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(The Oatmeal)   17 things worth knowing about your cat. "Wants to kill you" oddly absent   (theoatmeal.com) divider line 59
    More: Interesting, Matthew Inman  
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7535 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Oct 2013 at 6:58 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-30 07:02:38 AM
Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.
 
2013-10-30 07:04:53 AM
...that he wants to go by Sharon now?
 
2013-10-30 07:12:39 AM
I don't see any mention of cats having two uterus?  I thought I saw on here somewhere that cats have two uterus and if they've been sleeping around they could actually have two sets of litters from different male cats?
 
2013-10-30 07:13:59 AM

FullMetalPanda: I don't see any mention of cats having two uterus?  I thought I saw on here somewhere that cats have two uterus and if they've been sleeping around they could actually have two sets of litters from different male cats?


You're thinking of Kardashians.
 
2013-10-30 07:24:57 AM
Sure, they can sprint, but they're not big on distance running. Ever see an article about a cat nonchalantly joining a half marathon?

// Likes both dogs and cats.
 
2013-10-30 07:27:11 AM

SpdrJay: FullMetalPanda: I don't see any mention of cats having two uterus?  I thought I saw on here somewhere that cats have two uterus and if they've been sleeping around they could actually have two sets of litters from different male cats?

You're thinking of Kardashians.


Lord, that is HILARIOUS!!  Thanks for the laugh
 
2013-10-30 07:30:06 AM
Isn't this is a pretty old Oatmeal comic, or is he just reposting his old stuff?
 
2013-10-30 07:34:24 AM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.


Or grapes.
 
2013-10-30 07:42:56 AM
Had your cat been born in ancient Egypt, it would have sucked the souls of approximately eight newborn babies.
 
2013-10-30 07:45:04 AM
media.yourdailymedia.com
 
2013-10-30 07:50:16 AM
My one cat loved donuts. She would hunt them down and rip through the package to eat them.
 
2013-10-30 07:52:24 AM
We had a cat that literally went crazy for cantaloupe and honeydew melons.
 
2013-10-30 07:54:48 AM
Our clinic cat must be an exception: he LURVES sweet things. Cake, icing, donuts, anything with vast amounts of sugar in it. We all love it when someone has a birthday, because he insists on joining the party just to mooch the sweets. In fact, he has his own tube of icing, and he'd eat the whole thing, licking straight from the spigot, if we let him.

It's not the healthiest obsession, but since his body is slowly being consumed by mast cell cancer, we all figure that it really isn't harming him any more than the occasional long-lasting steroid shots he gets every so often when things get really bad for him. As long as he comes running for food (especially his sweets), we figure he's still enjoying life despite the chronic diarrhea and projectile vomiting.

FullMetalPanda: I don't see any mention of cats having two uterus?  I thought I saw on here somewhere that cats have two uterus and if they've been sleeping around they could actually have two sets of litters from different male cats?


Cats and dogs (a a lot of other animals too) have uterine horns. There's only one cervix, but two sections of the uterus, each attached to an ovary--the whole set up looks like a "Y". Any animal that normally has litters can have some offspring that are sired by different males unless the situation is controlled or no other males are around, so there is truth to that. I once was privy to a litter of pups from a bichon that tied with a poodle and later on in the day, a French bulldog. The pups were pretty different from each other--it was obvious which ones got the poodle genes, and even more obvious which ones were more Frenchie.
 
2013-10-30 08:11:30 AM
Doesn't Fark now consider The Oatmeal to be - how you say - "old and busted"?
 
2013-10-30 08:12:55 AM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.


I've heard about onions and garlic before, but tomatoes?? Are you sure those are bad for cats? Because, one of our cats favorite canned food is this:

www.naturalpetwarehouse.com
 
2013-10-30 08:13:08 AM
our cat eats almost anything. he ate a piece of fresh coconut the other day - just crunched it up. plus he likes marmite, although ive heard it's not great for them

he's not fooled by quorn though
 
2013-10-30 08:20:26 AM
My cat wants to nuzzle me to death. Digging her wet nose as far into my ears as physics permits
 
2013-10-30 08:20:57 AM

RobSeace: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.

I've heard about onions and garlic before, but tomatoes?? Are you sure those are bad for cats? Because, one of our cats favorite canned food is this:

[www.naturalpetwarehouse.com image 600x600]


How the fark can they guarantee great taste?  Do they have someone there tasting the cat food?
 
