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(io9)   The thirteen biggest assholes in Greek mythology. Is anyone a bigger ass than Odin?   (io9.com) divider line 84
    More: Amusing, Greek mythology, ancient Greeks, Medusa, Hades  
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5720 clicks; posted to Geek » on 30 Oct 2013 at 12:12 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-30 05:17:16 AM
The image of the statue under the headline is one of Moses, not of a Greek god.
 
2013-10-30 05:18:53 AM
FTFA: "It's a mystery why ancient Greeks worshipped their gods, because their gods were all complete dickheads. "

Unlike the gods being worshiped today?
 
2013-10-30 05:28:46 AM

Uncle Tractor: Unlike the gods being worshiped today?


i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-30 05:49:45 AM

Thunderboy: Arkanaut: Is anyone a bigger ass than Odin?

Yeah.  Isis.

She definitely killed a few kittens in her day.

[i13.photobucket.com image 482x367]


SHAZAM!
 
2013-10-30 05:53:14 AM

Darth Macho: Doc Batarang: I also think some of you missed some text - roughly half the gods were on Troy's side. For instance, Apollo tells Paris how to kill Achilles, Ares brought the Amazons, etc.

I also find it interesting that Neoptolemus, not Hector or Achilles, has the highest hero kill count.

Sure, but Homer is writing for his home team. He contrasts the uniformity of the Achaeans with the multiethnic rabble of Troy and her 'foreign' allies. In the fights the pattern is typically with Zeus giving the nod to the Achaeans (a few are even his own sons) and letting them dominate, and the Trojans usually get the upper hand only when their gods sneak onto the battlefield and cheat (and the Trojan-allied gods--Ares, Aphrodite, Apollo--usually represent the weaker powers to Greeks).

Most of the Trojan heroes are named only right before they get speared in the neck or testicles by the Ajaxes, Odysseus, Diomedes, etc. And remember that the whole fighting of the Illiad is written just to show how cool Achilles is.

They even structure the big Trojan victory, the burning of the ships and Patroclus getting killed as the Hollywood end-of-Act II crisis; i.e. the Trojans winning is actually the dramatic low point of the story. Essentially it's a war movie written by the bad guys who think they're the good guys.


Hmm. I was taught that the Trojans were pretty clearly the good guys, and the Greek were a bunch of asshats. Something along the lines of Homer actually being the descendant of Trojan slaves who were taken back to Greece.
 
2013-10-30 06:19:51 AM

cman: omnibus_necanda_sunt: Don't forget all the stories with semen in them.

//Cripple Rape and Wool Semen, is the answer.


Do I detect a new band name?
 
2013-10-30 06:35:57 AM
The gods are doomed and the end is death.
 
2013-10-30 06:43:12 AM
Heh, this is probably just a thinly veiled advert for Thor.  Because i09 (and Fark) are just corporate shills.
 
2013-10-30 06:54:04 AM

2wolves: Medea;  He dies, the kids die, she dies.


It's been a while since I've read it, but doesn't it end with her predicting Jason's death and then fleeing or flying away... some such symbolic thing?

/9th grade was a long time ago
//liked Medea better than Oedipus
 
2013-10-30 07:06:39 AM

Jessop: Do I detect a new band name?


It's a tumblr.
 
2013-10-30 07:23:33 AM

Smackledorfer: As an 8 year old reading my first myths, I found Circe to be arousing. What a powerful sexy witch.

/why yes, I am pretty farked up, why do you ask?


It's ok. We all get aroused when we read to your kids.
 
2013-10-30 08:00:16 AM
Most of Odhinn's deeds are done for specific reasons, such as imparting wisdom. In the Nordic traditions, one gains wisdom through deeds and experience, thus Odhinn uses lots of fairly harsh methods to get people to figure shiat out.

Another reason for his deeds are that he can see all things until the time of Ragnarok. If you know that you've got an epic battle coming up which is destined to kill you and your family, as well as most of the world, you're going to go out of your way to stack the deck as much as possible on your side. This is why he allows Baldr to be struck down by the mistletoe, etc.

There are a fair number of arguments to be made around some of the events in the lore suggesting that the stories are not original, but are instead christian inventions in order to push the practitioners of the old ways to Christianity. Given that a large part of the Poetic Edda was compiled and recorded in writing by Christian Monks, this argument has some credence to it.

But, yes, continue to assume that Odhinn's a dick.
 
2013-10-30 08:07:36 AM

UNC_Samurai: Polytheistic gods tended to all be petty and vengeful.  It's how people explained the horrible things that happened in life beyond their control.  Hell, even the Old Testament Judeo-Christian god is a raging asshole who advocates genocide.


