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(Salon)   "I wanted a Feminist Wedding, but I wound up with a white dress, Spanx, and a good time"   (salon.com) divider line 196
    More: Amusing, feminist wedding, Spanx, Waste of Time  
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11221 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Oct 2013 at 10:58 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-27 08:44:32 AM  
Fta: The deep-down truth that I hate to admit even to myself is that I care deeply about what people think.

This isn't the deep down truth. Deep down truth is that your version of feminism was based out of envy rather than actually feeling women aren't viewed as equals. Other prettier girls always received more attention and perhaps looked down on you so as a result you formed an identity as a feminist. Now that it's your turn to get attention in a wedding, you finally feel like an equal, not to men, but to those other vapid twunts you've despised all these years.
 
2013-10-27 08:48:57 AM  
she should have eloped....I feel sorry for the schlub that hooked up with her.


/was surprised it wasn't another woman
 
2013-10-27 09:35:45 AM  

SauronWasFramed: she should have eloped....I feel sorry for the schlub that hooked up with her.


/was surprised it wasn't another woman


I am picturing her marrying someone like this:
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-10-27 09:51:12 AM  
I've never been one to put a label on myself. I just don't care. I do what I want, when I want.
I believe in equal rights for men and women, and think that people shouldn't be defined by gender roles. We're all people. Men are quite capable of being nurses, women are quite capable of mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage.

I feel sorry for people like the article writer who self-identifies as a feminist and is now horribly conflicted because she wants to feel "feminine" on her wedding day. She's not really a "feminist" if she's putting restrictions on what she can and cannot do as a woman, now is she?
 
2013-10-27 09:54:12 AM  

MayoSlather: Fta: The deep-down truth that I hate to admit even to myself is that I care deeply about what people think.

This isn't the deep down truth. Deep down truth is that your version of feminism was based out of envy rather than actually feeling women aren't viewed as equals. Other prettier girls always received more attention and perhaps looked down on you so as a result you formed an identity as a feminist. Now that it's your turn to get attention in a wedding, you finally feel like an equal, not to men, but to those other vapid twunts you've despised all these years.


Spot on.

Not to toot my own whistle, but I *actually* don't give a fark what people think, and it is unfortunately causing friction in the wedding planning (date is in late December, so things are ramping up).

Our fights go like this:

Her: what should we have for for favors?
Me: remind again why we're spending hundreds of dollars giving gifts to people for coming to watch us for 30 minutes? Isn't the open bar gift enough?
*fight ensues*

Her: which of these centerpieces do you think looks best?
Me: I love you, but I'm straight, white, and male; I would be fine with no centerpieces. Isn't this a question for a bridesmaid or the wedding planner we had (seriously: had; reception venues in our area won't work with you if you don't have a *certified* wedding planner) to pay for?

*fight ensues*

Her: do you want to call people and ask them what they think about only having beer & wine at the reception (ie no liquor)?

Me: no. Let's just choose what we want to offer, and they can deal.

*fight ensurs*

In fairness, she's in no way being a bridezilla, and I probably AM being a bit of a dick. But that's my point: I don't give a shiat what people think . It's my farking wedding, and if I want to show in a utilikilt, that's my perogative. She DOES give a shiat, so I'm left constantly having to guess which steps in this stupid artificial industry-spawned dance are worth making a principled stand on (no, we are NOT paying $5k for flowers in late December; we should decorate with more seasonally appropriate materials instead), and which are silly but not worth me alienating my bride on.

I love that woman dearly, but damn do I hate what the wedding industry does to women. Even the ones who successfully resist it are left with a pretty stark choice: deny it entirely, and you're seen as a cheapskate or lacking taste; accept it, and you are silently accorded value, at the cost of selling out.
 
2013-10-27 10:16:43 AM  

whistleridge: if I want to show in a utilikil


Last wedding I went to, that is exactly what the groom was wearing.

It was also one of the better weddings I've been to.

Coincidence? I think not.

/csb
 
2013-10-27 10:58:04 AM  
what the shiat is it with brides getting that dumb looking french manicure? stahp!
 
2013-10-27 11:05:03 AM  
I can't conceive of the kind of bored, lackadaisical existence that would cause someone angst over the issues being discussed in the article. Write a poem, emo kid.
 
2013-10-27 11:05:38 AM  
What's a feminist wedding?
 
2013-10-27 11:05:53 AM  
Culture is hard for anyone to overcome.
 
