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(Daily Star)   Two words that you never want to see in the same headline: "penis" and "gnawing"   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line 53
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7766 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Oct 2013 at 9:46 AM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-20 09:11:31 AM
The bust-up was sparked by Mr Henderson sending a text to Martin to turn down the noise from his XBox.

So they got into a fight and one bit the other's penis? How does that even happen? Were they fighting in the nude?
 
2013-10-20 09:47:21 AM
I'll admit, the toothless took a little bit of the edge off that story.
 
2013-10-20 09:50:09 AM

miss diminutive: The bust-up was sparked by Mr Henderson sending a text to Martin to turn down the noise from his XBox.

So they got into a fight and one bit the other's penis? How does that even happen? Were they fighting in the nude?


this is why I sleep in a chastity belt
 
2013-10-20 09:51:51 AM
This brings back memories of my uncle.
 
2013-10-20 09:52:40 AM
library.thinkquest.org
 
2013-10-20 09:53:40 AM
"My willy was not attached to the rest of my body," said Mr Henderson, reports  .
"I have never experienced that kind of pain to this day and I don't want to experience it ever again."
Dad-of-one Martin had denied the horror attack.
"I didn't do that..I am not a gay man in any way," he told a jury.
"The thought of putting a man's penis in my mouth..well it's not for me.
"Not in a million years would I do it!"
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-10-20 09:54:23 AM
cdn.arwrath.com

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope
 
2013-10-20 09:59:27 AM
"I didn't do that..I am not a gay man in any way," he told a jury.
"The thought of putting a man's penis in my mouth..well it's not for me.
"Not in a million years would I do it!"


Where he's going, he'll have eight years to put that claim to the test. I wouldn't give him a week, personally...
 
2013-10-20 10:03:01 AM
"Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin
 
2013-10-20 10:06:59 AM
"I didn't do that..I am not a gay man in any way,"

I think he might have some misconceptions about what gay men like to do. Using teeth is generally frowned upon.
 
2013-10-20 10:10:29 AM
All this penis-gnawing is making me anxious.
 
2013-10-20 10:12:53 AM

bim1154: "My willy was not attached to the rest of my body," said Mr Henderson, reports  .


userserve-ak.last.fm
Check the medicine cabinet.
 
2013-10-20 10:14:16 AM
Here I was expecting it to be a story about a penis that grew teeth like an Alien tongue and was going all CHOMP GRAR CHOMP on things.

But truth is stranger than fiction, I suppose.
 
2013-10-20 10:14:34 AM
Judge Adele Williams

Wow. That's a surprising GIS.
 
2013-10-20 10:16:48 AM

gja: [cdn.arwrath.com image 500x255]

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope


cdn.arwrath.com
 
2013-10-20 10:17:07 AM
Hell, I pay extra for that.
 
2013-10-20 10:21:56 AM

miss diminutive: The bust-up was sparked by Mr Henderson sending a text to Martin to turn down the noise from his XBox.

So they got into a fight and one bit the other's penis? How does that even happen? Were they fighting in the nude?


mimg.ugo.com
 
2013-10-20 10:22:57 AM
"I have only got a couple of teeth in the lower part of my mouth...I can't even bite into a hard-boiled egg!" he told the jury.
He was asked to show the jury his lack of teeth, saying he had dentures but only used them for "cosmetic reasons".


Way to live up to bad British dentistry stereotypes, dude.
 
2013-10-20 10:28:43 AM

No Catchy Nickname: "I have only got a couple of teeth in the lower part of my mouth...I can't even bite into a hard-boiled egg!" he told the jury.
He was asked to show the jury his lack of teeth, saying he had dentures but only used them for "cosmetic reasons".

Way to live up to bad British dentistry stereotypes, dude.


d2npbuaakacvlz.cloudfront.net
 
2013-10-20 10:29:19 AM
Naked ladies selling coffins on that page, for anyone at work.
 
2013-10-20 10:35:31 AM
Speaking of things we don't want gnawing on our nether bits:
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-20 10:44:16 AM

ciberido: Speaking of things we don't want gnawing on our nether bits:
[25.media.tumblr.com image 400x296]


That just ruined my life, thanks.

/farking spiders
 
2013-10-20 10:46:36 AM

gja: [cdn.arwrath.com image 500x255]

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope  nope nope nope


You've got the right idea there.
shechive.files.wordpress.com
It's good to lie back and relax.
 
