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(Huffington Post)   Question: How safe is Vaseline? Answer: Very, very safe. But if it had toxic chemicals in it or if you got it in your lungs or if maybe you got hit by a truck full of Vaseline, it would totally not be safe   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 42
    More: Dumbass, Vaseline, chemicals, oil refining, instant gratification, cure-all, coconut oil, lungs, Skin disease  
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3047 clicks; posted to Geek » on 27 Oct 2013 at 2:12 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-27 12:27:17 AM  
Question: How safe is Vaseline?

Answer: For the record, Vaseline is highly-refined, triple-purified and regarded as non-carcinogenic.
 
2013-10-27 12:38:28 AM  
What if there are flies in it?
 
2013-10-27 01:59:18 AM  
Or if Bobby Brown uses it  on you right before he takes about an hour on the Tower of Power, 'long as he gets a little golden shower.  Then it's not too safe either.
 
2013-10-27 02:26:54 AM  
Nicely re-edited correction version article.
Be afraid of vaseline....Fact Check.... Except don't because all our half assed speculations have proven false and we removed them
 
2013-10-27 02:29:32 AM  
But what if it's Vaseline made with GMO'S?  Please, someone help me.  I need to be told what to be afraid of!
 
2013-10-27 02:30:47 AM  
You CAN be alergic to vaseline.  Poor girl where I was growing up couldn't even use chapstick.
 
2013-10-27 02:42:30 AM  
I know you should never use Vaseline with any latex products. That stuff will eat right through a condom like it was battery acid.
 
2013-10-27 02:46:23 AM  

kevinatilusa: But what if it's Vaseline made with GMO'S?  Please, someone help me.  I need to be told what to be afraid of!


Be afraid of nothing except fire

Fire bad.  FIRE BAD!!!!


//Money good.
 
2013-10-27 02:52:32 AM  
I don't engage in sodomy very often, but when I do, vaseline is a nice lubricant. You're welcome.
 
2013-10-27 02:52:53 AM  

prjindigo: You CAN be alergic to vaseline.  Poor girl where I was growing up couldn't even use chapstick.


No you can't.  The girl was sensitized to vasoline.

/pedant
 
2013-10-27 03:13:43 AM  
never slather Vaseline on an unwashed face if you want to avoid breakouts.

Who the fark does that?  And who makes a daily habit of putting Vaseline on their nostrils?
 
2013-10-27 03:24:41 AM  
I'll give you my Vaseline when you pry it from my slick, clenched hand.
 
2013-10-27 03:27:32 AM  
And the Vaseline contains potassium benzoate.....
 
2013-10-27 03:43:21 AM  
Products containing beeswax, coconut oil, olive oil, shea butter and cocoa butter seal in moisture and don't come with some of the risks of petroleum jelly.

they seal in moisture the same way that petroleum jelly does, though, by being hydrophobic. Shea butter is also toxic, iirc. or at least it comes from a toxic nut.

the rest of the article is just "But How Pure Is It?!".

The problem with talking of purity in the current state of the art is that we now have mass spectrometers that can pick out individual atoms.

I can absolutely guarantee that you ate plutonium today.

Not a lot, but more than none. The whole of the surface of the earth and all of it's oceans and seas are polluted with it. Not a lot, but more than none.
 
2013-10-27 04:10:23 AM  
One of the mechanisms your body uses to prevent microbes from colonizing your skin is keeping it relatively dry.  Thus athletes foot (your sock is nice and humid/damp).  But you keep on moisturizing.
 
2013-10-27 04:20:37 AM  

prjindigo: You CAN be alergic to vaseline.  Poor girl where I was growing up couldn't even use chapstick.


...and let's not even talk about her prom night!
 
2013-10-27 04:32:50 AM  

HortusMatris: And who makes a daily habit of putting Vaseline on their nostrils?


People who get daily nosebleeds in the winter due to the dry air, like me. Although I don't bother to do it because I figure one nosebleed a day won't kill me.
 
2013-10-27 05:18:28 AM  

Asa Phelps: Not a lot, but more than none. The whole of the surface of the earth and all of it's oceans and seas are polluted with it. Not a lot, but more than none.


My apostrophe spectrometer can detect a single extra apostrophe even at 5:18AM.
 
2013-10-27 05:20:38 AM  

SpdrJay: And the Vaseline contains potassium benzoate.....


oi44.tinypic.com
 
2013-10-27 05:39:25 AM  

dahmers love zombie: Or if Bobby Brown uses it  on you right before he takes about an hour on the Tower of Power, 'long as he gets a little golden shower.  Then it's not too safe either.


I knew you'd be surprised...
 
2013-10-27 06:02:39 AM  

TV's Vinnie: I know you should never use Vaseline with any latex products. That stuff will eat right through a condom like it was battery acid.


THAT is very good to know.
 
2013-10-27 06:10:57 AM  
"founder of HolisticDermatology.com"

Stopped reading there.
 
2013-10-27 06:15:34 AM  

kevinatilusa: But what if it's Vaseline made with GMO'S?  Please, someone help me.  I need to be told what to be afraid of!


Government Mandated Oil?
 
2013-10-27 06:55:43 AM  
 If you're looking for a dewy moisturizer, just opt for more natural alternatives and check ingredients.

