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(The Daily Beast)   There is no such thing   (thedailybeast.com) divider line 101
    More: Unlikely, Nic Wolkiewicz, Next Big Thing, George Mason University in Virginia, safer sex, developing world, Debby Herbenick  
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11851 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Oct 2013 at 7:40 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



101 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-26 06:22:32 PM  
Damned skippy.

And why do the manufacturers keep printing those unfunny big dick jokes on the open end of the condoms,
after you've rolled them on all the way?
 
2013-10-26 06:58:30 PM  
I'm not into ass farking, so I don't need a condom.

Plus I'd have to actually be in a position to have sex first, which means I still don't need a condom.
 
2013-10-26 07:06:27 PM  
♪ ♫ Strangers in the night, exchanging rubbers
This one's too tight, give me another ♪ ♫
 
2013-10-26 07:36:49 PM  
I have never had a condom break. I am inclined to think this is user error or a defective batch.
 
2013-10-26 07:45:24 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

Is there a Star Wars meme for everything??
 
2013-10-26 07:46:08 PM  

Ambivalence: I have never had a condom break. I am inclined to think this is user error or a defective batch.


Maybe your dick is too small.
 
2013-10-26 07:47:02 PM  
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-10-26 07:47:51 PM  

bearded clamorer: Damned skippy.

And why do the manufacturers keep printing those unfunny big dick jokes on the open end of the condoms,
after you've rolled them on all the way?


Really? The ones I've seen have been knee-slappers.

But then, I'm used to knee-slappers.
 
2013-10-26 07:48:15 PM  
FTFA: After a pit stop, that is. Wolkiewicz, 28, wasn't packing any condoms that night. So "we swung by a 7-Eleven and bought a three-pack of Magnums."

How very surprising, a guy telling a condom story that involves him needing magnums.
 
2013-10-26 07:50:08 PM  
Will 3D printing condoms at home end such uncomfortable situations?
 
2013-10-26 07:50:41 PM  

Ambivalence: I have never had a condom break. I am inclined to think this is user error or a defective batch.


I read that as "defective biatch" and wondered for a minute.
 
2013-10-26 07:51:53 PM  
That story about the guy's condoms breaking (3 in a row!) was the biggest humble brag in recorded history. I can just imagine the guy recounting that to the reporter: "That's Nic Wolkiewicz. Nic is spelled N-I-C. Let me spell that last name for you so you get it right: W-O-L-K..."
 
2013-10-26 07:52:09 PM  
The 'perfect' condom is the one you aren't wearing.
 
2013-10-26 07:52:23 PM  
American condoms suck. Nasty smell, bad quality, whatever it takes.
 
2013-10-26 07:53:39 PM  

Ambivalence: I have never had a condom break. I am inclined to think this is user error or a defective batch.


Yup. Reminds me of the numerous videos of people using a hose to fill a condom with water, just like the oddly shaped water balloons that they are.

My main complaint is just how unnecessarily tight they are at the base. It's like a tourniquet for my cock, which is not fun. I need the condom equivalent of "boot cut" jeans.
 
2013-10-26 07:54:49 PM  
www.funnycommercialsworld.com
 
2013-10-26 07:55:39 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Will 3D printing condoms at home end such uncomfortable situations?


Don't ever change.
 
2013-10-26 07:56:12 PM  

UsikFark: American condoms suck. Nasty smell, bad quality, whatever it takes.


Give me a French condom any day.

/ smells like a freshly baked croissant...
 
2013-10-26 07:57:15 PM  
I used to carry condoms because, hey, you never know. Now, I carry condoms as a defiant, shaking my fist at the sky gesture meaning "NO!! I HAVEN'T COMPLETELY GIVEN UP ON LIFE YET!!! I'M GOING TO WAIT SLIGHTLY LONGER BEFORE I CURL UP IN A BALL AND WAIT FOR DEATH!!!"
 
2013-10-26 07:58:03 PM  

Ambivalence: I have never had a condom break. I am inclined to think this is user error or a defective batch.


Ambivalence
I have never had a condom break.

Me neither. I've had a coffee break, but that's not really the same thing.
 