2013-10-20 10:50:31 AM

miss diminutive: ciberido: Speaking of things we don't want gnawing on our nether bits:
[25.media.tumblr.com image 400x296]

That just ruined my life, thanks.

/farking spiders


I am never going to poop again.
 
2013-10-20 10:53:45 AM
web.mit.edu
 
2013-10-20 10:54:18 AM

Mister Peejay: miss diminutive: ciberido: Speaking of things we don't want gnawing on our nether bits:
[25.media.tumblr.com image 400x296]

That just ruined my life, thanks.

/farking spiders

I am never going to poop again.


2.bp.blogspot.com

Why not?
 
2013-10-20 10:55:43 AM

unchellmatt: [web.mit.edu image 350x235]


zona9.ro

Everybody loves cats.
 
2013-10-20 11:59:46 AM
*scans headline*

*closes eyes tightly*


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-20 12:00:24 PM
No, sorry.  Something is bullshiat in this story.   It had to have started as a consensual blowjob.   I don't see how one person can attack another by biting their penis.
 
2013-10-20 12:07:28 PM

Spaced Lion: "Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin


Actually we had a story on here a few years back about a man waking up to another  man sucking his clock. He did call the police.
/ Bonus points in that the cocksucker was a anti-gay republican.
 
2013-10-20 12:27:32 PM

thatboyoverthere: Spaced Lion: "Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin

Actually we had a story on here a few years back about a man waking up to another  man sucking his clock. He did call the police.
/ Bonus points in that the cocksucker was a anti-gay republican.


I remember that for some really odd reason. I think the suckee was asleep on the couch and woke up to the sucker going down on him.

no thanks for the memory
 
2013-10-20 12:29:56 PM
Martin claimed he was bleeding from a "fat lip" he received from a punch.

"I have only got a couple of teeth in the lower part of my mouth...I can't even bite into a hard-boiled egg!" he told the jury.


The tootless mouth in question.
 
2013-10-20 12:31:48 PM

thatboyoverthere: Spaced Lion: "Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin

Actually we had a story on here a few years back about a man waking up to another  man sucking his clock. He did call the police.



Why would you suck another man's CLOCK?
 
2013-10-20 12:33:05 PM

ciberido: thatboyoverthere: Spaced Lion: "Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin

Actually we had a story on here a few years back about a man waking up to another  man sucking his clock. He did call the police.


Why would you suck another man's CLOCK?


NTTAWWT.
 
2013-10-20 12:34:02 PM

offmymeds: Martin claimed he was bleeding from a "fat lip" he received from a punch.

"I have only got a couple of teeth in the lower part of my mouth...I can't even bite into a hard-boiled egg!" he told the jury.

The tootless mouth in question.


And on the other end of the spectrum....
cdn.queenofwands.net
 
2013-10-20 12:34:39 PM

thatboyoverthere: Spaced Lion: "Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin

Actually we had a story on here a few years back about a man waking up to another  man sucking his clock. He did call the police.
/ Bonus points in that the cocksucker was a anti-gay republican.


I would call the police too if I found someone in my house sucking my clock.  That's just common sense, right there.
 
2013-10-20 12:36:19 PM
Well, now he can work on his technique in prison.
 
2013-10-20 12:38:58 PM

Coco LaFemme: thatboyoverthere: Spaced Lion: "Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin

Actually we had a story on here a few years back about a man waking up to another  man sucking his clock. He did call the police.
/ Bonus points in that the cocksucker was a anti-gay republican.

I would call the police too if I found someone in my house sucking my clock.  That's just common sense, right there.


This thread is about spiders AND clocks now.
brojsimpson.com
Awesome.
 
2013-10-20 12:45:05 PM

ciberido: Coco LaFemme: thatboyoverthere: Spaced Lion: "Here's something that no one's ever said before: Stop sucking my dick or I'm calling the police!"

-George Carlin

Actually we had a story on here a few years back about a man waking up to another  man sucking his clock. He did call the police.
/ Bonus points in that the cocksucker was a anti-gay republican.

I would call the police too if I found someone in my house sucking my clock.  That's just common sense, right there.

This thread is about spiders AND clocks now.
[brojsimpson.com image 500x442]
Awesome.


I just heard a sickening *crunch* in my head if someone actually slammed their hand on that clock.
 
2013-10-20 01:28:32 PM
"His penis was gnawing on her vagina."
 
2013-10-20 01:41:50 PM
ciberido:
img.fark.net
It's good to lie back and relax.


