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(BBC)   Things to do on your first day at work: get a name badge, see the employee orientation video, get punched in the face by a random stranger while wearing a chicken costume   (bbc.co.uk) divider line 20
    More: Strange, Northampton, name tags  
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2139 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Oct 2013 at 12:53 PM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

20 Comments   (+0 »)
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2013-10-31 12:54:58 PM
I saw this on Family Guy.
2013-10-31 12:55:50 PM
2013-10-31 12:56:20 PM
Sounds like a good first day.
2013-10-31 12:57:29 PM
Realize you have a job. Do chicken victory dance.
2013-10-31 12:59:03 PM
All over a coupon...
2013-10-31 12:59:24 PM
It really should be legal to beat down teenagers in public if you catch them doing shiat like this.
2013-10-31 12:59:37 PM
If your new job involves wearing a chicken suit, getting punched in the face isn't the worst thing that happened to you that day.


2013-10-31 01:02:24 PM
It's just boys being boys. No harm no fowl.
2013-10-31 01:02:57 PM
More sausage races!
2013-10-31 01:06:37 PM
I would punch that thing too. Look at those farking eyes!!
2013-10-31 01:12:05 PM

Superjew: It really should be legal to beat down teenagers in public if you catch them doing shiat like this.

2013-10-31 01:13:52 PM
A sweet 19 year old male friend started a job as an assistant on Tuesday. He went to his boss' house, knocked on the door, no answer. He texted him, "I'm here," and the reply was "Come on in." He opened the front door and walked into the house, called out for his boss, promptly got attacked by his Rottweilers.

Boss was at the office. He couldn't figure out why in the world the boy wouldn't just "come on in" without being told. I'm friends with his boss and he told me as soon as he sent his reply he realized he was at his house and "HOLY shiat MY DOGS ARE GOING TO EAT HIM!!!"

2013-10-31 01:14:58 PM
Listen up, Ladies! As recruits for Pepe's Chicken Restaurant you will eat, sleep and sh** chicken. Do you here me? I can't hear you! Louder! Sound off like you're a freaking rooster!

Better. Now, let's have a look at what you've done to my uniform. Aw gawd. I am so glad Pepe Chicken isn't alive to see what's wearing his chicken suit. Beaks up! Breasts out! Claws at a 45 degree position!
Gawd. Gonna have to work on this ladies. Moving on. Recruit! What do you say when you offer a person a coupon for 25% off your delicious chicken and they say "no"? You say "Have a nice day, sir or ma'am" That's what you say.

Here is something your recruiter probably didn't tell you. Not everyone wants chicken! Does that surprise you, ladies? Not everyone wants chicken even if you offer them a coupon for up to 40% off. Shocking! Yes. I know. Your first General Order is "Not everyone likes chicken" Repeat it. Louder.

Second General Order "Not everyone wants a coupon for chicken" Repeat it! Louder. Do not force a coupon on anyone! If they don't want a coupon, tell them "thank you and have a nice day." Even if you don't want to thank them nor have a nice day. There are other potential customers on the street.
Now, I am going to show you how to take a punch. You will be punched. I'll be the recruiter forgot to tell you about that. Simple maneuver: When you see the punch coming, lower your beak and the puncher will instinctively aim for right between the eyes. There's enough padding up there to take a direct hit from a Volkswagen. As you drop the beak, flex the knees so you are already heading to the ground. Be sure to protect your eggs from the possible follow on kick. Always, ladies. Always hold on to your coupons.
It's important to get back up as soon as the puncher leaves. You will get a couple of sympathy takers as soon as you're back up. One of these may result in an impulse sale.

Alright! Line up alphabetically by height and let's get some practice punches in. Ready? Punch, drop, roll, recover. One more time!
2013-10-31 01:20:02 PM

FoxEWolf: I would punch that thing too. Look at those farking eyes!!

Lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye.
2013-10-31 01:31:53 PM
"She came in the day before with her CV and said she wanted to be the mascot,"

Young lady, I'm looking over your resume here and it's quite impressive. I see you've played drug addict - female on the CW show "Arrow". You performed ballet at the prestigious Ballet-a-dome and studied acting with Tom Cruise of Hoverround inc. So, tell me. Why do you want to put on a large chicken suit and hand out coupons?

Well, yes. A lot of famous people with famous names have worn the suit. George Klooney whose mother was frightened by a Siamese Bat wore the suit. Oh yes. Share wore the suit before she ran off and married Sunny.

I think you'll do very well. But before we fit you for a pecker, I'll need to hear you cluck. Good. Good. Now take off you clothes and look at the camera. Tell me why you want to have sex with a stranger while wearing a chicken suit.

Oh no. Mr. Pepe's is next door. This is Bang Bros.
2013-10-31 02:07:27 PM

Harry Freakstorm: Line up alphabetically by height

That's the line that did it for me. Thanks, dude.
2013-10-31 02:19:47 PM
Things to do on your first last day at work:

Perform an "Upper-Decker" in the executive restroom.
2013-10-31 02:55:48 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Things to do on your first last day at work:

Perform an "Upper-Decker" in the executive restroom

Dining Room.
2013-10-31 04:34:15 PM
My wife worked at a Domino's when she was 20. On her first day on the job, she was robbed at gunpoint and locked in the office. Dude escaped with less than $100.
2013-11-01 02:47:49 AM
At least they didn't end up in jail.
They say I'm crazy, just a little bit out of whack,
cuz they always like to act my dreams out they call me a maniac.
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