If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(News.com.au)   Essential unwritten rules everyone should live by to the left, add your own rule to the right   (news.com.au) divider line 312
    More: PSA, Unspoken rule, newscomauHQ, David Guetta  
•       •       •

9665 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Oct 2013 at 6:21 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



312 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-10-23 10:54:07 PM  
1) Don't drink my last beer.

2) EVER.
 
2013-10-23 10:59:26 PM  
Wow, those are actually quite good and even well said.
 
2013-10-23 11:01:56 PM  
Always go to the funeral.
 
2013-10-23 11:02:01 PM  
Never party at the Company Party.
 
2013-10-23 11:05:55 PM  
Don't trust whitey.
 
2013-10-23 11:19:05 PM  

Wanebo: Don't trust whitey.


See a doctor and get rid of it.
 
2013-10-24 12:01:50 AM  
Never turn down a breath mint.
 
2013-10-24 12:03:29 AM  
Sitting next to someone in an empty carriage

"Carriage"? Is it 1860 already?
 
2013-10-24 12:03:39 AM  

Irving Maimway: Wanebo: Don't trust whitey.

See a doctor and get rid of it.

The Lord loves a workin' man.

 
2013-10-24 12:22:35 AM  
Don't fark with the kitteh.

When Momma ain't happy, nobody ain't  happy.
 
2013-10-24 12:27:19 AM  
Do not talk about Fight Club.
 
2013-10-24 12:34:13 AM  

ksdanj: Irving Maimway: Wanebo: Don't trust whitey.

See a doctor and get rid of it.

The Lord loves a workin' man.


That's pretty much it. Just make sure you know your shiat from shinola.
 
2013-10-24 12:37:41 AM  
i.imgur.com

Pretty much everything Chris Rock outlined in a convenient format. And really, this goes for Whitey too. (NSFW language)
 
2013-10-24 12:42:02 AM  
Be kind.
Listen instead of waiting for your turn to speak.
Pay it forward without telling anyone.
Crop dust an elevator.
ask more questions.
 
2013-10-24 12:45:48 AM  
Never take a dump on your own floor at work.
 
2013-10-24 01:18:54 AM  
Don't bogart.
 
2013-10-24 01:42:02 AM  
If you're in a crowded bus or subway car, give up your seat to the elderly, handicapped, and women with children. You look like a giant douchenozzle if you're sitting while they have to stand.
 
2013-10-24 01:55:41 AM  

Mugato: Sitting next to someone in an empty carriage

"Carriage"? Is it 1860 already?


Worse, it's Australia.

I suspect the I'm-hurrying-up-please-don't-change-your-mind-and-run-me-over jog is more of a specifically Australian thing, I'd be interested to know if it's not.
 
2013-10-24 03:04:42 AM  

Amberwind: If you're in a crowded bus or subway car, give up your seat to the elderly, handicapped, and women with children. You look like a giant douchenozzle if you're sitting while they have to stand.


totally
esp when you have been on your feet all day, are near dropping, sick and nauseous.
you should definitely get up for a vagina or her crotch spawn.

sorry
but FARK YOU

sometime reality is not a fortune cookie answer to reality

/hint: if you are confused about this, you have never ridden enough public transportation, while sick or exhausted.
 
2013-10-24 03:31:29 AM  

Irving Maimway: Wanebo: Don't trust whitey.

See a doctor and get rid of it.


*shakes fist*
 
2013-10-24 03:33:15 AM  

namatad: /hint: if you are confused about this, you have never ridden enough public transportation, while sick or exhausted.


fark you and stay home typhoid mary. don't be giving your illness to everyone on the bus.
 
2013-10-24 03:33:56 AM  

namatad: Amberwind: If you're in a crowded bus or subway car, give up your seat to the elderly, handicapped, and women with children. You look like a giant douchenozzle if you're sitting while they have to stand.

totally
esp when you have been on your feet all day, are near dropping, sick and nauseous.
you should definitely get up for a vagina or her crotch spawn.

sorry
but FARK YOU

sometime reality is not a fortune cookie answer to reality

/hint: if you are confused about this, you have never ridden enough public transportation, while sick or exhausted.


It's pretty obvious who the sick and/or exhausted are while on public transportation.
 
2013-10-24 03:34:44 AM  

SomethingToDo: I suspect the I'm-hurrying-up-please-don't-change-your-mind-and-run-me-over jog is more of a specifically Australian thing, I'd be interested to know if it's not.


I started to say that we do it here too, but then I realized I do it, but I don't think a lot of people do that.

Now I'm just unsure, confused and afraid.
 
2013-10-24 04:19:11 AM  
Don't fark with your food server or talk shiat to the place you just ordered delivery.
 
2013-10-24 05:35:16 AM  
Your bag does not need its own seat

Yes, yes it does.  Why, you ask?

Sitting next to someone in an empty carriage

Remember that?
 
2013-10-24 05:35:45 AM  
Her ass does not look big in that dress.
 
2013-10-24 05:39:42 AM  
If someone gives you their phone to look at a photo, don't swipe through their entire album - Unless you want to get into a potentially VERY awkward situation.