2013-10-27 11:07:07 AM  
whistleridge: snip

Boy, you're in deep shiat.  Enjoy your pending divorce.  Try not to have any kids with this crazy broad
 
2013-10-27 11:07:10 AM  
Salon is like reading the Liberal version of Free Republic.
 
2013-10-27 11:07:24 AM  
www.mgtowforums.com
 
2013-10-27 11:08:01 AM  
Here's the thing:

If the woman you want to marry wants a big, expensive wedding, she is probably an awful person. Hopefully she is rich and/or sexy. If she isn't, don't marry her.

The whole "women go crazy when it comes to their wedding, and you should just go along with it" thing is bullshiat. A crazy, shallow woman is a crazy, shallow woman.
 
2013-10-27 11:10:47 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: What's a feminist wedding?


My best guess, based on this article: It's an oxymoron.
 
2013-10-27 11:11:35 AM  
Nothing screams feminism like formally and publicly acknowledging your dependency and subservience to a man. Go, Go, Girl Power!
 
2013-10-27 11:11:56 AM  

Endive Wombat: SauronWasFramed: she should have eloped....I feel sorry for the schlub that hooked up with her.


/was surprised it wasn't another woman

I am picturing her marrying someone like this:
[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x747]




"Dogma demands authority, rather than intelligent thought, as the source of opinion; it requires persecution of heretics and hostility to unbelievers; it asks of its disciples that they should inhibit natural kindness in favor of systematic hatred." - Bertrand Russell
 
2013-10-27 11:15:11 AM  

MayoSlather: Fta: The deep-down truth that I hate to admit even to myself is that I care deeply about what people think.

This isn't the deep down truth. Deep down truth is that your version of feminism was based out of envy rather than actually feeling women aren't viewed as equals. Other prettier girls always received more attention and perhaps looked down on you so as a result you formed an identity as a feminist. Now that it's your turn to get attention in a wedding, you finally feel like an equal, not to men, but to those other vapid twunts you've despised all these years.


Getting to the truth early in the thread are we?
 
2013-10-27 11:15:12 AM  
We should start a fund for her husband's divorce lawyer.

He's going to need it.

Also, weddings are completely out of control.
 
2013-10-27 11:16:12 AM  

whistleridge: MayoSlather: Fta: The deep-down truth that I hate to admit even to myself is that I care deeply about what people think.

This isn't the deep down truth. Deep down truth is that your version of feminism was based out of envy rather than actually feeling women aren't viewed as equals. Other prettier girls always received more attention and perhaps looked down on you so as a result you formed an identity as a feminist. Now that it's your turn to get attention in a wedding, you finally feel like an equal, not to men, but to those other vapid twunts you've despised all these years.

Spot on.

Not to toot my own whistle, but I *actually* don't give a fark what people think, and it is unfortunately causing friction in the wedding planning (date is in late December, so things are ramping up).

Our fights go like this:

Her: what should we have for for favors?
Me: remind again why we're spending hundreds of dollars giving gifts to people for coming to watch us for 30 minutes? Isn't the open bar gift enough?
*fight ensues*

Her: which of these centerpieces do you think looks best?
Me: I love you, but I'm straight, white, and male; I would be fine with no centerpieces. Isn't this a question for a bridesmaid or the wedding planner we had (seriously: had; reception venues in our area won't work with you if you don't have a *certified* wedding planner) to pay for?

*fight ensues*

Her: do you want to call people and ask them what they think about only having beer & wine at the reception (ie no liquor)?

Me: no. Let's just choose what we want to offer, and they can deal.

*fight ensurs*

In fairness, she's in no way being a bridezilla, and I probably AM being a bit of a dick. But that's my point: I don't give a shiat what people think . It's my farking wedding, and if I want to show in a utilikilt, that's my perogative. She DOES give a shiat, so I'm left constantly having to guess which steps in this stupid artificial industry-spawned dance are worth making a principled stand ...


No, you're not being a dick.  Stop with the "she can do no wrong" mentality.  You're not doing something wrong by TRYING to be economically reasonable.

IMHO: The only thing people are going to remember is if the food was shiatty, who got shiat-faced and puked on the dance floor, or who made an ass of themselves while giving a toast.
 
2013-10-27 11:16:41 AM  

MayoSlather: Fta: The deep-down truth that I hate to admit even to myself is that I care deeply about what people think.

