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(KFOR Oklahoma City)   Satan: "Okay, let's get this meeting started. Ba'al the Flayer, nice work on your last job. Sch'uzdra the Mind devourer, keep up the good work. Uh, Dru'ush the homosexual rape demon? We're going to have to ask you dial it back a bit"   (kfor.com) divider line 133
    More: Dumbass, Oklahoma City, Bibles, Satans, broken windows, Oklahoma County  
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18801 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Oct 2013 at 1:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



133 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-28 01:47:36 PM  
Casper was farked in the ass by fifty Muslims.
He was farked twenty-five times on top.
He was also farked thirty-seven times bent over a wheelbarrow
And eleven more times at the bank.
He was farked at night in the ass.
His ass was a bit ruptured.

He was born for getting ass-rammed!
Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper got farked in the ass brutally
And the fifty Muslims' semen was pissed on his tonsils.
He was up to his eyeballs in Muslim jism.
He was so full of cum, he had to shiat.
This guy really took a shiat, pushed away the Muslim jism
And took his own foreskin
And started farking himself in his ass brutally.

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper was taken to a hospital by an ambulance.
At the hospital, he told the doctor to say "asshole licker".
After the doctor said "asshole licker".
He got on top of Casper and started farking him in his ass brutally.
So far, Casper was diagnosed with holy freakaholic
And became loose for super duper maneuvers!

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual!
Casper the homosexual!
Casper the homosexual!
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago!
Western Union: It's the Fastest Way To Send Money!
 
2013-10-28 01:47:58 PM  

Wretched: "Officers said Anderson said if he would have had a gun, he would have shot and killed his neighbors and then shot and killed officers when they arrived."

Police always enjoy hearing this - supprised they held back and only tased him. Glad to hear it though...


yep, that's clearly why we need more guns in this country, not fewer.
 
2013-10-28 01:48:46 PM  
Wow. I went on a VERY similar call when I was an officer, although I was in Texas.

Actually saving that story for the annual Halloween thread. (Yes, it was farked up. Much more than this.)

/no hints
//wait til Thursday
 
2013-10-28 01:49:40 PM  

miss diminutive: Moments later he admitted he knew he needed to be on medication.

[you_don't_say.jpg]

As hilarious as this story is, hopefully this man will get the help he needs.


Pretty much this. But I loved the bit where he said he wasn't gay, just high.
 
2013-10-28 01:52:11 PM  

Primitive Screwhead: Casper was farked in the ass by fifty Muslims.
He was farked twenty-five times on top.
He was also farked thirty-seven times bent over a wheelbarrow
And eleven more times at the bank.
He was farked at night in the ass.
His ass was a bit ruptured.

He was born for getting ass-rammed!
Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper got farked in the ass brutally
And the fifty Muslims' semen was pissed on his tonsils.
He was up to his eyeballs in Muslim jism.
He was so full of cum, he had to shiat.
This guy really took a shiat, pushed away the Muslim jism
And took his own foreskin
And started farking himself in his ass brutally.

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper was taken to a hospital by an ambulance.
At the hospital, he told the doctor to say "asshole licker".
After the doctor said "asshole licker".
He got on top of Casper and started farking him in his ass brutally.
So far, Casper was diagnosed with holy freakaholic
And became loose for super duper maneuvers!

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper, Casper
Casper the homosexual!
Casper the homosexual!
Casper the homosexual!
Casper the homosexual friendly ghost!

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago!
Western Union: It's the Fastest Way To Send Money!


Leaving very, very satisfied.
 
2013-10-28 01:52:40 PM  
Kind of reminded me of the Onion post 9/11 article.
 
2013-10-28 01:55:33 PM  
WTF
 
2013-10-28 01:55:40 PM  
He told the cops to put down their weapons. Reverse psychology, I like it.
 
2013-10-28 01:56:11 PM  
Bath salts or good ol fashioned PCP?
 
2013-10-28 01:57:05 PM  
I'm leaving now.
 
2013-10-28 01:58:36 PM  
He must have just seen This Is The End

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-28 02:00:42 PM  
These cops are the kind we need more of. A lot of stories end up with the uncooperative lunatic shot in a hail of gunfire, not the cops subduing him in hand-to-hand combat.
 
2013-10-28 02:01:03 PM  
It was probably just a "blow you for a bag of meth" imp, and this guy overreacted.
 
2013-10-28 02:03:58 PM  

EdNortonsTwin: Do an internet video search for excited delirium.

Zombies, they indeed walk among us.

/not kidding


Considering the results I get when I google "yellow nylon rope" I'm going to go ahead and wait until I get home.  Google: a bit too quick with the hardcore porn results
 
2013-10-28 02:04:39 PM  

Theaetetus: miss diminutive: Moments later he admitted he knew he needed to be on medication.

[you_don't_say.jpg]

As hilarious as this story is, hopefully this man will get the help he needs.

