If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Week)   Turns out, I DON'T want to fark you like an animal   (theweek.com) divider line 46
    More: Weird, University of Queensland  
•       •       •

9837 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Oct 2013 at 3:38 PM (37 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-18 03:40:46 PM
NO?  What'sa matter Subby, I'm not good enough for ya?
 
2013-10-18 03:40:48 PM
DNRTFA.

You mean, like get in, shoot and take it out? Most farkers do that, whether they want it or not.
 
2013-10-18 03:41:40 PM
Doctor Doctor what is wrong with me
This supermarket life is getting long
What is the heart life of a colour TV
What is the shelf life of a teenage queen
Ooh western woman
Ooh western girl
News hound sniffs the air
When Jessica Hahn goes down
He latches on to that symbol
Of detachment
Attracted by the peeling away of feeling
The celebrity of the abused shell the belle
Ooh western woman
Ooh western girl
And the children of Melrose
Strut their stuff
Is absolute zero cold enough
And out in the valley warm and clean
The little ones sit by their TV screens
No thoughts to think
No tears to cry
All sucked dry
Down to the very last breath
Bartender what is wrong with me
Why I am so out of breath
The captain said excuse me ma'am
This species has amused itself to death
Amused itself to death
Amused itself to death
We watched the tragedy unfold
We did as we were told
We bought and sold
It was the greatest show on earth
But then it was over
We oohed and aahed
We drove our racing cars
We ate our last few jars of caviar
And somewhere out there in the stars
A keen-eyed look-out
Spied a flickering light
Our last hurrah
And when they found our shadows
Groups 'round the TV sets
They ran down every lead
They repeated every test
They checked out all the data in their lists
And then the alien anthropologists
Admitted they were still perplexed
But on eliminating every other reason
For our sad demise
They logged the only explanation left
This species has amused itself to death
No tears to cry
No feelings left
This species has amused itself to death
Amused itself to death
 
2013-10-18 03:42:23 PM
For a few weeks each year, male antechinus will mate nonstop with as many females as they can, as often as possible. They'll screw wildly for hours on end, forgoing sleep and even food. Under the severe stress, their bodies begin to fail. They lose their fur, bleed internally, and develop gangrene.

God I miss college.
 
2013-10-18 03:44:06 PM
Today's disturbing fun fact:

Dolphins are sexually deviant. It's not uncommon for one male dolphin to insert his member into another male dolphin's blowhole.
 
2013-10-18 03:44:09 PM
Unless you're Trent Reznor
 
2013-10-18 03:44:11 PM
Can you rock me like a hurricane?
 
2013-10-18 03:44:52 PM
Spring Break?
 
2013-10-18 03:44:53 PM

Diogenes: For a few weeks each year, male antechinus will mate nonstop with as many females as they can, as often as possible. They'll screw wildly for hours on end, forgoing sleep and even food. Under the severe stress, their bodies begin to fail. They lose their fur, bleed internally, and develop gangrene.

God I miss college.


Winner winner chicken dinner.
 
2013-10-18 03:45:01 PM
This is one way to come and go at the same time.
 
2013-10-18 03:45:07 PM
s9.postimg.org
 
2013-10-18 03:46:02 PM
Bruno Mars disagrees.

www.mtv.co.uk
 
2013-10-18 03:46:40 PM
www.reactiongifs.us
 
2013-10-18 03:46:56 PM
I had an ex nearly screw me to death.

Not in a good way.
 
2013-10-18 03:48:02 PM

Dr._Michael_Hfuhruhurr: I had an ex nearly screw me to death.

Not in a good way.


How was I supposed to know you had an aversion to hot wax and power tools?
 
2013-10-18 03:48:29 PM
I'll just leave this Wikipedia article on traumatic insemination here.
 
2013-10-18 03:48:59 PM
 
2013-10-18 03:49:36 PM
For a few weeks each year, male antechinus will mate nonstop with as many females as they can, as often as possible. They'll screw wildly for hours on end, forgoing sleep and even food. Under the severe stress, their bodies begin to fail. They lose their fur, bleed internally, and develop gangrene

Sigh. Speaking as an old married man, these days I wouldn't even get to have intercourse if I didn't roll in my sleep.

I told the wife I was going to find some new pussy. She reminded me that if I had another couple inches of cock, that I'd find some new pussy right here!


Thank you, you've been a lovely audience. Don't forget to tip your foreskin.
 
2013-10-18 03:52:53 PM

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: I'll just leave this Wikipedia article on traumatic insemination here.



media.tumblr.comcollegetimes.ieimg.photobucket.com

 
2013-10-18 03:53:57 PM

iheartscotch: Today's disturbing fun fact:

Dolphins are sexually deviant. It's not uncommon for one male dolphin to insert his member into another male dolphin's blowhole.


God I miss frat parties.
 
2013-10-18 03:54:06 PM

Diogenes: For a few weeks each year, male antechinus will mate nonstop with as many females as they can, as often as possible. They'll screw wildly for hours on end, forgoing sleep and even food. Under the severe stress, their bodies begin to fail. They lose their fur, bleed internally, and develop gangrene.

God I miss college.


So...the trick for a female is to get in on the beginning of that cycle, and not at the end when the gangrenous he-zombie is still looking for love.
 
2013-10-18 04:00:45 PM

ChrisDe: iheartscotch: Today's disturbing fun fact:

Dolphins are sexually deviant. It's not uncommon for one male dolphin to insert his member into another male dolphin's blowhole.