2013-10-30 08:21:21 AM
My cat likes pina-coladas and getting caught in the rain
 
2013-10-30 08:24:54 AM

RobSeace: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.

I've heard about onions and garlic before, but tomatoes?? Are you sure those are bad for cats? Because, one of our cats favorite canned food is this:

[www.naturalpetwarehouse.com image 600x600]


Green tomatoes, or red in large amounts, are toxic because they belong to the deadly nightshade family of plants (it was once believed that tomatoes were toxic to humans, believe it or not). The tomatoes in  pet foods are ripe, and in too small an amount to cause harm.

JonnyBGoode: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.

Or grapes.


And raisins, obviously. Also, raw potatoes are toxic to cats, and avocados mildly toxic.
 
2013-10-30 08:30:23 AM

FullMetalPanda: RobSeace: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.

I've heard about onions and garlic before, but tomatoes?? Are you sure those are bad for cats? Because, one of our cats favorite canned food is this:

[www.naturalpetwarehouse.com image 600x600]

How the fark can they guarantee great taste?  Do they have someone there tasting the cat food?


Yes. Pet-food taster frequently pops up on lists of worst jobs.
 
2013-10-30 08:32:18 AM
We just got a kitten a couple of weeks ago, I've never seen a cat so exuberant about people food. He will jump up in your face to try to get at it. He literally jumped up and licked my husband on the face to try to get his food. He really likes people food. I haven't even tried tuna yet though, I expect that will make for some amusement since he's a very vocal little animal. I think he's going to be more prone towards being a fatty than our previous cat (he died somewhat recently from cancer, but he was always a small cat, even before he got sick).

Last night the cat and dog were sitting on opposite sides of the table looking up at us for table scraps. I deliberately feed the dog a smidge less than the bag suggests because I know my husband has no willpower against the dog's puppy eyes.
 
2013-10-30 08:34:15 AM
Does anyone know what cats DON'T like?   I've got a crazy cat lady who insists on feeding the stray cats on MY property, up to five times a day.  She's definitely bat-shiat crazy and completely unreasonable.   As a result, what was 1 cat has now exploded to 20 cats, with 2 of the females appearing to be preggers again.  I love animals, but 20+ of them roaming around a 50x80 parking lot is just overwhelming -- and that's before you get to the stench of feces & rotting food.  I'd like to put something out which might make the cats want to go elsewhere.
 
2013-10-30 08:38:07 AM
Word of warning: DO NOT feed dogs cat food. It will shut down their pancreas and they will die from it, rather agonizingly. (I had a dog that died this way after it wouldn't stay away from the cat food dish.)
 
2013-10-30 08:39:16 AM
I heard that they can't taste strychnine either.

/Just putting that out there.
 
2013-10-30 08:45:27 AM

TwiztidDream: Our clinic cat must be an exception: he LURVES sweet things. Cake, icing, donuts, anything with vast amounts of sugar in it. We all love it when someone has a birthday, because he insists on joining the party just to mooch the sweets. In fact, he has his own tube of icing, and he'd eat the whole thing, licking straight from the spigot, if we let him.

It's not the healthiest obsession, but since his body is slowly being consumed by mast cell cancer, we all figure that it really isn't harming him any more than the occasional long-lasting steroid shots he gets every so often when things get really bad for him. As long as he comes running for food (especially his sweets), we figure he's still enjoying life despite the chronic diarrhea and projectile vomiting.

FullMetalPanda: I don't see any mention of cats having two uterus?  I thought I saw on here somewhere that cats have two uterus and if they've been sleeping around they could actually have two sets of litters from different male cats?

Cats and dogs (a a lot of other animals too) have uterine horns. There's only one cervix, but two sections of the uterus, each attached to an ovary--the whole set up looks like a "Y". Any animal that normally has litters can have some offspring that are sired by different males unless the situation is controlled or no other males are around, so there is truth to that. I once was privy to a litter of pups from a bichon that tied with a poodle and later on in the day, a French bulldog. The pups were pretty different from each other--it was obvious which ones got the poodle genes, and even more obvious which ones were more Frenchie.


I think most cats enjoy being able to projectile vomit and shoot streams of shiat across the room. It is the highlight of their day
 
2013-10-30 08:47:08 AM

Sean M: Does anyone know what cats DON'T like?   I've got a crazy cat lady who insists on feeding the stray cats on MY property, up to five times a day.  She's definitely bat-shiat crazy and completely unreasonable.   As a result, what was 1 cat has now exploded to 20 cats, with 2 of the females appearing to be preggers again.  I love animals, but 20+ of them roaming around a 50x80 parking lot is just overwhelming -- and that's before you get to the stench of feces & rotting food.  I'd like to put something out which might make the cats want to go elsewhere.


