If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   Hate your spouse? No? Aw, that's sweet. You're a couple of lovebirds. Now, imagine a future where you both live to be 150 years old. Ready to kill yourself yet?   (slate.com) divider line 153
    More: Scary, personalized medicine, Emanuel Cleaver, Jetsons, Joel Garreau, hate  
•       •       •

9896 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Oct 2013 at 11:11 PM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



153 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-10-21 11:36:55 PM
Wow.

What a grimly biatchy, narrow-minded, and unappealing future. Men are gold-digging non-providers who ditch women for younger models, and women are breadwinners who still join the bitter ex-wives club before couging out and proclaiming their independence from the paradigm of love.

Why do I feel like this "article" is more about the author projecting her current emotional crises than it is about projecting a plausible future?
 
2013-10-21 11:39:46 PM
FTFA:  because humanity persists in thinking women should only partner with men their age or older, even as those men have taken younger second or third or fourth wives. In scenario F, our thinking changes and we decide that women, like men, should be able to dip down and date younger partners

It's not that "we think", it's that most men would take a younger version, because why not? What's next? Forcing men to court grannies?

Take a hike "feminism", you will not win this battle.
 
2013-10-21 11:40:13 PM

jaylectricity: I'm a drunk and she's very fat. We probably won't live too long.


She at least the kind of fat where she has big ole titties? That's something at least.
 
2013-10-21 11:41:16 PM
Longevity will create an increase in the number of people claiming "waifus" and "husbandos" as legal spouses. Eventually, this will result in the collapse of society and the possible extinction of humanity. It's already starting in Japan.

/moe ruins everything.
 
2013-10-21 11:41:48 PM

whistleridge: Why do I feel like this "article" is more about the author projecting her current emotional crises than it is about projecting a plausible future?


im guessing this is your first slate article.
 
2013-10-21 11:42:17 PM

Mr. Eugenides: What does Hallmark suggest for the 125th anniversary?


Let's see, if 75th anniversary is diamond, 125th anniversary would be oxygen.
 
2013-10-21 11:42:18 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: troggy: Quantum Apostrophe: Earguy: Longevity would suck.   Your money will run out, unless you work until age 100 or more.  The idea of working to age 100 is enough to make me want things to be like they are.

Then, let's assume that while lives may be extended, it's doubtful that sexuality and libido would be doubled.  So, let's say that menopause gets delayed until age 70, and people stop having sex at age 80 or 90.   That's another 80 or 90 years, not getting laid.

And driving.  Even if we live to be 170, do you trust a 110 year old person to drive?

Sure, technology won't help us and our social models are static.

Just look at how we're all the same since the 19th century.

You can commit slow suicide by refusing life extension technologies (but you haven't refused to use modern health care or indoor plumbing, eh?), but don't get in my way.

Swallowing the hateful ejaculate you produce after abusing yourself to Picard in ST:NG will not extend your life.

Sorry, but I'm HTH. HAND.

Let me know when you're ready to make sense and I'll give you a chance.


Stop jerking off to Star Trek, then licking your hand, then hate-farking space threads.

I'm Here To Help. Have A Nice Day.
 
2013-10-21 11:43:16 PM

jaylectricity: I'm a drunk and she's very fat. We probably won't live too long.


Yeah, but you'll be sober in the morning and she'll still be fat.

//Winston Churchill quote in there somewhere
 
2013-10-21 11:44:43 PM
Actually, if you both hate and love your spouse, it keeps things interesting.
 
2013-10-21 11:44:50 PM

craigzy: IamAwake: Subby:  I'd be perfectly ok with living to 150 with my wife.  Sorry that your life has been so unfortunate as to make you so jaded.

yours reads your fark post history too eh?


No, it's not her type thing.  She is the coolest person I know though, and despite being together since we were teens (I just hit 40) I still think she's the bomb.  But then again, I'm not a cynical, angry fark...so maybe that factors in somewhere.
 
2013-10-21 11:45:13 PM

craigzy: whistleridge: Why do I feel like this "article" is more about the author projecting her current emotional crises than it is about projecting a plausible future?

im guessing this is your first slate article.


Far from it. But I fail to see your implied point?
 
2013-10-21 11:45:42 PM

WhoopAssWayne: jaylectricity: I'm a drunk and she's very fat. We probably won't live too long.

Yeah, but you'll be sober in the morning and she'll still be fat.

//Winston Churchill quote in there somewhere


And the New England Patriots will still be the team I hate the most.  That and your mother is a mallard with a cold.
 
2013-10-21 11:47:02 PM
But by the time Ann and John Grant are 150, we may be living in a world where the family has itself become a kind of a cloud, a networked or latticed arrangement of relationships.

I know at least one family like that today. But maybe in the future, it won't just be them Hispanicals.


/hey, they are
//ain't a stereotype if true
 
2013-10-21 11:47:13 PM
Sounds awesome, actually!