2013-10-26 07:58:13 PM  
scrapetv.com
 
2013-10-26 08:01:37 PM  
http://youtu.be/fQuwBo7WQgc

Agent Orange -No Such Thing
 
2013-10-26 08:03:14 PM  
Tchernobog:
How very surprising, a guy telling a condom story that involves him needing magnums.

Magnums are for people who like spending money on their own ego.

In all seriousness, the companies HAVE done market research. The medium size is based around the statistical mean. A slightly bruised ego is worth the price of a properly working condom.
 
2013-10-26 08:03:41 PM  

Ricardo Klement:


Okay... I lol'ed, very good ad. Doesn't make me want to buy their condoms though LOL
 
2013-10-26 08:04:37 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Will 3D printing condoms at home end such uncomfortable situations?


I bet the Vatican would release a computer virus that makes 3D printers print condoms with itty bitty holes.
 
2013-10-26 08:06:39 PM  
After a pit stop, that is. Wolkiewicz, 28, wasn't packing any condoms that night. So "we swung by a 7-Eleven and bought a three-pack of Magnums." Back at her place, Wolkiewicz ripped open the first package and got down to business. It broke. So did the second one. And the third.

Didn't happen. Anyone who is explicit about having to buy magnums during an anecdote and thereafter speaks of each one breaking is an absolute liar. This is akin to saying, "And then we hopped into my Ferrari." No one says this unless the fact of having to buy magnums or hopping into a Ferrari is the purpose of the story itself.

Only issue with condoms is the increased delay and steps this requires during the notably heated period of time before sex. Reduce those as much as possible.
 
2013-10-26 08:08:04 PM  
I was skeptical about the breaking 3 magnums thing, but is it possible that they broke b/c they were too damned big for him?
 
2013-10-26 08:09:22 PM  

Oztemprom: I was skeptical about the breaking 3 magnums thing, but is it possible that they broke b/c this never happened?


FTFY.
 
2013-10-26 08:09:47 PM  
Over the close to 2 decades of being a condom consumer, just one time a condom broke on me.  I was having sex (obviously) and I noticed all of a sudden that it felt to good for there to still be a rubber barrier.  Luckily I stopped, noticed the condom totally failed and was broken open (my tip was sticking out of what remained of the rubber).  Just one time, although that's all it takes.
 
2013-10-26 08:11:05 PM  
"I find they make it harder for me to orgasm and I hate the taste they leave."

Huh.
 
2013-10-26 08:16:29 PM  

Aquapope: Quantum Apostrophe: Will 3D printing condoms at home end such uncomfortable situations?

I bet the Vatican would release a computer virus that makes 3D printers print condoms with itty bitty holes.


www.comicbookmovie.com
 
2013-10-26 08:17:24 PM  
It's like when your leg itches and you're wearing a tight pair of pants. No amount of scratching really works, you have to grab some of the fabric and move that across the itchy part.

It's like that.
 
2013-10-26 08:17:39 PM  

SirEattonHogg: Over the close to 2 decades of being a condom consumer, just one time a condom broke on me.  I was having sex (obviously) and I noticed all of a sudden that it felt to good for there to still be a rubber barrier.  Luckily I stopped, noticed the condom totally failed and was broken open (my tip was sticking out of what remained of the rubber).  Just one time, although that's all it takes.


I've broken two in...yeah, 19 years.

They were both Trojans, and that is not generally my preferred brand because of that fact, but yeah.  It's pretty rare.
 
Skr
2013-10-26 08:21:15 PM  
Only time I've heard of a condom breaking for one of my friends was when there wasn't enough lube (natural or otherwise.)

On a side note, Sheepskin condoms feel decent enough and are a good alternative when one of the partners has a latex allergy (an allergy which coincidentally enough can cause excessive dryness.)
 
2013-10-26 08:27:06 PM  

Oztemprom: I was skeptical about the breaking 3 magnums thing, but is it possible that they broke b/c they were too damned big for him?


No, it was because he was all like "Oh, so you mean they go on THAT head"...
 
2013-10-26 08:28:41 PM  

Dellirium: Oztemprom: I was skeptical about the breaking 3 magnums thing, but is it possible that they broke b/c they were too damned big for him?

