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(Winnipeg Free Press)   A polar bear is attacking your neighbor. Do you A) Run outside and fight it off? B) Run outside and fight it off NAKED C) Run outside and politely fight it off naked, because you're Canadian   (winnipegfreepress.com) divider line 42
    More: Scary, Canada Post, bear attacks  
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7541 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Nov 2013 at 1:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-01 01:16:31 PM  
B for Russians, I assume.  Finns, too.
 
2013-11-01 01:17:27 PM  
Depends...


How nice is my neighbor's stuff?
 
2013-11-01 01:21:30 PM  
She said Mitch fired "cracker shells" to scare off the bear. She also had a small pistol and was firing as well.
"They make a loud bang. But the bear kept grabbing at him," Bellerive said. "We kept firing until we rang out of shells."


Not for nothing; but there is a lot of research recently showing that loud noises REALLY piss bears off, and make them MORE likely to charge the source of the noise than run off
 
2013-11-01 01:24:17 PM  
I answered wrong.  Do I have to put a camel on my profile pic now?
 
2013-11-01 01:24:44 PM  
Nom nom nom nom nom nom

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-11-01 01:28:07 PM  
Polar Bears are the worst. They're bears with the personality of Canada Geese.
 
2013-11-01 01:28:32 PM  
Came for Maloy pics from brickleberry.

/i am disappoint.
 
2013-11-01 01:28:44 PM  
Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?
 
2013-11-01 01:30:13 PM  

theknuckler_33: Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?


I think the kid in the car was bare chasing the bear.
 
2013-11-01 01:30:26 PM  

theknuckler_33: Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?


Yes. Read it again.
 
2013-11-01 01:32:05 PM  
Bear-fighting trifecta now in play.  First Russia, then Canada.  Any bets on who's next?

My money's on Alaska, and it will involve a bazooka, because 'Murica!
 
2013-11-01 01:37:25 PM  

Phil Moskowitz: Polar Bears are the worst. They're bears with the personality of Canada Geese.


I think the geese are meaner, to be honest.  They're pretty foul-tempered.
 
2013-11-01 01:38:29 PM  

theknuckler_33: Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?


And anyway, aren't bears normally naked?
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-11-01 01:42:21 PM  

Mad Scientist: I answered wrong.  Do I have to put a camel on my profile pic now?


Reread the memo. It said camelTOE. So go snap a pic of a nearby cutie and post it.
 
2013-11-01 01:46:23 PM  
And this is why the USA could never beat Canada in a war.

Magorn: She said Mitch fired "cracker shells" to scare off the bear. She also had a small pistol and was firing as well.
"They make a loud bang. But the bear kept grabbing at him," Bellerive said. "We kept firing until we rang out of shells."

Not for nothing; but there is a lot of research recently showing that loud noises REALLY piss bears off, and make them MORE likely to charge the source of the noise than run off


"SHUT UP!" *maul*
 
2013-11-01 01:51:26 PM  
D.  Stay inside, phone the police, and think, "The asshole deserved it for letting his dog poop in my yard and never cleaning it up."
 
2013-11-01 01:53:16 PM  

Magorn: She said Mitch fired "cracker shells" to scare off the bear. She also had a small pistol and was firing as well.
"They make a loud bang. But the bear kept grabbing at him," Bellerive said. "We kept firing until we rang out of shells."

Not for nothing; but there is a lot of research recently showing that loud noises REALLY piss bears off, and make them MORE likely to charge the source of the noise than run off


Weird, 'cos the polar research stations always fire off shells when a bear approaches and the bears always run off. But maybe that's because, in those cases, the bears were more curious than aggressive.

/Discovery Channel stuff
 
2013-11-01 01:53:59 PM  

Mad Scientist: I answered wrong.  Do I have to put a camel on my profile pic now?


please.. this is FARK

/put a CAMELTOE pic of yourself in the profile
 
2013-11-01 01:57:36 PM  

theknuckler_33: Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?



Yes, but it was words, not pictures.  You didn't miss anything.
 
2013-11-01 01:58:36 PM  
I find this particularly cool:

"A bear cub was found near the scene and safely transferred to the town's polar bear holding facility, the spokesman said."

How many towns get to have a "polar bear holding facility"?
 
2013-11-01 02:02:51 PM  

Walker: theknuckler_33: Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?

Yes. Read it again.


That's what I get for reading half TFA and then just searching for "naked" and "nude".
 
2013-11-01 02:03:47 PM  

Literally Addicted: Phil Moskowitz: Polar Bears are the worst. They're bears with the personality of Canada Geese.

I think the geese are meaner, to be honest.  They're pretty foul-tempered.


How could you wildly miss the potential for a pun?


/Fowl-tempered.
 
2013-11-01 02:05:58 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: Magorn: She said Mitch fired "cracker shells" to scare off the bear. She also had a small pistol and was firing as well.
"They make a loud bang. But the bear kept grabbing at him," Bellerive said. "We kept firing until we rang out of shells."

Not for nothing; but there is a lot of research recently showing that loud noises REALLY piss bears off, and make them MORE likely to charge the source of the noise than run off

Weird, 'cos the polar research stations always fire off shells when a bear approaches and the bears always run off. But maybe that's because, in those cases, the bears were more curious than aggressive.

/Discovery Channel stuff


They started studying maulings by bears and found that in many cases the victim was armed (hunters are more likely to encounter bears than regular folk) and fired some sort of warning shots (unless you've got a sidearm specificallydesigned for bear killing shooting the bear itself is just gonna make it mad, and the ones that DO say they can take down a bear often assume you are willing to break your wrist firing the farker as a small price to pay for not becoming bear scat).   Further testing show that at close ranges , bear are more likely to charge the source of a loud noise than to run from it.  Their hypothesis is, given the sensitivity of bears's hearing the noise actually causes them physical pain which tends to piss them off.
 