I don't know if it actually works, but there's several home made methods available. There's pre-made repellents too. Mostly it seems to be spray applications but there's some other methods. There's one method I find slightly amusing that isn't really year round usable if you live some place cold, it's a sprinkler with a motion sensor.

Depending on your area, you might be able to get your local animal control to get the cats. Around here, if you feed the stray cats for more than 72 hours they're considered yours and you can be fined if you don't take care of all of their medical needs (including sterilization). Look into your town's website to see what the local laws are for strays.
 
2013-10-30 08:47:13 AM
What is it with cats and vomiting, anyway? Is it like cows chewing their cud; they digest it a bit, then throw it up to have a second go-around?
 
2013-10-30 08:48:15 AM
Oh, and since it's on your property, you could call cops on her for trespassing.
 
2013-10-30 08:48:16 AM

Sean M: Does anyone know what cats DON'T like?   I've got a crazy cat lady who insists on feeding the stray cats on MY property, up to five times a day.  She's definitely bat-shiat crazy and completely unreasonable.   As a result, what was 1 cat has now exploded to 20 cats, with 2 of the females appearing to be preggers again.  I love animals, but 20+ of them roaming around a 50x80 parking lot is just overwhelming -- and that's before you get to the stench of feces & rotting food.  I'd like to put something out which might make the cats want to go elsewhere.


A lot of shelters will fix strays for free. It won't make them go away but maybe you can limit it at 20. After a few years they will wonder of or tthin out
 
2013-10-30 08:55:56 AM

TwiztidDream: Our clinic cat must be an exception: he LURVES sweet things. Cake, icing, donuts, anything with vast amounts of sugarbutter or lard in it. We all love it when someone has a birthday, because he insists on joining the party just to mooch the sweets. In fact, he has his own tube of icing, and he'd eat the whole thing, licking straight from the spigot, if we let him.


Your cat likes food with high fat content, not high sugar.
 
2013-10-30 09:14:10 AM
Dog: A noble animal that will risk its own life to save its master, through thick and thin.
Cat: A smelly parasite that goes best with fried noodles.
 
2013-10-30 09:19:00 AM
The most fascinating thing to your cat is something they find at 2 am, and being the kind souls that they are must wake you in order to share in the wonder.
 
2013-10-30 09:20:21 AM

Copperbelly watersnake: The most fascinating thing to your cat is something they find at 2 am, and being the kind souls that they are must wake you in order to share in the wonder.


This is when I headbutt his ass right off the bed.
 
2013-10-30 09:24:49 AM

Copperbelly watersnake: The most fascinating thing to your cat is something they find at 2 am, and being the kind souls that they are must wake you in order to share in the wonder.


My cat really liked marbles. And the bathroom floor at 2am. He didn't technically wake us up to share in the wonder, but we woke up nevertheless.

Finding that goddamn marble was a hair-pulling frustration until my step-father figured out that the farking cat was hiding it in his mouth.

Man. I loved that cat. :)
 
2013-10-30 09:37:46 AM

SpdrJay: FullMetalPanda: I don't see any mention of cats having two uterus?  I thought I saw on here somewhere that cats have two uterus and if they've been sleeping around they could actually have two sets of litters from different male cats?

You're thinking of Kardashians.


+1, would LOL again.
 
2013-10-30 09:39:10 AM

JonnyBGoode: What is it with cats and vomiting, anyway? Is it like cows chewing their cud; they digest it a bit, then throw it up to have a second go-around?


Dunno...anyone know if the big cats (ie, tigers) do the same thing?
 
2013-10-30 09:39:53 AM

Deep Contact: My one cat loved donuts. She would hunt them down and rip through the package to eat them.


I've heard of police DOGS before...
 
2013-10-30 09:41:43 AM

Sean M: Does anyone know what cats DON'T like?   I've got a crazy cat lady who insists on feeding the stray cats on MY property, up to five times a day.  She's definitely bat-shiat crazy and completely unreasonable.   As a result, what was 1 cat has now exploded to 20 cats, with 2 of the females appearing to be preggers again.  I love animals, but 20+ of them roaming around a 50x80 parking lot is just overwhelming -- and that's before you get to the stench of feces & rotting food.  I'd like to put something out which might make the cats want to go elsewhere.


