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(Dayton Daily News)   Don't go looking for vibrators in this Muslim-friendly sex shop   (daytondailynews.com) divider line 59
    More: Amusing, Muslims, Turkey, sex shops, sexual ethics, Erdogan  
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9658 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Oct 2013 at 4:14 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



59 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-21 03:59:37 PM
.... but expect plenty of hookahs!
 
2013-10-21 04:02:54 PM
Muslim-friendly sex shop
Muslim-friendly sex shop
Muslim-friendly sex shop

nope. No matter how many times you say it, it doesn't sound right.
 
2013-10-21 04:15:43 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Muslim-friendly sex shop
Muslim-friendly sex shop
Muslim-friendly sex shop

nope. No matter how many times you say it, it doesn't sound right.


It does if you read it while in a conga-line rhythm in a Ricky Ricardo voice.

Muslim friendly SEX shop!
Muslim friendly SEX shop!
1-2-3-4 SEX shop!
2-2-3-4 SEX shop!
C'mon everyone on the Lido Deck join in!

Muslim friendly SEX shop!....
 
2013-10-21 04:16:00 PM
Is it just an empty store?
 
2013-10-21 04:17:12 PM
Come for the sexy hijabs, stay for... uh, more of them.
 
2013-10-21 04:20:08 PM
I am guessing that it is like a normal sex shop but without all the porking?
 
2013-10-21 04:20:21 PM
Just for Men
 
2013-10-21 04:20:26 PM
Took a look.(PNSFW). Seems cool, except that whole "bella donna /spanish fly" stuff. I hope that doesn't have anything I think it does in it. Didn't see any vibrators, but I don't know of any hadith/fiqh that specifically prohibit that sort of thing--but I'm not an expert in that area.  I'm sure some more conservative communities are specifically tight-assed about it. Good thing humans don't have fingers that could be used for insertion in various orifices.
 
2013-10-21 04:21:37 PM
We don't sell vibrators for example, because they are not approved by Islam,"

Is there a commitee working on this?  Or a hadith on what is and isn't permissible to stick in one's hoo-hah?  Given the advances in hygiene in the past 1400 years, they chances of getting a horrible infection there have gone way down, so I think it's due for an update.

/I think there was a link on Fark ages ago about somebody asking Mohammed if it was permissible to do his wife from behind, and the answer being "from behind, but in the front."
 
2013-10-21 04:22:26 PM
They are neck massagers.
 
2013-10-21 04:23:37 PM
Here is what is forbidden:
- Sex before marriage
- Sex with someone other than your spouse
- Anal Sex
- Menstrual Sex
- Homosexuality
- Sex while Fasting in the Holy Month of Ramadan
- Sex while on the Holy Pilgrimage to the city of Makkah, Saudi Arabia.

Allah forbids you to do those things. He apparently must look the other way when it comes to dildos, and other sorts of devices people have sex with. So long as you stick to the above rules, Allah don't mind. Just toss him a wink and a nod at the next service, no problem.
 
2013-10-21 04:24:05 PM

brap: It does if you read it while in a conga-line rhythm in a Ricky Ricardo voice.


GET OUT OF MY HEAD, BRAP
 
2013-10-21 04:25:28 PM

brap: The Stealth Hippopotamus: Muslim-friendly sex shop
Muslim-friendly sex shop
Muslim-friendly sex shop

nope. No matter how many times you say it, it doesn't sound right.

It does if you read it while in a conga-line rhythm in a Ricky Ricardo voice.

Muslim friendly SEX shop!
Muslim friendly SEX shop!
1-2-3-4 SEX shop!
2-2-3-4 SEX shop!
C'mon everyone on the Lido Deck join in!

Muslim friendly SEX shop!....


That, my good man, that is comedy effing gold, right there.

I think that last laughter-induced fart was even lumpy, it was that funnay. My boss will just have to deal with me going home for a change of boxers.

+1, would chortle again
 
2013-10-21 04:27:05 PM

Somacandra: Took a look.(PNSFW). Seems cool, except that whole "bella donna /spanish fly" stuff. I hope that doesn't have anything I think it does in it. Didn't see any vibrators, but I don't know of any hadith/fiqh that specifically prohibit that sort of thing--but I'm not an expert in that area.  I'm sure some more conservative communities are specifically tight-assed about it. Good thing humans don't have fingers that could be used for insertion in various orifices.


So no butt plugs either?
 
2013-10-21 04:29:08 PM
It's a eugenicists dream...  Just spike the supplements with RU-486.
 
2013-10-21 04:29:52 PM
Muslims?
s3.jspenguin.org
Vibrators?
 
2013-10-21 04:30:51 PM
"Where are the Muhammed brand lubes?She's mature"
"Definitely not Halal, then."
 
2013-10-21 04:32:13 PM

lectos: I am guessing that it is like a normal sex shop but without all the porking?


i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-21 04:33:18 PM
Quality lube is important for the well-being of your 12-year-old wives.