This isn't the deep down truth. Deep down truth is that your version of feminism was based out of envy rather than actually feeling women aren't viewed as equals. Other prettier girls always received more attention and perhaps looked down on you so as a result you formed an identity as a feminist. Now that it's your turn to get attention in a wedding, you finally feel like an equal, not to men, but to those other vapid twunts you've despised all these years.


Great analysis.

My neanderthal mind was. Just thinking "nobody is forcing you to wear white, or makeup. You are making those decisions all by yourself"

I like your opinion way better.
 
2013-10-27 11:17:15 AM  

whistleridge: MayoSlather: Fta: The deep-down truth that I hate to admit even to myself is that I care deeply about what people think.

This isn't the deep down truth. Deep down truth is that your version of feminism was based out of envy rather than actually feeling women aren't viewed as equals. Other prettier girls always received more attention and perhaps looked down on you so as a result you formed an identity as a feminist. Now that it's your turn to get attention in a wedding, you finally feel like an equal, not to men, but to those other vapid twunts you've despised all these years.

Spot on.

Not to toot my own whistle, but I *actually* don't give a fark what people think, and it is unfortunately causing friction in the wedding planning (date is in late December, so things are ramping up).

Our fights go like this:

Her: what should we have for for favors?
Me: remind again why we're spending hundreds of dollars giving gifts to people for coming to watch us for 30 minutes? Isn't the open bar gift enough?
*fight ensues*

Her: which of these centerpieces do you think looks best?
Me: I love you, but I'm straight, white, and male; I would be fine with no centerpieces. Isn't this a question for a bridesmaid or the wedding planner we had (seriously: had; reception venues in our area won't work with you if you don't have a *certified* wedding planner) to pay for?

*fight ensues*

Her: do you want to call people and ask them what they think about only having beer & wine at the reception (ie no liquor)?

Me: no. Let's just choose what we want to offer, and they can deal.

*fight ensurs*

In fairness, she's in no way being a bridezilla, and I probably AM being a bit of a dick. But that's my point: I don't give a shiat what people think . It's my farking wedding, and if I want to show in a utilikilt, that's my perogative. She DOES give a shiat, so I'm left constantly having to guess which steps in this stupid artificial industry-spawned dance are worth making a principled stand ...




Just wait until you have kids.
 
2013-10-27 11:18:08 AM  

rko281: Nothing screams feminism like formally and publicly acknowledging your dependency and subservience to a man. Go, Go, Girl Power!


Funny...because the act of proposing for marriage is one of submission on the man's part, is it not?
 
2013-10-27 11:22:30 AM  

Smeggy Smurf: whistleridge: snip

Boy, you're in deep shiat.  Enjoy your pending divorce.  Try not to have any kids with this crazy broad


That's the thing: she's honestly not crazy. She wants a normal church wedding. Nothing big, nothing extravagant.

The problem is, the instant the word wedding leaves your mouth, an entire industry pounces on you. You have to book venues a year in advance. When you go to do something entirely normal and reasonable, like buy a dress or rent a tux, there's enormous pressure to up from a few hundred dollar to tens of thousands, to the point that suddenly $3-4k seems like a 'compromise'. Hell, even your Facebook ads and email spam change.

And here's the thing: the pressure is all put on the bride, primarily by other women. Guys should thank their lucky stars. If there were, say, a dick-enlargement surgery industry that was as big, well-funded, pervasive, and expert as preying on the insecurities of men as the wedding industry is at preying on women, well...let's just say we're all glad we don't live in that world.

I love my fiancée. I really do. She is a wonderful person. But I don't love what the wedding industry is doing to her, and I very much can't wait until this is over.
 
2013-10-27 11:23:08 AM  

megarian: We should start a fund for her husband's divorce lawyer.

He's going to need it.

Also, weddings are completely out of control.


I'd be OK if it was you, me, the preacher of your choice, and a couple of horses in a field somewhere.
 
2013-10-27 11:23:26 AM  

rko281: Nothing screams feminism like formally and publicly acknowledging your dependency and subservience to a man. Go, Go, Girl Power!


Weddings don't work that way.  OK, maybe in fundamentalist Texas they do, but the rest of us look at marriage vows as a social contract between two people.
 
2013-10-27 11:24:10 AM  

megarian: We should start a fund for her husband's divorce lawyer.

He's going to need it.

Also, weddings are completely out of control.