"Pit bull" is the obvious answer...

Maybe some hunting store sells wolf urine, or something?
 
2013-10-30 09:42:18 AM

Cormee: My cat wants to nuzzle me to death. Digging her wet nose as far into my ears as physics permits


Yeah...she's after your brains.  Your tasty, tasty brains.
 
2013-10-30 09:55:42 AM

PunGent: Cormee: My cat wants to nuzzle me to death. Digging her wet nose as far into my ears as physics permits

Yeah...she's after your brains.  Your tasty, tasty brains.


I have a dog that does that.  She is smaller and older than our other dog, but she will pin him down (one paw over his paws, the other paw over his neck) and lick his brain for as long as he lets her.  Usually 5-10 minutes.  I think it's a maternal thing as she also scolds him by biting his ankles when he comes inside if he stays outside longer than her.  And when he acts the fool running the fence line with the neighbors dog she stands in the middle and barks at him nipping at him as he runs by.
 
2013-10-30 10:01:35 AM

PunGent: Cormee: My cat wants to nuzzle me to death. Digging her wet nose as far into my ears as physics permits

Yeah...she's after your brains.  Your tasty, tasty brains.


She'll be disappointed
 
2013-10-30 10:03:29 AM
Another amazing thing about cats is that they have two holes in their fur, precisely where their eyes are.

/Benny Hill
 
2013-10-30 10:08:46 AM
And cats hate the internet.  That's an important one to know.
 
2013-10-30 10:46:28 AM

ohokyeah: We just got a kitten a couple of weeks ago, I've never seen a cat so exuberant about people food. He will jump up in your face to try to get at it. He literally jumped up and licked my husband on the face to try to get his food. He really likes people food. I haven't even tried tuna yet though, I expect that will make for some amusement since he's a very vocal little animal. I think he's going to be more prone towards being a fatty than our previous cat (he died somewhat recently from cancer, but he was always a small cat, even before he got sick).

Last night the cat and dog were sitting on opposite sides of the table looking up at us for table scraps. I deliberately feed the dog a smidge less than the bag suggests because I know my husband has no willpower against the dog's puppy eyes.


My cat will not leave my pork chops alone.  I have to slice off a smidge and let him scarper off with it.  He's not really in to tuna, but he luuuuurves pork and yogurt.
 
2013-10-30 11:12:09 AM
I liked the little tidbit about Nikola Tesla being shocked by Macak.  It's generally just the first time that someone gets a glimpse of Macak that they are shocked by its sheer awesomeness.
 
2013-10-30 11:57:53 AM

RobSeace: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Don't let them eat tomatoes, onions, or garlic.

I've heard about onions and garlic before, but tomatoes?? Are you sure those are bad for cats? Because, one of our cats favorite canned food is this:

[www.naturalpetwarehouse.com image 600x600]


Nutro?

is that what you say when you neutered your cat?
 
2013-10-30 01:03:53 PM

Klaumbaz: Nutro?

is that what you say when you neutered your cat?


I was always more amused by the "MAX CAT" sub-branding... "It's like, how much more cat could this be? And, the answer is none. None more cat."
 
2013-10-30 02:15:29 PM

FrancoFile: ohokyeah: We just got a kitten a couple of weeks ago, I've never seen a cat so exuberant about people food. He will jump up in your face to try to get at it. He literally jumped up and licked my husband on the face to try to get his food. He really likes people food. I haven't even tried tuna yet though, I expect that will make for some amusement since he's a very vocal little animal. I think he's going to be more prone towards being a fatty than our previous cat (he died somewhat recently from cancer, but he was always a small cat, even before he got sick).

Last night the cat and dog were sitting on opposite sides of the table looking up at us for table scraps. I deliberately feed the dog a smidge less than the bag suggests because I know my husband has no willpower against the dog's puppy eyes.

My cat will not leave my pork chops alone.  I have to slice off a smidge and let him scarper off with it.  He's not really in to tuna, but he luuuuurves pork and yogurt.


Mine had a thing for various melons. If I had a cantaloupe or something, she'd basically be sitting on my shoulder, head, whatever and jam her paws right into it for a piece.
 
2013-10-30 02:17:53 PM

Deep Contact: My one cat loved donuts. She would hunt them down and rip through the package to eat them.


Mine would eat the package. He's fascinated by plastic - baggies, bread bags, you name it. Like he thinks it's gum.
 
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