"Check this out!  Skydiving selfies, dude."

"What is this, a leprous donut?"

"Are you scrolling through!? That's private!"

"My thumb slipped.  Why would you keep pics of your girlfriend's asshole on your phone?"
 
2013-10-24 05:52:14 AM  
Don't tug on Superman's cape. Don't spit into the wind. Don't pull the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger.

And don't mess around with Jim.
 
2013-10-24 05:53:11 AM  

SomethingToDo: I suspect the I'm-hurrying-up-please-don't-change-your-mind-and-run-me-over jog is more of a specifically Australian thing, I'd be interested to know if it's not.


In America we have the slow-strut bring-it-on tough guy pedestrian. He's slow, and mad dogs you the entire time. "What?  you gon' hit me with them two tons of metal an' jes' speed off?  I dare you.  Run me over. See what happens.  We'll have words, man. Run me over, b*tch.  Come on, I'm almost at the curb.   No?  Fine."

Keep in mind that your car is stopped and he has 16 seconds left on the crossing light at this point.

/America and Australia, Britain's retarded yet far more fun illegitimate nephews
 
2013-10-24 06:32:20 AM  
Write down rules.
 
2013-10-24 06:32:45 AM  
 
2013-10-24 06:34:46 AM  
The Doc's rules:

No cuffs, ever. Too '90's.

Only date sluts. Treat them as such, but a 20 is appropriate.

Don't shiat where you eat.

Screw your employer as much as possible. Be the silent troublemaker. Remember Conrad Dobler.

Lie when necessary or when you can.
 
2013-10-24 06:35:52 AM  
The people who don't deserve your love, patience, understanding, etc. need them the most.
 
2013-10-24 06:35:55 AM  
Don't be a douchebag.
 
2013-10-24 06:37:06 AM  
The higher, the fewer.
 
2013-10-24 06:37:26 AM  
Don't be a dick.
 
2013-10-24 06:37:58 AM  
Beer goes in the beer hole!
 
2013-10-24 06:38:56 AM  
Never trust a naked bus driver.
 
2013-10-24 06:39:47 AM  
"Sampling one or two grapes at the supermarket is OK "
No it's not- it's stealing.
 
2013-10-24 06:40:19 AM  
Submit homophobic links to fark and giggle when they get greenlighted.
 
2013-10-24 06:42:04 AM  

SomethingToDo: Mugato: Sitting next to someone in an empty carriage

"Carriage"? Is it 1860 already?

Worse, it's Australia.

I suspect the I'm-hurrying-up-please-don't-change-your-mind-and-run-me-over jog is more of a specifically Australian thing, I'd be interested to know if it's not.


We do the mini jog in mississippi, too. Most places here don't have much foot traffic so were not quite as comfortable walking in front of cars as they are in more populous cities.
 
2013-10-24 06:42:12 AM  
When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES!"
 
2013-10-24 06:43:21 AM  

log_jammin: SomethingToDo: I suspect the I'm-hurrying-up-please-don't-change-your-mind-and-run-me-over jog is more of a specifically Australian thing, I'd be interested to know if it's not.

I started to say that we do it here too, but then I realized I do it, but I don't think a lot of people do that.

Now I'm just unsure, confused and afraid.


I do that (rural NS). I think it gives the message that I appreciate that you've actually slowed and/or stopped, and will try to not keep you waiting longer than necessary. So far, I've not been run over.
 
2013-10-24 06:45:17 AM  
Do it to them before they do it to you.

People are stupid.  Connect the dots for them.
 
2013-10-24 06:47:16 AM  
Never cheat on your taxes.  The IRS can destroy lives.  I've seen it.

After a year or two, that annoying and gross coworker you can't stand might end up being a treasured friend.  So don't be a dick those first few months.  Every real friend you ever had started out being annoying and gross.

Stop eating sugar.  Sugar is bad.

Dogs are just as good, or perhaps better than children.

Find an activity that you dedicate more hours per day to than "messing with your cel phone."  It might be drawing, reading, working out, knitting, building sheds, dancing nude, or lurking in the trees.  Whatever it is, make sure that the number of hours you spend doing it is always > the hours you spend messing with your stupid useless phone.

The only acceptable thing to buy at McDonalds is coffee.  Nothing else.

When a teabagger starts spewing the latest garbage about what Obama's doing to destroy America, brush their concerns aside and redirect the conversation to focus on the Illuminati, the UN Secret Global Council, and the Otherworldly Alien Menace.  They will usually follow right along, or else leave you alone.
 
2013-10-24 06:47:44 AM  
Puff puff pass
 
2013-10-24 06:56:01 AM  

Sgygus: Don't bogart.


And don't harsh someone's mellow.
 
2013-10-24 06:59:06 AM  
Do not taunt the Happy Fun Ball.
 
2013-10-24 06:59:21 AM  
fark you, pay me.
 
2013-10-24 06:59:26 AM  

HotIgneous Intruder: Submit homophobic links to fark and giggle when they get greenlighted.


That's gay.
 
Displayed 50 of 312 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report