God I miss frat parties.


That's not all either.

It's not uncommon for older male dolphins to rape and then brutally murder porpoises.

/ they are also know to engage in infanticide
 
2013-10-18 04:04:15 PM

Attention Whore of Babylon: Diogenes: For a few weeks each year, male antechinus will mate nonstop with as many females as they can, as often as possible. They'll screw wildly for hours on end, forgoing sleep and even food. Under the severe stress, their bodies begin to fail. They lose their fur, bleed internally, and develop gangrene.

God I miss college.

So...the trick for a female is to get in on the beginning of that cycle, and not at the end when the gangrenous he-zombie is still looking for love.


Speaking of that and frat parties, my house use to have a motto for parties.  "Go fat early - beat the rush."

Nobody needs that mad scramble at the end of the night when your drunk.  And your penis is falling off.
 
2013-10-18 04:06:57 PM

miss diminutive: Dr._Michael_Hfuhruhurr: I had an ex nearly screw me to death.

Not in a good way.

How was I supposed to know you had an aversion to hot wax and power tools?


I draw the line at anything that takes a battery larger than "AA."

Wait, what?
 
2013-10-18 04:09:38 PM
 
2013-10-18 04:17:41 PM

ZombieBear: http://professorelemental.bandcamp.com/track/animals-helen-arney-feat - professor-elemental-mr-simmonds-remix


Thanks. Good to see the Prof is known on Fark.
 
2013-10-18 04:20:24 PM
Live Fast, Die Young, and Leave Behind a Lot of Sperm.

It's not a lot, but it's all they got.
 
2013-10-18 04:23:18 PM
No, I still want to fark you like an animal.

In fact we're naming our first child Trent.  The concert he put on in St Paul a few weeks ago was the best I've been to.
 
2013-10-18 04:40:07 PM

CrazyCracka420: No, I still want to fark you like an animal.

In fact we're naming our first child Trent.  The concert he put on in St Paul a few weeks ago was the best I've been to.


Just went to the one in Detroit.

Amazing.
 
2013-10-18 05:23:43 PM
www.washingtoncitypaper.com
 
2013-10-18 05:46:14 PM
The sprit is willing but the flesh is spoungy
 
2013-10-18 06:37:10 PM
The males, in other words, have to live fast, die young, and leave behind a lot of sperm.

Words to live by.  Or, in the case of the antechinus, to die by.
 
2013-10-18 06:52:39 PM
I can't hear that like in that song without thinking of furries.

Now try to unthink that. You're welcome.
 
2013-10-18 06:53:14 PM
*line
 
2013-10-18 07:07:29 PM
The vas deferens between semelparity and iteoparity is fascinating.
 
2013-10-18 07:47:51 PM
Why?

Because they can.
 
2013-10-18 07:57:32 PM
The article sure makes it seem as though random mutations are purpose driven.  Evolution does not work that way!
 
2013-10-18 08:50:59 PM
can think of worse ways to go.
 
2013-10-18 08:58:31 PM
Bee drones mate with the queen for only about three seconds total.

The force of their orgasm is so strong that it prolapses their penis and often blows the whole organ off at the base, often producing an audible snapping sound from up to 10' away. The transfer leaves the queen with enough sperm to populate a hive for years. The drones invariably die after one mating.

I don't want it tomorrow, but if you have to die...
 
2013-10-18 08:59:40 PM
Lions are also known for ridiculous and sometimes lethal mating.

"Most matings only last 10 seconds or less.  Lions mate every fifteen to twenty minutes, around the clock, for at least three days, and sometimes as long as a week. They are usually so preoccupied with mating that they don't eat during the female's receptive period. The reason for this frequency of mating is that lions, like all cats, are induced ovulators - this means that the female's ovaries require the stimulus of mating before they release eggs. In other words, the more they mate, the more likely pregnancy is to occur. As an aid to inducing ovulation, the male's penis is covered with backward-facing barbs which cause pain to the female when withdrawn. These are the reason female cats often turn on their mates, snarling and clawing, when they dismount.  Males sometime become so weakened that they die."

I told this to a friend who had been married for six months and it left him traumatized.
 
2013-10-18 09:21:50 PM

megarian: CrazyCracka420: No, I still want to fark you like an animal.

In fact we're naming our first child Trent.  The concert he put on in St Paul a few weeks ago was the best I've been to.

Just went to the one in Detroit.

Amazing.


Been awhile...  99 or 2000 I think...  Boston..
   Douche bag at the door took my food because, fark me, that's why...
Sorry sir, you didn't pay "too much" for that, we are going to have to take it.
 
2013-10-18 09:30:34 PM

MassAsster: Douche bag at the door took my food because, fark me, that's why...


Who brings food INTO a concert?

Tailgating is a time honored tradition.
 
2013-10-18 10:01:13 PM
just got out of work and was finishing dinner while waiting in line. Who knew hamburgers were a security threat!
 
2013-10-18 10:32:55 PM

MassAsster: just got out of work and was finishing dinner while waiting in line. Who knew hamburgers were a security threat!


Have you seen Trent's clothes? The hot grease could melt that polyester to his skin, scaring him on the outside like that evil girl in high school scared him inside.
 
2013-10-19 12:00:41 AM

skinink: Bruno Mars disagrees.

[www.mtv.co.uk image 575x381]


Agreed.  All his lyrics are all about sex.
 
2013-10-19 07:04:09 PM
Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along it's shaft?


24.media.tumblr.com
 
Displayed 46 of 46 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report