No, it was because he was all like "Oh, so you mean they go on THAT head"...


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-26 08:32:33 PM  

LoneWolf343: Ambivalence: I have never had a condom break. I am inclined to think this is user error or a defective batch.

Maybe your dick is too small.


I don't have a dick, dumbass. But somehow I always ended up being the one who put the condom on.
 
2013-10-26 08:34:38 PM  

Ambivalence: I don't have a dick, dumbass.


Then the original assessment of lack of size would be technically correct!
 
2013-10-26 08:38:54 PM  

Oztemprom: I was skeptical about the breaking 3 magnums thing, but is it possible that they broke b/c they were too damned big for him?


Or had dry rot as their shelf life expired.
 
2013-10-26 08:41:22 PM  
static.zerochan.net

"no such thing as no such thing"
 
2013-10-26 08:42:09 PM  

99.998er: Oztemprom: I was skeptical about the breaking 3 magnums thing, but is it possible that they broke b/c they were too damned big for him?

Or had dry rot as their shelf life expired.


Protip: if the condom in your wallet was in there long enough to imprint a ring in the leather, it's time to get a new condom.

static.ddmcdn.com
 
2013-10-26 08:42:39 PM  
At this stage of the game, I could use a child's wool mitten and it would be over before it really started.
 
2013-10-26 08:48:35 PM  

Madman drummers bummers: bearded clamorer: Damned skippy.

And why do the manufacturers keep printing those unfunny big dick jokes on the open end of the condoms,
after you've rolled them on all the way?

Really? The ones I've seen have been knee-slappers.

But then, I'm used to knee-slappers.


Your boyfriends are that well endowed? Daaamn.
 
2013-10-26 09:01:31 PM  

Skr: Only time I've heard of a condom breaking for one of my friends was when there wasn't enough lube (natural or otherwise.)

On a side note, Sheepskin condoms feel decent enough and are a good alternative when one of the partners has a latex allergy (an allergy which coincidentally enough can cause excessive dryness.)


Not sure they protect against the diseases though.
 
2013-10-26 09:03:44 PM  
FTA: There just might be. At least, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation seems to thinks so. It's poring over thousands of applications for its "Grand Challenge" to develop a "next-generation condom that significantly enhances or preserves pleasure."

Slogan: "It's the condom Bill Gates himself uses!"
 
2013-10-26 09:05:08 PM  

Skr: Only time I've heard of a condom breaking for one of my friends was when there wasn't enough lube (natural or otherwise.)

On a side note, Sheepskin condoms feel decent enough and are a good alternative when one of the partners has a latex allergy (an allergy which coincidentally enough can cause excessive dryness.)


I am allergic to latex. I've never used the sheepskin so I don't have a comparison. I have used Durex Avanti, which I was going to post a link to, but they aren't made anymore. There are other polyisoprene condoms on the market including Lifestyles Skyn and Trojan Supra. They are thinner than latex, are tasteless, and conduct heat. They are also larger around since they don't stretch as much. If you don't like the way latex condoms feel, test drive one of them. I've found they feel quite a bit better than latex condoms, not to mention I don't end up with swollen red itchy dickskin.
 
2013-10-26 09:05:49 PM  

Ricardo Klement: ♪ ♫ Strangers in the night, exchanging rubbers
This one's too tight, give me another ♪ ♫


Hahaha my brother's best friend used to sing that all the time when I was a little girl :)
 
2013-10-26 09:13:47 PM  

Oztemprom: I was skeptical about the breaking 3 magnums thing, but is it possible that they broke b/c they were too damned big for him?


"Did you get the condom on?"
"No, this one broke too" he said as he ripped it, knowing it was far too big for him and didn't want to be embarassed.
 
2013-10-26 09:19:58 PM  
I buy Snugfit condoms so they're extra tight and it only goes halfway down the shaft. My dick gets all purple and red if I wear it too long when I masturbate though, and it leaves a freshly molded plastic smell around my groin all day.
 
2013-10-26 09:22:07 PM  
To all you condom haters:  Enjoy your STDs.
 
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