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(Popular Science)   So, you've got your time machine built and ready. You've set it for the Civil War era. Now grab this map so you know where you can safely spread pollen without getting a nasty bug   (popsci.com) divider line 78
    More: Spiffy, syphilis, Broad Street, Children's Hospital Boston  
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11638 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Oct 2013 at 11:15 AM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-20 10:42:37 AM
If I had access to a time machine I probably wouldn't go back to a period before birth control, anti-biotics and electricity.
 
2013-10-20 11:01:44 AM
i1.ytimg.com

Say, I say, you can plainly see that the Yankees are thick with the pox!  Ain't no "bad blood" in the South!

That's a joke, son!
 
2013-10-20 11:17:13 AM
I'd probably go back to the 80s and set myself up for life.

That is, if I didn't overdose on cocaine, I suppose.
 
2013-10-20 11:21:43 AM
Well, of course Washington DC... You will never find a more  wretched hive of scum and villainy.
 
2013-10-20 11:23:54 AM
"Mr. President?  Just trust me when I say you really want to take a pass on the whole Reconstruction idea and instead just burn the entire Confederacy to the ground.   Also, give someone else your tickets to 'Our American Cousin.'"
 
2013-10-20 11:24:18 AM
Courtney Love as Rose Tyler?
 
2013-10-20 11:25:29 AM
The link between time-travel and venereal disease is undeniable.
 
2013-10-20 11:30:05 AM
FTFA: This 1875 map of the prevalence of sphyilis

Was gnrrororohehahaha aslo a pborlem then?  Or juts spleligng?
 
2013-10-20 11:30:08 AM
Based on what is greenlligted I know who the moderator is though I do not know them in person,,,,but they have taste....horrible bad taste;
just kiddin' chum alleviate your misderections with some 20's ole chum....why is it called ole' chum? we stopped caring decades begone
 
2013-10-20 11:31:19 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: I'd probably go back to the 80s and set myself up for life.

That is, if I didn't overdose on cocaine, I suppose.


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-20 11:35:25 AM

Trid_Kicker: FTFA: This 1875 map of the prevalence of sphyilis

Was gnrrororohehahaha aslo a pborlem then?  Or juts spleligng?


cdn.newsday.com
 
2013-10-20 11:36:14 AM

miss diminutive: If I had access to a time machine I probably wouldn't go back to a period before birth control, anti-biotics and electricity.


Indoor plumbing for me .
 
2013-10-20 11:37:27 AM
If I could go back in time, I'd do as much as possible to make myself look like Christ and go back to the very day he was suppose to have risen.... I'd bring pictures of myself and leave then all over the place to insure that folks knew that I, as Christ, actually looked like..... a combination Swed/Norw/German/Swiss/Spanish/Irish/Native American/French/English white dude.  I'd bring a .45 cal pistol and kill Pontius Pilate, all the Jews that were responsible for having my namesake killed.  I'd dress Mary up in my favorite fetish costume, fark her doggy style and then come back to present day where I would be the second coming for all to worship and adore.

yea... that's what I'd do.
 
2013-10-20 11:40:30 AM
"I didn't wear a condom.  I figured, 'When am I ever going to be in 1864 again?'"
 
2013-10-20 11:44:58 AM

OtherLittleGuy: Courtney Love as Rose Tyler?


Just anyone other than Bill cinder-block-jaw Piper. Whilst her music 'career' was bad, her 'acting' career should never have been allowed to become.
 
2013-10-20 11:46:16 AM

bim1154: If I could go back in time, I'd do as much as possible to make myself look like Christ and go back to the very day he was suppose to have risen


I'd arrive at about dusk, local time, with a camcorder.  I'd camp out a little distance away from the tomb, and wait.  A little video to capture the overnight activities might prove useful...
 
2013-10-20 11:49:24 AM
If I could go back in time I'd get Lee about 5x as many cannon and tell Longstreet and Pickett to flank, flank, flank .. not directly charge across the Wheatfield. I would also transport Specters, A-10s and Apache gunships and equip Lee's troops with flamethrowers, full auto M-4s, GAU-50s and rocket propelled grenade launchers.

But it wouldn't make any difference. The South would have been just as bad in charge of Washington as the vile North. Power corrupts and absolute, etc etc.

/the clap
 
2013-10-20 11:59:58 AM
Don't forget to bring a few crates of AK-47s with you.
 
2013-10-20 12:01:33 PM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: "I didn't wear a condom.  I figured, 'When am I ever going to be in 1864 again?'"


Bad idea.
 
