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(Today)   First-borns: your parents really did love you more than your later siblings   (today.com) divider line 81
    More: Obvious, parenting styles, George Hotz, parental involvement, brothers, longitudinal study  
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4500 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Oct 2013 at 1:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-23 01:11:55 PM  
No, my parents got teen-pregnant with me, and let me know throughout my childhood in multiple, daily passive-aggressive remarks that they saw me as the embodiment of all their crushed hopes and dreams, and took all their repressed rage and frustration out on me at the slightest infraction.

My younger sister, who was planned, was a golden child who could do no wrong in their eyes.
 
2013-10-23 01:14:19 PM  
We call our first born the "practice  kid".
 
2013-10-23 01:15:22 PM  
Bzzzzzzt.

I'm the youngest of 3 and my parents adore me.  Take that headline!
 
2013-10-23 01:16:13 PM  
I knew it! In your face, younger siblings.
 
2013-10-23 01:20:17 PM  
Im chinese, so its always been the higher you are in the rank the better you are treated. Nothing new.
 
2013-10-23 01:20:35 PM  
Maybe true as kids, but now that my older sibling has become somewhat of a failure, not so much.  I'm the last hope for familial success.
 
2013-10-23 01:25:03 PM  
Yeah, try telling that to my dad. I was the first born and he hated me. And he made sure to tell me every day. Yet he loved my younger brother, at least as much as an abusive asshole can.
 
2013-10-23 01:25:09 PM  

Best Princess Celestia: Im chinese, so its always been the higher you are in the rank the better you are treated. Nothing new.


Rank as in age or rank as in gender?
 
2013-10-23 01:25:49 PM  

wxboy: Maybe true as kids, but now that my older sibling has become somewhat of a failure, not so much.  I'm the last hope for familial success.


They didn't say success they said performed better in school and had higher IQs. it is ok you missed that tho, not being first born gives you an excuse

;)
 
2013-10-23 01:26:49 PM  

wxboy: Maybe true as kids, but now that my older sibling has become somewhat of a failure, not so much.  I'm the last hope for familial success.


I'm not a failure, but I'm sure as heck not doing what my Mom would hope.  So she bragged about me when we were growing up, and now my brother's got all that.  On the plus side, less breathing down my neck.  My Dad never played favorites or micromanaged, though.  Still doesn't, just loves us both.  My dad rules.

Anyhow, first kid as "practice kid" is totally true.  I was kinda annoyed growing up that milestones I had to work so hard to reach (being allowed to cross the main roads on my bike, whatever) my brother got about the same time I did despite being 2 1/2 years younger.  He definitely benefited from the lack (well, relatively speaking) of helicoptering from Mom.
 
2013-10-23 01:26:50 PM  
Momma always loves the youngest more...forever the baby.
 
2013-10-23 01:27:54 PM  
If my parents loved me more, I'd hate to think how they feel about my sister.
 
2013-10-23 01:29:32 PM  
This is not exactly new info: loads of studies show that first-born children have higher IQs, do better in school, and are perceived as more successful by their parents.

As the fourth and final child in my family I find this very....baddening and hurtening. I'm going to punch my dad right in the uterus for this trapestry.
 
2013-10-23 01:29:42 PM  

BKITU: No, my parents got teen-pregnant with me, and let me know throughout my childhood in multiple, daily passive-aggressive remarks that they saw me as the embodiment of all their crushed hopes and dreams, and took all their repressed rage and frustration out on me at the slightest infraction.

My younger sister, who was planned, was a golden child who could do no wrong in their eyes.


Ugh, I'm sorry. :(

BFletch651: We call our first born the "practice  kid".


My mom says that kids should be like waffles: you just throw that first one away because it always comes out messed up.


And while I totally believe this study, it was definitely not true in my family. Yes, my older brother got all the attention, and he is literally a genius . However, I'm no mental slouch (IQ 135 to his 145), and I always got better grades than he did because he was a lazy student. Hell, my high school GPA was 0.31 points higher than his, and I took 6 AP classes while he only took 1. The farker got a B in regular English! And then he coasted through college while I busted my ass and made the Dean's List. He was the apple of my parents' eyes until we became adults and they realized that he's kind of dumbass about life and I actually have my shiat together. And that, folks, is the difference between INT and WIS. The fact that my brother doesn't realize he has a Wisdom score of 8 is further proof that he has a Wisdom score of 8.

