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(Uproxx)   This montage of local news anchors all having the identical reaction to Mike Myers fathering a child proves once and for all that local news anchors are pod people sent by aliens to destroy us all   (uproxx.com) divider line 77
    More: Strange, anchors, emotional reaction  
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12902 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Oct 2013 at 4:32 PM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-18 03:22:31 PM
News anchors always have that same up and down cadence to their speech. They must learn that in talking head school.
 
2013-10-18 03:34:49 PM
Well a knife murderer married an axe murderer so I think we can all assume this kid will be trouble.
 
2013-10-18 04:05:46 PM
Isn't this because stories like these are purchased from some central place (like AP or whatever)?
 
2013-10-18 04:34:49 PM
Don't they all get the same story "off the wire"?
 
2013-10-18 04:34:51 PM
At least the topic wasn't Swedish made enlarger pumps.

/ this thing is my bag, baby
 
2013-10-18 04:35:00 PM
What's weird is that at first I thought subby meant the guy from Halloween.  Totally forgot about the Austin Powers guy.
 
2013-10-18 04:36:47 PM

GORDON: What's weird is that at first I thought subby meant the guy from Halloween.  Totally forgot about the Austin Powers guy.


Easy way to tell the difference; if they say Michael instead of Mike, they usually mean Halloween.
 
2013-10-18 04:40:24 PM
"Mini-Me" would have been a BIT funny.
But no, they all had to go with the most annoying meme.
 
2013-10-18 04:40:41 PM
Direct link to video, because fark Uproxx in its stupid parasitic ass.
 
2013-10-18 04:41:52 PM

NutWrench: they all had to go with the most annoying meme.


An homage to his strengths then.

/not a fan
 
2013-10-18 04:42:48 PM

downstairs: Isn't this because stories like these are purchased from some central place (like AP or whatever)?


But aren't you allowed to "punch it up" at all to make it your own?  Or do you have to read it just as it comes off the wire?

/if so, I broke a lot of rules when reading the news on my college station
//but it was three in the morning.  I don't think anyone cared.
 
2013-10-18 04:43:16 PM
Without clicking the link, I'm ping to guess it was some sort of "yah baybee" thing
 
2013-10-18 04:43:28 PM

bdub77: Well a knife murderer married an axe murderer so I think we can all assume this kid will be trouble.


You goof ball.  He wasn't the axe murderer.  He MARRIED an Axe Murderer.

/and she wasn't even an axe murderer.
 
2013-10-18 04:45:18 PM

GORDON: What's weird is that at first I thought subby meant the guy from Halloween.  Totally forgot about the Austin Powers guy.


I always make the reverse mistake and try to remember what character the Austin Powers guy played in Halloween.
 
2013-10-18 04:45:27 PM
Michael Myers already has a kid with Jamie Lloyd.
 
2013-10-18 04:47:21 PM
I hate tv news so farking much.
 
2013-10-18 04:48:19 PM
Yeah, baby!
 
2013-10-18 04:49:44 PM
This happens ALL THE TIME. It's a national story, so the local station got it off the wire. They all subscribe to the same newswires (AP is the main one, but there's also Bloomberg, McClatchy, Reuters, etc.). The wire service headline was funny enough that every news director decided to run with it rather than thinking up one of their own.

This would be mildly amusing if all the stations in one CITY did it, but when their territories don't overlap, it's about as remarkable as your local paper running the same headline on a wire story as a paper in another city.

The best part is how all the female anchors just pronounce it with varying amounts of expression, while most of the male anchors do their best Austin Powers impression.
 
2013-10-18 04:50:41 PM

Uzzah: Direct link to video, because fark Uproxx in its stupid parasitic ass.


"We watched TV last night and here are 5 gifs. Plus slideshows!" - Warming Glow

"We hired a bunch of writers because we weren't making enough content and that watered down everything so we're not funny anymore. Plus slideshows!" - KSK

"Black culture for white teenagers" Plus slideshows! - TSS

"I'm unqualified but my opinion matters. Plus slideshows!" - Filmdrunk

"Wrestling, MMA, and shiat best left to TMZ. Plus slideshows!" - With Leather
 
2013-10-18 04:50:53 PM
lh4.ggpht.com
 
2013-10-18 04:51:09 PM
Boom goes the dynamite.
 
2013-10-18 04:52:21 PM
Good thing no one around here ever rips-off a headline and passes it off as their own.
 
2013-10-18 04:54:34 PM
I will never think of Austin Powers before thinking of Wayne Campbell when Mike Meyers is mentioned. Just doesn't seem right.
 
2013-10-18 04:55:03 PM

DJ_Swammi: Good thing no one around here ever rips-off a headline and passes it off as their own.


You MIGHT have a point if one person was the same as thirty and if farkers were paid huge sums for reading such headlines out to the public.
 
2013-10-18 05:01:04 PM
news readers are just about the most vapid group of people you'll ever see. Their job is to say things other people write on a daily basis. I would be suprised to find out that they are capable of making even the most basic decisions.
 
