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(io9)   The thirteen biggest assholes in Greek mythology. Is anyone a bigger ass than Odin?   (io9.com) divider line 84
    More: Amusing, Greek mythology, ancient Greeks, Medusa, Hades  
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5693 clicks; posted to Geek » on 30 Oct 2013 at 12:12 AM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-29 08:25:04 PM
Way to troll in the headline, Subby.

But no Eris? She (kinda) started the Trojan War because she wasn't invited to a wedding.
 
2013-10-29 08:25:38 PM
Polytheistic gods tended to all be petty and vengeful.  It's how people explained the horrible things that happened in life beyond their control.  Hell, even the Old Testament Judeo-Christian god is a raging asshole who advocates genocide.
 
2013-10-29 08:28:40 PM
Medea;  He dies, the kids die, she dies.
 
2013-10-29 08:37:21 PM
Like being the eagle that has to feast on Prometheus' guts for eternity is a picnic.

The eternal executioner never gets any sympathy but that eagle must feel absolutely HORRIBLE and must desperately want some leafy greens or an aperitif.
 
2013-10-29 08:40:17 PM

brap: that eagle must feel absolutely HORRIBLE and must desperately want some

...

Bacon and onions, at least!
 
2013-10-29 08:40:22 PM
Don't all Greeks have big assholes?

/uranus
 
2013-10-29 08:43:28 PM

UNC_Samurai: Polytheistic gods tended to all be petty and vengeful.  It's how people explained the horrible things that happened in life beyond their control.  Hell, even the Old Testament Judeo-Christian god is a raging asshole who advocates genocide.


Anyone who's read the Old Testament and doesn't believe in the theory of karma is missing the entire point.
 
2013-10-29 09:03:04 PM

UNC_Samurai: Polytheistic gods tended to all be petty and vengeful.  It's how people explained the horrible things that happened in life beyond their control.  Hell, even the Old Testament Judeo-Christian god is a raging asshole who advocates genocide.


I love polytheistic gods. All kinds of fun in ways that mimic randomness of nature and the big world out there.

God from the bible? Straight up asshole. He knows and doesn't care.
 
2013-10-29 09:17:37 PM
Woden most def could kick some Odin ass when it comes to dickishness.
 
2013-10-29 10:02:50 PM
Loki, because he killed Dumbledore.
 
2013-10-29 10:16:20 PM
Don't forget all the stories with semen in them.

/Ask Athens how their city was founded. I dare you.
//Cripple rape and wool semen, is the answer.
 
2013-10-29 10:22:28 PM

omnibus_necanda_sunt: Don't forget all the stories with semen in them.

/Ask Athens how their city was founded. I dare you.
//Cripple rape and wool semen, is the answer.


You called?
 
2013-10-29 10:40:39 PM
Pentheus, the original buzz-kill.  He arrested some women when festival time came around so they couldn't get drunk and go worship Dionysus in the woods.  Then Pentheus got farked up himself and decided to let it happen so he could hide in the woods and watch because he thought the women would get naked or something.  But the women found him and, mistaking him for an animal, ripped him to shreds.
 
2013-10-29 11:13:32 PM
Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.
 
2013-10-29 11:25:30 PM

nmrsnr: Way to troll in the headline, Subby.

But no Eris? She (kinda) started the Trojan War because she wasn't invited to a wedding.


Hush yo mouf.

All gods are aspects of Eris that she has created to spread confusion among mankind.
 
2013-10-29 11:30:04 PM
I like the aesir.

Baldur became invincible to all known weapons. What did the Aesir immediately do? Take up "throwing different kinds of spears at Baldur's chest" as their national pasttime. You gotta respect that mentality.
 
2013-10-30 12:22:07 AM
Odin was known for changing sides seemingly at random and would kill worshippers for no given reason. But I just wanted to mention the story of Osiris letting Set thigh fark him and feeding his semen to the fish, then Osiris fed his own man milk to set and made his semen talk so everyone thought set was his bottom and unjust of ruling the pantheon. Weird, arsenholey, and well just wtf.
 
