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(Slate)   The Starbucks guide to World Domination, or as the company calls it, Phase Three   (slate.com) divider line 44
    More: PSA, Starbucks, University of San Francisco, Howard Schultz, urban street  
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2921 clicks; posted to Business » on 25 Oct 2013 at 9:45 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-25 09:45:47 AM
Step 1) Make really shiatty coffee
 
2013-10-25 09:45:58 AM
I thought Phase Three is "Profit"
 
2013-10-25 09:48:18 AM
media.theonion.com
 
2013-10-25 09:48:25 AM
How long until we can just take him and 72 of his executive staff and exile them to Ceti Alpha V?
 
2013-10-25 09:52:46 AM
Too bad Starbucks doesn't have free coffee fridays! Cumby's ROCKS!!
 
2013-10-25 09:53:48 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Step 1) Make really shiatty coffee


Step 2) Market it as gourmet to SUV-driving suburbanites.
 
2013-10-25 09:53:49 AM
we've all heard the jokes about the Starbucks that's across the street from Starbucks

That's not a joke.
 
2013-10-25 09:56:33 AM
FTA: "the same barista I've seen almost every week for the last four years."

/yessir, an American success story
 
2013-10-25 09:57:37 AM
Start his "Venti Americano"?????


People drink those things??

//Venti Americano = Twenty Americans
 
2013-10-25 09:57:39 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: we've all heard the jokes about the Starbucks that's across the street from Starbucks

That's not a joke.


A few miles from me we have a Starbucks stand-alone store, a Starbucks in the Target that is in the same parking lot, a Starbucks in the grocery store across the street, and another standalone Starbucks in the street across from there. 4 Starbucks in 1/4 mile.
 
2013-10-25 09:58:25 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Step 1) Make really shiatty coffee


Over all I'm not a fan, however I do like the blonde roast.
 
2013-10-25 10:00:46 AM
"Can you remember the last time you didn't see someone walking down the street with a cup with the green mermaid logo on it?"

Yes, every damn day, unless I go to that one Krogers or drive 35 minutes to Pittsburgh.  Starbucks doesn't want to bring coffee to us poor hillbillies in northern West Virginia who won't buy into the idea that coffee that tastes like cigarette butts and battery acid is superior to McDonalds or local businesses simply because of branding.
 
2013-10-25 10:01:27 AM

kidgenius: AverageAmericanGuy: we've all heard the jokes about the Starbucks that's across the street from Starbucks

That's not a joke.

A few miles from me we have a Starbucks stand-alone store, a Starbucks in the Target that is in the same parking lot, a Starbucks in the grocery store across the street, and another standalone Starbucks in the street across from there. 4 Starbucks in 1/4 mile.


In the city I work in, there are two on the same street, one block from each other.
 
2013-10-25 10:02:27 AM

olapbill


Over all I'm not a fan, however I do like the blonde roast.


How does it go down?
 
2013-10-25 10:02:51 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: olapbill

Over all I'm not a fan, however I do like the blonde roast.


How does it go down?


Easy.
 
2013-10-25 10:03:13 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Step 1) Make really shiatty coffee


2) add enough sugar, cream and flavoring to cover up bad coffee taste

3) sell to yuppie women.
 
2013-10-25 10:03:21 AM

CWeinerWV: "Can you remember the last time you didn't see someone walking down the street with a cup with the green mermaid logo on it?"

Yes, every damn day, unless I go to that one Krogers or drive 35 minutes to Pittsburgh.  Starbucks doesn't want to bring coffee to us poor hillbillies in northern West Virginia who won't buy into the idea that coffee that tastes like cigarette butts and battery acid is superior to McDonalds or local businesses simply because of branding.


I think you're talking about Dunkin' Donuts coffee, that stuff tastes like stagnate pond water.
 
2013-10-25 10:04:21 AM

smoky2010: kidgenius: AverageAmericanGuy: we've all heard the jokes about the Starbucks that's across the street from Starbucks

That's not a joke.

A few miles from me we have a Starbucks stand-alone store, a Starbucks in the Target that is in the same parking lot, a Starbucks in the grocery store across the street, and another standalone Starbucks in the street across from there. 4 Starbucks in 1/4 mile.

In the city I work in, there are two on the same street, one block from each other.


