If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(KATU)   Roving gangs of sous-chefs stealing weeds from Portland area neighborhood. One resident says he can tell when they've been near by the smell of brisket   (katu.com) divider line 73
    More: Weird, portland, chefs, Live from Portland  
•       •       •

4595 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Oct 2013 at 9:25 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-10-29 07:28:36 PM
9/10

Well done Martin Connolly.  Well done.
 
2013-10-29 08:20:45 PM
 
2013-10-29 09:29:44 PM
Story Boobiesed on r/Portland, picked up by MSM and then makes it to Fark. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
 
2013-10-29 09:31:11 PM

Marcus Aurelius: It could be a lot worse (NSFW).


And that's why the 2nd amendment must never be revoked.
 
2013-10-29 09:37:31 PM
There's beard nets. I found this recipe lying back here the other day,"

AHA! The distinctive sous-chef spoor. Let us track them...
 
2013-10-29 09:38:50 PM

Marcus Aurelius: It could be a lot worse (NSFW).


That's totally crazy...however, I've been involved in the exact same thing on behalf of a restaurant by roving the neighbourhood in street clothes, stealing and sort-of stealing rhubarb.
 
2013-10-29 09:40:31 PM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Story Boobiesed on r/Portland, picked up by MSM and then makes it to Fark. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.


I hear "car exhaust in the garage" is in vogue again.
 
2013-10-29 09:43:34 PM
First world problems...
 
2013-10-29 09:44:02 PM
Talk about Rich White People problems.

Oh, look, Maya, sous-chefs!

Yes, darling. I'll have Smithers call the guns. We'll soon have them out of the Elizabethan Herbarium.


***

Colonel Bloodknock: I hear they have a heavy infestation of sommeliers in Surrey this year.
Major-General Argie Aguebutte: The capital thing to drive out sommeliers is a light spraying Kosher wine. Must be Niagara grapes though. Nasty stuff kills them!
 
2013-10-29 09:45:32 PM
You already have the 'No respassing' signs, just ramp it up a bit. A lot easier to track them by their blood loss.
image.made-in-china.com
 
2013-10-29 09:45:43 PM
They are doing his weeding and he is biatching? STFU!
 
2013-10-29 09:46:47 PM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Story Boobiesed on r/Portland, picked up by MSM and then makes it to Fark. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.


So you read this article before it was cool?
 
2013-10-29 09:49:47 PM
Louts go where my rosemary grows.
 
2013-10-29 09:50:20 PM
Why give them a good dose of RoundUp?

The weeds or the sous-chefs...

Why not both?
 
2013-10-29 09:51:36 PM
Next thing you know, rival gangs of sous-chefs will be snapping their fingers and dance fighting in the street. They'll give their gangs tough names; like the Sharks or the Jets. That is, until one of them sees a pretty girl in a window....

/ don't judge me; my mother insisted on taking me to musicals from a very young age.
 
2013-10-29 09:53:57 PM
Pssssst! Wanna buy a dime bag of chickory?

***

Chick-chickory, Chick-chickory, Chick-chickory, cheroot
This vacant lot has plenty to loot
There's wild sage and lavender, dandelion root
And plenty of chamomile for those who poot-poot.

And plenty of cham-o-mile for those who poot-poot
!
 
2013-10-29 09:55:45 PM
Water steward, is this rain water fresh today?

Why yes sir! I spit in it myself just this morning.
 
2013-10-29 09:58:38 PM

Ex-Texan: You already have the 'No respassing' signs, just ramp it up a bit. A lot easier to track them by their blood loss.
[image.made-in-china.com image 420x315]


no one respects the concertina till its too late
 
2013-10-29 09:59:12 PM
Sous-chefs? YAY BOTULISM!!!!
 
2013-10-29 09:59:14 PM

brantgoose: Pssssst! Wanna buy a dime bag of chickory?

***

Chick-chickory, Chick-chickory, Chick-chickory, cheroot
This vacant lot has plenty to loot
There's wild sage and lavender, dandelion root
And plenty of chamomile for those who poot-poot.

And plenty of cham-o-mile for those who poot-poot!


It's the master, step-in-thyme....

/ Disney is actually going to do a movie about the gal who wrote the Mary Poppins book and the shiat that Walt Disney had to put up with.

/ Tom Hanks is slated to play Disney
 
2013-10-29 09:59:19 PM
It is nice to see journalism is alive and well. I suspect Predditors will be receiving their very first Pulitzer nomination, and possibly a Portlandia skit.
 
2013-10-29 10:01:10 PM
Aaah, PDX, land of my youth.