How exactly is petroleum jelly unnatural?  How can something be more natural than something that comes out of the ground?

Written by a total quack. Surprise she isn't ranting about it being made of 'chemicals'.
 
2013-10-27 07:53:12 AM  
Asa Phelps:

I can absolutely guarantee that you ate plutonium today.

Eating my evening noodles, nearly choked with laughter. You're right, it's dangerous to eat and laugh simultaneously.

All this hubbub about "abuse", and every child on the planet is loaded up with Strontium 90, Cestium 137 and good ole Plutonium. Irresponsible governments, pointing fingers.

All in the name of "defense". And they wonder why I call this the IRONY AGE.
 
2013-10-27 08:27:32 AM  

Kevin72: I don't engage in sodomy very often, but when I do, vaseline is a nice lubricant. You're welcome.


Should be pointed out that vaseline is not condom compatible though as any fat based lube will destroy latex. Silicon or water based lube is the way to go.
 
2013-10-27 08:43:09 AM  
the article had to be edited after the fact to actually answer the title's questiom succinctly and accurately. I guess you get so busy fearmongering sometimes you forget
 
2013-10-27 09:45:44 AM  

FurbyGoneFubar: Kevin72: I don't engage in sodomy very often, but when I do, vaseline is a nice lubricant. You're welcome.

Should be pointed out that vaseline is not condom compatible though as any fat based lube will destroy latex. Silicon or water based lube is the way to go.


WD-40 is also not a good choice.
 
2013-10-27 09:50:17 AM  
Wait. What? Huh? ok
 
2013-10-27 09:51:38 AM  

FurbyGoneFubar: Kevin72: I don't engage in sodomy very often, but when I do, vaseline is a nice lubricant. You're welcome.

Should be pointed out that vaseline is not condom compatible though as any fat based lube will destroy latex. Silicon or water based lube is the way to go.


Has never been a problem so far because infrequent, but since all sources just checked say to switch to ky I will.
 
2013-10-27 09:53:16 AM  

xanadian: What if there are flies in it?


That would depend on if it were real and if it were for sale.
 
2013-10-27 09:56:28 AM  
Question: How safe is Vaseline? Answer: Very, very safe. But if it had toxic chemicals in it or if you got it in your lungs or if maybe you got hit by a truck full of Vaseline, it would totally not be safe

So, it's like water then? Because water can also kill you in those conditions.
 
2013-10-27 09:59:07 AM  

FurbyGoneFubar: Kevin72: I don't engage in sodomy very often, but when I do, vaseline is a nice lubricant. You're welcome.

Should be pointed out that vaseline is not condom compatible though as any fat based lube will destroy latex. Silicon or water based lube is the way to go.


Favorited. Are you really FARKing from Stockholm?
 
2013-10-27 10:29:33 AM  
Not going to gother with TFA, but as I recall, the guy who invented Vaseline ate a tablespoon of the stuff every morning of his adult life and lived into his 90s.
 
2013-10-27 10:30:17 AM  

Mr. Eugenides: Not going to gother with TFA, but as I recall, the guy who invented Vaseline ate a tablespoon of the stuff every morning of his adult life and lived into his 90s.


That's supposed to be bother, not Gozer's brother Bother.
 
2013-10-27 10:31:36 AM  
Gother.  Crap, I need more coffee before I post again.
 
2013-10-27 11:02:22 AM  
was this written by the Carmex people?
 
2013-10-27 11:09:46 AM  
The guy that invented Vaseline ate a spoonful of it everyday.
 
2013-10-27 11:59:22 AM  
Riker was obviously the "James T Kirk" type that Paramount execs insisted to make up for the talkie-feely crap of Picard. Jean Luc would have been dead as an ensign in the TOS days, trying to come to reason with the Salt Vampire as it's killing him.
 
2013-10-27 12:35:23 PM  
Besides what you Farkers have intelligently mocked,there's this:

FTFA: therefore an unsustainable resource (read: not eco-friendly)

What the fark? Yeah, a total wacko. Being an unsustainable resource has nothing to do with being eco-friendly, it just refers to usage capability by humans.

Trees are a sustainable resource. Cutting down trees en-masse is not eco-friendly.
 
2013-10-27 01:51:08 PM  

Asa Phelps: Products containing beeswax, coconut oil, olive oil, shea butter and cocoa butter seal in moisture and don't come with some of the risks of petroleum jelly.

they seal in moisture the same way that petroleum jelly does, though, by being hydrophobic. Shea butter is also toxic, iirc. or at least it comes from a toxic nut.

the rest of the article is just "But How Pure Is It?!".

The problem with talking of purity in the current state of the art is that we now have mass spectrometers that can pick out individual atoms.

I can absolutely guarantee that you ate plutonium today.

Not a lot, but more than none. The whole of the surface of the earth and all of it's oceans and seas are polluted with it. Not a lot, but more than none.


Shea butter is used as a cooking oil, so noooooo.
 
2013-10-27 11:35:09 PM  

TV's Vinnie: Riker was obviously the "James T Kirk" type that Paramount execs insisted to make up for the talkie-feely crap of Picard. Jean Luc would have been dead as an ensign in the TOS days, trying to come to reason with the Salt Vampire as it's killing him.


Wrong thread?
 
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