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(Huffington Post)   The top 15 sure-fire ways to get on any bartender's bad side. Strangely, "I'm here for the Fark Party" didn't make the list   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 218
    More: Obvious, Busch Beer, customer complaint, Compuserve  
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15412 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Oct 2013 at 2:49 PM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Pud [TotalFark]
2013-10-27 12:09:10 PM
Bartender! Come down here. I want 1 whiskey, 1 scotch, and 1 beer.
 
2013-10-27 12:10:04 PM
Top 15 ways to annoy your bartender -- and by 15, we mean 8 with the other 7 on another website?

Yeah, how bout no?
 
2013-10-27 12:15:24 PM
Some version of "This goose Cosmo doesn't taste like you used Grey Goose. Did you use Stoli or something in it? That's not what I wanted." is also mysteriously not present.
 
2013-10-27 12:20:12 PM
Saying "I spend a lot of money in here, why don't you give me a discount?"
 
2013-10-27 12:28:45 PM
Step behind the bar

Anybody stupid enough to do this deserves the epic beating they get.
 
2013-10-27 12:29:47 PM

Donnchadha: Top 15 ways to annoy your bartender -- and by 15, we mean 8 with the other 7 on another website?

Yeah, how bout no?



The other seven:

Scream out your order
Bars are loud. A good bartender has learned to tune out the noise and read lips. That's why she's gonna be pretty perturbed when you lean in close like you're gonna kiss her, then scream your order in her face.

Be impatient about a wait, then don't know what you want
This specimen of bar amateur will stand at the bar and loudly scoff every time another patron gets to place an order before him. Then, when the bartender finally gets to him, his grimace turns to a blank face, and he has no idea what he wants.

Horribly dominate the jukebox
Look, your love of Semisonic is yours to share. But when you toss $10 in the jukebox and play their Greatest Hits album straight through -- twice -- you're also basically doing the musical equivalent of Chinese water torture to your barman. Also, does Semisonic even have a Greatest Hits album?

Graze the garnish
The maraschino cherries, olives, oranges, and lemons are drink garnishes, not buffet items you should contaminate with your gross fingers.

Close a tab, then start a tab
Sure, maybe you changed your mind about that last drink and opened another tab. It was fine until the fourth closed tab of the night. Now you're just wasting paper, and racking up charges for the bar, and generally being as annoying as possible. You shouldn't have used all your cash to play "Closing Time" four times in row.

Say, "I'll tip at the end".
Yeah, we know you will. You'll order expensive, complex drinks all night under the pretense of, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you before I leave". Then you'll order a $3 beer, leave a buck, and call it good.

Complain that your 3/4-finished drink is wrong
Did you seriously not realize that your Manhattan was actually a White Russian until it was almost gone? Usually, a bartender will gladly rectify a mistake. This is not that time.


Basically a long-winded, itemized way of saying "Don't be a dick". The accompanying photos aren't particularly informative or entertaining.
 
2013-10-27 12:40:39 PM
People actually do these things?  Jesus.

Actually, I will confess, I've done the "just one more" ... "just one more" ... "just one more" thing a couple times.  I also tip progressively better when I do it, because I know it's a pain in the ass.
 
2013-10-27 12:40:58 PM
There's still 7 more ways you're probably pissing off your bartender, and they're all in the full story on Thrillist.com!

So why didn't subby link to Thrillist dot com?
 
2013-10-27 12:49:32 PM
FloydA: There's still 7 more ways you're probably pissing off your bartender, and they're all in the full story on Thrillist.com!
So why didn't subby link to Thrillist dot com?

Same reason we see a lot of this...  img1.fark.net??
 
2013-10-27 02:12:19 PM

I_Am_Weasel: FloydA: There's still 7 more ways you're probably pissing off your bartender, and they're all in the full story on Thrillist.com!
So why didn't subby link to Thrillist dot com?

Same reason we see a lot of this...  [img1.fark.net image 77x27]??


Still better than Wampler.
 
2013-10-27 02:23:41 PM
"Don't be a dick"

That's pretty much my philosophy about everything
 
2013-10-27 02:37:09 PM
i'm impressed that the list didn't include "don't give someone at least a dollar for opening a beer for you".
 
2013-10-27 02:38:14 PM
16) Calling the bartender "nurse".

/Which is why I call them "doctor".
 
2013-10-27 02:39:02 PM

phaseolus: Graze the garnish
The maraschino cherries, olives, oranges, and lemons are drink garnishes, not buffet items you should contaminate with your gross fingers.



Ugh....talk about childish behavior.
 
2013-10-27 02:45:08 PM

The_Sponge: 16) Calling the bartender "nurse".

/Which is why I call them "doctor".


farm4.static.flickr.com

Doctor?