The only thing I ever found in an empty lot was a dead wino.
 
2013-10-29 10:06:52 PM
Sunset Park in Las Vegas, NV has tons of wild sage and rosemary growing in it and if you know where to look, they also have an abundance of quail.
 
2013-10-29 10:18:52 PM

ArcadianRefugee: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Story Boobiesed on r/Portland, picked up by MSM and then makes it to Fark. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I hear "car exhaust in the garage" is in vogue again


If you have a catalytic converter you probably can't do it.
 
2013-10-29 10:19:26 PM
Never rob another man's rhubarb.
 
2013-10-29 10:20:29 PM
Wandering chefs?  How much custard can they get out of a cat?

\beware the plum duff
 
2013-10-29 10:31:38 PM
[Begin Uncool Story, Mom.]

I have two elder trees, the mature one I planted years ago in my front yard is there for the berries for booze and jelly (om nom) and last year 'urban foragers' helped themselves to about 1/4 my crop of berries.  I found out because a neighbor stopped them as they were standing in the middle of my lawn. It's not the first year, but it's the first time they were **busted.** (They acted offended they were asked to leave, too)

This isn't like raspberries or even apples where you pick one and eat right there-they have to be cooked and are harvested by cutting the bunches of berries off of the end of the tree branch with a knife (or with skillz.) The branches are brittle, and if you don't know what you're doing you break the whole damn tree branch (although it grows back every year.) You can't look at my tree from close enough to harvest berries without seeing it's clearly pruned, taped and even wired in a few places to maximize fruiting...it's also in the middle of a lawn. You cannot mistake it for abandoned or not in a person's yard...

This year, I chased off 'urban foragers' TWICE (who showed up with bags and pruners) and a neighbor chased them off once...they were different groups of people each time. They completely stripped elder trees and a crabapple tree around the block from me.

I live in 'the hood.' Public housing is up a couple blocks, most of the houses around me sell for less than$50k, people drive old and busted cars. The 'urban foragers' are driving expensive SUVs and literally driving around poor neighborhoods looking for unguarded herb plants and fruit trees like trick-or-treaters looking for Halloween decorations...only they aren't kids, they are all in their 60s.

This is fricking Buffalo. Not a hipster mecca like Portland. I imagine everyone in Portland has to stand outside yelling 'stop eating my lawn.'

...the other elder tree is still too young to fruit more than a little every year. I planted it on the other side of my house and behind a fence...because elderberries, damnit.

[End Uncool Story, Mom.]
 
2013-10-29 10:32:15 PM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Story Boobiesed on r/Portland, picked up by MSM and then makes it to Fark. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.


go back to leddit and stay there.
 
2013-10-29 10:32:27 PM

Slam1263: Aaah, PDX, land of my youth.

The only thing I ever found in an empty lot was a dead wino.


Well, la-de-dah, look who's too good to have ever stepped on a used heroin syringe.
 
2013-10-29 10:38:31 PM
By "sous-chefs" they mean "Mexicans". They're just being racist in their considerate, thoughtful Portland way.
 
2013-10-29 10:42:24 PM

LabGrrl: [Begin Uncool Story, Mom.]

I have two elder trees, the mature one I planted years ago in my front yard is there for the berries for booze and jelly (om nom) and last year 'urban foragers' helped themselves to about 1/4 my crop of berries.  I found out because a neighbor stopped them as they were standing in the middle of my lawn. It's not the first year, but it's the first time they were **busted.** (They acted offended they were asked to leave, too)

This isn't like raspberries or even apples where you pick one and eat right there-they have to be cooked and are harvested by cutting the bunches of berries off of the end of the tree branch with a knife (or with skillz.) The branches are brittle, and if you don't know what you're doing you break the whole damn tree branch (although it grows back every year.) You can't look at my tree from close enough to harvest berries without seeing it's clearly pruned, taped and even wired in a few places to maximize fruiting...it's also in the middle of a lawn. You cannot mistake it for abandoned or not in a person's yard...

This year, I chased off 'urban foragers' TWICE (who showed up with bags and pruners) and a neighbor chased them off once...they were different groups of people each time. They completely stripped elder trees and a crabapple tree around the block from me.

I live in 'the hood.' Public housing is up a couple blocks, most of the houses around me sell for less than$50k, people drive old and busted cars. The 'urban foragers' are driving expensive SUVs and literally driving around poor neighborhoods looking for unguarded herb plants and fruit trees like trick-or-treaters looking for Halloween decorations...only they aren't kids, they are all in their 60s.

This is fricking Buffalo. Not a hipster mecca like Portland. I imagine everyone in Portland has to stand outside yelling 'stop eating my lawn.'