Gods are fundamentally anthropomorphic personifications of nature, either nature nature or human nature.

Any religion where the gods aren't huge dicks on average is clearly not paying sufficient attention.  Even Christianity, a relatively recent religion from a time when the bulk of humanity didn't have to deal with nature trying to kill them on a regular basis, didn't actually catch on until the cult took the gospels and their wimpy turn-your-cheek crap and added a few extra chapters of smiting, hellfire and stoning people for lifestyle choices (Jesus preaches some directly, but not enough).

Not really surprising that Zeus, especially, was a bigger rapist and more prone to random smiting and swapping sides than usual, the dude represented all the crap that came from the sky... lightning, meteor impacts, irregular rainfall destroying crops, floods, etc.  In a culture heavily invested in sailing around, the weather's not probably gonna be a nice guy in your books.
 
2013-10-30 08:09:54 AM
Kratos
 
2013-10-30 08:35:50 AM
That article was a pretty decent review for io9.
 
2013-10-30 08:54:53 AM

meat0918: Trocadero: simplicimus: JohnAnnArbor: Darth Macho: Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.

Well, the gods didn't treat the Greeks so well after the sack of Troy, during which they committed many outrages. The Greeks ended up either having a hard time getting home or misfortune when they arrived.

Well the greeks pissed of Poseidon, which is why they had trouble getting home. But Odysseus either a) finally made it home or b) founded Rome.,

That was Aeneas, who was Trojan.

What about Romulus and Remus?


They founded the city; Aeneas founded the tribe. He was their ancestor, or so the stories say.
 
2013-10-30 08:56:39 AM
blackamericauncensored.files.wordpress.com

"Who you callin' an asshole, io9?"
 
2013-10-30 08:58:35 AM
vesalius

Odin was known for changing sides seemingly at random and would kill worshippers for no given reason.

Examples, please.
 
2013-10-30 08:58:48 AM

Jim_Callahan: Any religion where the gods aren't huge dicks on average is clearly not paying sufficient attention. Even Christianity, a relatively recent religion from a time when the bulk of humanity didn't have to deal with nature trying to kill them on a regular basis, didn't actually catch on until the cult took the gospels and their wimpy turn-your-cheek crap and added a few extra chapters of smiting, hellfire and stoning people for lifestyle choices (Jesus preaches some directly, but not enough).


That doesn't match up with any history of Christianity I've ever heard, from either defenders or detractors. Where are you getting it from? Sounds like an interesting read.
 
2013-10-30 09:55:38 AM
As it's semi-related, the new MTG expansion Theros has a number of these references baked into the cards. They also did a decent job at fleshing out their set of gods as something more than generic Greek pantheon copy/pastes or taking after the Disney interpretation.

magic.tcgplayer.comi.tcgplayer.com
 
2013-10-30 10:13:23 AM

Millennium: Jim_Callahan: Any religion where the gods aren't huge dicks on average is clearly not paying sufficient attention. Even Christianity, a relatively recent religion from a time when the bulk of humanity didn't have to deal with nature trying to kill them on a regular basis, didn't actually catch on until the cult took the gospels and their wimpy turn-your-cheek crap and added a few extra chapters of smiting, hellfire and stoning people for lifestyle choices (Jesus preaches some directly, but not enough).

That doesn't match up with any history of Christianity I've ever heard, from either defenders or detractors. Where are you getting it from? Sounds like an interesting read.



Jesus* was a Jewish Buddhist who got killed for messing with the status quo.
The only thing he would say to 98% of the Christians on the planet is, "You farkers are all crazy."


And am I the only person who thinks monotheistic faiths were invented by people with a serious lack of imagination?

*if such a person ever existed
 
2013-10-30 10:18:20 AM

Mister Peejay: I'm glad it's limited to Greek, because Sithrak makes them pale in comparison.

/Sithrak's gonna fark you up


No more than us, mind you.
 
2013-10-30 01:03:30 PM

Jessop: cman: omnibus_necanda_sunt: Don't forget all the stories with semen in them.

//Cripple Rape and Wool Semen, is the answer.

Do I detect a new band name?


Rapper/MC duo
 
2013-10-30 01:08:03 PM
Ares was the biggest asshole god. Murderer, rapist,  philanderer and father of mass-murderers Deimos and Phobos, even the Greeks didn't like his ass. He was the god of war, and not in a good way. He was insatiable in battle, and a psycho in peace-time. Zeus, his father didn't even like him. He was a bad god and should feel bad.
 
2013-10-30 01:35:51 PM

2wolves: Medea;  He dies, the kids die, she dies.


