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    More: Sick, mandatory vaccinations, dead tissue, Three's Company, Suzanne Somers  
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25257 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Oct 2013 at 12:12 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



178 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-29 08:27:16 PM  
You know that feeling when you're holding your hand up, so perplexed by the stupidity you just heard you can't even bring yourself to finish the facepalm?

Yeah, I've got that right now.
 
2013-10-29 08:31:29 PM  
The cord should be gnawed off with at least six inches to spare, then wrapped in sterile cotton cloth.  This prevents infection via the cord's own antibodies.

The placenta can sit at room temp for up to two hours before sauteing with onions and red wine.
 
2013-10-29 08:34:56 PM  
Gah.  No.  Gross.  Stop.  Stooooopppp.

Although when Dallymo Jr. was born, the nurse asked Mr. Dallymo if he'd like to cut the cord, and he reached for his pocketknife--the same pocketknife he uses for everything from opening packages to slicing cheese to sharpening his carpenter's pencil.  "Uh, no...here, use these scissors..."  Ducked that infection, whew.
 
2013-10-29 08:46:04 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: The cord should be gnawed off with at least six inches to spare, then wrapped in sterile cotton cloth.  This prevents infection via the cord's own antibodies.

The placenta can sit at room temp for up to two hours before sauteing with onions and red wine.


Philistine.

farking onions? Really? You probably put catsup/ketchup on farking steaks too.
 
2013-10-29 08:52:04 PM  
Yeah she's an anti-vaxxer too, quelle surprise.

Just like the woman who posted the piece, these people rely on how things "feel" even in the face of a buttload of science telling them otherwise.

It is, exactly, like religion. Believing in something for which there is zero evidence. It's excused for the religious because "you can never know for sure", even though I don't know of any rational adult who uses that line to hold out belief that
Santa exists, or the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc.

But why not? Because just like you can never say for sure that there is no god, you can also never say for sure that there is no Santa. And I'd say that there's actually more evidence for Santa than god...I mean Santa has actually done shiat for me whereas religion has only ever given me a bad taste in my mouth.

Um...where was I? I was going somewhere with this I swear. Anyway, in conclusion everybody is an idiot and somebody has pissed in my pants.
 
2013-10-29 09:38:01 PM  
i39.tinypic.com
 
2013-10-29 09:39:38 PM  
I just got a craving for breadsticks.
 
2013-10-29 09:46:44 PM  
Sounds like her kid is already smarter than she is.
 
2013-10-29 10:06:46 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: The cord should be gnawed off with at least six inches to spare, then wrapped in sterile cotton cloth.  This prevents infection via the cord's own antibodies.

The placenta can sit at room temp for up to two hours before sauteing with onions and red wine.


She considered gnawing it off, but she's a vegan.

/I recommend adding some mushrooms to the mix and serving the whole deal over pasta.  Just like in nature.
 
2013-10-29 10:10:00 PM  
Crazy people and their kids. At least they have a slightly lower chance of growing up.
 
2013-10-29 10:25:16 PM  

dr_blasto: Marcus Aurelius: The cord should be gnawed off with at least six inches to spare, then wrapped in sterile cotton cloth.  This prevents infection via the cord's own antibodies.

The placenta can sit at room temp for up to two hours before sauteing with onions and red wine.

Philistine.

farking onions? Really? You probably put catsup/ketchup on farking steaks too.


Garlic is OK too.  Or shallots.  Or leeks.  Crom will be satisfied with any root vegetable.
 
2013-10-29 10:27:19 PM  

dr_blasto: You probably put catsup/ketchup on farking steaks too


There are only two things one should slather on one's beef.

Grateful women are one.

This is the other:
www.pickapeppa.com
 
2013-10-29 10:31:27 PM  
This is going to be one of those kids who shiats in a bowl during parties because diapers are unnatural.
 
2013-10-29 10:43:07 PM  

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: This is going to be one of those kids who shiats in a bowl during parties because diapers are unnatural.


And here I thought shiatting in a bowl was called "potty training".
 
2013-10-29 10:57:45 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: This is going to be one of those kids who shiats in a bowl during parties because diapers are unnatural.

And here I thought shiatting in a bowl was called "potty training".


