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(Foodbeast)   Here's how to make prison wine (just in case)   (foodbeast.com) divider line 50
    More: Amusing, Jamba Juice, ziploc  
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7164 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Oct 2013 at 5:52 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-25 05:54:30 PM
Martha hasn't covered this yet on any of her shows
 
2013-10-25 05:55:48 PM
Imagine brushing your teeth, slamming a glass of grapefruit juice, throwing it all up, then drinking it again, and you're close to the flavor profile of this concoction. Maybe add earwax and a little glue. But hey, it's booze.

NOPE! I refuse to imagine that.
 
2013-10-25 05:56:04 PM
Here's how to make prison wine (just in case box)
 
2013-10-25 05:57:35 PM
i just want to know how to make booze in the event i'm stuck in some secluded place or dessert island.  without bread.

if i'm not mistaken, grapes have enough yeast on them to ferment themselves... so, what's the process?  just mash em up and let em go bad?

there's no way i'm landing an a desserted vineyard, so let's think about coconuts, or pine cones...
 
2013-10-25 05:58:30 PM
How to make Desert Storm wine:

1 gallon of apple juice (or grape juice, if you're feeling fancy)
1 packet of Fleishmann's yeast
3 spoonfuls of sugar

Pour yeast and sugar into the gallon of apple juice. Recap loosely, and store the jug in a warm place where Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't find it. Wait two weeks. Get tanked where the Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't see you.

/Never underestimate the ingenuity of an American solder -- or a prison inmate.
 
2013-10-25 05:58:36 PM
This is better known as pruno.  Ask me how I know.

/keeps a sharpened spoon for protection
 
2013-10-25 05:59:33 PM

pute kisses like a man: dessert island


Are we talking like an ice-cream island, or more of a cheesecake island?
 
2013-10-25 06:00:24 PM
Before you make prison wine, you should read a review, just in case.

(Read all of Steve's reviews, they're funny)
 
2013-10-25 06:01:01 PM

lockers: Imagine brushing your teeth, slamming a glass of grapefruit juice, throwing it all up, then drinking it again, and you're close to the flavor profile of this concoction. Maybe add earwax and a little glue. But hey, it's booze.

NOPE! I refuse to imagine that.


Step 8: hope the fermentation process created enough alcohol to make you forget about the taste.
 
2013-10-25 06:02:11 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-25 06:02:30 PM
brightestyoungthings.com

"When does the girl get here ese?"

"She's already here baby!"
 
2013-10-25 06:03:02 PM
Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the terlet. 'Course, it's shank or be shanked.
 
2013-10-25 06:03:44 PM
www.mtv.com

Barry: Would you like some Merlot? I make it in the toilet!
 
2013-10-25 06:04:54 PM
Did this when I was twelve using grapes out of the neighbors yard.

/taste was better when I was 12.
 
2013-10-25 06:07:41 PM

Aquapope: Before you make prison wine, you should read a review, just in case.

(Read all of Steve's reviews, they're funny)


Dang, you're quick.  Was just going to point to Steve's episode.

I learned what huitlacoche was from Steve Don't Eat It.  That was the day I decided I don't have THAT much of a sense of adventure.
 
2013-10-25 06:11:15 PM

praxcelis: Aquapope: Before you make prison wine, you should read a review, just in case.

(Read all of Steve's reviews, they're funny)

Dang, you're quick.  Was just going to point to Steve's episode.

I learned what huitlacoche was from Steve Don't Eat It.  That was the day I decided I don't have THAT much of a sense of adventure.


Makes 3, came to say that this has already been. Still have the image of moldy bread and gym socks in my head.
 
2013-10-25 06:11:42 PM
1 prison, 14 tons sugar, 80 pounds yeast
 
2013-10-25 06:12:14 PM

While I'd heard a little about pruno growing up, the first time I saw a recipe was in Modern Drunkard

. That was always a good read. I miss Denver. Can that mag still be found around Denver?

/never had the nerve to actually make the drank
 
2013-10-25 06:12:35 PM

L.D. Ablo: This is better known as pruno.  Ask me how I know.