Except for the running out of retirement money part...
 
2013-10-21 11:49:47 PM

DamnYankees: I know its rather unironic to say so, but I love my wife more than anything in the world. An extra 60 years would be fine with me.



Sorry, but she's banging the UPS guy.
 
2013-10-21 11:50:57 PM

troggy: Quantum Apostrophe: troggy: Quantum Apostrophe: Earguy: Longevity would suck.   Your money will run out, unless you work until age 100 or more.  The idea of working to age 100 is enough to make me want things to be like they are.

Then, let's assume that while lives may be extended, it's doubtful that sexuality and libido would be doubled.  So, let's say that menopause gets delayed until age 70, and people stop having sex at age 80 or 90.   That's another 80 or 90 years, not getting laid.

And driving.  Even if we live to be 170, do you trust a 110 year old person to drive?

Sure, technology won't help us and our social models are static.

Just look at how we're all the same since the 19th century.

You can commit slow suicide by refusing life extension technologies (but you haven't refused to use modern health care or indoor plumbing, eh?), but don't get in my way.

Swallowing the hateful ejaculate you produce after abusing yourself to Picard in ST:NG will not extend your life.

Sorry, but I'm HTH. HAND.

Let me know when you're ready to make sense and I'll give you a chance.

Stop jerking off to Star Trek, then licking your hand, then hate-farking space threads.

I'm Here To Help. Have A Nice Day.


Sorry, I just tried Google Translate from Utter Retard to English and your gibberish crashed the browser.

I just barely saw "space thread" before all my tabs disappeared and I looked around, no space thread here?
 
2013-10-21 11:51:19 PM

Big_Doofus: DamnYankees: I know its rather unironic to say so, but I love my wife more than anything in the world. An extra 60 years would be fine with me.


Sorry, but she's banging the UPS guy.


Yeah but he gets all his RealDoll replacement orifices a day early, so it evens out.
 
2013-10-21 11:52:37 PM

troggy: Brainsick: troggy: jaylectricity: I'm a drunk and she's very fat. We probably won't live too long.

Are you me?

I'd wager that you're most FARKers, if that's your criteria
;)

/Not me of course, I'm lazy but sober and she has an eating disorder

How do you read this site, much less post comments sober?

Also do you know a way to verbally aggravate an eating disorder? When I criticize her weight she just eats more.

I'm all about self-improvement.


1. A very loose definition of 'sober' (No alcohol, nothing harder than MJ, and that, like, once every 3 weeks or so) It helps that I was a raging drunk until I was 26 and was addicted to meth for a year...well, not HELPS, exactly
;)

2. The only surefire way I know to get a fat wife to lose weight is to divorce her, based on my friends' experience; I've only been married once...
 (Mrs. Brainsick had a string of asshole/loser guys who led to her eating issues, including her ex-husband; I do everything I can to fatten her up, actually)

3. Anonymity is a wonderful thing
(Got that, NSA?)
 
2013-10-21 11:53:59 PM
I just turned 30. If you're telling me I can have another 120 years with my wife instead of only the 60 we might hope for now, then sign me up!

cosmiquemuffin: Sounds awesome, actually!

Except for the running out of retirement money part...


Presumably people would work longer, especially since they would be in good health longer. All on average, naturally.
 
2013-10-21 11:54:13 PM

ISO15693: Don't ask me. I'm Mormon, and sealed to my wife for eternity. 150 years doesnt sound very long at all :)


Yeah, but you'll have a whole planet to play trust-me-I'm a-Nephilim with
 
2013-10-21 11:54:51 PM

simplicimus: Probably a future of term-limited marriage contracts and breeding permits, ala Larry Niven.


Pretty sure Heinlein was there first, with contractual and serial marriages in The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress.
 
2013-10-21 11:54:58 PM

T-Servo: I might need that long for my 401K to mature.


Yup.  Thanks for getting that ball rolling Ronald Reagan....

Seriously, can we get a peasant uprising yet or what????
 
2013-10-21 11:55:33 PM

FunkOut: Actually, if you both hate and love your spouse, it keeps things interesting.


Just don't simultaneously love and hate an ex when you have a young kid together. It might be interesting but it's also a living hell.
 
2013-10-21 11:56:42 PM

meat0918: Or, you might think a little more long term about everything, fundamentally changing how humanity looks at resource usage, keeping offspring lower, etc.

But to be honest, we can't go super longevity until we reliably and safely establish off planet colonies.


Will they offer me a chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure?
 
2013-10-21 11:56:52 PM

alabasterblack: T-Servo: I might need that long for my 401K to mature.

Yup.  Thanks for getting that ball rolling Ronald Reagan....

Seriously, can we get a peasant uprising yet or what????


I've got 15 years, +/-5.
 
