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(Mother Nature Network)   Here's ten fun and healthy alternatives to Halloween candy, guaranteed to leave the neighborhood kids remembering which house gives out the stuff that completely sucks ass   (mnn.com) divider line 71
    More: Fail, Halloween candy, Halloween, temporary tattoos, glow stick, Happy Meals  
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4240 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Oct 2013 at 2:15 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



71 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-30 12:38:15 AM
Is there a way I can egg this shiatful, bottom feeding whore's blog? Halloween pencils?! F*ck you, you old bag of cocks
 
2013-10-30 12:58:24 AM
My kid was pretty into the pencils he got at the Halloween carnival this weekend.
Of course he was into the candy too.

But he gets more candy than he can eat, so it would be nice if a few houses gave him some other stuff.
 
2013-10-30 01:05:12 AM
what the heck is this carp, a good parents helps their kid ration candy until the next big candy holiday
 
2013-10-30 02:18:31 AM
Candy apples and razor blades. Little dead are soon in graves. I remember Halloween...
 
2013-10-30 02:18:48 AM
Give them gum.

PROBLEM SOLVED
 
2013-10-30 02:20:42 AM
No love for candy apple onions?
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-30 02:25:13 AM
I hand out eggs, the addresses of my enemies, and five dollar bills to those who dare trick or treat at my door
 
2013-10-30 02:26:47 AM

Krieghund: My kid was pretty into the pencils he got at the Halloween carnival this weekend.
Of course he was into the candy too.

But he gets more candy than he can eat, so it would be nice if a few houses gave him some other stuff.


You are doing it wrong.
 
2013-10-30 02:27:08 AM
Let me just state for the record that I am NOT the scrooge of Halloween.

Reading that as a first sentence lets you know immediately that this person is indeed the Scrooge of Halloween.

1. Happy Meal toys

Happy Meal toys without the Happy Meals? Did you have to eat a few dozen Happy Meals yourself to get these toys? Why not give away the meals themselves instead, as an alternative to candy? I'd love a burger and fries for Halloween.
 
2013-10-30 02:28:13 AM
I got a rock.
 
2013-10-30 02:29:35 AM
Dude, the kids bought a case of this just for you.


cache.boston.com
 
2013-10-30 02:30:57 AM

SpdrJay: I got a rock.


+1
 
2013-10-30 02:32:03 AM
I like to give out fortune cookies with Bible quotes.
 
2013-10-30 02:36:55 AM
5-hour Energy. Grape.
 
2013-10-30 02:38:36 AM
Candy alternatives, you say?

i39.tinypic.com

i40.tinypic.com


i42.tinypic.com
 
2013-10-30 02:42:37 AM
 
2013-10-30 02:44:24 AM
I like pretzels.  Otherwise I'd be tempted to go shiat on his front porch later in the night.
 
2013-10-30 02:45:20 AM
Glow sticks

Probably the least-terrible idea on that list.


TV's Vinnie: Candy alternatives, you say?


I miss that comic. Is Dorkin still doing it?
 
2013-10-30 02:52:14 AM
PSN, Steam or XBN cards?
 
2013-10-30 02:52:29 AM
I have a neighbor that gives out raisins.

I compensate with full bars.
 
2013-10-30 02:53:38 AM
I have quite a few colostomy bags left over from my colon resection earlier this year.(Everythings all connected back up, so I don't need them anymore, thank God).  I'm going to be filling them up with candy and handing them out. Should be a regular laugh riot.
 
2013-10-30 02:54:22 AM
I remember as a kid in the late 80s some guy always gave 5 pennies wrapped up in cellophane tape.   I never quite new how to respond.  On one hand, I get free money, on the other, I have to spend a minute trying to get all the damn tape off of 5 lousy cents.
 
2013-10-30 02:55:26 AM
Apples are a perennial favorite because you can see the consternation on the other parents' faces when their kid gets one.

Razors! Boogity boogity!
 
2013-10-30 02:55:58 AM
"But I have also found that kids love to mix it up from the traditional candy bars and lollipops."

No. No they don't.
 
2013-10-30 02:58:21 AM

sandbar67: I have quite a few colostomy bags left over from my colon resection earlier this year.(Everythings all connected back up, so I don't need them anymore, thank God).  I'm going to be filling them up with candy and handing them out. Should be a regular laugh riot.


bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com
Yum!
 
2013-10-30 03:01:41 AM
Y'know, I'll keep a stash of those for the lazy kids who get driven from block to block or the ones who come from nowhere and swarm the neighborhood without saying "trick-or-treat" or "thank you." Everyone else gets candy.
 
