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Texas Instruments suffers severe 535507, Duke suckles, and the War of 18 / 12: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/20 - 10/26
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-10-28 12:02:34 PM (23 comments) | Permalink

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2932 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Oct 2013 at 12:08 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Some really good headlines last week; just what I'm looking for going into the Headline of the Year cutoff at the end of next month. There's still time...

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-10-20 to Sat 2013-10-26:

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  Better signs in parks can increase physical exercise by up to 12%. Especially signs that say "Beware of mountain lions and wandering black bears"  

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  JFK's brain MIA after he was pronouced DOA. RFK unavailable for Q&A  

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  Who lives on a gravesite in Cincinnati? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. Until second thoughts by the cemetery. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS  

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  "Sandwich Teacher Wins State's Top Education Honor." Why? She never needed a sub. She had no condiment but mayo issue a meaty statement with relish later; she doesn't want to be a ham  

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  TEPCO, where the pets glow  

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  Hackensack man hacked and sacked man  

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  Long beards are indelibly linked to manliness, humility, conservatism - according to this columnist who's clearly never set foot in Brooklyn  

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  US not gooder in wordy numbery thingies  

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  New study finds that paying organ donors saves money, though the return process is a real biatch  

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  Detroit mailman saves burning house, continues on his route, is ticketed for obstructing urban improvements  

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  Tampa's Yuengling Brewery engulfed in 2 alarm fire. Budweiser seen offering "water" to Tampa Fire Rescue  


Sports:

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  Denver loses to Indianapolis in the war of 18 / 12  

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  Honored before Game 2 last night, Mariano Rivera says he's going to "go as far as I can go where people don't play baseball.'' In other news, look for Mo at Wrigley Field next summer  

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  Federer beats "Baby Federer" at Swiss tennis tournament, will now advance to semifinals to face either Vasek Pospisil or Child Protective Services  


Geek:

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  Can you heal me now?  

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  Duke Hospital researchers discover protein in breast milk that neutralizes HIV. Duke suckles  

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  In a cost cutting move, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration stops printing nautical charts. Carnival Cruise Lines: What are nautical charts?  


Entertainment:

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  All born this day in 1971: Snoop Doggy Dogg, Snoop Dogg, DJ Snoopadelic, Snoopzilla, Snoop Lion  

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  Dolly Parton injured in Nashville crash, was spared from injury by massive, shock-absorbing pillow-like cushions. Also, the car's airbags deployed  

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  "Sherlock" will be returning to PBS in January. No shiat  


Politics:

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  The HHS has announced a "Tech Surge" to help fix the troubled Obamacare website, drafting tech experts to come in to fix the problem, deliver a baby in one month by using nine pregnant women  

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  New poll shows that a majority of Americans think that Boehner lasting for more than four years is a serious condition for which the country should seek immediate medical attention  

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  Boehner says the GOP is going to be fine in 2014. Behold Nostradumbass  


Business:

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  Texas Instruments suffers severe 3Q 535507  

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  Serco CEO steps down after speculation that Hyman will get busted  

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  Anytime you think that the guys on Wall Street are smarter than you, just remember this headline: "Zynga stock surges"
· · ·

23 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2013-10-28 12:11:52 PM  
505537?
 
2013-10-28 12:13:45 PM  
should that have been 535507?
 
2013-10-28 12:13:54 PM  

Texas Instruments suffers severe 505537


*facepalm*


508537?
 
2013-10-28 12:14:50 PM  

theunblinkingeye: 505537?


makes me think of 508537
 
2013-10-28 12:16:53 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Texas Instruments suffers severe 505537


*facepalm*


508537?


You know what they say.  No Mann is an Island.
 
2013-10-28 12:17:22 PM  
Done in the 5318008
 
2013-10-28 12:20:36 PM  
I blame reverse Polish notation.
 
2013-10-28 12:23:01 PM  

theunblinkingeye: 505537?


DAMN YOU TOMMY TUTONE!
 
2013-10-28 12:26:12 PM  

stonelotus: theunblinkingeye: 505537?

makes me think of 508537


Hopefully not  508537 55378008
 
2013-10-28 12:29:11 PM  
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lol's
 
2013-10-28 12:33:56 PM  

DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke: [blog.gadodia.net image 232x218]

lol's


Man, I missed the original thread.  I was a high school math teacher right when TI was pushing out new applets all the time.  A decade later, I was really disappointed that Apple couldn't find a way to maintain that usage for their mini-applications.  Hell, it even fits better for Apple than it did for TI.
 
2013-10-28 12:41:56 PM  

jfivealive: stonelotus: theunblinkingeye: 505537?

makes me think of 508537

Hopefully not  508537 55378008


you mean amazons?
 
2013-10-28 12:52:17 PM  
The 535507 headline, and the Duke Suckles headline, I think are good contenders for HOTY.

*golf clap*
 
2013-10-28 12:53:01 PM  

stonelotus: jfivealive: stonelotus: theunblinkingeye: 505537?

makes me think of 508537

Hopefully not  508537 55378008

you mean amazons?


A GIS for boobless lesbos turned up numerous photos of TI calculators. And Katy Perry. Weird.
 
2013-10-28 01:28:51 PM  
I got mentioned for the Al Libi headline last week, but forgot to WOOHOO for the recognition, so WOOHOO!
 
2013-10-28 01:54:50 PM  
707 5318008

I do not like 5318008. I am gay.
 
2013-10-28 02:00:36 PM  
jesus farking christ
 
2013-10-28 02:08:35 PM  
Don't blame me. I voted for Hackensack.
 
2013-10-28 02:54:50 PM  
TEPCO and Boehner lasting for more than four years knocked out out of the park for me.
 
2013-10-28 03:55:32 PM  
The "18 / 12" headline got upvoted? Christ, it was a direct ripoff of an Al Michaels line. We're stealing jokes from AL MICHAELS, people!
 
2013-10-29 01:18:11 AM  
Subby for the Duke/Breast milk headline here, I have to give credit to the Modmin who changed 'Duke sucks' to 'Duke suckles' in the headline.
 
2013-10-29 01:45:27 AM  
Did someone say War of 1812?
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/spend way too much time editing this (full size, uncut, unedited!)
 
2013-10-29 05:26:45 PM  

Myria: TEPCO and Boehner lasting for more than four years knocked out out of the park for me.


Thanks, I was quite happy with the TEPCO headline. I'm shocked no one's done a headline like that.
 
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