Yep, she is damaged goods. Refuses to admit she just wants to wear the pretty white dress and be queen for a day, instead blames it on other people and the patriarchy.

media.salon.com
 
2013-10-27 11:26:03 AM  

whistleridge: Smeggy Smurf: whistleridge: snip

Boy, you're in deep shiat.  Enjoy your pending divorce.  Try not to have any kids with this crazy broad

That's the thing: she's honestly not crazy. She wants a normal church wedding. Nothing big, nothing extravagant.

The problem is, the instant the word wedding leaves your mouth, an entire industry pounces on you. You have to book venues a year in advance. When you go to do something entirely normal and reasonable, like buy a dress or rent a tux, there's enormous pressure to up from a few hundred dollar to tens of thousands, to the point that suddenly $3-4k seems like a 'compromise'. Hell, even your Facebook ads and email spam change.

And here's the thing: the pressure is all put on the bride, primarily by other women. Guys should thank their lucky stars. If there were, say, a dick-enlargement surgery industry that was as big, well-funded, pervasive, and expert as preying on the insecurities of men as the wedding industry is at preying on women, well...let's just say we're all glad we don't live in that world.

I love my fiancée. I really do. She is a wonderful person. But I don't love what the wedding industry is doing to her, and I very much can't wait until this is over.


Seriously, the best wedding I've been to was one done at a friend's house. booze, dancing, the bride made her own dress, the groom wore a kilt. Everything was made by friends and family.

There's no damn reason to feed the industry for a wedding, when you can do it all yourself for cheaper, make it better, and make it truly YOURS.
 
2013-10-27 11:26:12 AM  

whistleridge: Smeggy Smurf: whistleridge: snip

Boy, you're in deep shiat.  Enjoy your pending divorce.  Try not to have any kids with this crazy broad

That's the thing: she's honestly not crazy. She wants a normal church wedding. Nothing big, nothing extravagant.

The problem is, the instant the word wedding leaves your mouth, an entire industry pounces on you. You have to book venues a year in advance. When you go to do something entirely normal and reasonable, like buy a dress or rent a tux, there's enormous pressure to up from a few hundred dollar to tens of thousands, to the point that suddenly $3-4k seems like a 'compromise'. Hell, even your Facebook ads and email spam change.

And here's the thing: the pressure is all put on the bride, primarily by other women. Guys should thank their lucky stars. If there were, say, a dick-enlargement surgery industry that was as big, well-funded, pervasive, and expert as preying on the insecurities of men as the wedding industry is at preying on women, well...let's just say we're all glad we don't live in that world.

I love my fiancée. I really do. She is a wonderful person. But I don't love what the wedding industry is doing to her, and I very much can't wait until this is over.


I had a justice of the peace wedding with just the in laws present and then a fancy dinner party with everyone present.  Less stressful that way.

I almost had been married twice before and the wedding planning was a complete pain in the ass, and can bring peoples true colors out.
 
2013-10-27 11:26:26 AM  

cabbyman: [www.mgtowforums.com image 508x421]


That gunt repulses me yet I cannot look away.
 
2013-10-27 11:26:28 AM  
"But I'm keeping my father's name because fark you, patriarchy!"
 
2013-10-27 11:26:40 AM  
What's a feminist wedding?
Real feminists don't have weddings, which are legal contracts meant to support patriarchal property schemes.

Or real feminists don't care.

/I don't care who farks whom or who marries whom.
//Want a fun wedding, add booze.
 
2013-10-27 11:28:42 AM  

Close2TheEdge: rko281: Nothing screams feminism like formally and publicly acknowledging your dependency and subservience to a man. Go, Go, Girl Power!

Weddings don't work that way.  OK, maybe in fundamentalist Texas they do, but the rest of us look at marriage vows as a social contract between two people.


Weddings are legal contracts than enable certain legal conditions to be fulfilled, nothing more.

I'd marry for two reasons: 1) Health insurance, and 2) Love.
Maybe both.
 
2013-10-27 11:30:25 AM  

whistleridge: Smeggy Smurf: whistleridge: snip

Boy, you're in deep shiat.  Enjoy your pending divorce.  Try not to have any kids with this crazy broad

That's the thing: she's honestly not crazy. She wants a normal church wedding. Nothing big, nothing extravagant.