2013-10-22 12:00:09 AM

Quantum Apostrophe: I just barely saw "space thread" before all my tabs disappeared and I looked around


Then came in to sh*t all over (badly written) futurism because that's your (self-chosen) role here on FARK? We know.

/keep yelling at clouds though, they deserve it!
 
2013-10-22 12:00:26 AM

FunkOut: Actually, if you both hate and love your spouse, it keeps things interesting.


I know! Everyone keeps telling you that you should cast her into the fire, but she's precious to you!
 
2013-10-22 12:01:39 AM
Is this putting the cart before the horse or sour grapes?
 
2013-10-22 12:01:57 AM

sendtodave: meat0918: Or, you might think a little more long term about everything, fundamentally changing how humanity looks at resource usage, keeping offspring lower, etc.

But to be honest, we can't go super longevity until we reliably and safely establish off planet colonies.

Will they offer me a chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure?


They'll actually be shooting you into the sun.
 
2013-10-22 12:02:43 AM

sendtodave: FunkOut: Actually, if you both hate and love your spouse, it keeps things interesting.

I know! Everyone keeps telling you that you should cast her into the fire, but she's precious to you!


Mount Doom?
 
2013-10-22 12:07:35 AM
Quantum Apostrophe:

I just barely saw "space thread" before all my tabs disappeared and I looked around, no space thread here?

No of course it's not. It's a life extension thread, your other bread and butter.

And I just figured out how life extension works in your mind.

Atoms don't age, as of course you know. And entropy is the fate of all matter in the universe as Newton taught us.

So instead of eating food from an external source, thus introducing entropy into your system, you merely recycle your own atoms! Your own urine, feces, and semen you happily lap up, for the sole purpose of regurgitating the same predictable shiat on Fark. You'll live forever this way. Good show!
 
2013-10-22 12:08:05 AM
Sure, I guess if you think marriage is just about raising kids. I mean, why bother staying together once that job's done, they're out of the house, and you're done playing with grand- and great-grandkids.

/already promised eternity to the SO
//don't see the big fuss about staying monogamous with somebody
 
2013-10-22 12:15:24 AM

FunkOut: sendtodave: FunkOut: Actually, if you both hate and love your spouse, it keeps things interesting.

I know! Everyone keeps telling you that you should cast her into the fire, but she's precious to you!

Mount Doom?


Mons Doom.
 
2013-10-22 12:16:07 AM

meat0918: sendtodave: meat0918: Or, you might think a little more long term about everything, fundamentally changing how humanity looks at resource usage, keeping offspring lower, etc.

But to be honest, we can't go super longevity until we reliably and safely establish off planet colonies.

Will they offer me a chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure?

They'll actually be shooting you into the sun.


Sounds exciting!
 
2013-10-22 12:16:32 AM

IamAwake: Subby:  I'd be perfectly ok with living to 150 with my wife.  Sorry that your life has been so unfortunate as to make you so jaded.


but would your wife be perfectly ok with you? are you certain?
the number of people that I know in unhappy marriages is legion.

what percentage are there because they are afraid not to be? lonely, hard, etc etc etc
what percentage are there because their religion damn them if they leave?
 
2013-10-22 12:18:11 AM

FunkOut: sendtodave: FunkOut: Actually, if you both hate and love your spouse, it keeps things interesting.

I know! Everyone keeps telling you that you should cast her into the fire, but she's precious to you!

Mount Doom?


Phoenix.
 
2013-10-22 12:18:22 AM

gerbilpox: namatad: Candygram4Mongo: Actually, I'm kind of okay with this...

Niven, Varley, Heinlein, Asimov, LeGuin, pretty much every SF author has taken stabs at this.
GUESS WHAT?!
The future is different!!

Varley and Heinlein writing about relationships and sexual identity are legendary.

If you could switch to the other gender and back, with 100% functionality, would you?
Would you after being one for 100 years? 500 years? 5000 years?

At some point you would get bored to death of what you have and want ANYTHING NEW!

Came here to mention Asimov. But how did gender changing come into this? Something on your mind?

/NTTAWWT


In "Changes" by Neil Gaiman, a cure for cancer is invented that basically reboots your DNA, but the side effect is that you wake up as the opposite sex every time you use it.  It becomes a social fad, and redefines the entire idea of gender.
 
2013-10-22 12:18:54 AM

meat0918: sendtodave: meat0918: Or, you might think a little more long term about everything, fundamentally changing how humanity looks at resource usage, keeping offspring lower, etc.

But to be honest, we can't go super longevity until we reliably and safely establish off planet colonies.

Will they offer me a chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure?

They'll actually be shooting you into the sun.


I see and like what you two did there.
 
2013-10-22 12:20:28 AM

DamnYankees: I know its rather unironic to say so, but I love my wife more than anything in the world. An extra 60 years would be fine with me.