2013-10-30 12:26:35 AM
My WiFi is named Medea.  Why?  It will come back to bite me in the ass, I'm sure.
 
2013-10-30 12:30:58 AM

nmrsnr: Way to troll in the headline, Subby.

But no Eris? She (kinda) started the Trojan War because she wasn't invited to a wedding.


All Eris did was toss in an apple and go eat some hot dogs.  You can't blame her that a bunch of goddesses lost their minds trying to claim a damn apple.
 
2013-10-30 12:36:52 AM
Still, you have to love a god dumb enough to be unable to tell the difference between a baby god and a rock.
 
2013-10-30 12:37:09 AM

Darth Macho: Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.


Well, the gods didn't treat the Greeks so well after the sack of Troy, during which they committed many outrages. The Greeks ended up either having a hard time getting home or misfortune when they arrived.
 
2013-10-30 12:37:39 AM

brap: Like being the eagle that has to feast on Prometheus' guts for eternity is a picnic.

The eternal executioner never gets any sympathy but that eagle must feel absolutely HORRIBLE and must desperately want some leafy greens or an aperitif.


He needs some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
 
2013-10-30 12:42:08 AM

2wolves: Medea;  He dies, the kids die, she dies.


oyster.ignimgs.com
 
2013-10-30 12:42:32 AM
Is anyone a bigger ass than Odin?

Yeah.  Isis.
 
2013-10-30 12:42:49 AM
hades was just misunderstood and a bit lonely.
just sayin, he probably wasnt that bad of a dude.  more like a basement dwelling /b/tard who had the power to abscond with boxxy.
more of a sad sac with a shiat job, i dont blame him.
 
2013-10-30 12:48:23 AM

Arkanaut: Is anyone a bigger ass than Odin?

Yeah.  Isis.


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-30 12:55:04 AM

JohnAnnArbor: Darth Macho: Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.

Well, the gods didn't treat the Greeks so well after the sack of Troy, during which they committed many outrages. The Greeks ended up either having a hard time getting home or misfortune when they arrived.


Well the greeks pissed of Poseidon, which is why they had trouble getting home. But Odysseus either a) finally made it home or b) founded Rome.,
 
2013-10-30 12:55:17 AM
No Hercules?

I mean, child murdering aside, that guy totally needed help with his stuck wagon. Hercules could have fixed his stuff like you or I could pick up a paperclip, and yet he said "The Gods help those who help themselves."

If that's not a parable for the Politics tab, I don't know what is.
 
2013-10-30 12:57:14 AM

Markoff_Cheney: hades was just misunderstood and a bit lonely.
just sayin, he probably wasnt that bad of a dude.  more like a basement dwelling /b/tard who had the power to abscond with boxxy.
more of a sad sac with a shiat job, i dont blame him.


He had a two pronged fork that shot out beams of explodey power. His default problem solver was to show blit up!
 
2013-10-30 12:58:57 AM

simplicimus: JohnAnnArbor: Darth Macho: Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.

Well, the gods didn't treat the Greeks so well after the sack of Troy, during which they committed many outrages. The Greeks ended up either having a hard time getting home or misfortune when they arrived.

Well the greeks pissed of Poseidon, which is why they had trouble getting home. But Odysseus either a) finally made it home or b) founded Rome.,


That was Aeneas, who was Trojan.
 
2013-10-30 01:00:16 AM

Trocadero: simplicimus: JohnAnnArbor: Darth Macho: Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.

Well, the gods didn't treat the Greeks so well after the sack of Troy, during which they committed many outrages. The Greeks ended up either having a hard time getting home or misfortune when they arrived.

Well the greeks pissed of Poseidon, which is why they had trouble getting home. But Odysseus either a) finally made it home or b) founded Rome.,

That was Aeneas, who was Trojan.


What about Romulus and Remus?
 
2013-10-30 01:02:17 AM

Arkanaut: Is anyone a bigger ass than Odin?

