If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Tampa Bay Online)   If you've been feeding cats to an 11'6" alligator tied up behind a Tampa apartment complex, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission would like to have a word with you   (tbo.com) divider line 77
    More: Florida, Tampa, apartment complex, streets in Manhattan, Temple Terrace  
•       •       •

6429 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Oct 2013 at 4:20 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-28 01:57:19 PM
They can have the cats in my backyard....
 
2013-10-28 02:45:25 PM
deskofbrian.com

Amateurs.
 
2013-10-28 02:50:06 PM
I'm sure when caught this person will be soundly catstigatored.
 
2013-10-28 03:17:21 PM
That alligator gator stretched 11 feet, 6 inches and may have hatched when Richard Nixon was president, said Phil Walters, the licensed trapper called out Wednesday afternoon to corral and kill the beast behind the Rivertree Landing Apartments off Sligh Avenue, east of 56th Street.

The thing is older than me, but hey, let's just shoot it. There's no reason to keep it alive! This is Mickey's State!

Sometimes, Florida. I really hate you.
 
2013-10-28 03:23:08 PM

what_now: That alligator gator stretched 11 feet, 6 inches and may have hatched when Richard Nixon was president, said Phil Walters, the licensed trapper called out Wednesday afternoon to corral and kill the beast behind the Rivertree Landing Apartments off Sligh Avenue, east of 56th Street.

The thing is older than me, but hey, let's just shoot it. There's no reason to keep it alive! This is Mickey's State!

Sometimes, Florida. I really hate you.


If you read the article, they had little choice other than to kill it. Gators that big are too dangerous to relocate. Gator isn't a Bambi.

Too bad the asshats that lassoed it didn't get hurt real bad. Would have made a great Darwin Award story.
 
2013-10-28 03:25:53 PM

AirForceVet: If you read the article, they had little choice other than to kill it. Gators that big are too dangerous to relocate. Gator isn't a Bambi.


Yeah, I get that, I do. But you know, that stupid farking state is filled with people who think a farking prehistoric predator is either a pet or some sort of new invasive species that shouldn't be in their retention pond.
 
2013-10-28 03:46:34 PM
Ways I would have preferred this story to end:

Gator "pet" owner nabs neighbor's cat, sounds dinner bell
On way to gator, cat gets out of the bag, scratches owner's eyes out
Now blind and stumbling, owner trips over gator, and now finds himself on menu
Hero cop arrives, starts shooting at gator, which
Unlike a young black male, remains unhit by a single bullet and continues dining on "pet" owner
Bullets do however, strike the tether and allow the gator to saunter back into the river, with ownermeal in mouth
The cat is hailed a heroic survivor of this sordid ordeal and ends up as a Fark Caturday thread
"Hero" cop tries to spin his tale as also wildly heroic; surveillance footage refutes this completely, ends up on Fark thread with multiple skeletons in closet
Gator surfaces and is identified.  Gator smiles, ends up on Fark Photoshop thread
Florida tag reaches critical mass, annihilates universe, including cockroaches
2nd big bang occurs
Universe tries again,
Life emerges, flourishes, except in a place that used to be Florida
 
2013-10-28 03:54:48 PM
Goes and measures alligator.

Eleven foot...*five*.

Whew.
 
2013-10-28 04:02:53 PM
Holy shiat this is like something out of Walking Dead
 
2013-10-28 04:12:31 PM
Preppies are still okay, right?
 
2013-10-28 04:21:50 PM
Mine prefer poodles.
home.wanadoo.nl
 
2013-10-28 04:22:27 PM
So who gets the new luggage?
 
2013-10-28 04:23:15 PM
i256.photobucket.com

Hey!  Quit muscling in on my territory!
 
2013-10-28 04:26:25 PM
www.solidstatelight.com

"This outcome displeases me greatly."
 
2013-10-28 04:28:08 PM
Two teens or young adults capturing and tethering an 11'6 alligator to a tree?  that's impressive.
 