You misspelled "party"
 
2013-10-29 11:53:59 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Marcus Aurelius: Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: This is going to be one of those kids who shiats in a bowl during parties because diapers are unnatural.

And here I thought shiatting in a bowl was called "potty training".

You misspelled "party"


Got tickets in the upper deck?
 
2013-10-30 12:04:19 AM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-30 12:19:16 AM  
i201.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-30 12:19:35 AM  
I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.
 
2013-10-30 12:20:50 AM  

T-Servo: Sounds like her kid is already smarter than she is.


He just took his first step to being a man.  Usually, guys wait 20 or more years to cut the umbilical cord when mom won't.  Good on him.
 
2013-10-30 12:22:04 AM  
Well, hell, lady.

If you're going to do everything "natural" why is your kid even being born in any kind of sterile setting at all? Why didn't you go out and just squat under a tree and birth that kid in the dirt? because that's what chimpanzees do? Then you could have licked off the blood and gunk and bitten off the placenta when it stopped pulsing and slung your baby onto your back like nature intended and then hopped shrieking into the trees.

Of course, under "natural" conditions, your baby has only a 2 in 5 chance of surviving its first year, and only a one in five chance of living to puberty; but lucky you, the rest of us unnatural creatures have taken care of that, and with herd immunity you know your natural darling won't be getting smallpox or measles or diphtheria or mumps or any of those other nasty diseases "natural" babies used to die from. And I'm sure that "natural" doesn't mean your baby will be eating unboiled milk or drinking water right out of the creek (and full of bird shiat and fish spawn)--or that it will have to worry about wild predators or the incursions of barbarians (with either swords or AK-47s) because you live in Britain and they don't have Viking invasions any more.

So please. Do tell us how "natural" your raising your unnatural baby.

/rant off, my eyes are beginning to stick in the top of my skull.
 
2013-10-30 12:22:18 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.


img.fark.net
 
2013-10-30 12:26:14 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.


Oh what are you on about now, point out one misogynist post in this thread.
 
2013-10-30 12:26:21 AM  
 
2013-10-30 12:26:38 AM  
Simple solution. If the kid dies, the parents spend the next six months with a sign around their necks, saying

"I ignored 100's of years of painstaking human medical research, and killed my baby."
 
2013-10-30 12:27:01 AM  
i.imgur.com

images.retecool.com
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-30 12:27:45 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.


Umm...where?
 
2013-10-30 12:29:35 AM  
Um, this is the logical extension of "attachment parenting", no?
 
2013-10-30 12:30:36 AM  
img.fark.net

i.imgur.com

"It's natural" is one of the most retarded, unthinking reasons for doing ANYTHING.
 
2013-10-30 12:32:42 AM  
I always hope people like this have children who hate them because of their stupid decisions.  The meaner, eviler part of me wishes their kids get something horrible and totally preventable in today's day and age since it's natural.  Of course in that weird scenario everyone would be very condescending and "Well try again. Infant mortality is natural and completely normal."

My imagination goes to those absurd levels of reaction because all I can think is WTF man?
 
2013-10-30 12:32:53 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: The cord should be gnawed off with at least six inches to spare, then wrapped in sterile cotton cloth.  This prevents infection via the cord's own antibodies.

The placenta can sit at room temp for up to two hours before sauteing with onions and red wine.


You mustn't sauté onions with placenta -- their delicate texture will be overwhelmed by the chewy, viscous stringiness of the placental rind.

Try pine nuts instead.
 
2013-10-30 12:37:24 AM  
That was quite possibly the utmost batshiat craziest thing not coming from a politician I have ever read in my entire life.
 
2013-10-30 12:37:36 AM  
Fark that.

i.qkme.me
 
2013-10-30 12:37:49 AM  
You know how other mammals leave the placenta attached to their offspring?

Wait, what? Chew them off? They do? Stupid unnatural animals.
 
2013-10-30 12:38:06 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: The cord should be gnawed off with at least six inches to spare, then wrapped in sterile cotton cloth.  This prevents infection via the cord's own antibodies.

The placenta can sit at room temp for up to two hours before sauteing with onions and red wine.


and if it isn't enough for the whole family, you can add...
theluckymom.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-10-30 12:38:26 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.


