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(Reuters)   Germany: We are going to build our own internet, but with blackjack, and scheiße videos   (reuters.com) divider line 44
    More: Followup, Germans, video cameras, web hosting service, Deutsche Telekom, Stasi, East Germany, Angela Merkel  
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1379 clicks; posted to Politics » on 25 Oct 2013 at 12:54 PM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-25 12:11:46 PM
That's OK, the US has a long history of monitoring German communications.  We'll get by.
 
2013-10-25 12:57:00 PM

dittybopper: That's OK, the US has a long history of monitoring German communications.  We'll get by.


I bet they told Mexico their intentions first via some sort of note or telegram.  Those tricky huns.
 
2013-10-25 12:57:05 PM
Will it make the trains run on time?
 
2013-10-25 12:57:34 PM
But... But the internet already has those!
 
2013-10-25 12:58:06 PM
Germany wants to be North Korea so bad it's bordering on pathetic
 
2013-10-25 12:59:40 PM
Will the German Internet also have autoplay ads with no mute button, cause the one on this page caused me to close the tab prematurely.
 
2013-10-25 01:00:33 PM
dittybopper:
That's OK, the US Alan Turing, British military intelligence and Polish cryptographers has a long history of monitoring German communications.  We'll get by.

FTFY
 
2013-10-25 01:03:24 PM
And a flavorless mush I call rootmarm!
 
2013-10-25 01:11:54 PM
www.corkboard.it

Come check out my web zite!
 
2013-10-25 01:19:49 PM
Sounds like a reasonable request. Let them have it, and then we'll have peace in our time.
 
2013-10-25 01:23:43 PM

Super Chronic: Sounds like a reasonable request. Let them have it, and then we'll have peace in our time.


I can see what the germans are in a führer over this, though I did Nazi this coming.
 
2013-10-25 01:30:38 PM
In fact, forget the internet!
 
2013-10-25 01:36:19 PM
Oops, US, it looks like you blew global hegemony, how about a nice game of chess?
 
2013-10-25 01:40:25 PM
Properly uses letter ß, still spells Scheiße wrong.
 
2013-10-25 01:42:34 PM

exparrot: [www.corkboard.it image 382x262]

Come check out my web zite!


So I was not the only one whose first thought was... "Only German porn???" ACK!!!
 
2013-10-25 01:49:27 PM
This is getting silly.  Every major national power has an internal and external force that monitors both allies and enemies.  To get outraged over that is beyond hyperbole, it's deliberately getting outraged because you want to be outraged.

What's next?  Is Canada going to blow a gasket in public over the fact that the US undoubtedly has a contingency plan set up somewhere to invade Canada if necessity calls for it?

WTF is wrong with people that they have to go looking for things to suddenly declare worthy of outrage when no such outrage has existed 'ever' before?
 
2013-10-25 01:49:32 PM
What a Scheiße video may look like on the current internet. One may want to imagine what politician the dog is looking at to help along the proceß.

parkvillepoopscooping.homestead.com
 
2013-10-25 01:56:02 PM
Almost thirteen years have passed since the unhappy day when the American people, blinded by promises from foes at home and abroad, lost touch with honor and freedom, thereby losing all. Since that day of treachery, the Almighty has withheld his blessing from our people. Dissension and hatred descended upon us. With profound distress millions of the best American men and women from all walks of life have seen the unity of the nation vanishing away, dissolving in a confusion of political and personal opinions, economic interests, and ideological differences. Since that day, as so often in the past, America has presented a picture of heartbreaking disunity. We never received the equality and fraternity we had been promised, and we lost our liberty to boot. For when our nation loses its political place in the world, it soon will lose its unity of spirit and will....
 
2013-10-25 01:56:08 PM
This is just a publicity stunt by a telecom company.

The fact that anyone even bothered to report on this without using words like, "Hysterically stupid" and "Utterly ridiculous" is the real story.
 
2013-10-25 02:01:42 PM
Sure, it will start by being a purely German project, until it starts interfacing with then taking over networks in Poland, France, the Low Countries, North Africa... Then on to the East!
 
2013-10-25 02:05:43 PM
Others pointed out that Deutsche Telekom's preference for being paid by other Internet networks for carrying traffic to the end user, instead of "peering" agreements at no cost, clashed with the goal to keep traffic within Germany. It can be cheaper or free for German traffic to go through London or Amsterdam, where it can be intercepted by foreign spies.

Foolproof. No way can foreign spies monitor traffic unless it leaves the country.

Thomas Kremer, the executive in charge of data privacy and legal affairs for the German operator, said the group needed to sign connection agreements with three additional operators to make a national routing possible. "If this were not the case, one could think of a legislative solution," he said.

Foolproof. If there's one thing that the history of technology has shown, it's that "legislative solutions" trump technology every time.

"As long as sender and receiver are in the Schengen area or in Germany, traffic should no longer be routed through other countries," Kremer said, referring to the 26-country passport-free zone in Europe.