Yeah, but if the gotters git me I'm gonna get mah Glock.

web.mit.edu
 
2013-10-30 02:21:55 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Ares was the biggest asshole god. Murderer, rapist,  philanderer and father of mass-murderers Deimos and Phobos, even the Greeks didn't like his ass. He was the god of war, and not in a good way. He was insatiable in battle, and a psycho in peace-time. Zeus, his father didn't even like him. He was a bad god and should feel bad.


Yeah, this. The Greeks had two war gods, really. Athena was the goddess of warfare, per se: strategy, tactics, armies, glory, and the like. Ares was the god of whacking shiat with pointy things until it fell down.
 
2013-10-30 02:36:12 PM

Millennium: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Ares was the biggest asshole god. Murderer, rapist,  philanderer and father of mass-murderers Deimos and Phobos, even the Greeks didn't like his ass. He was the god of war, and not in a good way. He was insatiable in battle, and a psycho in peace-time. Zeus, his father didn't even like him. He was a bad god and should feel bad.

Yeah, this. The Greeks had two war gods, really. Athena was the goddess of warfare, per se: strategy, tactics, armies, glory, and the like. Ares was the god of whacking shiat with pointy things until it fell down.


He was the Al Davis of gods.

www.chicagonow.com

Or perhaps this guy:

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-30 02:50:10 PM

lasercannon: I never liked Anders


I liked Anders at least he was honest about being an arsehole. Michael however...
 
2013-10-30 03:06:11 PM

Millennium: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Ares was the biggest asshole god. Murderer, rapist,  philanderer and father of mass-murderers Deimos and Phobos, even the Greeks didn't like his ass. He was the god of war, and not in a good way. He was insatiable in battle, and a psycho in peace-time. Zeus, his father didn't even like him. He was a bad god and should feel bad.

Yeah, this. The Greeks had two war gods, really. Athena was the goddess of warfare, per se: strategy, tactics, armies, glory, and the like. Ares was the god of whacking shiat with pointy things until it fell down.


I always thought of it this way: Ares was Genghis Khan, raping, murdering, and pillaging all in his path, while Athena was like the Hollywood King Arthur - all that chivalry and honor and fair maidens on the sidelines crap. Ares was the bad side of war - the disease, theft, looting, starvation, rape, and mindless destruction sort of thing, while Athena was the strategy, honor, tactics, technology, and other "arts of war" -type concepts.
 
2013-10-30 03:11:34 PM
Speaking of Greco-Roman Heros, I thought the reason the gods helped them all or favored them was because they were basically either their kids or their descendants.  Aeneas was the son of Venus, Odysseus descended from Zeus a few generations back, wasn't Achilles' mother a goddess?
 
2013-10-30 07:10:20 PM

PirateKing: No Hercules?

I mean, child murdering aside, that guy totally needed help with his stuck wagon. Hercules could have fixed his stuff like you or I could pick up a paperclip, and yet he said "The Gods help those who help themselves."

If that's not a parable for the Politics tab, I don't know what is.


It said "Greek Mythology" not "Romanized Greek" hence Heracles not Hercules.

And yes he was a big a-hole.
 
2013-10-30 10:02:53 PM

facisto: Mister Peejay: I'm glad it's limited to Greek, because Sithrak makes them pale in comparison.

/Sithrak's gonna fark you up

No more than us, mind you.


I can really get behind a god that hates you unconditionally.
 
2013-10-31 03:01:41 AM

Kit Fister: Most of Odhinn's deeds are done for specific reasons, such as imparting wisdom. In the Nordic traditions, one gains wisdom through deeds and experience, thus Odhinn uses lots of fairly harsh methods to get people to figure shiat out.

Another reason for his deeds are that he can see all things until the time of Ragnarok. If you know that you've got an epic battle coming up which is destined to kill you and your family, as well as most of the world, you're going to go out of your way to stack the deck as much as possible on your side. This is why he allows Baldr to be struck down by the mistletoe, etc.

There are a fair number of arguments to be made around some of the events in the lore suggesting that the stories are not original, but are instead christian inventions in order to push the practitioners of the old ways to Christianity. Given that a large part of the Poetic Edda was compiled and recorded in writing by Christian Monks, this argument has some credence to it.

But, yes, continue to assume that Odhinn's a dick.


Well, I met Odin. And he is a dick.
 
2013-10-31 08:05:32 AM

Mister Peejay: facisto: Mister Peejay: I'm glad it's limited to Greek, because Sithrak makes them pale in comparison.

/Sithrak's gonna fark you up when you die.

No more than us, mind you.

I can really get behind a god that hates you unconditionally.


This, although I've been more of a follower of Khorne myself.
 
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