I think you're confused. Johnny Johnny is the bartender. Perhaps you need a prescription for a stronger cocktail.

Or more Lala.
 
2013-10-27 02:47:09 PM

Donnchadha: The_Sponge: 16) Calling the bartender "nurse".

/Which is why I call them "doctor".

[farm4.static.flickr.com image 500x424]

Doctor?

I think you're confused. Johnny Johnny is the bartender. Perhaps you need a prescription for a stronger cocktail.

Or more Lala.


I like the pic, but I honestly have no idea what that is from.
 
2013-10-27 02:49:27 PM

The_Sponge: phaseolus: Graze the garnish
The maraschino cherries, olives, oranges, and lemons are drink garnishes, not buffet items you should contaminate with your gross fingers.


Ugh....talk about childish behavior.


Wouldn't those garnishes be behind the bar?  How would someone get back there to start grazing on them?  Do they mean people who eat the garnishes out of their own drinks?  I'm confused about that one.
 
2013-10-27 02:52:34 PM

The_Sponge: Donnchadha: The_Sponge: 16) Calling the bartender "nurse".

/Which is why I call them "doctor".

[farm4.static.flickr.com image 500x424]

Doctor?

I think you're confused. Johnny Johnny is the bartender. Perhaps you need a prescription for a stronger cocktail.

Or more Lala.

I like the pic, but I honestly have no idea what that is from.


Tiki Bar TV, a cocktail based podcast that ran from 2005-2009. I'm sure you can still watch it on iTunes.
 
2013-10-27 02:52:50 PM

TuteTibiImperes: Wouldn't those garnishes be behind the bar? How would someone get back there to start grazing on them? Do they mean people who eat the garnishes out of their own drinks? I'm confused about that one.



1) I've seen them on top of the bar within reach many times.

2) No....he meant people who grab and eat those items that are sitting in the containers.
 
2013-10-27 02:56:24 PM
And something a bartender should never do? Stick their thumb in my farking drink while handing it to me.

/see first pic in TFA
 
2013-10-27 02:56:54 PM
I didn't check the list.  Where did "Forget that bartenders are the coolest motherfarking people on the planet, always.  They're better at their job than you are at anything.  Actually, they're just better than you" fall?
 
2013-10-27 02:57:02 PM

Doctor Funkenstein: Step behind the bar

Anybody stupid enough to do this deserves the epic beating they get.


I can't tell you how many times regulars want to do this.  They can't see the Scotch bottles, so I hand them a full Scotch menu.  And they still want to walk back to the bottles and look at them.
 
2013-10-27 02:57:43 PM
The_Sponge: 1) I've seen them on top of the bar within reach many times.

and when they're not, a blowgun dart with an attached length of fishing line does the trick
 
2013-10-27 02:59:13 PM
Lemme guess - without reading the article - it's an American list after all - 'something something tipping...'

*checks link*

Am I good or what
 
2013-10-27 02:59:25 PM

TuteTibiImperes: The_Sponge: phaseolus: Graze the garnish
The maraschino cherries, olives, oranges, and lemons are drink garnishes, not buffet items you should contaminate with your gross fingers.
Ugh....talk about childish behavior.
Wouldn't those garnishes be behind the bar?  How would someone get back there to start grazing on them?  Do they mean people who eat the garnishes out of their own drinks?  I'm confused about that one.


Behind the bar is often just an arm length away.
 
2013-10-27 02:59:32 PM

Pokey.Clyde: And something a bartender should never do? Stick their thumb in my farking drink while handing it to me.

/see first pic in TFA



Heh.

And I know we shouldn't judge people bases on a few photos, but she looks like a raging biatch.
 
2013-10-27 03:00:43 PM

ultraholland: The_Sponge: 1) I've seen them on top of the bar within reach many times.

and when they're not, a blowgun dart with an attached length of fishing line does the trick



Lulz.
 
2013-10-27 03:01:55 PM
If you are a bartender and most of this list pisses you off you have been doing it too long, and you are about to burn out. I have been tending for over a decade, and the majority of this list wouldn't make me blink. About 14 of these would merit a laugh.
Except for one.
Don't come behind the bar.
You don't work here, The owner didn't hire you. You don't have to explain to the owner why someone he didn't hire was behind the bar.
 
2013-10-27 03:02:17 PM

The_Sponge: Pokey.Clyde: And something a bartender should never do? Stick their thumb in my farking drink while handing it to me.

/see first pic in TFA


Heh.

And I know we shouldn't judge people based on a few photos, but she looks like a raging biatch.


FTFM
 
2013-10-27 03:03:55 PM
Order one drink at a time If you're ordering a shot of tequila, a mojito, two beers and a chocotini at a busy bar, order them all at once. Don't wait for one to come, then order the next. And the next. Most bartenders have two hands. Bartenders who don't have learned to adapt.