/keeps a sharpened spoon for protection


Came for this, backing out slowly keeping my eye on you.
/pruno is awful
 
2013-10-25 06:14:00 PM

asynchron: pute kisses like a man: dessert island

Are we talking like an ice-cream island, or more of a cheesecake island?


Easy way to avoid this mistake:  The one you want more of has more 'S's.
 
2013-10-25 06:14:27 PM

WordyGrrl: How to make Desert Storm wine:

1 gallon of apple juice (or grape juice, if you're feeling fancy)
1 packet of Fleishmann's yeast
3 spoonfuls of sugar

Pour yeast and sugar into the gallon of apple juice. Recap loosely, and store the jug in a warm place where Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't find it. Wait two weeks. Get tanked where the Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't see you.

/Never underestimate the ingenuity of an American solder -- or a prison inmate.


Apple or grape juice and just a 1/8 teaspoon of yeast will do the job.  Let it sit for a few days with a water trap and it will be carbonated.  A week or so will get you something a little stronger.
 
2013-10-25 06:14:37 PM
Can't be worse than a can of Swedish fermented herring. That video of the American guys opening a can and instantly retching is classic!
 
2013-10-25 06:16:22 PM
Make a Fifi and its a party
 
2013-10-25 06:19:02 PM
upload.wikimedia.org

Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segla.

I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.

That would be the Latour, then.
 
2013-10-25 06:19:10 PM
Is there a how to make Maalox in prison?
 
2013-10-25 06:23:04 PM

TenJed_77: praxcelis: Aquapope: Before you make prison wine, you should read a review, just in case.

(Read all of Steve's reviews, they're funny)

Dang, you're quick.  Was just going to point to Steve's episode.

I learned what huitlacoche was from Steve Don't Eat It.  That was the day I decided I don't have THAT much of a sense of adventure.

Makes 3, came to say that this has already been. Still have the image of moldy bread and gym socks in my head.


I saw that shizit in a pick-your-own cornfield when I was child, and nearly died of nausea on the spot. Whoof!
 
2013-10-25 06:28:16 PM

L.D. Ablo: This is better known as pruno.  Ask me how I know.

/keeps a sharpened spoon for protection


You read the article?
 
2013-10-25 06:37:52 PM
When I was young and poor I decided to make wine because I was, well young and poor and bored. 1 gallon apple juice, one gallon grape juice, two packs Fleischmanns yeast, two cups sugar. I made an airlock using a lid from another gallon jug, left over tubing from an oil pressure gauge and hot glue for one, and a balloon for the other.

After it bubbled for a couple weeks weeks and it clarified, I racked and strained it. My brother in law at the time was a Bartender and career alcoholic. He stopped by and wanted to sample it. We tried a glass of each, and determined the apple was the better of the two. We polished off about half of each gallon.

I was quite drunk. The BIL went home. His GF called trying to reach him, because he wasn't answering the phone. She went over in a panic to find him passed out, the phone two feet from his head, ringing off the hook.

It got you drunk as hell, but it wasn't too tasty.

My skills are a lot more advanced now, my equipment better, and the final product is far superior. But for a few bucks you can make some wicked home brew that will hammer you pretty hard.
 
2013-10-25 06:38:45 PM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: asynchron: pute kisses like a man: dessert island

Are we talking like an ice-cream island, or more of a cheesecake island?

Easy way to avoid this mistake:  The one you want more of has more 'S's.


No, no...

It's: the one you want less has fewer s's.
 
2013-10-25 06:59:35 PM

Aquapope: Before you make prison wine, you should read a review, just in case.

(Read all of Steve's reviews, they're funny)



And now I can't help but hear Yoda using Grover's voice.
 
2013-10-25 07:00:39 PM

asynchron: pute kisses like a man: dessert island

Are we talking like an ice-cream island, or more of a cheesecake island?


digitaljohnny.cementhorizon.com
 
2013-10-25 07:08:16 PM

Aquapope: Before you make prison wine, you should read a review, just in case.

(Read all of Steve's reviews, they're funny)


Holy shiat, came here to post this...

/Nothing is obscure on Fark.
 