...the other elder tree is still too young to fruit more than a little every year. I planted it on the other side of my house and behind a fence...because elderberries, damnit.

[End Uncool Story, Mom.]


I grew up in a college town that happens to be within walking distance of some really poor neighborhoods. So I also grew up seeing hungry pedestrians on their way from here to there picking figs or edible flowers from my mother's garden. I never saw what you're describing, though. Expensive-SUV-driving strangers in the neighborhood were usually cruising for bikes, cars, dogs, etc. to steal, not plants.
 
2013-10-29 10:45:14 PM

highwayrun: By "sous-chefs" they mean "Mexicans". They're just being racist in their considerate, thoughtful Portland way.


I was under the impression all the Mexicans are in Hillsboro.
 
2013-10-29 10:53:20 PM
If none of the local restaurants own up to the tresspassing, the owner should simply spray the weeds on his property and wait to see which restaurant has a sudden epidimic of food-related illnesses.  There's your culprit.  The plethora of "no tresspassing" signs combined with the fact that a stranger should have no reason to believe that weeds growing in someone's lawn are chemical-free should limit his liability.
 
2013-10-29 10:53:41 PM

Shaviv: grew up in a college town that happens to be within walking distance of some really poor neighborhoods. So I also grew up seeing hungry pedestrians on their way from here to there picking figs or edible flowers from my mother's garden. I never saw what you're describing, though. Expensive-SUV-driving strangers in the neighborhood were usually cruising for bikes, cars, dogs, etc. to steal, not plants.


Seems to be a past few years thing. Also any 'antique' plants (old roses, irises) and people stealing perennials from parks. Our local 'garden club' spends about an hour a month biatching about it....
Kids these days. Except they are baby boomers...not kids
 
2013-10-29 10:55:17 PM
Bwahahahahaha!

I've got wild strawberry, chives, burdock, Jerusalem artichoke, and now amaranth (reseeds itself like a dandelion) and multiple kinds of mint growing all over my yard.  And that's before the stuff I actually cultivate.  And my yard isn't fenced in.

Article reminded me I should figure out where to fit in chicory next year though.  Maybe I should get a fence though.  Don't want to see the beard nets dropped and the damage done.

/seriously, beard nets when back alley foraging?
//I wouldn't eat something foraged out of an alley.  People tend to do stuff like throw trash, do work on cars, etc. in alleys.  Screw that.  I get that it's fenced in but still.
 
2013-10-29 10:56:13 PM
Oh, and burdock f--king sucks.  But whenever I mention it to hippies they start salivating, so I need to start pulling and cooking.  The garlic mustard, too.  Garlic mustard pesto for EVERYBODY next year.
 
2013-10-29 11:09:14 PM

CipollinaFan: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Story Boobiesed on r/Portland, picked up by MSM and then makes it to Fark. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

So you read this article before it was cool?


He hated the article before it was written
 
2013-10-29 11:10:16 PM

LabGrrl: [Begin Uncool Story, Mom.]

I have two elder trees, the mature one I planted years ago in my front yard is there for the berries for booze and jelly (om nom) and last year 'urban foragers' helped themselves to about 1/4 my crop of berries.  I found out because a neighbor stopped them as they were standing in the middle of my lawn. It's not the first year, but it's the first time they were **busted.** (They acted offended they were asked to leave, too)

This isn't like raspberries or even apples where you pick one and eat right there-they have to be cooked and are harvested by cutting the bunches of berries off of the end of the tree branch with a knife (or with skillz.) The branches are brittle, and if you don't know what you're doing you break the whole damn tree branch (although it grows back every year.) You can't look at my tree from close enough to harvest berries without seeing it's clearly pruned, taped and even wired in a few places to maximize fruiting...it's also in the middle of a lawn. You cannot mistake it for abandoned or not in a person's yard...

This year, I chased off 'urban foragers' TWICE (who showed up with bags and pruners) and a neighbor chased them off once...they were different groups of people each time. They completely stripped elder trees and a crabapple tree around the block from me.

I live in 'the hood.' Public housing is up a couple blocks, most of the houses around me sell for less than$50k, people drive old and busted cars. The 'urban foragers' are driving expensive SUVs and literally driving around poor neighborhoods looking for unguarded herb plants and fruit trees like trick-or-treaters looking for Halloween decorations...only they aren't kids, they are all in their 60s.

This is fricking Buffalo. Not a hipster mecca like Portland. I imagine everyone in Portland has to stand outside yelling 'stop eating my lawn.'