Foolproof. E-mails are always between two, and only two, people. And neither one of them will ever leave Germany.

Bah, there's way too much in that article to try to cite each target of ridicule. These people have no clue how technology works, nor how people use it. Even China's "Great Firewall" is as about as effective in stopping information flow as the original Great Wall is in protecting against an aerial assault.
 
2013-10-25 02:30:08 PM
www.troll.me
 
2013-10-25 02:31:38 PM

TwistedFark: This is just a publicity stunt by a telecom company.

The fact that anyone even bothered to report on this without using words like, "Hysterically stupid" and "Utterly ridiculous" is the real story.


Ding.  It's not like they are going to cut themselves off from the global network of networks (i.e. the Internet), they are just urging German citizens use German based Internet services (and probably lobbying the government to make laws about it).  Basically IT protectionism.  There would still be "connected" globally to the ICANN DNS Root zone, global routing, etc.
 
2013-10-25 02:34:00 PM
lh3.ggpht.com
 
2013-10-25 03:06:34 PM

FarkedOver: Super Chronic: Sounds like a reasonable request. Let them have it, and then we'll have peace in our time.

I can see what the germans are in a führer over this, though  Anne Frankly I did Nazi this coming.


We didn't have to make these corrections when I was in the Grammarwehrmacht.
 
2013-10-25 03:09:27 PM

FarkedOver: Super Chronic: Sounds like a reasonable request. Let them have it, and then we'll have peace in our time.

I can see what the germans are in a führer over this, though I did Nazi this coming.


Dude, enough with the insensitive jokes. You are acting like a total duetch.
 
2013-10-25 03:10:44 PM

Jackpot777: FarkedOver: Super Chronic: Sounds like a reasonable request. Let them have it, and then we'll have peace in our time.

I can see what the germans are in a führer over this, though  Anne Frankly I did Nazi this coming.

We didn't have to make these corrections when I was in the Grammarwehrmacht.


Yes, but the teacher said your Hitler.
 
2013-10-25 03:13:06 PM
Publicity stunt or not, America's out of control overreach is harmful to us in the long run.

When we do things like seize a Dutch man's money who was legally buying Cuban cigars from Germany because some of the electrons got routed (unbeknowst to him) through an American bank the rest of the world rightly questions whether we have too much power. Add to that other shiat we do like the US arresting Kim Dotcom on dubious charges (a foreign national in a foreign country on behalf of US industry), the US government asserting the power to seize and shut down almost any websites in the world, the US government being able to force US companies to compromise the security and privacy of their customers secretly with no recourse and no realistic chance of appeal based on whatever bullshiat our intelligence agencies decide they want to do...

These actions have consequences. The consequences of this "fark you, we can do whatever we want to anyone in the world" attitude is that we're marginalizing ourselves. Every time we insist that we have authority wherever the fark we like, and if you don't like it tough shiat, we encourage the rest of the world to build a future where we have less central of a role. Our arrogance weakens our influence, and it will cost us wealth. The government shutdown/debt default bullshiat reminded everyone of our central role in world finance and has planted the seeds of doubt about us in finance as well... I have little doubt that there's renewed interest in the global community of working out an alternative to the US dollar being the world's reserve currency. Lessening the reach of arrogant US law enforcement is surely a concern for world IT companies going forward, and is already costing us money and making the rest of the world rethink doing business with us in the tech sector.
 
2013-10-25 03:14:24 PM

No Such Agency: dittybopper:
That's OK, the US Alan Turing, British military intelligence and Polish cryptographers has a long history of monitoring German communications.  We'll get by.

FTFY


Actually, it was Marian Rejewski who first broke Enigma.   In 1933.  When Turing was still an undergrad at Cambridge.  Without help from the Poles, even Turing was lost:  The Brits foundered until the Poles and French told them how to do it.

Also, did you know that in mid-1943 the US took over decrypting German U-boat traffic from the British because the British were incapable of building a reliable high-speed 4 rotor bombe, and the US were the ones who continued to break it until the end of the war?  In fact, they were so good at it, that they only needed to use a bit more than 50% of the bombe time on naval problems, and used the balance of the time on other ones (because a 4 rotor bombe could be used against 3 rotor Enigma traffic).
 
2013-10-25 03:16:22 PM

Jackpot777: FarkedOver: Super Chronic: Sounds like a reasonable request. Let them have it, and then we'll have peace in our time.

I can see what the germans are in a führer over this, though  Anne Frankly I did Nazi this coming.

We didn't have to make these corrections when I was in the Grammarwehrmacht.


Oh, I get it. Juxtaposing "Anne Frank" and "Nazi" is funny because she cannot see. Because she's blind. I see what you did there. Unlike her.
 
2013-10-25 03:21:21 PM

mongbiohazard: These actions have consequences.


