013-11-02 11:02:32 AM  
I test phones for a major telecom; one of the test areas is the Visual Voicemail application, which consists mostly of leaving a ton of test voicemails on devices and viewing the text-to-speach results. The content isn't important so I mostly just tap on the mic, the results are pretty much the same as in TFA.
 
2013-11-02 11:09:24 AM  

e6c: What does the fax say?


eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee brrrrp brrrp brrp brrrrr eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee brrrp brrp brrp brrrr
 
2013-11-02 11:33:15 AM  
www.thetick.ws
Hey....Hey hey!
 
2013-11-02 11:37:03 AM  
Wasn't there an awful Mel Gibson movie (redundant, sorry) about this? White Noise or something?

/not saying it's ghosts but...
 
2013-11-02 11:49:54 AM  

brimed03: Wasn't there an awful Mel Gibson movie (redundant, sorry) about this? White Noise or something?

/not saying it's ghosts but...

pushbackpolitics.org

 
2013-11-02 11:56:37 AM  
Begoggle:

That was my first thought.
 
2013-11-02 12:31:20 PM  

Forty-Two: [images4.wikia.nocookie.net image 347x330]


i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-02 12:50:47 PM  

spentshells: Original ad:
55 gallon tank great condition.no scratches. comes with filter. $125. 484-***-****. CALL ME ONLY - NO EMAILS. 484-***-****
...

Spentshells, you are a god among men, that was incredible
 
2013-11-02 01:02:31 PM  
What does the FAX say?

/gering ding a ring a ding a ring
 
2013-11-02 01:28:02 PM  
Begoggle:

There is a Far Side for every occasion. Gary Larson, you marvelous genious!
 
2013-11-02 01:29:53 PM  

Mentat: It reads like an ADHD kid on caffeine.



Hey, hey, hey...I resemble that remark!

/hey
 
2013-11-02 01:34:14 PM  
Well this photo was unreadable on a mobile.
 
2013-11-02 01:39:05 PM  

KawaiiNot: Well this photo was unreadable on a mobile.


A mobile what?

/Oh, I know. You outlanders refuse to say "cell phone."
 
2013-11-02 01:42:02 PM  
So... the machines are looking for me. Better than their looking for my mother, I suppose.
 
2013-11-02 01:54:47 PM  
Hey dad, I'm in jail
Hey dad, I'm calling you from jail
Hey dad, happy birthday, I'm in jail
Jail, jail, hey dad
All those years, I'm in jail now
I'm in jail, I like it here
It's nice, I like it
Hey dad, I'm in jail
Hey, hey dad, hi, I'm in jail
Say hey to mom, from jail
I'm in jail, I'm gonna stay here
I like it here
I like it, yeah, throw away the key
I'm in jail
Hey dad, I'm in jail
Jail, jail, jail, jail
 
2013-11-02 02:02:54 PM  
You know how humans brains are wired to look for faces in everything, and this is why people see images of Jesus in their toast or jizz stained socks?

Well, voice-to-text software is trained to look for words in sounds, just like our brains are trained to look for faces.  One day some religulous nutso is going to get a voice-to-text translated message from God or Jesus and it's going to make the national news.

Just mark my words.
 
2013-11-02 02:36:29 PM  
It needs a dramatic reading by William Farking Shatner.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-11-02 02:54:35 PM  
Computer meets answering machine: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/90q2/beep.html.
 
2013-11-02 04:25:21 PM  
I had to stop using our office's voice-to-text because of this. It would add a ton of extra words in everything, from random noise.

Me:"I want to buy the fish tank"
computer:"and I and want to and the and buy and of and your and fish and and of the and tank and and and the and."
 
2013-11-02 05:21:17 PM  

ZAZ: Computer meets answering machine: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/90q2/beep.html.


Thanks for that. I'm still giggling over it.
 
2013-11-02 05:48:37 PM  

Sim Tree: I had to stop using our office's voice-to-text because of this. It would add a ton of extra words in everything, from random noise.

Me:"I want to buy the fish tank"
computer:"and I and want to and the and buy and of and your and fish and and of the and tank and and and the and."


So basically, it turned everything into the text from a Philip Glass opera.

Related: Phil Glass buys a loaf of bread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AEQkIAfYio
 
2013-11-02 10:20:42 PM  

Sim Tree: I had to stop using our office's voice-to-text because of this. It would add a ton of extra words in everything, from random noise.

Me:"I want to buy the fish tank"
computer:"and I and want to and the and buy and of and your and fish and and of the and tank and and and the and."


I left it enabled on my phone for the lolz. For example, I received a call from my doctor's office with an answer to a question I'd had about a new prescription. The voice-to-text somehow interpreted "Please call Karen at the doctor's office" into "Please contact the card. The doctor office."
 
2013-11-02 10:46:08 PM  

aevorea: Sim Tree: I had to stop using our office's voice-to-text because of this. It would add a ton of extra words in everything, from random noise.

Me:"I want to buy the fish tank"
computer:"and I and want to and the and buy and of and your and fish and and of the and tank and and and the and."

I left it enabled on my phone for the lolz. For example, I received a call from my doctor's office with an answer to a question I'd had about a new prescription. The voice-to-text somehow interpreted "Please call Karen at the doctor's office" into "Please contact the card. The doctor office."


my phone doesn't understand where to put the spaces between words. With "call Karen at the doctor's office", I'd probably get:
"caulk air innat Murdoch torsoff is" . I get 'transcription' emails all the time with useless nonsense: 'Birmingham font ewe ease up push"

which I find supremely odd, because I'd've thought Google, of all places, would know to do that.

/transcription hint: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
 
2013-11-02 11:17:51 PM  
That web site is insufferable. Wow. I mean... wow.
 
2013-11-02 11:20:42 PM  
"the software did it's thing"

When can we get automatic apostrophe recognition software?
 
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