The problem is, the instant the word wedding leaves your mouth, an entire industry pounces on you. You have to book venues a year in advance. When you go to do something entirely normal and reasonable, like buy a dress or rent a tux, there's enormous pressure to up from a few hundred dollar to tens of thousands, to the point that suddenly $3-4k seems like a 'compromise'. Hell, even your Facebook ads and email spam change.

And here's the thing: the pressure is all put on the bride, primarily by other women. Guys should thank their lucky stars. If there were, say, a dick-enlargement surgery industry that was as big, well-funded, pervasive, and expert as preying on the insecurities of men as the wedding industry is at preying on women, well...let's just say we're all glad we don't live in that world.

I love my fiancée. I really do. She is a wonderful person. But I don't love what the wedding industry is doing to her, and I very much can't wait until this is over.


We don't live in that world because men don't need a big dick to get women.  We just need money, power, and material goods, preferably lots of it.  Mainly stuff that women can show off to impress...other women.
 
2013-10-27 11:32:59 AM  

HotIgneous Intruder: Close2TheEdge: rko281: Nothing screams feminism like formally and publicly acknowledging your dependency and subservience to a man. Go, Go, Girl Power!

Weddings don't work that way.  OK, maybe in fundamentalist Texas they do, but the rest of us look at marriage vows as a social contract between two people.

Weddings are legal contracts than enable certain legal conditions to be fulfilled, nothing more.

I'd marry for two reasons: 1) Health insurance, and 2) Love.
Maybe both.


Move near a military base, you'll be able to fulfill #1 pretty easily.
 
2013-10-27 11:33:03 AM  

Kit Fister: whistleridge: Smeggy Smurf: whistleridge: snip

Boy, you're in deep shiat.  Enjoy your pending divorce.  Try not to have any kids with this crazy broad

That's the thing: she's honestly not crazy. She wants a normal church wedding. Nothing big, nothing extravagant.

The problem is, the instant the word wedding leaves your mouth, an entire industry pounces on you. You have to book venues a year in advance. When you go to do something entirely normal and reasonable, like buy a dress or rent a tux, there's enormous pressure to up from a few hundred dollar to tens of thousands, to the point that suddenly $3-4k seems like a 'compromise'. Hell, even your Facebook ads and email spam change.

And here's the thing: the pressure is all put on the bride, primarily by other women. Guys should thank their lucky stars. If there were, say, a dick-enlargement surgery industry that was as big, well-funded, pervasive, and expert as preying on the insecurities of men as the wedding industry is at preying on women, well...let's just say we're all glad we don't live in that world.

I love my fiancée. I really do. She is a wonderful person. But I don't love what the wedding industry is doing to her, and I very much can't wait until this is over.

Seriously, the best wedding I've been to was one done at a friend's house. booze, dancing, the bride made her own dress, the groom wore a kilt. Everything was made by friends and family.

There's no damn reason to feed the industry for a wedding, when you can do it all yourself for cheaper, make it better, and make it truly YOURS.


...unless Grandma will be mortally offended if Things Are Not Done Correctly, and you'll hear about it for years from every female family member.

Weddings are social affairs. They're spectacle. Some people are lucky enough to be able to dispense with that, but we aren't. Since she and I both would rather not deliberately antagonize our mothers, grandmothers, etc...a formal church wedding it is. Which also means inviting the entire 160+ living members of both families in addition to friends.

We both really WANT a small wedding. But that want is subordinate to wanting to be on speaking terms with family. So we cheated and scheduled the day after Christmas in deliberate hopes of cutting out a big chunk of the family herd. It will probably work.

But the point remains: women are the social arbiters in our society, and the wedding industry is of them, by them, for them, and it ain't pretty.
 
2013-10-27 11:35:22 AM  
ramblinwreck: In fairness, she's in no way being a bridezilla, and I probably AM being a bit of a dick. But that's my point: I don't give a shiat what people think . It's my farking wedding, and if I want to show in a utilikilt, that's my perogative. She DOES give a shiat, so I'm left constantly having to guess which steps in this stupid artificial industry-spawned dance are worth making a princi ...

You're being a dick.  She's getting most likely getting pressure from her family, your family, her friends, and sometimes even her mother's friends, all of them telling her that the wedding will be a complete failure or it's a total faux pas to go without X.  Be the sane one, but be supportive.  Talk to her long enough to figure out what she actually wants.  Help her refocus on herself, and figure out which things she's just being pressured into.  It's extremely stressful.