Yeah, I don't care if it's uncool. I'm with you on this.
 
2013-10-22 12:20:57 AM
My take: I've had 20 years with her, and would give just about anything for another 100- even if it's under the same deal that Eos got for Tithonos.
 
2013-10-22 12:25:14 AM

namatad: but would your wife be perfectly ok with you? are you certain?
the number of people that I know in unhappy marriages is legion.


It's at least as absurd for you to believe that every marriage is unhappy as it would be for someone else to believe that every marriage is happy.
 
2013-10-22 12:28:45 AM
I'm sometimes the most cynical bastard in the world but at 48 I'm sort if ok with this. Not living to 150, but staying with the same person, yeah, I'm ok with that. Jesus, just think about starting all that shiat over. And family, Damn. My family is very far from perfect but I sure as he'll don't want to get a new one.
 
2013-10-22 12:32:10 AM
Any scifi fans out there, check out Drew Magary's novel The Postmortal, which is a more in-depth examination of what a catastrophe it would be for the world if it were possible for the bulk of humanity to become immortal.
 
2013-10-22 12:35:00 AM

Earguy: Longevity would suck.   Your money will run out, unless you work until age 100 or more.  The idea of working to age 100 is enough to make me want things to be like they are.

Then, let's assume that while lives may be extended, it's doubtful that sexuality and libido would be doubled.  So, let's say that menopause gets delayed until age 70, and people stop having sex at age 80 or 90.   That's another 80 or 90 years, not getting laid.

And driving.  Even if we live to be 170, do you trust a 110 year old person to drive?


I'm hoping that reaching an age where you're no longer a slave to the little head will be liberating. At least that's what I tell myself...
 
2013-10-22 12:35:53 AM

jayphat: TheOmni: djkutch: John marries a woman 20 years younger, ensuring he will have a partner who can look after his well-being, taking him to all his body-part-replacement appointments as he moves toward his first centennial.

Ann, at 120, takes a well-sculpted 70-year-old boyfriend, but prudently decides to live with rather than marry him.

Same shiat as now, but I gotta believe Ann is in pedo territory.

Half your age plus seven. At 120 that puts the floor at 67. So she's fine.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who references that formula.


No - the point of the article is that the old rigid rules and roles will be forgotten.

If you look at recent history, relationships have become far more flexible and varied.

"Formulas" will be gone
 
2013-10-22 12:37:49 AM

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: 150? I don't even plan on being 75....


Funny thing: all 74 year olds have changed their mind on that one
 
2013-10-22 12:48:26 AM
Don't worry, with socialized medicine in much of the world, obamacare in the USA, and pretty much nothing everywhere else, rest assured the general public will never get to use these regenerative technologies.

However Darth Chaney and various others of the ruling class and their minions will get to live for a very long time with these technologies.
 
2013-10-22 12:49:50 AM

mjjt: TeddyRooseveltsMustache: 150? I don't even plan on being 75....

Funny thing: all 74 year olds have changed their mind on that one


"Who wants to live to be 100? Someone who's 99." -- Bob Hope, before his 100th birthday.

"I'm so old, they cancelled my blood type." -- Bob Hope, after his 100th birthday.
 
2013-10-22 01:01:28 AM
Well I've been married for 34 years, and if I knew I'd be in for another 97 years, I don't think I could do it. I mean, I do love my husband, you don't stay married to someone for 34 years if you don't. He's a good man, sometimes too good. But it seems like his biggest wish is to be even more of a hermit than he has been all his life and football and movies is about as adventurous as he goes unless I push him.
I've gotten used to going out and doing things without him because I refuse to spend the rest of my life just sitting in front of a 72 inch TV screen. I have time to pursue things I put off because I had kids to raise and worked full-time too and I am not ready for a rocking chair built for two.
I'd go back to college and take every single class that tickled my fancy and go to a LOT more concerts! I'd also buy and restore that '64 1/2 Mustang I always wanted and learn to play bass guitar. And books! I'd buy soooooo many more books!
Boring is deadly, to the heart, to the soul and to a marriage.
 
2013-10-22 01:01:46 AM
There comes a time for every vampire when the idea of eternity becomes momentarily unbearable. Living in the shadows, feeding in the darkness with only your own company to keep, rots into a solitary, hollow existence. Immortality seems like a good idea, until you realize you're going to spend it alone. So I went to sleep, hoping that the sounds of the passing eras would fade out, and a sort of death might happen. But as I lay there, the world didn't sound like the place I had left, but something different.
[rock music begins]

Better. It became worthwhile to rise again as new gods were born and worshipped. Night and day, they were never alone. I would become one of them.
[feeds]

Whether it was that first meal, or a hundred years of rest, I'm not sure. But suddenly I was feeling better than ever. My senses so high they led me straight to the instrument of my resurrection, playing in my old house.
 
Displayed 50 of 153 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report