Who the fark does this while standing at the bar?
 
2013-10-27 03:04:20 PM

FrancoFile: Doctor Funkenstein: Step behind the bar

Anybody stupid enough to do this deserves the epic beating they get.

I can't tell you how many times regulars want to do this.  They can't see the Scotch bottles, so I hand them a full Scotch menu.  And they still want to walk back to the bottles and look at them.



So what?  I like having something to read when I take a dump, so I like to grab a Scotch bottle and read the label when I'm pinching a loaf.
 
2013-10-27 03:05:01 PM

Pokey.Clyde: And something a bartender should never do? Stick their thumb in my farking drink while handing it to me.

/see first pic in TFA


Yeah I thought that picture was from the wrong list.
 
2013-10-27 03:06:12 PM

Donnchadha: The_Sponge: Donnchadha: The_Sponge: 16) Calling the bartender "nurse".

/Which is why I call them "doctor".

[farm4.static.flickr.com image 500x424]

Doctor?

I think you're confused. Johnny Johnny is the bartender. Perhaps you need a prescription for a stronger cocktail.

Or more Lala.

I like the pic, but I honestly have no idea what that is from.

Tiki Bar TV, a cocktail based podcast that ran from 2005-2009. I'm sure you can still watch it on iTunes.


Ah....thank you.
 
2013-10-27 03:08:12 PM

Longtooth: If you are a bartender and most of this list pisses you off you have been doing it too long, and you are about to burn out. I have been tending for over a decade, and the majority of this list wouldn't make me blink. About 14 of these would merit a laugh.
Except for one.
Don't come behind the bar.
You don't work here, The owner didn't hire you. You don't have to explain to the owner why someone he didn't hire was behind the bar.


Quick threadjack -- as a bartender, can you make a Manhattan without a shaker? Properly, at least. I recently had one served to me (on the rocks) where the ingredients were just poured into the glass and (vaguely) stirred.
 
2013-10-27 03:08:19 PM

I_Am_Weasel: FloydA: There's still 7 more ways you're probably pissing off your bartender, and they're all in the full story on Thrillist.com!
So why didn't subby link to Thrillist dot com?

Same reason we see a lot of this...  [img1.fark.net image 77x27]??


And same reason we get links to three badly written sentences on gawker sites, with a link to the article, instead of a link to the article itself.
 
2013-10-27 03:10:14 PM

Pokey.Clyde: And something a bartender should never do? Stick their thumb in my farking drink while handing it to me.

/see first pic in TFA


She did that because you were being a dick, not tipping, complaining about your drinks and grazing at the garnish bar
 
2013-10-27 03:13:00 PM

EatenTheSun: Order one drink at a time If you're ordering a shot of tequila, a mojito, two beers and a chocotini at a busy bar, order them all at once. Don't wait for one to come, then order the next. And the next. Most bartenders have two hands. Bartenders who don't have learned to adapt.

Who the fark does this while standing at the bar?


Someone whose friends or girlfriend or chick they are trying to bang come running up and say 'could you order me a....'. Doesn't mean it isn't annoying as shiat.

It pays for the bartender to know you tip well every time you are in the place and aren't a dick and have patience when they are busy. The service tends to be much much better.
 
2013-10-27 03:15:40 PM

Donnchadha: Longtooth: If you are a bartender and most of this list pisses you off you have been doing it too long, and you are about to burn out. I have been tending for over a decade, and the majority of this list wouldn't make me blink. About 14 of these would merit a laugh.
Except for one.
Don't come behind the bar.
You don't work here, The owner didn't hire you. You don't have to explain to the owner why someone he didn't hire was behind the bar.

Quick threadjack -- as a bartender, can you make a Manhattan without a shaker? Properly, at least. I recently had one served to me (on the rocks) where the ingredients were just poured into the glass and (vaguely) stirred.


You had a rocks Manhattan.  If the ingredients are added in the correct order that can be done.  But an up Manhattan requires a shaker or a big stirrer.

Oh - and in re: the order 1 thing at a time - I love delivering drinks to a table, and then one person says "and can I have a glass of water, too, please."  I come back with their water, and another person says "oh, I'll have a glass of water also."
If we're not busy, I'll just have a barback/busboy deliver everybody a glass of water as a matter of course.  But if it's slammed, don't make me walk back and forth 4 times with something I'm not going to get tipped on...
 
2013-10-27 03:16:51 PM

Longtooth: If you are a bartender and most of this list pisses you off you have been doing it too long, and you are about to burn out. I have been tending for over a decade, and the majority of this list wouldn't make me blink. About 14 of these would merit a laugh.
Except for one.
Don't come behind the bar.
You don't work here, The owner didn't hire you. You don't have to explain to the owner why someone he didn't hire was behind the bar.