The mall near me only has one Starbucks, yet it has two Gamestops. Gamestop world domination next?
 
2013-10-25 10:06:16 AM

smoky2010: CWeinerWV: "Can you remember the last time you didn't see someone walking down the street with a cup with the green mermaid logo on it?"

Yes, every damn day, unless I go to that one Krogers or drive 35 minutes to Pittsburgh.  Starbucks doesn't want to bring coffee to us poor hillbillies in northern West Virginia who won't buy into the idea that coffee that tastes like cigarette butts and battery acid is superior to McDonalds or local businesses simply because of branding.

I think you're talking about Dunkin' Donuts coffee, that stuff tastes like stagnate pond water.


You must live near a shiatty Dunkin Donuts
 
2013-10-25 10:06:35 AM

Hoboclown: smoky2010: kidgenius: AverageAmericanGuy: we've all heard the jokes about the Starbucks that's across the street from Starbucks

That's not a joke.

A few miles from me we have a Starbucks stand-alone store, a Starbucks in the Target that is in the same parking lot, a Starbucks in the grocery store across the street, and another standalone Starbucks in the street across from there. 4 Starbucks in 1/4 mile.

In the city I work in, there are two on the same street, one block from each other.

The mall near me only has one Starbucks, yet it has two Gamestops. Gamestop world domination next?


My town has one GameStop and no Starbucks. You may be on to something.
 
2013-10-25 10:09:49 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: smoky2010: CWeinerWV: "Can you remember the last time you didn't see someone walking down the street with a cup with the green mermaid logo on it?"

Yes, every damn day, unless I go to that one Krogers or drive 35 minutes to Pittsburgh.  Starbucks doesn't want to bring coffee to us poor hillbillies in northern West Virginia who won't buy into the idea that coffee that tastes like cigarette butts and battery acid is superior to McDonalds or local businesses simply because of branding.

I think you're talking about Dunkin' Donuts coffee, that stuff tastes like stagnate pond water.

You must live near a shiatty Dunkin Donuts


I have been to all sorts of Dunkin' donuts from New Hampshire to Georgia, over the last 25 years. They all have the same crappy coffee. I'd rather get day-old coffee from a Midas Mufflers waiting room then from Dunkin' donuts.
 
2013-10-25 10:11:57 AM
I am guessing Phase 3 is not make a better blend of coffee?
 
2013-10-25 10:13:39 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Englebert Slaptyback: olapbill

Over all I'm not a fan, however I do like the blonde roast.


How does it go down?

Easy.


like a tall blonde should
 
2013-10-25 10:14:32 AM
This advertorial brought to you by Starbucks
 
2013-10-25 10:22:20 AM

kidgenius: AverageAmericanGuy: we've all heard the jokes about the Starbucks that's across the street from Starbucks

That's not a joke.

A few miles from me we have a Starbucks stand-alone store, a Starbucks in the Target that is in the same parking lot, a Starbucks in the grocery store across the street, and another standalone Starbucks in the street across from there. 4 Starbucks in 1/4 mile.


That's why they're now focused on opening "tea bars" -- there's virtually no more room for growth selling coffee. (Well, the one part of the market that remains untapped is premium roasted by companies like Bluebottle and Stumptown, but given the cost of their beans and coffee, even major cities will never be able to support a ton of them, and you're not going to see Stumptowns in airports and Targets).
 
2013-10-25 10:35:01 AM
FTFA: a tall paper cup with a green mermaid logo?

It's a Siren. That's why it has two tails. If you want to make a point, then getting the mythical creature on the logo correct is a good start. Might as well call it a dragon or a sphinx if you can't bother to use Wikipedia for thirty seconds.

I blame poor education in the Classics.
 
2013-10-25 10:57:59 AM
I find the coffee to be fine - good if I make it at home myself a fair bit stronger than they do in the store. What I find to be awesome is the stock - sbux is up 43% since March.
 
2013-10-25 11:24:52 AM

JohnBigBootay: I find the coffee to be fine - good if I make it at home myself a fair bit stronger than they do in the store. What I find to be awesome is the stock - sbux is up 43% since March.


Give it time. Eventually Starbucks will have a downfall, unless American Education gets worse.
 
2013-10-25 11:43:59 AM
Doctor Steel will be pleased.
 