The ones you listed do.  The one that Mangela Urkel is all bent out of shape for shouldn't, because it's understood that everyone does it.  Germany has the Bundesnachtrictensdienst who's mission is identical to that of the NSA.  France has the DGSE.  In fact, pretty much every nation of any consequence has a signals intelligence organization, and they work to listen in on the communications of other nations.
 
2013-10-25 03:36:12 PM

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: Foolproof. E-mails are always between two, and only two, people. And neither one of them will ever leave Germany.


Yeah, but we've got monitoring stations in Germany.

Or, at least, we had them.

/Probably still have automated ones.
 
2013-10-25 03:37:03 PM
It's so cute when the Germans try to do something cool.
 
2013-10-25 03:44:28 PM
That's my kind of internet.

/I have German ancestry
 
2013-10-25 03:59:00 PM

bk3k: That's my kind of internet.

/I have German ancestry


Your presence intimidates me to the point of humiliation
You have disturbed me almost to the point of insanity...There. I am insane now
 
2013-10-25 04:07:46 PM
dittybopper:
Actually, it was Marian Rejewski who first broke Enigma...

I was just snarking, I hopefully know better than to assume a guy named "dittybopper" doesn't know signals history.  But a lot of people think "U-571" is a documentary and that the US did everything in WW2, it's a pretty standard assumption :(
 
2013-10-25 04:16:05 PM

No Such Agency: dittybopper:
That's OK, the US Alan Turing, British military intelligence and Polish cryptographers has a long history of monitoring German communications.  We'll get by.

FTFY


Bonus points for crediting the Poles.

Do come visit Bletchley Park some day
 
2013-10-25 04:18:52 PM

No Such Agency: dittybopper:
Actually, it was Marian Rejewski who first broke Enigma...

I was just snarking, I hopefully know better than to assume a guy named "dittybopper" doesn't know signals history.  But a lot of people think "U-571" is a documentary and that the US did everything in WW2, it's a pretty standard assumption :(


Yes, unfortunately.

A much better movie on the subject is Enigma, if you can look past the idea of the Alan Turing character being straight.
 
2013-10-25 05:13:05 PM

dittybopper: mongbiohazard: These actions have consequences.

The ones you listed do.  The one that Mangela Urkel is all bent out of shape for shouldn't, because it's understood that everyone does it.  Germany has the Bundesnachtrictensdienst who's mission is identical to that of the NSA.  France has the DGSE.  In fact, pretty much every nation of any consequence has a signals intelligence organization, and they work to listen in on the communications of other nations.


Absolutely. There's a lot of satellite dishes on embassy roofs in DC and they don't all point up... And we've given the boot to numerous Israeli spies over the years, and they're a big ally of ours.

But these revelations both go beyond the normal scope of such surveillance and also exist alongside those other actions that I listed (and many others that I didn't). It's one thing to know that we are going to spy on even allies some... it's another for our allies' most paranoid fears of us spying on EVERYTHING they do be suddenly confirmed. In the context of our arrogant overreach in the cyber-world, our threatening to trigger global recession with the debt cieling fiasco and us constantly asserting jurisdition over pretty much the entire world - when it comes to drugs, terrorism or copyrights - it certainly seems even more threatening then it otherwise would.

Our arrogance is encouraging the rest of the world to seriously consider leaving us out of their future reindeer games, and I don't blame them one bit. We prove every day that we are utterly untrustworthy and drunk on hubris.
 
2013-10-25 06:07:40 PM

Ranx05: Properly uses letter ß, still spells Scheiße wrong.


Sorry about that. I tried to get the correct spelling, but had to correct the submitter, who submitted this with "shiza". I scheiße you not.
 
2013-10-25 06:15:25 PM
Did they not understand the point behind an inter-net?

Snark aside, they have every right to be pissed. Everybody should be pissed at this feckless imbroglio. Billions of dollars wasted so paranoid idiots could play ouiji-board with our email... *sigh*

/trying to fix this by isolating your network is the wrong solution
//the only long term solution is the Web of Trust, and perfect forward secrecy when practical.
 
2013-10-25 07:52:13 PM
dittybopper:
A much better movie on the subject is Enigma, if you can look past the idea of the Alan Turing character being straight.

... whereas Cryptonommicon was a bit of a mess, but at least made him as totally gay as he was IRL.
 
2013-10-26 12:20:05 AM

No Such Agency: dittybopper:
That's OK, the US Alan Turing, British military intelligence and Polish cryptographers has a long history of monitoring German communications.  We'll get by.

FTFY


No, let's clarify and expand: the Third Reich was defeated in large part due to the work of a gay guy with Asperger's, a bunch of Polish mathematicians, a handful of linguists from Oxbridge and several thousand English housewives.

The next time anyone wants to conquer the world, they should stop and think about the sort of resistance we managed to mount the last time around.
 
2013-10-26 01:12:03 AM
Seems reasonable.

i222.photobucket.com
 
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