/and now that I've humble-bragged about my IQ, I'd better make sure I don't have any typos.
 
2013-10-23 01:30:19 PM  
BAAAAHAHAHAAHAAA *wipes tear* oh that's...that's...just no. Nope.

But hey, I'm better in school!!! So...so that's... aw fark I'm sad now.
 
2013-10-23 01:31:10 PM  
We know.
 
2013-10-23 01:33:45 PM  

BKITU: No, my parents got teen-pregnant with me, and let me know throughout my childhood in multiple, daily passive-aggressive remarks that they saw me as the embodiment of all their crushed hopes and dreams, and took all their repressed rage and frustration out on me at the slightest infraction.

My younger sister, who was planned, was a golden child who could do no wrong in their eyes.


Me too!

/like looking in a mirror
 
2013-10-23 01:35:37 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: Yeah, try telling that to my dad. I was the first born and he hated me. And he made sure to tell me every day. Yet he loved my younger brother, at least as much as an abusive asshole can.


My dad was the apple of his dad's eye... until my uncle Bob was born, when my dad was 5. And from that moment on, Bob was the apple of my grandfather's eye and my dad was worthless to him. One year for Christmas, Bob got a bike and my dad got a diving mask. Seems equitable. Bob also got the $450,000 house when his parents died, while my dad got nothing. And that makes it sound like Bob had no say in the matter. He did. Five years before my grandmother died (my grandfather was already gone), my grandmother sold the house to my uncle for $2000. Because it's what my grandfather would have wanted. In short, my grandparents were assholes, and my uncle IS an asshole. I never would have done that to my siblings. Ever.

Families suck.
 
2013-10-23 01:37:02 PM  
Definitely the golden child of my family.
 
2013-10-23 01:37:39 PM  
My parents love me more than my sister... and rightly so, I would say

/kidding... Amy, if you see this, Happy Birthday
 
2013-10-23 01:38:21 PM  

BKITU: No, my parents got teen-pregnant with me, and let me know throughout my childhood in multiple, daily passive-aggressive remarks that they saw me as the embodiment of all their crushed hopes and dreams, and took all their repressed rage and frustration out on me at the slightest infraction.

My younger sister, who was planned, was a golden child who could do no wrong in their eyes.



See my mother was in no way that cruel.  First she wouldn't beat around the bush with passive aggressiveness and second she made sure that we knew we all had an equal part responsibility in the daily "You kids ruined my life..." speech.
 
2013-10-23 01:38:40 PM  
Yes, we know.

GRCooper: We know.


This.

Glad this went green so my Liter brother will see it. :)
 
2013-10-23 01:41:44 PM  
WHAT ABOUT ONLY CHILDREN!?!?!?!??!

/tantrum all up in this biatch
 
2013-10-23 01:44:05 PM  
They loved him more until he turned 13 and became a teenager, always got into fights, was peer pressured into everything by his "friends", barely finished high school and now has no job, and a 3 year old son he never get to see (and my parents never get to see either).  Any time my parents see him it usually ends up in him yelling at them and blaming them for such a crappy life.

Where as I graduated in the top of my class, went on to get a college education, have a good job, get married and have two children that my parents get to dote on whenever they want to, and have a good relationship with my parents.

If I remember correctly, we were treated equally growing up.  The only difference is I learned from the mistakes he made and had a better group of friends.
 
2013-10-23 01:44:07 PM  

lesliessexxy: WHAT ABOUT ONLY CHILDREN!?!?!?!??!

/tantrum all up in this biatch


Then your parents love your older cousins/second cousins/neighbours' kids more.
 
2013-10-23 01:45:55 PM  
Yeah, my brother (the first-born) grew up to be the self-important narcissist he was groomed to be since birth. No question.

I was generally regarded as a puzzle, a weirdo, a minor annoyance (due to being constantly picked on and beat up)... but mostly harmless. Whatever.

My sister was the Big Disappointment. And they still never miss a chance to let her know.
 
2013-10-23 01:47:34 PM  

lesliessexxy: WHAT ABOUT ONLY CHILDREN!?!?!?!??!

/tantrum all up in this biatch


Speaking as the father of an only, let me say this... you probably got away with farking murder. And still do.
 
2013-10-23 01:47:36 PM  
2KanZam:
See my mother was in no way that cruel.  First she wouldn't beat around the bush with passive aggressiveness and second she made sure that we knew we all had an equal part responsibility in the daily "You kids ruined my life..." speech.