2013-10-20 12:03:13 PM

Clemkadidlefark: If I could go back in time I'd get Lee about 5x as many cannon and tell Longstreet and Pickett to flank, flank, flank .. not directly charge across the Wheatfield. I would also transport Specters, A-10s and Apache gunships and equip Lee's troops with flamethrowers, full auto M-4s, GAU-50s and rocket propelled grenade launchers.

But it wouldn't make any difference. The South would have been just as bad in charge of Washington as the vile North. Power corrupts and absolute, etc etc.

/the clap


Yeah, without a modern oil-powered infrastructure, personnel and training, what would be the point? You think there were many helicopter pilots and gunners (and airfields with kerosene) just ready to go in 1863?

Maybe you should bring a 3D printer to amaze and astound the enemy with keychains ...
 
2013-10-20 12:04:55 PM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: "I didn't wear a condom.  I figured, 'When am I ever going to be in 1864 again?'"


BAD IDEA
 
2013-10-20 12:11:12 PM

RY28: miss diminutive: If I had access to a time machine I probably wouldn't go back to a period before birth control, anti-biotics and electricity.

Indoor plumbing for me .

hey, if the Pope doesn't need it, neither do I.

 
2013-10-20 12:12:28 PM
Civil War period? Why would you go there unless you're a US history buff?  I'd jump right back to 10000 BC with a my advanced future knowledge and be a god. Or I'd come out of the timestream and get clobbered and sacrificed to a blood god.  Good times those.
 
2013-10-20 12:13:25 PM

bigbobowski: RY28: miss diminutive: If I had access to a time machine I probably wouldn't go back to a period before birth control, anti-biotics and electricity.

Indoor plumbing for me .

hey, if the Pope doesn't need it, neither do I.


This is the most roundabout way to reference that joke I've ever heard.
 
2013-10-20 12:13:37 PM

Clemkadidlefark: If I could go back in time I'd get Lee about 5x as many cannon and tell Longstreet and Pickett to flank, flank, flank .. not directly charge across the Wheatfield. I would also transport Specters, A-10s and Apache gunships and equip Lee's troops with flamethrowers, full auto M-4s, GAU-50s and rocket propelled grenade launchers.

But it wouldn't make any difference. The South would have been just as bad in charge of Washington as the vile North. Power corrupts and absolute, etc etc.

/the clap


I'll clap for that post, dude
 
2013-10-20 12:13:52 PM

Clemkadidlefark: If I could go back in time I'd get Lee about 5x as many cannon and tell Longstreet and Pickett to flank, flank, flank .. not directly charge across the Wheatfield. I would also transport Specters, A-10s and Apache gunships and equip Lee's troops with flamethrowers, full auto M-4s, GAU-50s and rocket propelled grenade launchers.

But it wouldn't make any difference. The South would have been just as bad in charge of Washington as the vile North. Power corrupts and absolute, etc etc.

/the clap


Because slavery was such a better idea for the country!
 
2013-10-20 12:14:49 PM
No wonder it was so easy to get a fix to this time and place; everyone in this area would be dead of the blauenfevreclap in a few years.

/Not too obscure, I hope
 
2013-10-20 12:20:51 PM
Just once i wish someone with a time machine would go back to biblical times and solve the whole jesus thing once and for all
 
2013-10-20 12:22:40 PM

dfacto: Civil War period? Why would you go there unless you're a US history buff?  I'd jump right back to 10000 BC with a my advanced future knowledge and be a god. Or I'd come out of the timestream and get clobbered and sacrificed to a blood god.  Good times those.


That's the plot to Assassin's Creed.
 
2013-10-20 12:25:32 PM

Cheater71: Just once i wish someone with a time machine would go back to biblical times and solve the whole jesus thing once and for all


Because anyone who would create a time machine is too smart to believe in hokey religions anyway.  Doc Brown did think of it though when he was showing Marty how the time circuits worked.  But unless the DeLorean had geophysical displacement attributes he would have probably ended up in some tribal hunting grounds in 0 AD California.

\I know they could change geography in the cartoon, but it wasn't ever seen in the films.
 
2013-10-20 12:28:25 PM

Cheater71: Just once i wish someone with a time machine would go back to biblical times and solve the whole jesus thing once and for all


I have personally always thought that Jesus was the 14th doctor.
 
2013-10-20 12:29:43 PM
Judging by the mundane applications humanity has found for lasers, jet engines, robots and neural network, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that time travel is basically going to be used by wedding planners.
 
2013-10-20 12:30:27 PM
Fools, my machine wont allow time travel, it will only allow the viewing of past events. I'll use it to solve historical mysteries and debunk conspiracy theories,
I might also check out what some good looking celebs were doing a few seconds ago.