2013-10-18 05:01:55 PM

teenytinycornteeth: DJ_Swammi: Good thing no one around here ever rips-off a headline and passes it off as their own.

You MIGHT have a point if one person was the same as thirty and if farkers were paid huge sums for reading such headlines out to the public.


So, in other words, you're saying I should stop waiting around for my paycheck from Drew? Well, at least now my co-workers may get some peace and quiet.
 
2013-10-18 05:02:24 PM
they all read the same exact script.  how can you watch that and think it is completely impossible to politically bias almost all MSM news outlets?
 
2013-10-18 05:04:42 PM

SlothB77: they all read the same exact script.  how can you watch that and think it is completely impossible to politically bias almost all MSM news outlets?


It's baffling to me that anyone relies on any news agency that's parent company has a product (other than news) to sell. Obviously there's a conflict of interest.
 
2013-10-18 05:05:57 PM
Preposterous.
 
2013-10-18 05:06:10 PM
It doesn't matter which teat you get your dog milk from. It's still dog milk.
 
2013-10-18 05:06:23 PM

teenytinycornteeth: You MIGHT have a point if one person was the same as thirty and if farkers were paid huge sums for reading such headlines out to the public.


Most of these were probably local anchors in small media markets -- Lafayette, LA; Wilmington, DE; and Cedar Rapids, IA were a few of the ones I could pick out from their bugs. Salaries are heavily dependent on the size of the market being served, but median salary for a local news anchor is in the $40K range, and a typical salary in the smallest media markets is closer to $ 25K.
 
2013-10-18 05:07:09 PM

teenytinycornteeth: downstairs: Isn't this because stories like these are purchased from some central place (like AP or whatever)?

But aren't you allowed to "punch it up" at all to make it your own?  Or do you have to read it just as it comes off the wire?


Ideally yes.. but in the real world, producers are writing two shows a day and don't have time to rework copy, especially on incredibly unimportant stories like this.

/not saying it's right, just saying that's where it is.
 
2013-10-18 05:09:16 PM
Be happy for him.  There can be life after your first wife and her mom turn evil on you.
 
2013-10-18 05:10:00 PM

Uzzah: teenytinycornteeth: You MIGHT have a point if one person was the same as thirty and if farkers were paid huge sums for reading such headlines out to the public.

Most of these were probably local anchors in small media markets -- Lafayette, LA; Wilmington, DE; and Cedar Rapids, IA were a few of the ones I could pick out from their bugs. Salaries are heavily dependent on the size of the market being served, but median salary for a local news anchor is in the $40K range, and a typical salary in the smallest media markets is closer to $ 25K.


Still more than I'm making submitting headlines to Fark, though.

dammit.
 
2013-10-18 05:10:11 PM

Uzzah: teenytinycornteeth: You MIGHT have a point if one person was the same as thirty and if farkers were paid huge sums for reading such headlines out to the public.

Most of these were probably local anchors in small media markets -- Lafayette, LA; Wilmington, DE; and Cedar Rapids, IA were a few of the ones I could pick out from their bugs. Salaries are heavily dependent on the size of the market being served, but median salary for a local news anchor is in the $40K range, and a typical salary in the smallest media markets is closer to $ 25K.


Can you cite that? I work with former TV anchors and weather-people and your numbers seem off by a factor 4 or 5.
 
2013-10-18 05:10:44 PM

DJ_Swammi: teenytinycornteeth: DJ_Swammi: Good thing no one around here ever rips-off a headline and passes it off as their own.

You MIGHT have a point if one person was the same as thirty and if farkers were paid huge sums for reading such headlines out to the public.

So, in other words, you're saying I should stop waiting around for my paycheck from Drew? Well, at least now my co-workers may get some peace and quiet.


No! I heard him say just the other day that YOU were the one who was getting a check.  Like a high three figures check!
 
2013-10-18 05:12:05 PM

ParadisePornoTheater: Be happy for him.  There can be life after your first wife and her mom turn evil on you.


How does it work if her (my) mom is dead? I'm just curious. Not taking notes at all.
 
2013-10-18 05:12:31 PM
I don't know if I should be worried that my mind went a slightly different direction with that.

i.qkme.me
 
2013-10-18 05:17:22 PM

teenytinycornteeth: bdub77: Well a knife murderer married an axe murderer so I think we can all assume this kid will be trouble.

You goof ball.  He wasn't the axe murderer.  He MARRIED an Axe Murderer.

/and she wasn't even an axe murderer.


Oh great.  Thanks for the spoiler alert, jerk! Now there's no point in me seeing that film.

/I keed, of course
//happy Friday!
 
2013-10-18 05:17:32 PM

havocmike: teenytinycornteeth: downstairs: Isn't this because stories like these are purchased from some central place (like AP or whatever)?

But aren't you allowed to "punch it up" at all to make it your own?  Or do you have to read it just as it comes off the wire?

Ideally yes.. but in the real world, producers are writing two shows a day and don't have time to rework copy, especially on incredibly unimportant stories like this.

/not saying it's right, just saying that's where it is.