Apparently, if I actually listened to my parents, I would know that they could have been (him) a doctor, (her) an accountant and could have lived in Switzerland and I am so ungrateful to not almost have a European education.

But no, they sacrificed all that because of me.  Note the "because of", not "for".
 
2013-10-23 01:48:11 PM  

LarryDan43: Momma always loves the youngest more...forever the baby.


I think this goes for the oldest and the youngest for families with more than two children.  I come from a family of 5.  My older brother (oldest) and youngest sister were spoiled rotten.  Hell, my brother is STILL spoiled and he is in his 40's!

Middle children get shiat on.
 
2013-10-23 01:50:24 PM  

Highroller48: Yes, we know.GRCooper: We know.

This.

Glad this went green so my Liter brother will see it. :)


Primogeniture-high-five

Actually, tho, my siblings and I all get along great, and our folks are cool. The only weirdness is that I'm usually the go between for my parents nightmare dynamic (mom's the eldest of many, dad's the youngest of many - I'm a master of juggling passive-aggressive confrontations).
 
2013-10-23 01:53:09 PM  

BKITU: No, my parents got teen-pregnant with me, and let me know throughout my childhood in multiple, daily passive-aggressive remarks that they saw me as the embodiment of all their crushed hopes and dreams, and took all their repressed rage and frustration out on me at the slightest infraction.

My younger sister, who was planned, was a golden child who could do no wrong in their eyes.


Suck it up. You screwed up your parents life, man. Why do you have to be such a jerk about being so inconsiderate?
 
2013-10-23 01:54:07 PM  

lesliessexxy: WHAT ABOUT ONLY CHILDREN!?!?!?!??!

/tantrum all up in this biatch


They hated you so much they stopped having kids ...
 
2013-10-23 01:57:31 PM  
Semi-interesting factoid;

A study I read eons ago found that fighter pilots were disproportionally eldest children.

/always wanted to be a fighter pilot
 
2013-10-23 01:58:39 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: lesliessexxy: WHAT ABOUT ONLY CHILDREN!?!?!?!??!

/tantrum all up in this biatch

Speaking as the father of an only, let me say this... you probably got away with farking murder. And still do.


I don't anymore, but that's because I'm a "grown up".

GRCooper: lesliessexxy: WHAT ABOUT ONLY CHILDREN!?!?!?!??!

/tantrum all up in this biatch

They hated you so much they stopped having kids ...


They didn't have me!  They picked me out!

/adopted
 
2013-10-23 02:02:16 PM  
I never lived with my parents and have no siblings so I will just sit over here and plot my nefarious plans like TV says I should
 
2013-10-23 02:03:28 PM  
lesliessexxy:

They hated you so much they stopped having kids ...

They didn't have me!  They picked me out!

/adopted


I was just trying to give you a taste of what it's like to have a big brother ;-)
 
2013-10-23 02:15:29 PM  
Yeah, I'm gonna go with "no." My dad is pretty chill about it all, but even before their divorce (when I was 8 and lil' bro was 4) I knew that Little Brother was "special." Little bastard has always been the favored child.

Not to say I was unloved or uncared about...Just that Little Brother was always the golden boy. So I just adopted a "fark it" attitude, and made my own way. Great for my self-esteem and independence, in the long run.

/My mother still doesn't quite get why I don't make more of an effort to call.
//I don't feel like hearing her go on and on and on about every minute farking detail my now-25-year-old Little Brother has gotten himself up to in his now-6th year of college. ...Yeah, you read that right.
 
2013-10-23 02:16:13 PM  
My favorite thing is how vague 'being tough' on a child is.

Some people read that thinking "Yeah, they took away my TV time for a week once. What meanies!", and others read that and remember psychological abuse they're still working through. But let's pretend it's all the same, and only drives children to greatness.

/what a first born child whose parents were tough on him may look like
 
2013-10-23 02:20:10 PM  

slapmastered: //I don't feel like hearing her go on and on and on about every minute farking detail my now-25-year-old Little Brother has gotten himself up to in his now-6th year of college. ...Yeah, you read that right.


blogs.desmoinesregister.com
 
2013-10-23 02:21:10 PM  

LarryDan43: Momma always loves the youngest more...forever the baby.