Agreed, for the most part. Ive been tending off and on for about 15 years and the one thing that will ASSURE you are the last person to get a drink in a packed bar is to raise your empty glass and shake the ice at me. I can see that your drink is empty from across the bar. However, the 30 other people standing at the bar, and the wheel spinning like crazy also deserve my attention. And, you're most likely a dick. :/
 
2013-10-27 03:17:30 PM
Meh.  I deal with most of these types of customers every weekend.  It's part of the job.  If it gets under your skin, you're in the wrong business.  Annoying drunks are often annoying and drunk.
 
2013-10-27 03:18:33 PM

iron_city_ap: EatenTheSun: Order one drink at a time If you're ordering a shot of tequila, a mojito, two beers and a chocotini at a busy bar, order them all at once. Don't wait for one to come, then order the next. And the next. Most bartenders have two hands. Bartenders who don't have learned to adapt.

Who the fark does this while standing at the bar?

Someone whose friends or girlfriend or chick they are trying to bang come running up and say 'could you order me a....'. Doesn't mean it isn't annoying as shiat.

It pays for the bartender to know you tip well every time you are in the place and aren't a dick and have patience when they are busy. The service tends to be much much better.


I've been to enough bars (and spent a little time behind them) to know that I need to pay for my sins, and I've seen people add to an order, but I've never seen someone stand at the bar ordering one drink at a time.
 
2013-10-27 03:20:38 PM
When it's super busy, walk up to the bar and try to pay for one beer with a credit card. Or when it's super busy, order anything more complicated than a shot or a beer. Or when it's super busy, and everyone and their cousin is trying to get to the bartender to order and pay, plop your fatass on a barstool to savor your drink. Basically, when it's super busy your options are to walk up, cash in hand, and order either a shot or beer and then walk away with your purchase.
 
2013-10-27 03:21:01 PM
Bartenders think they're all that because they have all the alcohol and we want the alcohol, making them the all-powerful gatekeeper to our fun.
However, they have to spend all night sober in a room full of people that make absolutely no sense, are laughing at 120dB, and are unable to piss without getting it all over our own hands and thus our money. Whereas in our own minds we are just having fun.
So I guess we win.
 
2013-10-27 03:21:22 PM

FrancoFile: But if it's slammed, don't make me walk back and forth 4 times with something I'm not going to get tipped on.


That's a dick move, and will get you admonished at my table. If for some reason you get out of drink sequence your ass needs to be prepared to wait.
 
2013-10-27 03:21:54 PM
Maybe, if you're a fully grown man and you stupidly leave your drink unattended and it disappears, don't come back to the bar and yell at the 19 year old bartender that she tossed your drink out and call her a lying biatch.
Then, don't grab her arm and when she politely asks you not to do that, please do not, under any circumstances, spit in her face.

I am so glad I don't work behind a bar anymore.
 
2013-10-27 03:22:28 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: People actually do these things?  Jesus.

Actually, I will confess, I've done the "just one more" ... "just one more" ... "just one more" thing a couple times.  I also tip progressively better when I do it, because I know it's a pain in the ass.


SOCIALIST!!!!
 
2013-10-27 03:22:31 PM

FrancoFile: You had a rocks Manhattan. If the ingredients are added in the correct order that can be done. But an up Manhattan requires a shaker or a big stirrer.


I figured it'd be bad form to comment on it, especially if I could have been wrong.

The guy making it wasn't the normal bartender (the husband of the owner roped into it), and it wasn't really well mixed either, so I wasn't confident it was "right".
 
2013-10-27 03:23:25 PM

Yes please: I didn't check the list.  Where did "Forget that bartenders are the coolest motherfarking people on the planet, always.  They're better at their job than you are at anything.  Actually, they're just better than you" fall?


What's the difference between a bartender and God?  God doesn't think he's a bartender.

/told to me by a bartender.
 
2013-10-27 03:24:08 PM

heliotrope: Then, don't grab her arm and when she politely asks you not to do that, please do not, under any circumstances, spit in her face.


This ended in the police being called and assault charges filed, right?
 
2013-10-27 03:25:02 PM

Donnchadha: FrancoFile: You had a rocks Manhattan. If the ingredients are added in the correct order that can be done. But an up Manhattan requires a shaker or a big stirrer.

I figured it'd be bad form to comment on it, especially if I could have been wrong.

The guy making it wasn't the normal bartender (the husband of the owner roped into it), and it wasn't really well mixed either, so I wasn't confident it was "right".


Just say "I'm sorry, I wanted that straight up in a martini glass, not on the rocks."
 
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