2013-10-28 04:32:08 PM
Love that movie
 
2013-10-28 04:32:12 PM
11'6"?!?

That's one mighty tall alligator.
 
2013-10-28 04:36:03 PM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: 11'6"?!?

That's one mighty tall alligator.


11' 10" with the Afro.
 
2013-10-28 04:36:26 PM

what_now: The thing is older than me, but hey, let's just shoot it. There's no reason to keep it alive! This is Mickey's State!


I get your sentiment, but let's be real here. They probably can't relocate it, and there are about a bajillion of them wandering around.
 
2013-10-28 04:36:30 PM
If you head just north of that apartment complex up into the Morris Bridge/Turkey Creek/Dead River area of the Hillsborough a 16-18' footer nicknamed El Diablo can be seen most weekends by Kayakers
 
2013-10-28 04:36:40 PM
FTA:  Walters said he had no choice but to shoot the huge alligator. State law prohibits him from relocating an alligator over four feet and it would be too dangerous to try, he said.

Guess these trappers have never watched 'Gator Boys' move big alligators down in the Everglades.

Way I understand it, the trapper isn't paid by the State, but from the sale of the hide and meat, so there isn't any incentive to move them, or release them in this case.
 
2013-10-28 04:37:43 PM
blog.communispace.com
 
2013-10-28 04:38:04 PM

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: Holy shiat this is like something out of Walking Dead

Gary Larson's The Far Side

/FTFY
 
2013-10-28 04:39:01 PM

MBooda: Mine prefer poodles.
[home.wanadoo.nl image 357x437]


Yeah, that.
 
2013-10-28 04:39:04 PM

StrikitRich: FTA: Walters said he had no choice but to shoot the huge alligator. State law prohibits him from relocating an alligator over four feet and it would be too dangerous to try, he said.


StrikitRich: Guess these trappers have never watched 'Gator Boys' move big alligators down in the Everglades.


I'm guessing he isn't a Gator Boy.
 
2013-10-28 04:39:07 PM
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator.
 
2013-10-28 04:39:43 PM
So,

crumpycatgood.jpg?
 
2013-10-28 04:40:42 PM

Ryker's Peninsula: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator.


God, I hate that I chuckled at that.
 
2013-10-28 04:41:05 PM

Apos: [www.solidstatelight.com image 461x885]

"This outcome displeases me greatly."


Actually, Sobek got along pretty well with Bastet.
gallery.geekitude.com
 
2013-10-28 04:41:43 PM
What do you call a gator who hangs out in the alley behind an apartment complex?
 
2013-10-28 04:42:17 PM
fta "But, we've never seen one that big," she said. "It's the biggest one I've seen. It's just scary."

twss
 
2013-10-28 04:43:24 PM

nytmare: What do you call a gator who hangs out in the alley behind an apartment complex?


Sir?
 
2013-10-28 04:45:54 PM
Tampa without nice weather might as well be Detroit.

/yes I am bitter
 
2013-10-28 04:49:06 PM

Rapmaster2000: [blog.communispace.com image 500x328]


Goddamnyousomuch

media.theindychannel.com
 
2013-10-28 04:52:37 PM
www.yourprops.com
 
2013-10-28 04:52:39 PM
Note that had the alligator been under 11 feet, under Florida law this would have been perfectly okay. The perp's mistake was in letting it grow too large.
 
2013-10-28 04:54:02 PM

nytmare: What do you call a gator who hangs out in the alley behind an apartment complex?


This was actually the first joke I ever told.  I think I was four or five at the time.

/ah, the eisenhower years
 
2013-10-28 04:54:32 PM
God, I love this state.
 