Yup.

Its kind if scary if you think about it.

ONE MESSAGE.
ONE TALK.

and I thought groupthink was creepy.
 
2013-10-18 05:17:39 PM

Scrotastic Method: Uzzah: Most of these were probably local anchors in small media markets -- Lafayette, LA; Wilmington, DE; and Cedar Rapids, IA were a few of the ones I could pick out from their bugs. Salaries are heavily dependent on the size of the market being served, but median salary for a local news anchor is in the $40K range, and a typical salary in the smallest media markets is closer to $ 25K.

Can you cite that? I work with former TV anchors and weather-people and your numbers seem off by a factor 4 or 5.


From Houston Chronicle: According to the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics, the median wage for a TV anchor is $16.76 per hour, $34,860.80 annually. The bottom tenth percentile earn $9.62 hourly, $20,009.60 annually. The upper tenth percentile earn $36.26 per hour, $75,420.80 annually. The hourly mean wage for TV anchors is $20.98, $43,638.40 annually. . . The five lowest paying states for TV anchors, in order of rank, are Nebraska, South Dakota, Idaho, Montana and North Dakota. The hourly mean wage for these states range from $11.98 per hour to $13.22 per hour.

From Payscale.com, an article written by an 11-year local news anchor in Cincy: A small market (city or region) pays a lot less than a bigger market with more viewers. In Cincinnati, a reporter might make 40K-70K. In South Bend, Indiana, the pay is around 18K-20K. The bigger markets, for anchors, can pay 100K-400K+. You start low and work your way up. We're not like engineers who get paid a set rate when they come in. You can't expect a lot of money when you are first trying to break in.
 
2013-10-18 05:17:48 PM

teenytinycornteeth: No! I heard him say just the other day that YOU were the one who was getting a check.  Like a high three figures check!


Nice! As soon as it clears the TF memberships are on me!
 
2013-10-18 05:18:38 PM

DaMoGan: teenytinycornteeth: bdub77: Well a knife murderer married an axe murderer so I think we can all assume this kid will be trouble.

You goof ball.  He wasn't the axe murderer.  He MARRIED an Axe Murderer.

/and she wasn't even an axe murderer.

Oh great.  Thanks for the spoiler alert, jerk! Now there's no point in me seeing that film.

/I keed, of course
//happy Friday!


Here's whats funny.  I actually sat here and thought "is that a spoiler? Should I delete that part?"
There has to be a statute of limitations on this stuff.
 
2013-10-18 05:21:05 PM

Pizilla: havocmike: teenytinycornteeth: downstairs: Isn't this because stories like these are purchased from some central place (like AP or whatever)?

But aren't you allowed to "punch it up" at all to make it your own?  Or do you have to read it just as it comes off the wire?

Ideally yes.. but in the real world, producers are writing two shows a day and don't have time to rework copy, especially on incredibly unimportant stories like this.

/not saying it's right, just saying that's where it is.

Yup.

Its kind if scary if you think about it.

ONE MESSAGE.
ONE TALK.

and I thought groupthink was creepy.


yep.. we need different voices on stories like mike myers' child being born.
 
2013-10-18 05:24:26 PM
Talking heads is already a band name.
 
2013-10-18 05:28:13 PM
In England they just call them "Newsreaders" - which is all they are.  People that sit and read a prompter into a camera.

If you do the weather, you need to be a woman with big boobs.
 
2013-10-18 05:32:37 PM
Without clicking, I going to guess, "The details of my life are quite inconsequential ... Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloé with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament ... My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon ... luge lessons ... In the spring, we'd make meat helmets ... When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum - it's breathtaking ... I suggest you try it"
 
2013-10-18 05:32:41 PM

teenytinycornteeth: DaMoGan: teenytinycornteeth: bdub77: Well a knife murderer married an axe murderer so I think we can all assume this kid will be trouble.

You goof ball.  He wasn't the axe murderer.  He MARRIED an Axe Murderer.

/and she wasn't even an axe murderer.

Oh great.  Thanks for the spoiler alert, jerk! Now there's no point in me seeing that film.

/I keed, of course
//happy Friday!

Here's whats funny.  I actually sat here and thought "is that a spoiler? Should I delete that part?"
There has to be a statute of limitations on this stuff.


Heh, that is lol-worthy, and I did lol out loud for reals.  I'm not sure what the cutoff would be, but you're perfectly within your rights spoiling a movie from the last century.

/Luke is Leia's brother!
//I seriously almost said "Luke is Lisa's sister!" Guess I need to stop the drinking session now...
 
2013-10-18 05:33:01 PM

jaybeezey: news readers are just about the most vapid group of people you'll ever see.


s12.postimg.org
 
2013-10-18 05:44:12 PM

teenytinycornteeth: bdub77: Well a knife murderer married an axe murderer so I think we can all assume this kid will be trouble.

You goof ball.  He wasn't the axe murderer.  He MARRIED an Axe Murderer.

/and she wasn't even an axe murderer.


Mike Myers is the knife murderer.

images.fineartamerica.com
 
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