Any woman that says "to truly understand how nature intended women to give birth we must look to the wild animals" has it coming, IMO. Women are not wild animals, and the subject of TFA is a loony toon.

If I'd read that and concluded that all women are loony toons, sure, that'd be misogynistic. Concluding that THIS particular woman is a loony toon, as evidenced by THIS particular mindset/behavior, is not.

/woman
//understands that words have meaning
///and that slashies come in threes
 
2013-10-30 12:39:28 AM  
Considering the mother, maybe the child is better off dead.
 
2013-10-30 12:40:57 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.


My misogyny detector is not going off. (They hand them out to all women when we hit puberty.) I do see a lot of placenta talk, though. It is vaguely disturbing.

If you're going to eat the placenta you must, like the noble sheep, eat it raw. And lick up the afterbirth while you're at it. To do otherwise would just be... uncouth.
 
2013-10-30 12:41:27 AM  
But then how do you get your cold placenta sandwiches if you've let it rot for a few days first attached to your newborn?
 
2013-10-30 12:41:41 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Well, hell, lady.

If you're going to do everything "natural" why is your kid even being born in any kind of sterile setting at all? Why didn't you go out and just squat under a tree and birth that kid in the dirt? because that's what chimpanzees do? Then you could have licked off the blood and gunk and bitten off the placenta when it stopped pulsing and slung your baby onto your back like nature intended and then hopped shrieking into the trees.

Of course, under "natural" conditions, your baby has only a 2 in 5 chance of surviving its first year, and only a one in five chance of living to puberty; but lucky you, the rest of us unnatural creatures have taken care of that, and with herd immunity you know your natural darling won't be getting smallpox or measles or diphtheria or mumps or any of those other nasty diseases "natural" babies used to die from. And I'm sure that "natural" doesn't mean your baby will be eating unboiled milk or drinking water right out of the creek (and full of bird shiat and fish spawn)--or that it will have to worry about wild predators or the incursions of barbarians (with either swords or AK-47s) because you live in Britain and they don't have Viking invasions any more.

So please. Do tell us how "natural" your raising your unnatural baby.

/rant off, my eyes are beginning to stick in the top of my skull.


Going to go ahead and save this one and make you green for awesome.
 
2013-10-30 12:42:45 AM  
media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-30 12:42:52 AM  
Little wonder there's no mention of the doomed child's father. Mommy probably keeps his shriveled, now useless ballsack in a jar on the mantel, next to the umbilical cord and a porcelain bowl with the contents of Baby's First Nasal Suction.
 
2013-10-30 12:43:30 AM  
stream1.gifsoup.com
 
2013-10-30 12:43:37 AM  
Anyone advocating something obstetrics-related on the grounds that it's "natural" should probably keep in mind that before modern obstetrics, "complications during birth" was pretty much the leading human cause of death for both adults and babies.

And not in some wuss 'it was a significant factor' way, birth-related deaths made the black plague, the crusades, and modern cancer and heart disease combined look about as lethal as a toddler with a pop gun.
 
2013-10-30 12:45:13 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.


8/10. Simple and it got some bites in short order.
 
2013-10-30 12:46:25 AM  
Hey, we know this is loony tunes, but we're publishing it anyway for the clicks.

Figured as much.
 
2013-10-30 12:46:39 AM  
art.penny-arcade.com Seriously, weird mom, you're letting that perfectly good placenta spoil and go to waste
 
2013-10-30 12:47:48 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: The cord should be gnawed off with at least six inches to spare, then wrapped in sterile cotton cloth.  This prevents infection via the cord's own antibodies.

The placenta can sit at room temp for up to two hours before sauteing with onions and red wine.


So it's OK to use gauze, but not to use scissors?
 
2013-10-30 12:48:07 AM  

Yes this is dog: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.

8/10. Simple and it got some bites in short order.


I dunno, I was kind of surprised (and pleased) that it didn't get more. Too obvious, probably.

Maybe if he'd waited a little longer.
 
2013-10-30 12:49:36 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I see the Fark misogyny brigade is out in full force.


Good, my shoulders are feeling really tight tonight.
 
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