Nah, that would require universal health care and a culture that doesn't stigmatize mental illness. Instead, let's just let him buy a bunch of semi-automatic weapons.


^ :(
 
2013-10-28 02:04:54 PM  
Didn't see 'rape' in the article.  Is subby projecting?

Prison is a good place to exercise that demon.

/Not exorcize, though. Not by a long shot.
 
2013-10-28 02:06:46 PM  

Random Internet Persona: Man, this shiat never happens to me.  I only meet regular, run-of-the-mill heterosexual rape demons.


You need to associate with a better class of demon...
 
2013-10-28 02:09:57 PM  
Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you! - Louis Tully
 
2013-10-28 02:09:58 PM  
He said he "wasn't gay, just high" and when he came to his senses, he couldn't believe he let the male demon touch him.

This is an awesome sentence.
 
2013-10-28 02:10:15 PM  
'Wasn't gay; just high'

That's going to be popular in the DL community. Let's just shorten that down to 'WG;JH.' There we go. All set for Craigslist.
 
2013-10-28 02:10:34 PM  
Something strange in the neighborhood?

origin.playstationlifestyle.net
 
2013-10-28 02:12:30 PM  
It was a fun story up to the point he said if he had a gun he would have killed his neighbors. Adding my kudos to the non-killie cops, especially after the first taser didn't tase.
 
2013-10-28 02:13:01 PM  

tbeatty: Didn't see 'rape' in the article.  Is subby projecting?

Prison is a good place to exercise that demon.

/Not exorcize, though. Not by a long shot.


He only allowed the homosexual demon to touch him because he was intoxicated.  That's a rape if a heterosexual male demon does it to a female human, but not if a heterosexual female demon does it to a male human.  Not sure how it works in homosexual cases.  I'm pretty sure it means you're gay in this case, and is just plain awesome if it's female-demon-on-female-human.
 
2013-10-28 02:13:19 PM  
Did the demon make him gargle mayonaisse?

t3.gstatic.com
 
2013-10-28 02:14:02 PM  

Random Internet Persona: Man, this shiat never happens to me.  I only meet regular, run-of-the-mill heterosexual rape demons.


th01.deviantart.net
They're not so bad.
 
2013-10-28 02:14:08 PM  
Police: Oklahoma City man burns Bible, destroys apartment because of high 'homosexual demon'

This headline confuses me.  Was the homosexual demon high, too?

/keepin' it on the down-low
 
2013-10-28 02:14:58 PM  

Ennuipoet: Somacandra: FTFA: He said he "wasn't gay, just high" and when he came to his senses, he couldn't believe he let the male demon touch him.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 213x270]

Yeah, that's what Asmodeus said!

Things have never been the same for poor Jeremy J. Anderson  he dumped the Queen of the Demonweb Pits.
[img.fark.net image 223x300]
It clearly spells out in the Monster Manual that Orcus was the Rape Demon, I mean Asmo is a Lawful Evil DEVIL Dude!  Get it right!


Yep, gonna have to go with this.

Never, ever, touch the "Wand of Orcus"  *cough* *cough*

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-10-28 02:16:22 PM  
Loving the old 'Monster Manual' pics a couple of you posted.   Makes me a twinge nostalgic for long days of nothing but loafing and RPG'ing from my early teens.

/but the pay sucked
 
2013-10-28 02:16:29 PM  

johnny_vegas: [www.themovies.co.za image 600x399]


Mi scusi!
 
2013-10-28 02:17:04 PM  
You see every time you say the devil I smile, 'cause I'm thinking of this.
img20.imageshack.us
 
2013-10-28 02:22:10 PM  
Headline made me think of this

/The Jews were right.
 
2013-10-28 02:23:03 PM  
Guy is lucky to be alive given the propensity of so many cops to shoot first and exorcise later.

Not to mention the taser, which is far from non-lethal in the wrong hands or used on the wrong person.

In the case of this guy, the drugs he may have been on might contraindicate use of electro-shock, or he might have suffered damage from them which would make he vulnerable to a taser without drugs in his system.

I wish the authorities would wise up to the dangers of tasers and stop substituting so-called non-lethal weapons which get abused for ... well, for nothing in a lot of these situations.

I lost a friend who went off his meds to the use of rubber bullets at close range. I can understand why the cops would use them in the circumstance--it was a terrible situation--he was ranting crazy, armed with a knife and had cut his own penis off--but the range was clearly lethal for a supposedly non-lethal weapon. It was suicide by cop, pure and simple.

It's yet another face of Jevon's Paradox--reduce the "lethality", increase the risk of the weapon being used lethally.
 
2013-10-28 02:30:32 PM  
brantgoose: had cut his own penis off

o.O
 
2013-10-28 02:33:00 PM  

brantgoose: Guy is lucky to be alive given the propensity of so many cops to shoot first and exorcise later.