2013-10-30 03:03:51 AM
Makes me think of this dumb ass coont they were talking about on my local evening news , she is planning to hand out notes to kids she finds are too obese to be trick or treating.

Dumb biatch made a herself a target for every prankster and is probably gonna get damn few trick or treaters.
 
2013-10-30 03:10:10 AM
 
2013-10-30 03:12:26 AM
What about handing out energy gels? You know, the ones endurance athletes use to fuel? Let the little buggers chug a packet of GU Roctane - pure sugar, salt, and caffeine. That'll ensure no one bothers you next year ;-)
 
2013-10-30 03:13:08 AM
I only get 10-20 kids becouse kids that don't live in the building can't trick or treet inside it so i got bags of some kind of red goo that came with fake vampire teeth.

/ I hate most of my neighbors so tried to find something to make a huge mess for mom and dad
 
2013-10-30 03:22:01 AM

grimlock1972: Makes me think of this dumb ass coont they were talking about on my local evening news , she is planning to hand out notes to kids she finds are too obese to be trick or treating.

Dumb biatch made a herself a target for every prankster and is probably gonna get damn few trick or treaters.


Dumb... Or thrifty?
 
2013-10-30 03:23:24 AM

grimlock1972: Makes me think of this dumb ass coont they were talking about on my local evening news , she is planning to hand out notes to kids she finds are too obese to be trick or treating.

Dumb biatch made a herself a target for every prankster and is probably gonna get damn few trick or treaters.


Fark that chick. Halloween candy isn't making children fat; it's their diet the rest of the year. Let the little porkins have fun before he grows up to face his likely unhealthy, lonely adulthood.

Regarding TFA, pencils are the most useless holiday gift of all time. What tool of a kid wants to use a pumpkin pencil when it isn't halloween anymore? Holiday pencils always ended up just sitting unused in my desk.
 
2013-10-30 03:28:17 AM

highwayrun: grimlock1972: Makes me think of this dumb ass coont they were talking about on my local evening news , she is planning to hand out notes to kids she finds are too obese to be trick or treating.

Dumb biatch made a herself a target for every prankster and is probably gonna get damn few trick or treaters.

Dumb... Or thrifty?


Either way she is gonna get pranked hard core.

Moonfisher: grimlock1972: Makes me think of this dumb ass coont they were talking about on my local evening news , she is planning to hand out notes to kids she finds are too obese to be trick or treating.

Dumb biatch made a herself a target for every prankster and is probably gonna get damn few trick or treaters.

Fark that chick. Halloween candy isn't making children fat; it's their diet the rest of the year. Let the little porkins have fun before he grows up to face his likely unhealthy, lonely adulthood.

Regarding TFA, pencils are the most useless holiday gift of all time. What tool of a kid wants to use a pumpkin pencil when it isn't halloween anymore? Holiday pencils always ended up just sitting unused in my desk.


Totally agree.    I hated getting pencils too,  i usually used to to give to my lame ass classmates who asked me for pencils cause they never seemed to have one.
 
2013-10-30 03:28:26 AM
If iTunes or Amazon were smart, they would roll out trick or treat gift cards good for one song or app. Kids are happy, anti-obesity activists are happy, candy manufacturers - maybe not so happy.
 
2013-10-30 03:37:23 AM

cardex: I only get 10-20 kids becouse kids that don't live in the building can't trick or treet inside it so i got bags of some kind of red goo that came with fake vampire teeth.

/ I hate most of my neighbors so tried to find something to make a huge mess for mom and dad


i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-30 03:59:14 AM

Bareefer Obonghit: Is there a way I can egg chuck a Molotov cocktail at this shiatful, bottom feeding whore's blog? Halloween pencils?! F*ck you, you old bag of cocks

 
2013-10-30 03:59:37 AM

cc_rider: Chick Tracts ftw!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0063/0063_01.asp

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1073/1073_01.asp

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0032/0032_01.asp


Go ahead and hand those out.

i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-10-30 04:00:58 AM

OgreMagi: cc_rider: Chick Tracts ftw!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0063/0063_01.asp

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1073/1073_01.asp

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0032/0032_01.asp

Go ahead and hand those out.

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 500x375]



That seems about fair.  =)
 
2013-10-30 04:20:58 AM

fusillade762: Glow sticks

Probably the least-terrible idea on that list.