2013-10-25 11:47:35 AM

The Irresponsible Captain: FTFA: a tall paper cup with a green mermaid logo?

It's a Siren. That's why it has two tails. If you want to make a point, then getting the mythical creature on the logo correct is a good start. Might as well call it a dragon or a sphinx if you can't bother to use Wikipedia for thirty seconds.

I blame poor education in the Classics.


There's nothing in your link that says anything about sirens having two tails.
 
2013-10-25 11:51:59 AM
Phase 4?

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

not obscure
just weird
 
2013-10-25 12:24:07 PM

LZeitgeist: The Irresponsible Captain: FTFA: a tall paper cup with a green mermaid logo?

It's a Siren. That's why it has two tails. If you want to make a point, then getting the mythical creature on the logo correct is a good start. Might as well call it a dragon or a sphinx if you can't bother to use Wikipedia for thirty seconds.

I blame poor education in the Classics.

There's nothing in your link that says anything about sirens having two tails.


it's really not a great link to back up the siren thing. this is however  http://www.starbucks.com/blog/so-who-is-the-siren
 
2013-10-25 12:24:37 PM

smoky2010: kidgenius: AverageAmericanGuy: we've all heard the jokes about the Starbucks that's across the street from Starbucks

That's not a joke.

A few miles from me we have a Starbucks stand-alone store, a Starbucks in the Target that is in the same parking lot, a Starbucks in the grocery store across the street, and another standalone Starbucks in the street across from there. 4 Starbucks in 1/4 mile.

In the city I work in, there are two on the same street, one block from each other.


Where I live, there's a Starbucks with a smaller Starbucks INSIDE it...and they're both in a mall that has NOTHING BUT STARBUCKS, except for a Wetzels Pretzels.
 
2013-10-25 01:33:09 PM

olapbill: LZeitgeist: The Irresponsible Captain: FTFA: a tall paper cup with a green mermaid logo?

It's a Siren. That's why it has two tails. If you want to make a point, then getting the mythical creature on the logo correct is a good start. Might as well call it a dragon or a sphinx if you can't bother to use Wikipedia for thirty seconds.

I blame poor education in the Classics.

There's nothing in your link that says anything about sirens having two tails.

it's really not a great link to back up the siren thing. this is however  http://www.starbucks.com/blog/so-who-is-the-siren


From your link:
-------------------
Let's go all the way back to 1971, to when Starbucks was first coming to be. In a search for a way to capture the seafaring history of coffee and Seattle's strong seaport roots, there was a lot of poring over old marine books going on. Suddenly, there she was: a 16th century Norse woodcut of a twin-tailed mermaid, or Siren.
-------------------

The Irresponsible Captain was busting balls saying it wasn't a mermaid because it had two tails.

Starbucks themselves say it's a twin-tailed mermaid.

My point is, don't try to bust balls unless you know you're right.
 
2013-10-25 01:41:27 PM

gestug: Start his "Venti Americano"?????


People drink those things??

//Venti Americano = Twenty Americans


Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
 
2013-10-25 01:46:46 PM

LZeitgeist: olapbill: LZeitgeist: The Irresponsible Captain: FTFA: a tall paper cup with a green mermaid logo?

It's a Siren. That's why it has two tails. If you want to make a point, then getting the mythical creature on the logo correct is a good start. Might as well call it a dragon or a sphinx if you can't bother to use Wikipedia for thirty seconds.

I blame poor education in the Classics.

There's nothing in your link that says anything about sirens having two tails.

it's really not a great link to back up the siren thing. this is however  http://www.starbucks.com/blog/so-who-is-the-siren

From your link:
-------------------
Let's go all the way back to 1971, to when Starbucks was first coming to be. In a search for a way to capture the seafaring history of coffee and Seattle's strong seaport roots, there was a lot of poring over old marine books going on. Suddenly, there she was: a 16th century Norse woodcut of a twin-tailed mermaid, or Siren.
-------------------

The Irresponsible Captain was busting balls saying it wasn't a mermaid because it had two tails.

Starbucks themselves say it's a twin-tailed mermaid.

My point is, don't try to bust balls unless you know you're right.


Exactly, umm. What? I just provided a concise link that covered all the info put forward straight from the horses mouth.
 
