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(Salon)   Long beards are indelibly linked to manliness, humility, conservatism - according to this columnist who's clearly never set foot in Brooklyn   (salon.com) divider line 50
    More: Dumbass, bandwagon effects, traditional values  
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2233 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Oct 2013 at 4:21 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-23 04:22:21 PM  
Spurious correlations FTW!
 
2013-10-23 04:23:13 PM  
He got one of those right.  Most women don't grow beards, so they are "manly".

I wear a beard because I am vain and I look better with one and I'm pretty damn liberal.
 
2013-10-23 04:24:01 PM  
Hell sounds like a intelligent, well thought out and masterfully executed study...
 
2013-10-23 04:24:18 PM  
He obviously never had an old hippie who thought he was Gandalf living in a VW van in their back yard.
 
2013-10-23 04:24:54 PM  
The secret conservative message of the "Duck Dynasty" beards

i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-23 04:25:34 PM  
Hipsters don't grow beards.  A beard is manly.  Hipsters are growing facial pubes
 
2013-10-23 04:26:00 PM  
Salon is the liberal Brietbart.com.
 
2013-10-23 04:26:25 PM  
global3.memecdn.com
 
2013-10-23 04:27:53 PM  
Salon hits another one out of the park with its free-wheeling "journalism"
 
2013-10-23 04:28:43 PM  
Homelessness
 
2013-10-23 04:29:01 PM  
More like Dearborn, MI.
 
2013-10-23 04:29:40 PM  
img2-3.timeinc.net

"Does this beard make me look manly?"
 
2013-10-23 04:30:12 PM  
22.4% less bathroom time in the morning.
 
2013-10-23 04:31:22 PM  

SirTanon: "Does this beard make me look manly?"


What you did there, I see it.
 
2013-10-23 04:32:33 PM  
I long for the day when our long national nightmare to be over, the day that people, when seeing my giant beard, will once again shout out "HEY! ZZ TOP!" in stead of "HEY! DUCK DYNASTY!"

really, It took me a month of that to figure out what the hell was going on
 
2013-10-23 04:36:56 PM  
I'm sporting a massive unkempt hobo beard. But it's only because I don't give enough of a fark to shave.

/fark people and their opinions on how someone should look.
 
2013-10-23 04:38:21 PM  

Cerebral Knievel: I long for the day when our long national nightmare to be over, the day that people, when seeing my giant beard, will once again shout out "HEY! ZZ TOP!" in stead of "HEY! DUCK DYNASTY!"


I get those both in relatively equal proportions.  Although we're approaching the holidays, so I suppose I can look forward to trading some of those out for "HEY! Do you work as a mall Santa?"
 
2013-10-23 04:38:51 PM  
Maybe in Louisiana.

In the northeast/mid-Atlantic, beards are almost exclusively the domain of liberals. Conservatives never have more than a goatee.
 
2013-10-23 04:39:47 PM  
scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net

anthropology.msu.edu

cowgarage.com


The reason I have an epic beard is I have a mole on my cheek I kept nicking with the razor. So I decided to stop cutting it for a few weeks, which turned into months, and will be a year next week.

Of course, mom still gave me a case of Mach3 razors for xmas.

/A lot of my epic is because I have a giant beard on a giant head.
 
2013-10-23 04:39:59 PM  
Long beards are the creepiest thing a man can wear. It's like sex repellent.
 
2013-10-23 04:44:57 PM  
Works for me.  I have a beard and I'm something like a thousand times as humble as anyone I've ever met.

/obvious Weird Al joke here
 
2013-10-23 04:47:19 PM  
BEARD THREAD DECLARED

BEARD OFF HAS BEGUN, POST YOUR BEARDS YOU MANLY MEN OF FARK

i58.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-23 04:48:24 PM  
Not to the Romans. The patrician classes among the Romans were very strict about shaving and plucking of facial and body hair.

Nor to the ancient Egyptians who were even more fanatical than the Romans about shaving of all body hair - facial, head and body as a matter of hygiene and cleanliness.
 
2013-10-23 04:48:35 PM  

Esroc: I'm sporting a massive unkempt hobo beard. But it's only because I don't give enough of a fark to shave.

/fark people and their opinions on how someone should look.



Same here, but I have a 4 month old daughter now and don't have the time/farks to care anymore.
 
2013-10-23 04:54:05 PM  

elev8meL8r: Cerebral Knievel: I long for the day when our long national nightmare to be over, the day that people, when seeing my giant beard, will once again shout out "HEY! ZZ TOP!" in stead of "HEY! DUCK DYNASTY!"

I get those both in relatively equal proportions.  Although we're approaching the holidays, so I suppose I can look forward to trading some of those out for "HEY! Do you work as a mall Santa?"


amuzingly enough, I work in a brewery, the beard started out as winter insulation, then turned into a trade mark, then the marketing department started to dress me up like Santa to go bar hopping around town.

but.. even before then... I could be out and about a gaggle of kids would ofte shout out "SANTA!" as I walked by, the parents would be horribly embarrassed, but I would just drop into character, letting them know I'm dressed in my civies and not to tell anyone, but I'm checking things out and trying to lay low. then I would answer all thier questions to the best of my ability.
 