/Don't have a machine yet.
//Don't have any idea how it will work yet.
///I spend minutes every night in bed trying to figure it out.
 
2013-10-20 12:38:13 PM

Xcott: Judging by the mundane applications humanity has found for lasers, jet engines, robots and neural network, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that time travel is basically going to be used by wedding planners.


It will be a new and slightly more efficient way to stream reality TV shows.
 
2013-10-20 12:38:27 PM
1960's free love, no AIDS yet.
 
2013-10-20 12:43:27 PM
I don't need a 1875 map of the prevalence of syphilis to know to stay out of Racine, WI.
 
2013-10-20 12:51:40 PM
Well if you can always come back to current time, syphilis is one of those things that sound absolutely awful and in social situations you could never really joke about having it, but fact is its cured by simple antibiotic treatment(s) and that's it.

Only reason I know this is I had a few friends who overly sleazed it up in China when I was working there and they ran to the nearest doctor treating foreigners at first sign of some symptoms and one of them told me later that the doctor who was treating him said matter of fact, he does a ton of this for foreigners.  Lol.

So, yeah, if you are a time traveler and you want a taste of some pox ridden whore from Ye Olde London or the Civil Wars.... uh go for it!
 
2013-10-20 12:51:51 PM
Possible NY vectors?
ferdyonfilms.com
 
2013-10-20 12:55:30 PM

bim1154: If I could go back in time, I'd do as much as possible to make myself look like Christ and go back to the very day he was suppose to have risen.... I'd bring pictures of myself and leave then all over the place to insure that folks knew that I, as Christ, actually looked like..... a combination Swed/Norw/German/Swiss/Spanish/Irish/Native American/French/English white dude.  I'd bring a .45 cal pistol and kill Pontius Pilate, all the Jews that were responsible for having my namesake killed.  I'd dress Mary up in my favorite fetish costume, fark her doggy style and then come back to present day where I would be the second coming for all to worship and adore.

yea... that's what I'd do.


Jebuz, is there anything he can't do?
 
2013-10-20 01:07:12 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: bigbobowski: RY28: miss diminutive: If I had access to a time machine I probably wouldn't go back to a period before birth control, anti-biotics and electricity.

Indoor plumbing for me .

hey, if the Pope doesn't need it, neither do I.

This is the most roundabout way to reference that joke I've ever heard.

pitiful, I know. but thank you for acknowledging it.

 
2013-10-20 01:10:18 PM
If we didn't have syphilis, we wouldn't have the merkin.
 
2013-10-20 01:12:20 PM
If I had a time machine I'd go back and add an 11th commandment. "Thou shall not be a self-righteous prick."
 
2013-10-20 01:16:17 PM

AngryTimmy: I don't need a 1875 map of the prevalence of syphilis to know to stay out of Racine, WI.

i knew someone would say it...

 
2013-10-20 01:21:27 PM

SithLord: dfacto: Civil War period? Why would you go there unless you're a US history buff?  I'd jump right back to 10000 BC with a my advanced future knowledge and be a god. Or I'd come out of the timestream and get clobbered and sacrificed to a blood god.  Good times those.

That's the plot to Assassin's Creed.


I'm relieved to discover they've added a plot to that franchise.
 
2013-10-20 01:24:30 PM
I'd like to see the civil war era less than the 20,000th anniversary of human civilization.
 
2013-10-20 01:29:10 PM
So, a map of where a "philanderer" (a man, by definition) should not bareback other men...

RelevantToInterests.jpg

...for a lot of people here it would seem.
 
2013-10-20 01:31:01 PM
I wouldn't trust John Snow in regards to the cholera information. I have it on good authority that he knows nothing.
 
2013-10-20 01:32:03 PM
Just remember, if you go back in time the big diseases won't kill you because you have been vaccinated against them. You will probably pick up some bacteria or virus that you are no longer immune to because our sanitized water and food and hermetically sealed homes have eliminated exposure.
 
2013-10-20 01:33:26 PM

SithLord: Cheater71: Just once i wish someone with a time machine would go back to biblical times and solve the whole jesus thing once and for all

Because anyone who would create a time machine is too smart to believe in hokey religions anyway.  Doc Brown did think of it though when he was showing Marty how the time circuits worked.  But unless the DeLorean had geophysical displacement attributes he would have probably ended up in some tribal hunting grounds in 0 AD California.

\I know they could change geography in the cartoon, but it wasn't ever seen in the films.


The DeLorean would have to have had some sort of way to displace itself in space, otherwise Marty would have found himself floating in deep space when he jumped back to 1955.
 
2013-10-20 01:35:48 PM

catmandu: If we didn't have syphilis, we wouldn't have the merkin.




Crabs?
 
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