2013-11-01 02:08:45 PM  

Perducci: I find this particularly cool:

"A bear cub was found near the scene and safely transferred to the town's polar bear holding facility, the spokesman said."

How many towns get to have a "polar bear holding facility"?


GIS for "churchill bear jail"

/frickin' huge
 
2013-11-01 02:18:50 PM  

INeedAName: Literally Addicted: Phil Moskowitz: Polar Bears are the worst. They're bears with the personality of Canada Geese.

I think the geese are meaner, to be honest.  They're pretty foul-tempered.

How could you wildly miss the potential for a pun?


/Fowl-tempered.


That flew right over my head.
 
2013-11-01 02:41:28 PM  

jso2897: theknuckler_33: Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?

And anyway, aren't bears normally naked?


Every bear I've ever seen was wearing a fur coat.
 
2013-11-01 02:58:08 PM  
Clearly you people have no idea how difficult and exciting it is to masterbate naked to a bear mauling AND also save the victim of the bear mauling  at the same time .

\ its difficulty is only exceed by its  thrrrrriiillll!
 
2013-11-01 03:03:33 PM  

Griftin Rubes: Clearly you people have no idea how difficult and exciting it is to masterbate naked to a bear mauling AND also save the victim of the bear mauling  at the same time .

\ its difficulty is only exceed by its  thrrrrriiillll!


why would I want to shave the victim?

man some people's kink is WAY worse than mine
 
2013-11-01 03:10:20 PM  
Favorite quote FTA: "That's when I woke up and went to the window and saw the bear kind of chewing on Bill..."

lol
 
2013-11-01 03:18:26 PM  
They tracked down and shot two bears.

Instead of shooting "loud cracker shells" they should have been putting real rifle rounds into that bear. That way only ONE bear would be dead and maybe two people wouldn't be partially eviscerated by a polar bear.
 
2013-11-01 03:26:14 PM  

good_2_go: Perducci: I find this particularly cool:

"A bear cub was found near the scene and safely transferred to the town's polar bear holding facility, the spokesman said."

How many towns get to have a "polar bear holding facility"?

GIS for "churchill bear jail"

/frickin' huge



This guy runs the place:
www.startrek.com
 
2013-11-01 03:28:07 PM  
Grizzly bears are the baddest. Look at this bear's foot work.
 
2013-11-01 03:39:03 PM  
Guys, where are we?

i48.tinypic.com
 
2013-11-01 03:56:31 PM  

JohnAnnArbor: B for Russians, I assume.  Finns, too.


Both A and B if you're Putin.
 
2013-11-01 04:39:29 PM  

INeedAName: Literally Addicted: Phil Moskowitz: Polar Bears are the worst. They're bears with the personality of Canada Geese.

I think the geese are meaner, to be honest.  They're pretty foul-tempered.

How could you wildly miss the potential for a pun?


/Fowl-tempered.

That flew right over my head.



I think I'm being too subtle.
 
2013-11-01 04:44:28 PM  
A shovel is a good defensive weapon. It's like a spear except much more robust and easier to hold. A reasonably strong and quick adult human can probably fight off a polar bear with a steel shovel. Just don't drop it.
 
2013-11-01 04:59:38 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: A shovel is a good defensive weapon. It's like a spear except much more robust and easier to hold. A reasonably strong and quick adult human can probably fight off a polar bear with a steel shovel. Just don't drop it.


umm..
no

I cant even come close to hard enough of a swing to actually hurt one of those farkers to any meaningful extent. I mean sure... it will bother them.. but really.. they would be close enough to sneeze my head off if they wanted to at that point./
 
2013-11-01 05:09:19 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: A shovel is a good defensive weapon. It's like a spear except much more robust and easier to hold. A reasonably strong and quick adult human can probably fight off a polar bear with a steel shovel. Just don't drop it.


Um...if a polar bear can take down a 400lb seal, I think a shovel in the hands of a 200lb human is really not much more than a cocktail toothpick with the human being the cocktail weinie.
 
2013-11-01 05:50:25 PM  

Literally Addicted: SuperNinjaToad: A shovel is a good defensive weapon. It's like a spear except much more robust and easier to hold. A reasonably strong and quick adult human can probably fight off a polar bear with a steel shovel. Just don't drop it.

Um...if a polar bear can take down a 400lb seal, I think a shovel in the hands of a 200lb human is really not much more than a cocktail toothpick with the human being the cocktail weinie.


A relative of mine fought off a polar bear quite successfully with a fence post. To be fair it was on the smaller size for an adult.
 
2013-11-01 10:58:06 PM  

gja: Mad Scientist: I answered wrong.  Do I have to put a camel on my profile pic now?

Reread the memo. It said camelTOE. So go snap a pic of a nearby cutie and post it.


Please, no moose knuckle.
 
2013-11-02 08:51:12 AM  

theknuckler_33: Am I the only one who didn't see anything in TFA about anyone being naked?


Yes, you are.
 
2013-11-02 08:54:31 AM  

Perducci: I find this particularly cool:

"A bear cub was found near the scene and safely transferred to the town's polar bear holding facility, the spokesman said."

How many towns get to have a "polar bear holding facility"?


*EVERY* town has a garbage dump. Some just add a moat after the bears start to camp out.
 
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