2013-10-23 04:55:32 PM  
Well, that's just like - his opinion, man

/.jpg
 
2013-10-23 04:57:37 PM  
My studies have shown that beards are associated with people who hate to shave, or broke their electric razor.

/It is suspected that this group may also have excessive hair on other parts of their bodies
/but the researcher didn't bother to check.
 
2013-10-23 04:58:27 PM  
 
2013-10-23 05:05:54 PM  

way south: My studies have shown that beards are associated with people who hate to shave, or broke their electric razor.

/It is suspected that this group may also have excessive hair on other parts of their bodies
/but the researcher didn't bother to check.


dont care to shave, and electric shavers are horrible anyways. use a set of clippers to keep things in check

I am personaly "tastefully hairy", or "Viking hairy" else where.

this also depends on which "other parts" are in question.
 
2013-10-23 05:06:34 PM  
Salontards...
 
2013-10-23 05:12:06 PM  
Is it just me, or was Salon, at some time, a pretty legit online mag?
 
2013-10-23 05:16:10 PM  
Next up on Salon:

A woman who hasn't watched one episode of Uncle Grandpa, but.....like, rape culture.

And a man with a degree in stuff discusses whether the 1960s Little Debbie logo is slut-shaming or fat-shaming or just plain bullying the LGBT/QRSTUVWXYZ community of tomorrow.
 
2013-10-23 05:57:33 PM  
adversariometapolitico.files.wordpress.com

Ladies.
 
2013-10-23 06:01:32 PM  

Esroc: I'm sporting a massive unkempt hobo beard. But it's only because I don't give enough of a fark to shave.

/fark people and their opinions on how someone should look.


Hey lady, no one here's judging you.
 
2013-10-23 06:37:32 PM  
Beards in Brooklyn

blogs.reuters.com
www.theyeshivaworld.com
 
2013-10-23 06:48:16 PM  
img.bleacherreport.net
 
2013-10-23 07:08:00 PM  
A long beard reminds of the Pressman on our two-color A.B.Dick 360 press.

We warned him and warned him, then one day ...BAM face first into the machinery.
 
2013-10-23 07:32:04 PM  
Maybe they are fans of a good NHL team and participate in Fark Hockey Playoff threads?

That's my excuse, but I only let mine get real scraggly during the playoffs.

I keep mine full and medium length.
 
2013-10-23 07:35:03 PM  
I tried to grow a long beard a couple years ago but it gave me the willies when the wind blew my face hair over my ears.
 
2013-10-23 08:35:45 PM  
I get the impression that beards are coming into fashion with some young hipsters--serious, time- and money-consuming, Neo-Victorian beards with waxed mustaches. This probably happens about two, three times a century. In the 1800s it happened during the Napoleonic Wars, during the Crimean War, and again in the 1890s before the Boer War. We are not talking hippy or redneck beards. We are talking gorgeous dandies who go whole-hog.
 
2013-10-23 09:16:48 PM  
I shave twice a week whether I need to or not.
 
2013-10-23 09:18:32 PM  
I didn't grow one this year but I grow a crazy hillbilly beard that puts them duck call salesmen to shame
 
2013-10-23 09:55:00 PM  
GF out of town for a few weeks, so, I'm full beardo.  But, seriously, since I was 16, not matter what I do, I first break out and then my skins starts to flake when I shave, and I'm in my late 30s.
/takes a week for a full beard to grow.
//lack much body hair outside the obvious areas
///tmi
 
2013-10-23 10:02:03 PM  
I've got  the kind of beard that you see in the pictures of regular soldiers from the american civil war. Had it off and on since I was 15. My fiancee keeps trying to get me to shave or at least trim, but I'm holding out as long as i can.
 
2013-10-23 10:23:56 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com

metaltalk.net

/hawt
 
2013-10-23 10:42:09 PM  
Welsh/Native American blood. The best I can do is a goatee and mustache, and it never softens up or becomes comfortable. I tried a few times and gave up after months of growth with no advance in the comfort level.

But that's fine. It has long white streaks in it, and it ages me a lot. I'm better off without it.
 
Skr
2013-10-23 11:14:45 PM  
At a certain point of life they all start looking like santa claus though


/stubbled
 
2013-10-23 11:46:26 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Long beards are the creepiest thing a man can wear. It's like sex repellent.


True that. There is nothing remotely sexy about a long-azz, unkempt, God-knows-what's-living-in-there beard. Any woman sharing a bed with one of those should stop all ladyscaping.
 
2013-10-24 08:09:19 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: A long beard reminds of the Pressman on our two-color A.B.Dick 360 press.

We warned him and warned him, then one day ...BAM face first into the machinery.


I guess you could say he...stepped on his Dick?
 
2013-10-24 04:25:53 PM  

WalMartian: ecmoRandomNumbers: Long beards are the creepiest thing a man can wear. It's like sex repellent.

True that. There is nothing remotely sexy about a long-azz, unkempt, God-knows-what's-living-in-there beard. Any woman sharing a bed with one of those should stop all ladyscaping.


Some of us like that, too.
 
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