2013-10-28 04:55:29 PM

Stan Lee's Ghost: If you head just north of that apartment complex up into the Morris Bridge/Turkey Creek/Dead River area of the Hillsborough a 16-18' footer nicknamed El Diablo can be seen most weekends by Kayakers


My dad likes to kayak all around Florida's waterways (NO, we are not from Florida...just frequent visitors) and I seem to recall him telling me about a warning that he got from a wildlife official about that same gator.
 
2013-10-28 04:55:54 PM
Around 50 y/o, too big, too scary - let's kill it!

:-/
 
2013-10-28 04:57:11 PM

FoxEWolf: [www.yourprops.com image 800x449]


Good to see Steve-o wearing a helmet. Safety first.
 
2013-10-28 04:57:12 PM
Whether the cat diet rumor is true or not, Walters was unsure. He does note that it's a bad idea to feed an alligator anything because the free food makes the reptiles lose their fear of humans and associate people on the shore with getting a snack.

Just take it to PetSmart, plenty of cats there to feed the alligator.
 
2013-10-28 04:58:10 PM
assets.diylol.com
 
2013-10-28 05:00:15 PM
THAT is a lot of tail meat and belts.
 
2013-10-28 05:02:47 PM

hammettman: Ways I would have preferred this story to end:

Gator "pet" owner nabs neighbor's cat, sounds dinner bell
On way to gator, cat gets out of the bag, scratches owner's eyes out
Now blind and stumbling, owner trips over gator, and now finds himself on menu
Hero cop arrives, starts shooting at gator, which
Unlike a young black male, remains unhit by a single bullet and continues dining on "pet" owner
Bullets do however, strike the tether and allow the gator to saunter back into the river, with ownermeal in mouth
The cat is hailed a heroic survivor of this sordid ordeal and ends up as a Fark Caturday thread
"Hero" cop tries to spin his tale as also wildly heroic; surveillance footage refutes this completely, ends up on Fark thread with multiple skeletons in closet
Gator surfaces and is identified.  Gator smiles, ends up on Fark Photoshop thread
Florida tag reaches critical mass, annihilates universe, including cockroaches
2nd big bang occurs
Universe tries again,
Life emerges, flourishes, except in a place that used to be Florida


As a 30-year Floriduh resident, I cannot agree with this more.
 
2013-10-28 05:03:13 PM

EdNortonsTwin: Around 50 y/o, too big, too scary - let's kill it!

:-/


Fat, old people in Florida...something, unlimited buffet line, something , republicans, something, gun control, something else, obamacare. hahaha!

/too lazy to make a joke, but you guys see what I'm saying.
 
2013-10-28 05:10:31 PM
i758.photobucket.comi758.photobucket.comi758.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-28 05:15:45 PM
Girl I had been seeing for a couple of weeks says, "My aligator got out and ate the neighbors cat."

at her aptartment. for the first time, and indeed she had a 3.5' aligator loose in the appartment.  I called the Woodland Park Zoo and explained that there was an aligator loose in the appartment and wondered if they could assist.  He did not believe there could be an aligator loose in a Seattle Apartment.   I eventually convinced him and two men from the reptile division at the zoo stopped by, said, "well D@mn"  caught the gator and took it to the zoo.   We went to a pet store and bought a kitten, she put a nice bow on it, then gave it to the little girl whose cat had met its end.  Some of the cat was still in the appartment which is why she was certain the aligator had eaten it.

I have not seen her for ages, but a friend who dated her recently says she now has two rescue greyhounds, and no aligators.
 
2013-10-28 05:17:14 PM
FTA: "He said feeding and tethering the beast amounts to harassment and is illegal."

I'm pretty sure the gator was happier being tethered and fed vs being shot in the face. Just sayin.
 
2013-10-28 05:21:55 PM
In a just world, the gator would've been fed its "owner" and released into the deepest Everglades.
 