Yeah.  Isis.


She definitely killed a few kittens in her day.

i13.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-30 01:03:33 AM

JohnAnnArbor: Darth Macho: Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.

Well, the gods didn't treat the Greeks so well after the sack of Troy, during which they committed many outrages. The Greeks ended up either having a hard time getting home or misfortune when they arrived.


Bullshiat. Cherry-picking a few B-team Achaeans and obligatory had-it-coming jerks like Agamemnon to get taken out meanwhile letting Odysseus and the "good Greeks" (whom gently accepted Trojan slaves as opposed to abusing them) get off with consolation Kingdom upgrades elsewhere ain't a balanced ending.

You don't punish asshole characters by giving them kickass spinoff adventures.
 
2013-10-30 01:22:17 AM
Well, to be fair, even the Greek Heroes were dicks. I mean, just look at the son of Aedipus and his six companions.
 
2013-10-30 01:23:18 AM

CygnusDarius: Well, to be fair, even the Greek Heroes were dicks. I mean, just look at the son of AedipusOedipus and his six companions.


Fixed that for me.
 
2013-10-30 01:43:24 AM

Darth Macho: JohnAnnArbor: Darth Macho: Are we counting Homer? Because the fact that Hector busts his ass 24/7 to defend his city and gets absolutely no respect from the gods (even his baby son is murdered) while Achilles is excused countless biatch-fits because the gods looooove their Greeks is total bullshiat. It still pisses me off.

The Illiad is cultural proof that the Greeks deserved the rest of their history.

Well, the gods didn't treat the Greeks so well after the sack of Troy, during which they committed many outrages. The Greeks ended up either having a hard time getting home or misfortune when they arrived.

Bullshiat. Cherry-picking a few B-team Achaeans and obligatory had-it-coming jerks like Agamemnon to get taken out meanwhile letting Odysseus and the "good Greeks" (whom gently accepted Trojan slaves as opposed to abusing them) get off with consolation Kingdom upgrades elsewhere ain't a balanced ending.

You don't punish asshole characters by giving them kickass spinoff adventures.


In a sense, the whole thing was a sequel with Nestor the Argonaut being the returning series regular.

I also think some of you missed some text - roughly half the gods were on Troy's side. For instance, Apollo tells Paris how to kill Achilles, Ares brought the Amazons, etc.

I also find it interesting that Neoptolemus, not Hector or Achilles, has the highest hero kill count.
 
2013-10-30 01:57:31 AM

CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: Well, to be fair, even the Greek Heroes were dicks. I mean, just look at the son of Oedipus and his six companions.

Fixed that for me.


History's biggest motherfarker.
 
2013-10-30 02:03:44 AM

Doc Batarang: I also think some of you missed some text - roughly half the gods were on Troy's side. For instance, Apollo tells Paris how to kill Achilles, Ares brought the Amazons, etc.

I also find it interesting that Neoptolemus, not Hector or Achilles, has the highest hero kill count.


Sure, but Homer is writing for his home team. He contrasts the uniformity of the Achaeans with the multiethnic rabble of Troy and her 'foreign' allies. In the fights the pattern is typically with Zeus giving the nod to the Achaeans (a few are even his own sons) and letting them dominate, and the Trojans usually get the upper hand only when their gods sneak onto the battlefield and cheat (and the Trojan-allied gods--Ares, Aphrodite, Apollo--usually represent the weaker powers to Greeks).

Most of the Trojan heroes are named only right before they get speared in the neck or testicles by the Ajaxes, Odysseus, Diomedes, etc. And remember that the whole fighting of the Illiad is written just to show how cool Achilles is.

They even structure the big Trojan victory, the burning of the ships and Patroclus getting killed as the Hollywood end-of-Act II crisis; i.e. the Trojans winning is actually the dramatic low point of the story. Essentially it's a war movie written by the bad guys who think they're the good guys.
 
2013-10-30 02:18:54 AM

Genju: CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: Well, to be fair, even the Greek Heroes were dicks. I mean, just look at the son of Oedipus and his six companions.