My parents really tried not play favourites but my little brother was and still is Momma's boy. I was Daddy's girl though.

//miss him like hell everyday
//love my mom but not the same
 
2013-10-23 02:30:07 PM  
Growing up my little sister was labeled the "fragile" one and I was labeled the "independent" one.  My sister got all the attention while I was always told to work it out myself.  This has resulted in my sister being the one who our mom runs to whenever there is an issue, since I am "cold" and "uncaring".  biatch, you made me this way...
It did make me more independent, but it also made me un-trusting of my own feelings.  I worked that one out with a little help and feel much, much better for it.
 
2013-10-23 02:33:57 PM  

slapmastered: Yeah, I'm gonna go with "no." My dad is pretty chill about it all, but even before their divorce (when I was 8 and lil' bro was 4) I knew that Little Brother was "special." Little bastard has always been the favored child.

Not to say I was unloved or uncared about...Just that Little Brother was always the golden boy. So I just adopted a "fark it" attitude, and made my own way. Great for my self-esteem and independence, in the long run.

/My mother still doesn't quite get why I don't make more of an effort to call.
//I don't feel like hearing her go on and on and on about every minute farking detail my now-25-year-old Little Brother has gotten himself up to in his now-6th year of college. ...Yeah, you read that right.


Strangely, it's my golden boy older brother who never calls. I may not have been the favorite when I was a child, but I'm the favorite now that we're adults. I'm okay with that because adulthood lasts way longer than childhood.
 
2013-10-23 02:37:34 PM  

Mike Chewbacca: Strangely, it's my golden boy older brother who never calls.


Not saying this is the case for your folks, but often narcissistic parents pass on their narcissism to whoever they select as the golden child. In that sense being the scapegoat child is better in the long run.
 
2013-10-23 02:38:58 PM  
My mother sat me down very early and told me to develop job skills because I would never be as smart as my brother or as pretty as my sister.  Years later, she would complain that I was a cynical biatch.

Bite me, mom.
 
2013-10-23 02:42:16 PM  

cherryl taggart: My mother sat me down very early and told me to develop job skills because I would never be as smart as my brother or as pretty as my sister.  Years later, she would complain that I was a cynical biatch.

Bite me, mom.


Funnily enough, my mom said something similar to me. I was never gonna be pretty or popular or athletic, (the unspoken like your little sister was there), so I'd better be smart or I'd never amount to anything in life and she'd be damned if any of her kids was gonna be a failure.

\I'm the reminder of her first marriage, and short and curvy where everyone else is tall and skinny and blonde
\\ Then I came out of the closet and I REALLY was the unfavorite
\\\ Funnily enough my mom was the oldest too and got passed around from relative to relative because her own parents didn't give a f*** about her.
 
2013-10-23 02:43:26 PM  
What if the older sibling is an asshole?
 
2013-10-23 02:43:32 PM  

frepnog: slapmastered: //I don't feel like hearing her go on and on and on about every minute farking detail my now-25-year-old Little Brother has gotten himself up to in his now-6th year of college. ...Yeah, you read that right.

[blogs.desmoinesregister.com image 502x334]


Hilariously, that's not far off.

/He's heavily involved in a Frat
//He drinks more than he should...but hides it (from mom, anyway)
///He's virtually guaranteed to not be able to find gainful employment in his field of study. He wants to be a conductor (musical). ...I'll pause a moment for your laughter.
 
2013-10-23 02:54:02 PM  
It might seem like I'm the most successful of the two siblings; steady job, full benefits, pension, etc.  But when it comes to following their dreams and living the way they want to, my 'little' brother (he's 6 years younger) is definitely the most successful one.  He follows around what's left of the Grateful Dead and Further Tour and etc, makes money as he needs it by cooking or selling pendants that he wire-wraps, and right now he's working on a farm in California, finding some peace of mind after a break-up with his girlfriend of a few years.

And I'm sitting behind a desk five days a week, 8 hours a day, in a government office building with no opening windows, wishing I were anywhere but here.  If my health didn't suck and I didn't need the medical benefits, I'd probably be working on a produce farm myself - hopefully owning my own farm down the road.  Or I'd chase my desires to become a professional fisherman.

Success all depends on how you interpret the word.
 
2013-10-23 02:55:33 PM  
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
 
2013-10-23 02:55:44 PM  

slapmastered: He wants to be a conductor (musical)


is there really a job market for that?
 
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