2013-10-28 05:24:24 PM

madgordy: Girl I had been seeing for a couple of weeks says, "My aligator got out and ate the neighbors cat."

at her aptartment. for the first time, and indeed she had a 3.5' aligator loose in the appartment.  I called the Woodland Park Zoo and explained that there was an aligator loose in the appartment and wondered if they could assist.  He did not believe there could be an aligator loose in a Seattle Apartment.   I eventually convinced him and two men from the reptile division at the zoo stopped by, said, "well D@mn"  caught the gator and took it to the zoo.   We went to a pet store and bought a kitten, she put a nice bow on it, then gave it to the little girl whose cat had met its end.  Some of the cat was still in the appartment which is why she was certain the aligator had eaten it.

I have not seen her for ages, but a friend who dated her recently says she now has two rescue greyhounds, and no aligators.


Not really surprised.

One of the pet stores here in Eugene, Oregon had an American Alligator for sale a couple of years back, about 12"-18" long, just a baby.  Someone STOLE that little farker from the store, they just pried open the top of the tank and yoinked it.  I still wonder how they managed it without getting bit.  Maybe a long sock?

//End csb.
 
2013-10-28 05:27:59 PM
@Subby: Would that word be "bravo"?

/Not really a cat hater
//But I do prefer dogs
///Insert "with <condiment>" joke here
 
2013-10-28 05:28:23 PM
Oh Florida, this is why I love you.  No cookie cutter conformity for you, blaze your own trail you crazy farks.
 
2013-10-28 05:29:38 PM
I love this picture so much I had to post it again.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-28 05:43:50 PM

AngryDragon: I love this picture so much I had to post it again.

[i.imgur.com image 601x387]


I hate to be "pixels" guy, but the pixels on those signs are suspicious.  Just the brown ones though, of course.
 
2013-10-28 05:53:21 PM

Sybarite: [deskofbrian.com image 475x351]

Amateurs.


Came for this.

/Betty FTW
 
2013-10-28 05:56:36 PM
surprising lack of cat owner outrage going on in here so let me add mine to the few other valiant attempts,   I AM OUTRAGED!
 
2013-10-28 05:59:19 PM
So this gator likes to eat pussy, so does a lot of people. Not seeing a problem here.
 
2013-10-28 05:59:40 PM

what_now: That alligator gator stretched 11 feet, 6 inches and may have hatched when Richard Nixon was president, said Phil Walters, the licensed trapper called out Wednesday afternoon to corral and kill the beast behind the Rivertree Landing Apartments off Sligh Avenue, east of 56th Street.

The thing is older than me, but hey, let's just shoot it. There's no reason to keep it alive! This is Mickey's State!

Sometimes, Florida. I really hate you.


There's not good reason to keep it alive, and there's a very good reason to put it down: "He does note that it's a bad idea to feed an alligator anything because the free food makes the reptiles lose their fear of humans and associate people on the shore with getting a snack"
 
2013-10-28 06:11:40 PM

MBooda: Mine prefer poodles.
[home.wanadoo.nl image 357x437]


I have just the solution for you my friend....

i0.wp.com
 
2013-10-28 06:26:30 PM

CivicMindedFive: MBooda: Mine prefer poodles.
[home.wanadoo.nl image 357x437]

I have just the solution for you my friend....

[i0.wp.com image 625x345]


prefers something a little more elegant for a more civilized time

i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-10-28 06:27:24 PM
I always wondered if we'd find a use for cats.
 
2013-10-28 06:37:21 PM

TheNewJesus: Tampa without nice weather might as well be Detroit.

/yes I am bitter


This 'gator wasn't in a sewer, so your analogy makes no sense to me.

Ohlookabutterfly: surprising lack of cat owner outrage going on in here so let me add mine to the few other valiant attempts,   I AM OUTRAGED!


Worked with a guy once who had plenty of tales about tossing raccoons into lakes on golf courses just to see if they would make it out alive.  No raccoon outrage either.
 
2013-10-28 06:44:19 PM
Why would they have to relocate it ? Why couldn't they just cut the leash and let it float off down the river it was already bobbing in?
 