2013-10-25 01:48:32 PM
 
2013-10-25 02:04:38 PM

olapbill: LZeitgeist: olapbill: LZeitgeist: The Irresponsible Captain: FTFA: a tall paper cup with a green mermaid logo?

It's a Siren. That's why it has two tails. If you want to make a point, then getting the mythical creature on the logo correct is a good start. Might as well call it a dragon or a sphinx if you can't bother to use Wikipedia for thirty seconds.

I blame poor education in the Classics.

There's nothing in your link that says anything about sirens having two tails.

it's really not a great link to back up the siren thing. this is however  http://www.starbucks.com/blog/so-who-is-the-siren

From your link:
-------------------
Let's go all the way back to 1971, to when Starbucks was first coming to be. In a search for a way to capture the seafaring history of coffee and Seattle's strong seaport roots, there was a lot of poring over old marine books going on. Suddenly, there she was: a 16th century Norse woodcut of a twin-tailed mermaid, or Siren.
-------------------

The Irresponsible Captain was busting balls saying it wasn't a mermaid because it had two tails.

Starbucks themselves say it's a twin-tailed mermaid.

My point is, don't try to bust balls unless you know you're right.

Exactly, umm. What? I just provided a concise link that covered all the info put forward straight from the horses mouth.


Yes, you did, showing The Irresponsible Captain was wrong, despite going on at length about how the person calling it a mermaid was apparently a dull cretin for not having read 'the Classics'.

Thanks for your help.
 
2013-10-25 03:31:56 PM
i guess this is the majority shareholder of starbucks:

chattypics.com

/feel so old.
 
2013-10-25 05:50:33 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Step 1) Make really shiatty coffee


I only believe coffee quality claims supported by double blind testing.

People even fail at accurately describing the coffee they like.

Everyone says dark and rich but doesn't like that in blind tests.
 
2013-10-25 08:35:48 PM
Haters gonna hate.

Starbucks is the best company I've worked for, hands down, and if I needed a second job, I'd do it again with no regrets.
 
2013-10-25 10:48:28 PM

JohnBigBootay: I find the coffee to be fine - good if I make it at home myself a fair bit stronger than they do in the store. What I find to be awesome is the stock - sbux is up 43% since March.


They have drip machines that use paper filters in the stores, so the coffee oils get filtered out. Any decent brewing method with a metal filter will produce better coffee, IMHO.

I like what that stock and others have been doing so far this year, but the market's gotten high enough that the doomsayers have started worrying about it:
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-f i-us-markets-20131026,0,5858061, fu ll.story#axzz2in3juXpI
 
2013-10-26 11:55:16 AM

olapbill: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Step 1) Make really shiatty coffee

Over all I'm not a fan, however I do like the blonde roast.


That is exactly the opposite for me. I like almost all of their coffees except the Blonde Roast.

The coffee I really don't care for is made by Dunkin Donuts.

/let the battle begin
 
2013-10-26 03:43:07 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: smoky2010: CWeinerWV: "Can you remember the last time you didn't see someone walking down the street with a cup with the green mermaid logo on it?"

Yes, every damn day, unless I go to that one Krogers or drive 35 minutes to Pittsburgh.  Starbucks doesn't want to bring coffee to us poor hillbillies in northern West Virginia who won't buy into the idea that coffee that tastes like cigarette butts and battery acid is superior to McDonalds or local businesses simply because of branding.

I think you're talking about Dunkin' Donuts coffee, that stuff tastes like stagnate pond water.

You must live near a shiatty Dunkin Donuts


DD coffee is what I get almost every day. It _can_ be lousy on a bad day or at a bad location but is usually consistently decent, say 90% of the time. And their extra-large size is an adequate size.
McDonald's coffee I might try once a year to see if it's gotten any better. I was willing to give it a chance, because they said it was organic and stuff, but haven't found it to be drinkable.
Starbucks plain coffee, never again. It tastes sour and bad, every time I've tried it.
Panera is inconsistent - 20% of the time it's decent and the other times it has a weird flavor, so I rarely get coffee there. Also, their "large" size is too small.
Krispy Kreme coffee has been surprisingly good and consistent every time I've gotten it, but they're not as omnipresent as DD and also they look at you funny when you ask for skim milk. So I rarely go there.
Stewart's, a convenience store chain in the northeastern part of the US, generally has coffee that is just as good as DD and is really cheap. But I moved away from that area.
 
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