My maid of honor flipped out when I wanted to print the addresses on the envelopes instead of handwriting all of them.  Who cares about this crap?  It helped to have my fiance be supportive and talk me through it during the one weird day where I thought we should do it.  Then we made her do it.

But the idiot in the article?  To me, being a feminist means I get the choice to be a feminine girlie-girl or not.  It doesn't mean I have to give up things I like because it's too stereotypical.
 
2013-10-27 11:36:00 AM  

Kit Fister: megarian: We should start a fund for her husband's divorce lawyer.

He's going to need it.

Also, weddings are completely out of control.

I'd be OK if it was you, me, the preacher of your choice, and a couple of horses in a field somewhere.


Sounds like a proposal to me. How about it, Megs?
 
2013-10-27 11:36:09 AM  

Close2TheEdge: but the rest of us look at marriage vows as a social contract between two people.


As do I. Radical feminists are the ones who see it as subservience, which is why the concept of a feminist wedding is ridiculous.
 
2013-10-27 11:36:32 AM  
She wanted a feminist wedding....isn't that cute.
 
2013-10-27 11:38:09 AM  

ramblinwreck: whistleridge: MayoSlather: Fta: The deep-down truth that I hate to admit even to myself is that I care deeply about what people think.

This isn't the deep down truth. Deep down truth is that your version of feminism was based out of envy rather than actually feeling women aren't viewed as equals. Other prettier girls always received more attention and perhaps looked down on you so as a result you formed an identity as a feminist. Now that it's your turn to get attention in a wedding, you finally feel like an equal, not to men, but to those other vapid twunts you've despised all these years.

Spot on.

Not to toot my own whistle, but I *actually* don't give a fark what people think, and it is unfortunately causing friction in the wedding planning (date is in late December, so things are ramping up).

Our fights go like this:

Her: what should we have for for favors?
Me: remind again why we're spending hundreds of dollars giving gifts to people for coming to watch us for 30 minutes? Isn't the open bar gift enough?
*fight ensues*

Her: which of these centerpieces do you think looks best?
Me: I love you, but I'm straight, white, and male; I would be fine with no centerpieces. Isn't this a question for a bridesmaid or the wedding planner we had (seriously: had; reception venues in our area won't work with you if you don't have a *certified* wedding planner) to pay for?

*fight ensues*

Her: do you want to call people and ask them what they think about only having beer & wine at the reception (ie no liquor)?

Me: no. Let's just choose what we want to offer, and they can deal.

*fight ensurs*

In fairness, she's in no way being a bridezilla, and I probably AM being a bit of a dick. But that's my point: I don't give a shiat what people think . It's my farking wedding, and if I want to show in a utilikilt, that's my perogative. She DOES give a shiat, so I'm left constantly having to guess which steps in this stupid artificial industry-spawned dance are worth making a principled stand ...

No, you're not being a dick.  Stop with the "she can do no wrong" mentality.  You're not doing something wrong by TRYING to be economically reasonable.

IMHO: The only thing people are going to remember is if the food was shiatty, who got shiat-faced and puked on the dance floor, or who made an ass of themselves while giving a toast.


You know, my fiancee and I married this summer after 7 years together, and the choice of wedding planner can totally make or break a wedding. Ours was horrible and pushed on us by my idiot MIL (and I'm not being a dick, even my wife hates her mother), totally disregarded our ideas and budget and nearly forced a postponement. We (well, my awesome FIL) shiatcanned her a month before the wedding and we did all the work ourselves with help from some friends. The thing went, well, not flawlessly but pretty darn good considering. Even my grandparents had a good time and they hate everything, pretty much.
 
2013-10-27 11:39:23 AM  
That isn't to say that I have compromised all of my feminist values. I'm not changing my last name. My dad is not walking me down the aisle.

What a farking biatch.She cares what everyone thinks except her dad?
 
2013-10-27 11:39:57 AM  
FTA: "Baby...remember feminism?" She's no feminist if he calls her baby.
 
2013-10-27 11:40:05 AM  

Kit Fister: megarian: We should start a fund for her husband's divorce lawyer.

He's going to need it.

Also, weddings are completely out of control.

I'd be OK if it was you, me, the preacher of your choice, and a couple of horses in a field somewhere.


Throw in a backhoe of your choice and I'm in.

And booze.
 
2013-10-27 11:40:14 AM  

Close2TheEdge: rko281: Nothing screams feminism like formally and publicly acknowledging your dependency and subservience to a man. Go, Go, Girl Power!