2013-10-28 06:49:24 PM
That alligator gator stretched 11 feet, 6 inches and may have hatched when Richard Nixon was president

Not just a gator... An alligator gator.
 
2013-10-28 06:56:01 PM

StrikitRich: TheNewJesus: Tampa without nice weather might as well be Detroit.

/yes I am bitter

This 'gator wasn't in a sewer, so your analogy makes no sense to me.

Ohlookabutterfly: surprising lack of cat owner outrage going on in here so let me add mine to the few other valiant attempts,   I AM OUTRAGED!

Worked with a guy once who had plenty of tales about tossing raccoons into lakes on golf courses just to see if they would make it out alive.  No raccoon outrage either.


Because we all know that raccoons are about as capable of self supported flotation as a mallard duck
 
2013-10-28 07:03:23 PM

Ohlookabutterfly: StrikitRich: TheNewJesus: Tampa without nice weather might as well be Detroit.

/yes I am bitter

This 'gator wasn't in a sewer, so your analogy makes no sense to me.

Ohlookabutterfly: surprising lack of cat owner outrage going on in here so let me add mine to the few other valiant attempts,   I AM OUTRAGED!

Worked with a guy once who had plenty of tales about tossing raccoons into lakes on golf courses just to see if they would make it out alive.  No raccoon outrage either.

Because we all know that raccoons are about as capable of self supported flotation as a mallard duck


Therefore, she's a witch.

BURN HER!!!!
 
2013-10-28 07:44:17 PM
Laughs at your silly
Little Gater

i877.photobucket.com

Oh, And

i877.photobucket.com
Just because
 
2013-10-28 07:50:12 PM
That alligator is probably older than I am.  He's survived all these years and now we're going to kill him because some idiot tied him up and we don't feel like dealing with it?  He needs to go back and get laid.  We need more alligators like this in the future.  Strong and long lived and easy to put a leash on.  In the long run we're really only hurting ourselves by killing him.
 
2013-10-28 08:04:34 PM
Couldn't this wait til Caturday?
 
2013-10-28 09:04:37 PM

kimwim: They can have the cats in my backyard....


Word.
 
2013-10-28 10:11:43 PM
RE: headline

So what if I have?  What are you going to do about it??  You think the old boy needs a little more variety in his diet???
 
2013-10-28 10:17:59 PM
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-10-28 10:24:05 PM
9buz.com
 
2013-10-29 12:54:24 AM
Not to be the Debby Downer- but two things:
One: That gator has been acclimated to "Funny pink things on two legs" = "Meowmix Happy Fun time (Food)"
That means little Braaaaaayyyydynneee (prounounced "Mom is a colossal fad-chasing dipshiat") walking by the pond if the gator was loose could become "Happy Snowflake Fun Time (Food)"

Two: Gators are territorial and WILL go back to where you found them when they are that big.

Gators are awesome critters, that are also tasty with chile sauce and make good boot and wallet leather.  You respect them, but that waste of genetic material sealed the gator's fate the second he started feeding it.

In other words, don't freaking feed wildlife you farkwits!
 
2013-10-29 09:20:00 AM
From TFA: "Walters said he had no choice but to shoot the huge alligator. State law prohibits him from relocating an alligator more than four feet..."

Three feet, eleven inches would be okay, then?

What kind of law is that?!
 
2013-10-29 10:36:58 AM

what_now: AirForceVet: If you read the article, they had little choice other than to kill it. Gators that big are too dangerous to relocate. Gator isn't a Bambi.

Yeah, I get that, I do. But you know, that stupid farking state is filled with people who think a farking prehistoric predator is either a pet or some sort of new invasive species that shouldn't be in their retention pond.


I don't know how long you've been here, but if you don't live in the keys or on a coast, yeah, Florida is incredibly ignorant.  Hence the only state in the union with its own FARK tag.
 
Displayed 77 of 77 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report