/going straight to hell for that one.
 
2013-10-21 04:41:32 PM
Did you expect Islamic sex toys to tick?

www.travelsnitch.org
 
2013-10-21 04:42:04 PM
Fifty Shade of Burka.
 
2013-10-21 04:46:48 PM
I'm having a tough time figuring out what halal sex might be.  I'm pretty sure it means that the hooker needs to be conscious before you kill her and dispose of the body, though.

/that's incredibly tasteless and I'm going to someone's hell somewhere
 
2013-10-21 04:48:28 PM

farkingismybusiness: Muslims?
[s3.jspenguin.org image 400x235]
Vibrators?



DAMN YOU!!
 
2013-10-21 04:51:51 PM

Somacandra: Took a look.(PNSFW). Seems cool, except that whole "bella donna /spanish fly" stuff. I hope that doesn't have anything I think it does in it. Didn't see any vibrators, but I don't know of any hadith/fiqh that specifically prohibit that sort of thing--but I'm not an expert in that area.  I'm sure some more conservative communities are specifically tight-assed about it. Good thing humans don't have fingers that could be used for insertion in various orifices.


I think it's more along the lines of not admitting that women enjoy sex and not encouraging women to have sexual pleasure without a man involved.
 
2013-10-21 04:52:34 PM
Sure, no virbrators because that would not be halal... but cock rings are A-OK.
 
2013-10-21 04:55:56 PM
Guaranteed to rock the casbah
 
2013-10-21 04:56:06 PM
Muslim Sex Shop?  Is that like a cheese shop in a Monty Python skit?

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-10-21 04:56:20 PM

unyon: I'm having a tough time figuring out what halal sex might be.  I'm pretty sure it means that the hooker needs to be conscious before you kill her and dispose of the body, though.

/that's incredibly tasteless and I'm going to someone's hell somewhere


It's when you use your tongue and say 'halal' over and over.

60% of the time, it works every time.
 
2013-10-21 04:58:03 PM
thumbs.dreamstime.com
 
2013-10-21 05:09:45 PM
None too pleased about the lack of halal.

www.britishbattles.com
 
2013-10-21 05:12:48 PM

Somacandra: lectos: I am guessing that it is like a normal sex shop but without all the porking?

[i.imgur.com image 850x637]


Someone with photoshop skills needs to facebomb that pic with the guy at the top right.
 
2013-10-21 05:20:55 PM
Inflatable goat sex toy?
 
2013-10-21 05:38:29 PM
FTFA: Critics of Prime Minister  Erdogan...

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-10-21 05:43:11 PM
Do they carry the "Pound Me Prophet" Muhammad dildo?
 
2013-10-21 05:49:52 PM

poonesfarm: Do they carry the "Pound Me Prophet" Muhammad dildo?


Divine Interventions has some similar items
 
2013-10-21 06:19:44 PM
They sell Spanish Fly, but not vibrators?

Not really helping the whole "Islam is stuck in the tenth century" vibe it's putting out...
 
2013-10-21 06:20:55 PM
Butt plugs, of course. They'd been invented by 500 AD, after all.
 
2013-10-21 06:38:51 PM
Where are the inflatable goats?
 
2013-10-21 06:44:09 PM
Excepting the libido enhancers/retardants, it's more of a cosmetics shop than a sex shop.  Perfumes, ointments, shame-cave cleansers... no lingerie, pornography, or even contraceptives.
 
2013-10-21 06:46:46 PM

special20: Here is what is forbidden:
- Sex before marriage
- Sex with someone other than your spouse
- Anal Sex
- Menstrual Sex
- Homosexuality
- Sex while Fasting in the Holy Month of Ramadan
- Sex while on the Holy Pilgrimage to the city of Makkah, Saudi Arabia.

Allah forbids you to do those things. He apparently must look the other way when it comes to dildos, and other sorts of devices people have sex with. So long as you stick to the above rules, Allah don't mind. Just toss him a wink and a nod at the next service, no problem.


also remember that sex with your 6-year-old wife is totally okay.
 
2013-10-21 06:59:48 PM

uncleacid: They are neck massagers.


img.fark.net
 
2013-10-21 07:08:15 PM

special20: Sex while Fasting in the Holy Month of Ramadan


Fark!  No wonder these people are always pissed off.
 
2013-10-21 07:21:43 PM
Sex while Fasting in the Holy Month of Ramadan

Fark!  No wonder these people are always pissed off.



ROFL, had to read that twice, I thought at fist it said Sex while FISTING in the Holy Month of Ramadan
 
2013-10-21 07:26:41 PM

edmo: uncleacid: They are neck massagers.