...the other elder tree is still too young to fruit more than a little every year. I planted it on the other side of ...


I had the same problem, but with my peach and plum trees.

My husband went to the municipal recyclers and found as many empty bottles labeled 'Round-Up,' 'Miracle-Gro' and 'Methyl-Ethyl-Ketone' as he could. We washed them carefully with gloves on, filled them with sand, dribbled a bit of glow-in-the-dark paint around the mouth of each bottle and painted the sides so they looked leaky, then arranged them around the bases of each tree.

It worked great at first, but after the second or third forager summoned the police, we wound up having to make even more sand-filled hipster repellents for Officer Grady and Sheriff Hodges' orchards. I was damn near tempted to start selling them on Etsy, but that would make me as bad as they are.
 
2013-10-29 11:12:14 PM

SpiderQueenDemon: It worked great at first, but after the second or third forager summoned the police, we wound up having to make even more sand-filled hipster repellents for Officer Grady and Sheriff Hodges' orchards. I was damn near tempted to start selling them on Etsy, but that would make me as bad as they are.


Your newsletter, wish to subscribe to it.
 
2013-10-29 11:13:00 PM
Hard to say, but Woodburn is probably the hub although many Hispanics don't actually live there. They travel around, but might keep an address in Woodburn, (for example, have some old lady live in an apartment and she will collect mail for some 40+ odd names that might get mail there).
  http://web.oregon.com/trips/mexico_in_woodburn.cfm

Of course, many Hispanics here in the State are 3rd generation Americans.
 
2013-10-29 11:15:49 PM
They are welcome to my yard. I have plenty of dandelions & lambs quarters.
 
2013-10-29 11:25:19 PM
Could be looking for Angel Trumpet.
After as many junkies and people I saw doing the oddest, most bottom base drugs in just the two weeks I visited Portland and Seattle, just saying. And Angel Trumpet grows damn near everywhere, and can get you plenty well wonked out.
 
2013-10-29 11:34:06 PM

LabGrrl: Kids these days. Except they are baby boomers...not kids


Well, there's your problem.
 
2013-10-29 11:37:42 PM
My fenced "yard" has many varieties of edibles.

  We have Indian strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, chicory, dock, dandelion, ginseng, morels, chicken-of-the-woods, wild muscadine grapes, fiddleheads, ramps, sassafrass, choke cherries, walnuts, pecans, two very rare but mostly undead but nut-bearing chestnuts along with assorted semi-wild apples, peaches, nectarines, pears, apricots, plums, and other assorted edibles.  This is the common stuff;  that's not even really counting the wild foraging that could be found.  Not even counting the turkeys, bear, deer, dove, rabbits, squirrels, etc.

Then again, if you jump a fence around here you are risking more than a polite scolding.

Any sous-chef jumping my fence is going to be in real-world trouble.

  A chef only needs one sous.  (BTW, for the hoi-polloi and you farkers, the sous chef is the chef's right-hand man.  The sous IS the working chef. He/she is the person who actually works the line, cooking exactly like the chef has taught them to recreate the recipe exactly, each and every time.)  My sous is closer than my brother.  An old kitchen saying is, "Touch my knives, you are touching my dick."  We don't share knives.  Ever.
 
2013-10-29 11:38:47 PM
Oh, I also read this on reddit a few days ago.  Good job, Farkers.  You keep greenlighting reddit stories.  Morans.
 
2013-10-29 11:40:37 PM

wildcardjack: ArcadianRefugee: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Story Boobiesed on r/Portland, picked up by MSM and then makes it to Fark. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I hear "car exhaust in the garage" is in vogue again

If you have a catalytic converter you probably can't do it.


Look, if you can't be bothered to do a little work and pull the cat' out, you don't deserve to live.

/oh, wait...
 
2013-10-29 11:46:06 PM

Marcus Aurelius: It could be a lot worse (NSFW).


Came for the rhubarb, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-10-29 11:46:23 PM

Harry_Seldon: highwayrun: By "sous-chefs" they mean "Mexicans". They're just being racist in their considerate, thoughtful Portland way.

I was under the impression all the Mexicans are in Hillsboro.


That's not true. There are restaurants in every neighborhood.
 
2013-10-29 11:46:56 PM
They can take all the nightshade, oak saplings, pigweed and mallows they want from my yard.
 
2013-10-29 11:58:30 PM

Harry_Seldon: highwayrun: By "sous-chefs" they mean "Mexicans". They're just being racist in their considerate, thoughtful Portland way.

I was under the impression all the Mexicans are in Hillsboro.


They don't call it Hills-burrito for nothing..
 
Displayed 50 of 73 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report