Not to mention the taser, which is far from non-lethal in the wrong hands or used on the wrong person.

In the case of this guy, the drugs he may have been on might contraindicate use of electro-shock, or he might have suffered damage from them which would make he vulnerable to a taser without drugs in his system.

I wish the authorities would wise up to the dangers of tasers and stop substituting so-called non-lethal weapons which get abused for ... well, for nothing in a lot of these situations.

I lost a friend who went off his meds to the use of rubber bullets at close range. I can understand why the cops would use them in the circumstance--it was a terrible situation--he was ranting crazy, armed with a knife and had cut his own penis off--but the range was clearly lethal for a supposedly non-lethal weapon. It was suicide by cop, pure and simple.

It's yet another face of Jevon's Paradox--reduce the "lethality", increase the risk of the weapon being used lethally.


" ...And had cut his own penis off...".

That made me cringe, severely.
 
2013-10-28 02:35:55 PM  
The snot dangling from his nose and the slight wall-eyed stare in the mug shot are priceless.
 
2013-10-28 02:36:35 PM  
And this, children, is why you should  not use drugs recreationally if you are mentally ill.
 
2013-10-28 02:36:37 PM  

megarian: I'm a little surprised (and relieved) that the officers didn't shoot him. Nice.


Me too. When the tasers don't work, and you're still in danger, well...the cops would have even been justified in shooting him. Good restraint on their part. Damn.
 
2013-10-28 02:38:42 PM  
He said he "wasn't gay, just high" and when he came to his senses, he couldn't believe he let the male demon touch him.

I bet the demon hears that all the time.
 
2013-10-28 02:43:01 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: EdNortonsTwin: Do an internet video search for excited delirium.

Zombies, they indeed walk among us.

/not kidding

Considering the results I get when I google "yellow nylon rope" I'm going to go ahead and wait until I get home.  Google: a bit too quick with the hardcore porn results


Too quick?  In my book, not quick enough...

/didn't come for the D&D
//leaving pleasantly surprised
///pretty sure the rape demon is that one in the Lovecraft section...
 
2013-10-28 02:45:57 PM  

HindiDiscoMonster: Fluid: I'm sure there are ways to exorcise homosexual demons that don't involve fire, but I guess that works as well.

well of course there are... but do you really want to?

[towleroad.typepad.com image 480x260]


Holodeck program //Gerodi/buff/workout/speedos/red/eyecontactNO  ?
 
2013-10-28 02:46:17 PM  

HindiDiscoMonster: RodneyToady: Anderson told officers he met a "possessed homosexual demon" who wanted drugs from him and performed sexual acts on him.

So... he was at a pretty awesome Halloween party?

and I thought the economy was recovering... it's so bad that demons are possessing demons now?


It's so bad that demons are RE-possessing possessed demons!
 
2013-10-28 02:47:43 PM  
giantgag.com
 
2013-10-28 02:47:52 PM  

Random Internet Persona: brantgoose: had cut his own penis off

o.O

HindiDiscoMonster: {sigh}.... I so miss playing AD&D... :(
nobody locally to play with though.

C

ombining these two thoughts, last night's D&D game had a discussion on the mating habits of the common troll, and if their mating dance requires them to cut of their penis, throw it at the female troll, then wait to regenerate and mate.

\then our DM said troll are asexual and reproduce by cutting themselves in half
 
2013-10-28 02:52:02 PM  

brantgoose: I can understand why the cops would use them in the circumstance--it was a terrible situation--he was ranting crazy, armed with a knife and had cut his own penis off....


Its very important to try and minimize harm to individuals. But its equally important to keep yourself or someone else from being stabbed/killed. Dude's already gone and cut off his johnson---there's no telling what that person is capable of.
 
2013-10-28 02:56:12 PM  

brantgoose: had cut his own penis off


i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-28 02:56:43 PM  

brantgoose: It's yet another face of Jevon's Paradox--reduce the "lethality", increase the risk of the weapon being used lethally.


even if the paradox is valid I don't think that is an accurate comparison.

if you are saying that more people are killed when more police use non-lethal means, that would come closer to the paradox, but would also be inaccurate.
 
2013-10-28 02:59:43 PM  
That mug shot will be his Faces of Meth "Before" photo.
 
2013-10-28 03:00:46 PM  
Primitive Screwhead:
Rock over London, Rock on Chicago!
Western Union: It's the Fastest Way To Send Money!


I was about to piss and moan about assholes posting lyrics, then I saw that.

Gonna have to go digging through my mp3s when I get home, it's been a long time...
 
2013-10-28 03:06:38 PM  
Did this gay demon look like a Republican staffer in a public washroom, by any chance?
 
2013-10-28 03:09:01 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: You see every time you say the devil I smile, 'cause I'm thinking of this.
[img20.imageshack.us image 254x320]


Me too, now.

/came for the Jonah Hill ref, leaving with that image of Elizabeth Hurley
 
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