Fixed that for me.

History's biggest motherfarker.


Well, you can't deny that he loved his mother.
 
2013-10-30 02:21:02 AM

Genju: CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: Well, to be fair, even the Greek Heroes were dicks. I mean, just look at the son of Oedipus and his six companions.

Fixed that for me.

History's biggest motherfarker.


+1.
 
2013-10-30 02:31:21 AM
As an 8 year old reading my first myths, I found Circe to be arousing. What a powerful sexy witch.

/why yes, I am pretty farked up, why do you ask?
 
2013-10-30 02:41:23 AM

Genju: CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: Well, to be fair, even the Greek Heroes were dicks. I mean, just look at the son of Oedipus and his six companions.

Fixed that for me.

History's biggest motherfarker.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj-R3fIF2jM

/obligatory
 
2013-10-30 02:42:46 AM

Genju: CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: Well, to be fair, even the Greek Heroes were dicks. I mean, just look at the son of Oedipus and his six companions.

Fixed that for me.

History's biggest motherfarker.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj-R3fIF2jM

/obligatory
 
2013-10-30 03:01:08 AM

Darth Macho: Doc Batarang: I also think some of you missed some text - roughly half the gods were on Troy's side. For instance, Apollo tells Paris how to kill Achilles, Ares brought the Amazons, etc.

I also find it interesting that Neoptolemus, not Hector or Achilles, has the highest hero kill count.

Sure, but Homer is writing for his home team. He contrasts the uniformity of the Achaeans with the multiethnic rabble of Troy and her 'foreign' allies. In the fights the pattern is typically with Zeus giving the nod to the Achaeans (a few are even his own sons) and letting them dominate, and the Trojans usually get the upper hand only when their gods sneak onto the battlefield and cheat (and the Trojan-allied gods--Ares, Aphrodite, Apollo--usually represent the weaker powers to Greeks).

Most of the Trojan heroes are named only right before they get speared in the neck or testicles by the Ajaxes, Odysseus, Diomedes, etc. And remember that the whole fighting of the Illiad is written just to show how cool Achilles is.

They even structure the big Trojan victory, the burning of the ships and Patroclus getting killed as the Hollywood end-of-Act II crisis; i.e. the Trojans winning is actually the dramatic low point of the story. Essentially it's a war movie written by the bad guys who think they're the good guys.


Zeus switched sides a lot. I have always felt like the whole thing reads like if the Justice League fought the Avengers, but no one figured out the twist and they just killed each other. Diomedes is Superman.

Myths are great. I love Finnish myths because everybody who isn't a shape-shifting wizard is pretty absent and it seems more intellectually dramatic and definitely surreal. Highest weirdness.
 
2013-10-30 03:07:32 AM
I'm glad it's limited to Greek, because Sithrak makes them pale in comparison.

/Sithrak's gonna fark you up
 
2013-10-30 03:29:32 AM
Darth Macho:

You don't punish asshole characters by giving them kickass spinoff adventures.

You do if it's Fox and they cancel after five episodes aired out of order.
 
2013-10-30 03:29:57 AM
Sheesh, Rob.Proofread much.

Can't process information when i'm being forced to mentally repair it.
 
2013-10-30 03:42:00 AM
Apuleius?  The Golden AssThe Original Donkey Show

/the bold text was the title of a term paper I wrote for western civilization until 1577
// got an A
///   Pre 9/11 and Janet Jackson FCC pee see see bullshiat
 
2013-10-30 04:34:47 AM
I never liked Anders
cdn.tv3.co.nz
 
2013-10-30 05:02:08 AM

doglover: I like the aesir.

Baldur became invincible to all known weapons. What did the Aesir immediately do? Take up "throwing different kinds of spears at Baldur's chest" as their national pasttime. You gotta respect that mentality.


Loki found the mistletoe
And at Baldur he did throw
And it laid ol' Baldur low
"It's all Baldur-dash!" said he.
 
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