2013-10-25 07:51:43 PM
img.fark.net
 
2013-10-25 08:10:48 PM

fusillade762: [upload.wikimedia.org image 300x230]

Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segla.

I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.

That would be the Latour, then.


Hey, hey, hey... WATCH IT!
 
2013-10-25 08:22:52 PM
This recipe was much funnier.
 
2013-10-25 08:28:00 PM
we dun drank up all the turlet wine
 
2013-10-25 08:33:18 PM

wwwade: WordyGrrl: How to make Desert Storm wine:

1 gallon of apple juice (or grape juice, if you're feeling fancy)
1 packet of Fleishmann's yeast
3 spoonfuls of sugar

Pour yeast and sugar into the gallon of apple juice. Recap loosely, and store the jug in a warm place where Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't find it. Wait two weeks. Get tanked where the Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't see you.

/Never underestimate the ingenuity of an American solder -- or a prison inmate.

Apple or grape juice and just a 1/8 teaspoon of yeast will do the job.  Let it sit for a few days with a water trap and it will be carbonated.  A week or so will get you something a little stronger.


I suppose we could have engaged in such refinements had the internet been around. Mostly we were just looking to make hootch without getting caught and having our heads chopped off. Beggars, choosers, you know the deal.
 
zez
2013-10-25 08:34:21 PM
www.thegauntlet.ca
 
2013-10-25 08:34:26 PM
I assume it must be a very smart idea to get one's fellow prison inmates drunk.

Because they all have such good judgment and emotional control.

Next week, how to dress like a convincing tranny in prison.
 
2013-10-25 09:07:12 PM
When I was a kid growing up one of my parent's friends had a sister who was a nun. She let us in on her secret recipe for making wine in the convent or wherever it was where she was living. It was basically like this, but made with frozen grape juice and they even let me try some of it.

I don't remember it being all that bad and my mom made several batches during my life. My dad kept trying to make beer, though.
 
2013-10-25 09:32:09 PM
I used to supervise and teach inmates in a prison kitchen.  Half the fun was finding their brews in the ceiling, hidden in the walk in coolers, in toilet tanks ect...
 
2013-10-25 09:39:28 PM

WordyGrrl: How to make Desert Storm wine:

1 gallon of apple juice (or grape juice, if you're feeling fancy)
1 packet of Fleishmann's yeast
3 spoonfuls of sugar

Pour yeast and sugar into the gallon of apple juice. Recap loosely, and store the jug in a warm place where Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't find it. Wait two weeks. Get tanked where the Saudis and your 1st Sgt can't see you.

/Never underestimate the ingenuity of an American solder -- or a prison inmate.


They pretty much eat the same shiat
 
2013-10-25 09:41:41 PM
There are hundreds of way to make Hooch(the Midwest term)
 
2013-10-25 09:48:23 PM
Back when I was experimenting with DIY CO2 injection for my planted tanks, I used to mix up sugar, water and yeast mixtures all the time.  The smell of the spent solution alone is enough to tell me that I'm not man enough to handle prison wine.  I hope I'm never that desperate.
 
2013-10-25 10:22:27 PM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: I assume it must be a very smart idea to get one's fellow prison inmates drunk.

Because they all have such good judgment and emotional control.

Next week, how to dress like a convincing tranny in prison.


If your hooking them up with booze though they aren't likely to shank you or fark you against your will.
 
2013-10-25 10:40:22 PM
I'm just going to leave a comment here.


Not so I can easily find the link later that would be silly.
 
2013-10-25 11:00:07 PM
Considering the fact that I've got four gallons of pure, unpasteurized cider slowly fermenting in the basement as I type this, this recipe feels almost too complicated.
 
2013-10-26 12:23:05 AM
The Convincing Tranny is SO my new alt....
 
2013-10-26 04:10:24 AM

peacheslatour: fusillade762: [upload.wikimedia.org image 300x230]

Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segla.

I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.

That would be the Latour, then.

Hey, hey, hey... WATCH IT!


I think he meant to say, you know one that smells like twenty-year old gym socks?

Ah, that would be the Chateau Lafite?
 
2013-10-27 01:12:14 AM
Thought for sure I'd see this guy...
img.fark.net
 
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