[img.fark.net image 500x612]


Consumers Distributing  Cat # 407122
 
2013-10-21 07:28:18 PM
 
2013-10-21 07:39:36 PM

Somacandra: Took a look.(PNSFW). Seems cool, except that whole "bella donna /spanish fly" stuff. I hope that doesn't have anything I think it does in it. Didn't see any vibrators, but I don't know of any hadith/fiqh that specifically prohibit that sort of thing--but I'm not an expert in that area.  I'm sure some more conservative communities are specifically tight-assed about it. Good thing humans don't have fingers that could be used for insertion in various orifices.


*snerk*
I was a little confused by the "one time use stretching ring ornament" (a frilly cock ring?) until GIS revealed it's a vibrating cock ring. So they don't sell vibrators, unless they're "decoration" for the man. Okey dokey Loki, whatever works. "Oooh baby wear the ornament. I love it's uh, lacy feminine girl appeal." LOL
 
2013-10-21 07:41:01 PM
ran some of the subjects that caught my eye (the words "oral" and "anal") through a translator.  Still shuddering.  The levels of  " you're going to hell" exceed the  Westboro Baptists.
 
2013-10-21 07:55:13 PM

OscarTamerz: I'd expect some sort of stainless steel vaginal/anal protector sized for 8 year old brides so they don't die from internal hemorrhage on their wedding nights.  Inshallah


Maybe they should include sex-ed coloring books titled something like, What to expect now that you are married.
 
2013-10-21 08:03:36 PM

WordyGrrl: poonesfarm: Do they carry the "Pound Me Prophet" Muhammad dildo?

Divine Interventions has some similar items


The Baby Jesus buttplug is the best. That link is probably NSFW, BTW.
 
2013-10-21 08:22:13 PM

OscarTamerz: I'd expect some sort of stainless steel vaginal/anal protector sized for 8 year old brides so they don't die from internal hemorrhage on their wedding nights.  Inshallah


That's more of an African thing than a Muslim thing.
 
2013-10-21 08:24:57 PM

E5bie: Somacandra: Took a look.(PNSFW). Seems cool, except that whole "bella donna /spanish fly" stuff. I hope that doesn't have anything I think it does in it. Didn't see any vibrators, but I don't know of any hadith/fiqh that specifically prohibit that sort of thing--but I'm not an expert in that area.  I'm sure some more conservative communities are specifically tight-assed about it. Good thing humans don't have fingers that could be used for insertion in various orifices.

*snerk*
I was a little confused by the "one time use stretching ring ornament" (a frilly cock ring?) until GIS revealed it's a vibrating cock ring. So they don't sell vibrators, unless they're "decoration" for the man. Okey dokey Loki, whatever works. "Oooh baby wear the ornament. I love it's uh, lacy feminine girl appeal." LOL


Eh, that makes sense.  For conservative Christians and Muslims, yeah, sex is supposed to be for procreation but that doesn't mean it can't be fun at the same time.  That would be cool because it increases the enjoyment of sex when, in tern, increases procreation.
 
2013-10-21 09:19:57 PM
Makes sense to me. You buy toys because you don't wanna get porked for real, right?
 
2013-10-21 09:52:20 PM
special20:
Here is what is forbidden:
- Sex before marriage
- Sex with someone other than your spouse
- Anal Sex
- Menstrual Sex
- Homosexuality
- Sex while Fasting in the Holy Month of Ramadan
- Sex while on the Holy Pilgrimage to the city of Makkah, Saudi Arabia.

Allah forbids you to do those things. He apparently must look the other way when it comes to dildos, and other sorts of devices people have sex with. So long as you stick to the above rules, Allah don't mind. Just toss him a wink and a nod at the next service, no problem.



Wow, Mohammed really was a farking small, pathetic man, wasn't he?  I guess that's why he married a nine year old.

fumaga.com
 
2013-10-21 10:21:26 PM
And don't forget to include a nice Muslim-friendly chick flick to get the mood right:
 
2013-10-21 10:23:45 PM
And don't forget a nice Muslim-friendly chick flick to set the mood:

dianiko.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-10-21 10:52:16 PM
Wow, no wonder these guys are always pissed off, they have more backward sex rules than, I honestly don't know...

I think I have it figured out though, when they sin it's mindblowingly taboo for them, THAT"S what gets them off! The more sex rules there are the more they can break! The dirtier you make it the more fun it is!

Only they went through the looking glass and got all fanatical and beheady with their brand of purple drank!
 
2013-10-21 11:36:25 PM
Wow, what a coincidence, "Muslim-friendly sex shop" is the name of my Animotion cover band.
 
2013-10-22 02:25:12 AM
As far as sexual acts go, Islam forbids anal sex.  Anything else performed between a husband and wife is perfectly fine.  I actually have NO idea where this entire 'no vibrator' thing is coming from.  A consensually married couple is free to do whatever the hell they want.  I don't really know what the big deal is, or what is so backwards about that.  Isn't sodomy forbidden in every Abrahamic religion?
 
2013-10-22 09:25:39 AM

rkiller1: Fifty Shade of Burka.


Actually chuckled out loud...funny
 
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