My mom has been handing out glowsticks for the last couple of years, the long thin "necklace" kind that you can pick up at the Dollar Store.  She says kids love 'em.  Apparently even the teenagers in the neighborhood like them, as it then turns into a contest to see who can best integrate the glowsticks into their costume.

So, yeah, if you don't want to hand out candy, your best bet is probably glowsticks.
 
2013-10-30 05:05:38 AM
We have a total of 25 kids of an appropriate age to trick or treat in our entire neighborhood, give or take a few.  At our house we stopped giving out anything after the year we had a total of 93 kids show up, (Yes we counted them because we had to refill the bowl twice) most of them having been brought into the neighborhood by car and in one case a van load of them that didn't even bother with costumes, none of whom we recognized nor the adult with them.  Now days we just turn out the lights except the motion sensor floods and park the cars around back on Halloween night.   One of our neighbors started giving out pebbles wrapped in brightly colored cellophane to any kid she doesn't know because of the number of poachers we get.
 
2013-10-30 05:12:19 AM
A large fake Swiss cheese to fondle.
 
2013-10-30 05:17:41 AM

Memoryalpha: We have a total of 25 kids of an appropriate age to trick or treat in our entire neighborhood, give or take a few.  At our house we stopped giving out anything after the year we had a total of 93 kids show up, (Yes we counted them because we had to refill the bowl twice) most of them having been brought into the neighborhood by car and in one case a van load of them that didn't even bother with costumes, none of whom we recognized nor the adult with them.  Now days we just turn out the lights except the motion sensor floods and park the cars around back on Halloween night.   One of our neighbors started giving out pebbles wrapped in brightly colored cellophane to any kid she doesn't know because of the number of poachers we get.


There are First World Problems.

And then there's this.
 
2013-10-30 05:43:41 AM
The Molines gave out bags of Old Dutch chips, but made you sing a song. If you made an effort they let you pick your flavour though. Mrs. Alcorn made sticky popcorn balls that had a caramel glaze, and they always came with a note with her name and phone number so parents knew who it was from. Good people.

My small town was just big enough to require four to five hours to cover completely, but we never skipped out on the Molines, Mrs. Alcorn, or the Hotel Bar (they gave the kids a full-size chocolate bar or bag of Cheezies if your parents drank there, some random crap candy if they didn't.. damn right I got my Cheezies).

Except for the raisins (which should always be accompanies with chocolate), that article is crap.
 
2013-10-30 05:51:29 AM

Blue_Blazer: Memoryalpha:

There are First World Problems.

And then there's this.


Oh does it offend you that my family lives in a small neighborhood where most of the people know each other?  Think of it this way, it's kind of like facebook except we live nearby and actually talk to each other.  However we don't like when trolls come in and vandalize our walls, or steal things we've set aside for our friends.
 
2013-10-30 05:54:45 AM
 
2013-10-30 06:07:49 AM

sandbar67: I have quite a few colostomy bags left over from my colon resection earlier this year.(Everythings all connected back up, so I don't need them anymore, thank God).  I'm going to be filling them up with candy and handing them out. Should be a regular laugh riot.


Put in some unwrapped Baby Ruth bars in them FTW!!!
 
2013-10-30 06:13:34 AM

Lachwen: fusillade762: Glow sticks

Probably the least-terrible idea on that list.

My mom has been handing out glowsticks for the last couple of years, the long thin "necklace" kind that you can pick up at the Dollar Store.  She says kids love 'em.  Apparently even the teenagers in the neighborhood like them, as it then turns into a contest to see who can best integrate the glowsticks into their costume.

So, yeah, if you don't want to hand out candy, your best bet is probably glowsticks.


And as a bonus they might prevent someone from being run over.

Or am I being so risk averse that I hand out toothbrushes next year?
 
2013-10-30 06:38:25 AM
Did Gwyneth Paltrow write that article?
 
2013-10-30 06:55:18 AM
We get 400+ kids at the door. We hand out small candy, full bars to the kids we know, and booze to the parents we know. It's one big party on the street. I can't fathom not handing out candy. You'd have to have an awesome substitute.
 
2013-10-30 07:36:43 AM

psychosis_inducing: Y'know, I'll keep a stash of those for the lazy kids who get driven from block to block or the ones who come from nowhere and swarm the neighborhood without saying "trick-or-treat" or "thank you." Everyone else gets candy.


I was out in my yard one Halloween night, and this guy drives up with a couple of kids (no costumes) in the car. He asks "You got candy?" I say 'uh....sure'. Then he says "Can you bring it here?"

I just look at him for a minute and then say "Sure, wait right there" and go inside to watch TV.
 
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