Weddings don't work that way.  OK, maybe in fundamentalist Texas they do, but the rest of us look at marriage vows as a social contract between two people.


I'm split on the whole topic of marriage, but not really at all about the whole feminist drivel.  On one hand, it IS a social contract acknowledging a pledge that you are committing to work together as a partnership in all ways, and are sharing your lives in very fundamental and permanent ways, and most every societal "standard" that came to be thought of as "Traditional marriage" was born around this whole division of labor thing.

On the other hand, why do I need any formal ceremony or swearing of oaths to make any more official my desire and personal plan to be committed to my partner? Sure, there're some nifty legal and tax benefits to it, but other than that, if I'm in the relationship for the long haul and have committed, that's pretty binary. I'm not just going to walk off because, hey, we're not married, and marriage is trivialized and farcical enough as it is.

That all being said, whether or not you get married, if you're not going into this because you're putting on your big boy/girl pannies and saying "okay, I'm making a sacred oath that i'm going to be there through everything, every fight, every whine, every annoying fart and bad joke, every burnt dinner and shiatty christmas when you have the bright idea to put reigndeer horns on the dog no matter what. I'm pledging that even if you're sick, get ugly, or get fat, I'm not going anywhere because I love you as a person and I'm accepting you for who you are, not just how hard you make my dick and how awesome you are at WoW," you're doing it wrong.

As to the whole "Traditional marriage" crap, let's face it: Assuming gender roles is a good idea is a load of shiat. Just because your partner's a woman, doesn't mean she's a good cook and knows how to do the damn laundry. Just because your partner's a guy, doesn't mean he knows how to balance a checkbook and fix the car. Marriage as a partnership also means that you as a couple get to figure out who does what and in most cases, the most successful people are the ones whose abilities complement each other. She's better with finances? Great, here's the checkbook and the cards, I'll take an allowance and let you make the plans. I'm a better cook? Okay, I'll cook. She likes to fix cars? Sure, honey, here's that 7/16ths wrench, and don't you look sexy all greasy and busy under the car?"

Figure it out. It's not hard. It's just like having a best friend you like to sleep with.

Oh, and stop being so farking hung up on staying home with the kids and what society thinks about it. Your kids need you. They need you to be a responsible parent who shows up on time to the school play and can be there for life's moments when they need to figure out how to do something right. They need you there when they bang their knee, and they need you there when their first tooth is loose, and they need you there to check under the bed at night. They need to see parents working together, and need to have parents there to guide them on morality.  Phoning it in by leaving the kids in daycare and with a nanny, and barely bothering to parent their kids, is not going to fly if you expect to raise healthy, rational adults who aren't big into the whole social dysfunction scene.

/gets off the soap box
//Takes off his curmudgeon hat and goes back to his horses
///mutters something about people making shiat too complicated and putting too much thought into simple shiat.
 
2013-10-27 11:42:18 AM  
What a feminist's wedding guests look like.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-27 11:42:18 AM  

megarian: Kit Fister: megarian: We should start a fund for her husband's divorce lawyer.

He's going to need it.

Also, weddings are completely out of control.

I'd be OK if it was you, me, the preacher of your choice, and a couple of horses in a field somewhere.

Throw in a backhoe of your choice and I'm in.

And booze.


I'm partial to the John Deere backhoe line, been meaning to pick one up for the farm. And booze? Sure. :)
 
2013-10-27 11:42:25 AM  
If anyone had a good time it definitely wasn't a feminist wedding.
 
2013-10-27 11:43:44 AM  

lennavan: That isn't to say that I have compromised all of my feminist values. I'm not changing my last name. My dad is not walking me down the aisle.

What a farking biatch.She cares what everyone thinks except her dad?


She might be just protecting him from getting killed in swordplay with the other family at the reception.
 
2013-10-27 11:45:57 AM  

Kit Fister: megarian: Kit Fister: megarian: We should start a fund for her husband's divorce lawyer.

He's going to need it.

Also, weddings are completely out of control.

I'd be OK if it was you, me, the preacher of your choice, and a couple of horses in a field somewhere.

Throw in a backhoe of your choice and I'm in.

And booze.

I'm partial to the John Deere backhoe line, been meaning to pick one up for the farm. And booze? Sure. :)


Of course the woman holds out for green paint. Typical.

/ ducks and runs
 
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