As a kid I might've thought 'yeah maybe someday', and I did go on to do a lot of outdoorsy stuff.  But as an adult I can say definitively that I will never do that.  Not gonna learn how, not gonna work my way up, nope, never. Have fun, stay safe, I will see you when you get back.
 
2013-10-20 03:01:30 PM
Ye'd never believe the amount of strength ye get when ye bite yer own willie...
 
2013-10-20 03:15:22 PM
That's a penis-gnawing might replace that's a stabbing and that's a paddling as Fark memes.

I blame meth.

And also this bath salts business. What do you ask for nowadays if you want to buy salts for your bath? I suppose bath bombs is still dangerous to discuss in the vicinity of the TSA and the NSA.
 
2013-10-20 04:12:27 PM

BraveNewCheneyWorld: No, sorry.  Something is bullshiat in this story.   It had to have started as a consensual blowjob.   I don't see how one person can attack another by biting their penis.


I thought the same thing.

Unless they were fighting in the nude.

NTTAWWT.

/scrolled quickly past spider gifs and pics
 
2013-10-20 04:27:55 PM

sovietski: BraveNewCheneyWorld: No, sorry.  Something is bullshiat in this story.   It had to have started as a consensual blowjob.   I don't see how one person can attack another by biting their penis.

I thought the same thing.

Unless they were fighting in the nude.

NTTAWWT.

/scrolled quickly past spider gifs and pics


Here.  Just for you:
i.imgur.com
No spiders.
 
2013-10-20 06:41:13 PM
Does losing ones teeth make you lose jaw strength?
 
2013-10-20 08:43:26 PM
The accused should claim to be Jewish. The Israel lobby will protect him against any "anti-semite" who take away his right to maim or suck on any individual's penis against his will.

/Not an anti-semite; I am anti-crazy
//Israel really has come out condemning the European Council for simply broaching the subject of whether forced genital cutting is ethical
///Orthodox lobby in NYC is refusing to follow law that requires parental consent for oral suction following forced genital cutting, a practice that has led to several deaths in the city and is presumed to be related to a high level of intellectual disability among boys in the Jewish orthodox community in both NYC and Israel (due to brain damage from herpes)
 
2013-10-20 09:20:03 PM

swingerofbirches: /Not an anti-semite; I am anti-crazy
//Israel really has come out condemning the European Council for simply broaching the subject of whether forced genital cutting is ethical
///Orthodox lobby in NYC is refusing to follow law that requires parental consent for oral suction following forced genital cutting, a practice that has led to several deaths in the city and is presumed to be related to a high level of intellectual disability among boys in the Jewish orthodox community in both NYC and Israel (due to brain damage from herpes)


What the hell is this "forced genital cutting" issue you speak of?
 
2013-10-20 09:26:34 PM

ciberido: swingerofbirches: /Not an anti-semite; I am anti-crazy
//Israel really has come out condemning the European Council for simply broaching the subject of whether forced genital cutting is ethical
///Orthodox lobby in NYC is refusing to follow law that requires parental consent for oral suction following forced genital cutting, a practice that has led to several deaths in the city and is presumed to be related to a high level of intellectual disability among boys in the Jewish orthodox community in both NYC and Israel (due to brain damage from herpes)

What the hell is this "forced genital cutting" issue you speak of?


What is called circumcision: the tearing of the inner and outer foreskin from the glans and part of the shaft of the penis, which is then removed either with a clamp or knife

If you want to see how serious of a procedure it is, you can see a picture of the procedure here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision_surgical_procedure
 
2013-10-20 11:14:54 PM

swingerofbirches: ciberido: swingerofbirches: /Not an anti-semite; I am anti-crazy
//Israel really has come out condemning the European Council for simply broaching the subject of whether forced genital cutting is ethical
///Orthodox lobby in NYC is refusing to follow law that requires parental consent for oral suction following forced genital cutting, a practice that has led to several deaths in the city and is presumed to be related to a high level of intellectual disability among boys in the Jewish orthodox community in both NYC and Israel (due to brain damage from herpes)

What the hell is this "forced genital cutting" issue you speak of?

What is called circumcision: the tearing of the inner and outer foreskin from the glans and part of the shaft of the penis, which is then removed either with a clamp or knife


Oh, so you're one of THOSE nutters.  Go fark yourself.

Maybe someday someone will hold you down and mutilate your penis so you'll know what ACTUAL forced genital cutting is like.  You would deserve it.
 
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